《A guy reincarnated as a sloth and is too lazy to be a protagonist》Trauma is the best way to make friends according to every single story ever
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From a single cave in the middle of some planes one could hear horrifying sounds of dreadful laughing and horror filled gasps which would scare the bravest of men...
*laugh*
"Dear god, this joke of yours about that chair and squirrel really has done me in, demon."
"Please...enough...have mercy."
In the inside of the cave one can see a cheery laughing old knight facing a begging demon, brought to his knees by the ferocity of the fearless knight.
"Just kill us all. I am out of all shitty jokes already anyway."
"Excorsice me, poison me if you are able, just make this torture stop."
In the background one could see a giant black beast with dull eyes, seemingly having given up all hope, only darkness left within and a weeping ghost laying in the fetal position.
"Alright, alright, no demon slaying,beast hunting or ghost busting today. How could I even kill anyone who can make such great jokes."
"Your mercy is unending, great knight."
Said the demon as tears begin to form on the edges of his dark red eyes.
"What is life, having been exposed to this torture, even. "
Whined our hero, like some kind of edgy emo.
"...I want my mommy."
Whispered the ghost to himself, remembering a time where he was sheltered from the evil of the world.
This great battle between the forces of... kind of good I guess and… not competent enough to count as evil will be remembered for all times as the greatest phyrrhic victory for all ghosts, demons and sloths of the world. A testament of the power of the dark art of bad dad jokes.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, but I still need some proof for my daughter so that she can cheer up a bit. You know the boy you killed was like a brother to her. Almost wished I could adopt him but alas, he already has a father...Ah. Still need to tell him the bad news. Well, I'll just cheer him up with one of my famous jokes."
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"Dear god have you no mercy even for your own kind...and everyone told me we demons where the cruel ones...why have I even come to this horror filled plane again..."
"...Well, you mind if I just take one of your horns as proof?"
A shocked expression to be seen on the face of the demon as he got thrown out of his own thoughts on how he landed in this literal hell on earth, he hurriedly put his arms around his two puny horns as if they where his children.
"...NO..anything...just not my horns."
"Come on, don't be so...horny. Ha. Get it? Because-
"Either you give him the horn now or I will tear it out your dead corpse."
"...I...I..."
And then he tried to run away. Five days after the began traveling with our sloth.
"Huh, five days. Kudos to him, didn't think he would make it this far."
But having enough of this, our sloth finally uses his oldest and most trustful ability.
"IF YOU DON'T FUCKING COME BACK RIGHT NOW I’LL RIP YOU THE FUCK APART YOU LITTLE-
A screech so maddening and loud the cave shook a bit and even the knight had to put his hands on his ears in annoyance while the little imp fell to the dirt and started screaming from the chaos infused pain in his ears, yet still using his hands to protect his feeble horns.
"GOOD. Now come over here before I do something that will hurt me more than it will you."
A complete lie coming out the maw of the beast, as we all know how sensitive the horns of demons are.
Begrudgingly the demon made his way back over, slowly and limping from his fall, like a
beaten dog crawling back to his abusive owner.
"No wonder you absolutely destroyed the promising recruit I send over to rescue my princess. He must have shat his pants in fear with a giant black monster like you screaming at him like that."
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He said casually while ripping the demons claws of his horns and breaking one of them off.
*Screaming and Curses so loud and vile we had to censor it*
"Dammit, kinda reminds me of the time I got my tooth pulled out by the dentist."
"THAT IS NOT A PAIN YOU COULD COMPARE TO YOUR TOOTH BEING PULLED OUT YOU FUCKER! CAN YOU STOP MAKING IT ALL ABOUT YOU, YOU FUCKING NARCISSIST!"
"Hey, watch what you are saying intern, you are supposed to call me lord."
"GO FUCK YOURSELF GREAT LORD OF NOTHING!"
"That’s Better...Wait a moment. Well that is gonna be a bad review on your resume."
"FUCK YOUR RESUM-
"Em. Can I just for a moment-
"WHAT."
"You still have the sword you took from the friend of the girl. Could have just given you that, Mr. Knight, right."
"""..."""
"Huh, yeah, you are right I guess. Here, have your horn back, I’ll just take the sword, but thanks for it anyway."
The ruthless bastard of a knight said while throwing the broken and cracked horn back to the demons feet, taking the sword and bidding farewell to his new friends.
"...I should have just staid in hell, married the frog merchants daughter and inherited our carpet selling shop just like my father wanted."
"Wait, you aren't even some kind of noble born demon?"
"...Thinking back after seeing the horrors of this place the frog girl doesn't even look that bad. I wonder if she is still unmarried. I think I can deal with the smell of swamp and fly soup."
"Great, the knight broke him. I wonder if I could get a refund if we ever go to hell."
"This is hell."
...Later that day in the afternoon.
Once again, our sloth sleeping to forget today's miserable events, and the broken hearted
demon sitting on his sad little spot outside the cave alone with his broken horn trying to put it back without
Success. And our ghost cultivator with a complicated expression once more approaching him.
"Hey."
"What do you want, if you want to laugh at me... go on, not that it matters anymore. What pride is there left to hurt?"
He said, his moral lower than ever.
"...I just think we kind off met on the wrong foot and we should start over again. So, let me welcome you to this existence alongside this furry monster again."
He said while stretching his arm out to the sitting demon.
"Welcome to hell...and lets try to get out of it again, shall we."
Hesitantly at first, the demon gave in with a chuckle and tried to shake the hand of the ghost,
of course failing, because...you know, ghost stuff.
"Ha, of course, the whole ghost thing. I sometimes forget it still. Sadly I have to remember it too."
"Well, it's the thought that counts. You are right cultivator, we are in hell. But I made it out once of my hell,
I am sure I...we can get out together of this hell too."
A seldom seen hopefull atmosphere filling the scene as both of the hopeless thralls of the
evil beast set aside their differences to achive a common goal with smiles on their faces...gay.
"...And if we can’t...let’s make sure the whole world will be dragged into this hell with us."
"That goes without saying, my demonic friend."
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Guides for Readers
So a friend told you about this amazing site called Wattpad where you can discover and read a huge variety of stories FOR FREE, and even share your own! OR you found the Wattpad app when searching for a way to read stories on-the-go! OR you're just a closet Harry Styles fan and well, that's self-explanatory ;) Either way, you're here now and you want to get started discovering stories, sharing them with others, and even showing Wattpad authors some love by voting or commenting on their works! This guide will give you all the tips and tricks you need to get started! So let's get reading!!
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