《A guy reincarnated as a sloth and is too lazy to be a protagonist》Battle of wits.
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And so, our Hero, caged, faced the enormous barbarian of an orc, equipped with a big ass axe and only wearing a crude leather kilt.
"...Hey there…em, peace?"
But the pleas of our hero fell on deaf ears, the orc immediately slashed at the cage with his axe, breaking it open and…misses.
"Oi, stand still so I can slice you up!"
"But I didn’t even move you bastard!"
Said or hero, while heading for the exit with his “supernatural” speed.
But the Orc noticed and slashed again ...only to miss once again, yet the axe,
now stuck in the ground, blocks the only exit.
Truly, the orc is a master of accuracy.
"SHUT IT, VOICE IN BRAIN, ONCE I EAT SMALL FURRY THING I KILL YOU AND THEN-
Fuck, how the fuck am I supposed to kill a fucking orc in a real, fair fight…
Hey, shitty System, shouldn’t I get an overpowered ability to fight the green fucker as a protagonist?
Only premium member-
Oh, sod off you cunt.
How the hell am I supposed the kill the fucker now, I only have my shitty claws…
And so, the story ends, with our hero being made into orc food…
The End…
"Hey, no, fuck you I’m too handsome to die!"
But what to do against the green shit...
"Wait... I may have an idea."
Said our hero, gazing at the crotch area of the orc, probably trying to whore himself out to the orc, so that he doesn’t get eaten...
What? No, you asshole! He would just kill me after he’s done! I have a way better idea…
And so, for some reason, our hero slowly crawled towards the still raging orc.
-AND THEN I'LL EAT YOUR TINY HEAD, UNLIKE MY HEAD, GLORG'S HEAD BIG, MEANS GLORG BIG BRAIN...
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oh, food is crawling to me..I love when food comes to me, come, give good ol’ Glorg a hug…"
Said the orc with his mouth wide open, seemingly wanting to put the Dick, still throbbing
and whole in his mouth, but then, suddenly, as our hero was directly under him,
he stabbed the unprotected no-zone of the orc with his claw and penetrated his cown jewels...ouch.
*Critical Hit*
"Shriek"
And so, the giant of an orc, while falling to the ground, shrieked like a fat teenage girl and
started crying, like the little bitch he is...
"I KILL THE FURRY BASTARD, THEN I SKULL FUCK YOU, MAN IN BRAIN!"
Screamed the little fat girl, throwing a temper tantrum.
Well, I could escape now while he’s occupied...but why let free exp go to waste?
Said our hero, now going to evenly and fairly battle the orc, an epic battle between our honorable Warriors starting…
Yeah...no.
*Critical Hit*
*Critical Hit*
*Critical Hit*
"AAAAAAHHHH, MY LITTLE GREEN, NOOOO, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THE GREEN, HAVE MERCY"
...No?
*Critical Hit*
*Critical Hit*
"KILL ME ALREADY IF YOU HAVE THE GUTS YOU-"
*Critical Hit*
And so, it needed the dick to destroy the dick.
"My....little…green..."
By brutalizing and killing the Warrior-Orc "Glorg the Wise", Dick gained 8 levels.
Gained New Title.
Merciless
You invade their lands, burn their villages and kill their family and friends. Some would stop at killing the children.
But unlike some people, you know the how the concept of revenge works. Also, it’s mighty fun to hear the screams of the innocent, ain’t it?
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The Vitaean Chronicles - Volume I: The Sanguine Prince
NOTE: Chapters 02 - 19 are currently slated for review and rewrite following the Conclusion of Act I. Please bear this in mind! When tragedy strikes Arcturus Valoura, he is ripped from his carefree existence and thrown into a world of politics and peril, where today's friend is tomorrow's foe. Bereft of the knowledge and skills needed to survive in his new reality, he will need to find his place within a realm that mixes magic and science in impossible ways. He will need to learn the secrets of the mysterious System that allows him to guide his potential for growth even as he struggles to unlock the powers needed to keep himself alive. In the darkest, and most desolate places of an ancient land he will have to find the answers to forbidden questions, and terrible secrets long purged from the histories of mankind. And in so doing, shake the very foundations of reality itself. Release Schedule: Tuesdays (I may post on off-days if I get a lot done). Advanced Chapters available on Patreon starting May 4th 2021. Discord Community: https://discord.gg/3tHKHAx7Ye The Vitaean Chronicles are a debut LitRPG High Fantasy series written with the intent of filling a niche I've yet to see filled anywhere else. This is my first novel of this kind, so please be patient with me. Throughout this story, I will endeavour to create an evolving and expansive narrative anchored around believable characters, compelling plotlines, and a consistent and sensible magic system. The purpose of this work is to create what I believe to be a relatively unique piece of fiction, drawing inspiration from many great stories that have come before from the likes of Tolkien, Jordan, Hertbert, Goodkind, Pratchett, Martin, and several others. My goal is not to create a masterpiece, but simply to create a story that someone can read and re-read with the same joy, same frustration, and same investment each time. This story will contain violence, politics, Shakespearian drama, tongue-in-cheek references, adult content, and well-crafted relationships of both platonic and romantic natures. I will not promise you will like every choice I make. I can only guarantee that I will do my best to create a story I, and you, can be proud of. As I progress, I will have room to incorporate fan-made characters for those interested in making their mark within the tapestry of this tale (with the customary disclaimer that they do so while waiving any rights to future profit, lol). Thank you to Royal Road for giving me the platform to do that, and thank you dear readers past, present, and future for choosing to come on this journey with me. Finally, just to cover myself: This work is Copyrighted to the Author herein known as 'Hannibal Forge', and recreation, distribution, or re-release of any material herein in a commercial or public capacity absent permission from the Author can and will be prosecuted to the full extent of the Law.
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"𝙃𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙖 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙪𝙢𝙗𝙖𝙨𝙨!" - 𝙆𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙮𝙖𝙢𝙖 𝙏𝙤𝙗𝙞𝙤ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: ʜᴀɪᴋʏᴜᴜ!!───────────────⚪────────────◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►►⠀⠀ ⠀ 18:27 / 25:43 ⠀ ───○ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴛʟᴇ ꜱᴀʏꜱ ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ~ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴏᴡɴ ᴀɴʏ ʜᴀɪᴋʏᴜᴜ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ ᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀɴɪᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴘᴀʀᴛɪᴄᴜʟᴀʀ, ɪ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇꜱᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ꜰᴜɴ~!ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪ ᴏᴡɴ ʜᴇʀᴇ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ ʟɪɴᴇ~! ꜱᴏ ᴀʟʟ ᴄʀᴇᴅɪᴛꜱ ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴡɴᴇʀ~ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴜꜱ: ended. ꜱᴛᴀʀᴛᴇᴅ: ᴍᴀʏ 5, 2020ᴇɴᴅᴇᴅ: September 2, 2020.Book 2 is now available in my account! Book 2 is now available in my account! Book 2 is now available in my account! ...Bσƙυᴀᴋᴀ ɪꜱ ᴄᴀɴᴏɴ, ᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛ.( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)Bσƙυᴀᴋᴀ ɪꜱ ᴄᴀɴᴏɴ, ᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛ.( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)Bσƙυᴀᴋᴀ ɪꜱ ᴄᴀɴᴏɴ, ᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛ.( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)Bσƙυᴀᴋᴀ ɪꜱ ᴄᴀɴᴏɴ, ᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛ.( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)
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