"Yaaaawn…"

Honestly, best sleep I had in like...forever, the last time I slept so good was when a guy accidentally roofied me instead of some chick...good times...well for me at least… not so much for everyone else involved.

System welcomes Host to the planet of Terra.

Wait… that wasn’t a drugfueled dream? Well not that I am gonna miss my old place. Honestly I should probably worry but that would take too much energy… at least I got reincarnated in a soft bed…

But why does the Bed seems to be breathing on me? Guess is should find out before my bed eats me or something…

And so our Hero begins his journey with opening his eyes for the first time in his new life, only to see… a giant green fucking sloth, not like in, a green sloth that fucks big people, because that would be bestiality my friends, but as in a really big, really green sloth.

“Holy shit.”

Why the fuck was I sleeping on a sloth, I gotta go out of here before it gets pissed...

Can sloth’s get pissed? Well, it doesn't seem pissed, more like worried about my sudden anxiety attack, but why would it be...wait, was I reincarnated as a fucking sloth baby.

System confirms Host's suspicions.

“Well fuck me hard.”

System can not do that.

Yea I already hate this System… wait, if I am a fucking animal, does that mean I don’t get the comforts of living in a first world country and have to live in the wild?

After this Revelation, our Hero, in his endless wisdom and courage,

began to get a panic attack and started to cry out like the little bitch he is.

“GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND BACK TO MY OLD LIFE YOU FUCKING SYSTEM OR GOD OR WHATEVER THE FUCK MADE ME LIKE THIS YOU SADISTIC FUCK-

Truly the Hero we all deserve..

-I HAVE YOU KNOWN I GRADUATED TOP OF MY CLASS IN PETTINESS AND-”

New ability learned

Bitching (F)(Active)

While someone else finds a problem and decides to do something about it, you find a problem and decide to make it everyone else's problem too.

“YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD, KIDDO!”

...

Well, that took a lot of energy, but at least I feel a bit better...well, not really, but mother sloth here fed me her milk to make me stop screeching like a racoon with autism, by the way very delicious and also feels like borderline bestiality.

Thank God I don't have this fetish...yet...

Aaaand now I am tired again.

"Good night, you shitty new life..."