Kaldalis elected to leave most of his rant unsaid, but to instead focus on the dungeon. It wasn’t going to be useful to Reno and Ess to know about how the War Council had treated Garyung, but if Zara was going to take over Cotanaku, they would have control over the dungeon there sooner rather than later. His complaints might actually help them navigate the systems when they arrived.

“It wasn’t so bad once I got through the line,” Kaldalis admitted. “But three hours in line was no joke. After that wait, it seemed miraculous that there was an opening so soon, but I could see why. Tanks are an in-demand role, and most of the other tanks lining up for the dungeon had friends they wanted to run with. The schedule had spots blocked out and taken scattered over the following week.”

“The wait might not be that long,” Ess said. “Everybody seems to have an adventurer class, even if they have a day job. Maybe they’re just scheduling stuff for when they have time off of work?”

“Maybe.” Kaldalis shrugged. “I didn’t stick around and ask people about what the other classes’ schedules looked like.”

“See,” Reno said, pointing an accusing finger at him. “You’re jumping to conclusions, and letting those conclusions make you super mad.”

“I saw how the lines were moving,” Kaldalis said defensively. “The DPS line was longer than the others, and had three counters serving them instead of the two that the tanks and healers had. I’ve also played an MMO before. I know the score.”

Reno grumbled with a shrug, but didn’t dispute further.

“This is why I played RTSes,” Ess said. “One-on-one queues aren’t slowed down by trying to assemble a particular composition.”

“Also the people you get matched up with are supposed to kill you,” Reno said with a smirk.

Kaldalis groaned. “This game seems a little more forgiving. I don’t think I can carry a dungeon by myself, but I haven’t seen any mechanics yet that would let someone intentionally kill me.”

“Not yet,” Reno said, “but there’s a first time for everything.”

Kaldalis grumbled wordless acquiescence at that point. There wasn’t any way to know when the first stack AoE would happen. Or the first boss that would tether players together and require them to either stand close together or far apart. There were plenty of mechanics on the books of MMO boss design that could let someone kill him. That he hadn’t seen one yet didn’t mean they weren’t coming.

“The dungeon staff will be providing a guide,” Kaldalis said at last. “Maybe they’ll know the mechanics, and will be able to mitigate any potential problems.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Dylan?” Reno asked with a sudden shit-eating grin. “Because I think you just suggested that you trust Monsoon to do literally anything about idiot DPS in the dungeon queue.”

Kaldalis found himself letting out a bark of a laugh at that, though he felt an immediate sense of self-consciousness. Bangen seemed to be too deep into her notes to notice, but he worried what it might mean if his real-life actual name got around among the NPCs.

Thinking about that kicked his brain in the pants to remember something else he wanted to do while he was in Baimer. The big part of the reminder was that he needed someone’s help, and Bangen was the most likely candidate.

“Bangen,” Kaldalis said, startling her out of her book. “I was hoping you could help me with something.”

“Um,” she said, blinking around the table for a second. She seemed to be relieved when she saw that both Reno and Ess were as confused by the sudden shift as she was. “Yes? What?”

“I’m guessing that most of the people from the Cotanaku expedition have family in Baimer,” Kaldalis said, suddenly feeling his nerve slip away. Fortunately, he’d already started talking, and trying to lie about what he wanted would be more trouble than whatever judgment he’d suffer for saying it out loud. “I was hoping you could find someone for me.”

“Uh, I think so,” Bangen said, scratching at her head under her left horn, no less confused. “Why? Who?”

“I wanted…” Kaldalis began. He had to take a calming breath and force the rest of the words out. “I wanted to talk to Haldir’s family. Tell them what happened.”

“Oh. Oh! Oh...” Bangen’s confusion gave way to sudden realization, and then a sad, empathetic smile. “I know where I can find the information on the expedition manifest. I’ll have an address for you later today. Mid-afternoon, maybe?”

“I’d actually appreciate some proper directions,” Kaldalis said, “I can’t find my way around this city to save my life.”

Bangen laughed at that and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder as she got up from her seat. “You’ve got a good heart, Kaldalis. If you can get your brain to catch up with that, you’ll be unstoppable.”

“I’ve heard that before,” Kaldalis said, sharing in the laugh as Bangen headed for the door, presumably to get to the library.

“Are you sure that’s smart?” Reno asked as soon as Bangen was out of earshot.

“What?”

“Fixating on the past,” Reno said, tapping a finger on the table. “And even worse, fixating on past losses. You’ve got a lot on your plate already for this trip, let alone this day. Can you afford to get tied up delivering sad news?”

“I-” Kaldalis said, but suddenly felt his throat close up. He took a moment to compose himself before he could continue. “I need this closure, okay? Haldir was my friend. I’m not looking to fixate on this loss, I’m looking to put it behind me for good. I can’t do that by just turning my back on it and hoping the guilt goes away. I need someone to either forgive me or sock me in the face.”

“I could sock you in the face,” Reno said with a smirk, cocking back one arm, even though she was across the table from him - well out of reach.

“I think it’s sweet,” Ess interrupted. “Zara and the Adventurers League seem like big slow-moving organizations. Haldir’s family probably doesn’t even know what happened. I know you’re looking for your own closure, but you’ll be bringing it to someone else, too. I think that’s very kind of you, Kal.”

“And maybe he’s got a sister you can turn that charm on,” Reno grumbled. “Show off that sensitive side and see who else thinks you have a big heart.”

Kaldalis found the immersion breaking apart around him again. He suddenly wasn’t Kaldalis talking to Reno. He was Dylan talking to Nakala, and she was projecting her troubled love life onto him to make herself feel better. Just like usual. And it wasn’t Ess sitting near at hand, but Amy putting on an awkward smile and pretending not to notice the uncomfortable moment.

This city was a kind of poison. It chipped away at their assumed personas and turned them back into themselves. They needed to get out of this place. As soon as the trial was done, he would hop in a rowboat and start back to Cotanaku that same hour if he had to.

“I’m going to go wash up before we get moving,” Reno said, breaking the brief but awkward silence. “We gotta a lot of exp to farm before we can take the next part of the questline.”

Kaldalis felt an instinctive urge to apologize to her as she headed for the stairs up to the rooms, but he hadn’t really done anything wrong. It was just in his nature when a friend was hurting to assume that apologizing would make them feel better. Instead, he just let her go.

“Are you going to be okay?” Ess asked quietly. “I know Haldir’s loss hit you pretty hard. If you want, I could come with you for moral support when you deliver the news.”

Kaldalis almost accepted, but Ess didn’t have a horse in this race. She never met Haldir, besides as a character on Kaldalis’s stream. If he was going to invite her along, then he might as well try and track down the families of all the other NPCs who’d lost their lives. The only reason he wasn’t was because he didn’t know them. There wouldn’t be any emotional connection. And if he was going to deliver bad news without the sincerity of that emotional connection, it might be better to allow it to go through whatever proper channels Zara and the Adventurers League had.

“I’ll be fine,” he said at last. “If I can’t handle facing my failures, then I need to grow the fuck up. I’ve got time to prepare myself emotionally for this crash while I fill my morning with mindless crafting bullshit.”

“Alright,” Ess said, though there was still concern in her wan smile. “If you’re sure.”

“I’d also rather think about this city as little as possible, once we’re out of it,” Kaldalis grumbles. “If we’re going to go do something together, it should be something nice, not the moment that’s going to be the downer of the whole trip.”

“Well,” Ess said, her smile turning suddenly more genuine, “if you think of something to do, just let me know.”

Kaldalis returned the smile with a nod before excusing himself to head towards the eastern district to try and find the crafting stations Gavinkim had described.