It was slightly difficult to find a private spot to have a conversation. Word had already spread around that land was on the horizon, and so the whole ship was suddenly very busy. Garyung’s desperation to find actual privacy just made Kaldalis more worried. If he was just looking for a brief chat about their current plans, it would be fine to talk in a side room off of the main hallway. That Garyung wanted something more secure meant this was no ordinary talk.

It wasn’t until they were in a ballast room against the bottom of the hull that Garyung seemed satisfied. Kaldalis tried to keep his mounting concern from turning to panic. The room was a grisly place to have such a discussion, standing in a quarter-inch of brackish water and surrounded by racks of unidentified metal drums. They stood in silence for a long moment, waiting to confirm that they couldn’t hear anybody else.

“So,” Garyung said, wringing his hands as he struggled to figure out how to start. “I’m not cut out for this.”

“I know,” Kaldalis said, patting the man on the shoulder - even though he had to reach up to do it. “But you’re growing into it. I’ve been really impressed by your leadership and-”

“No, I mean, really I’m not cut out for this,” Garyung insisted. “Every time I’m responsible for a decision, I can’t stop thinking about how it’s going to affect everyone. How people are going to suffer and die if I fuck up.”

“Right,” Kaldalis said carefully, trying to figure out how to reassure the man further. “That’s what’s made you so good for this. I know it sucks to feel like you’re forced to make decisions you don’t want to, but your concern for making the right one has earned all our trust.”

“I don’t think I’m communicating this properly,” Garyung said, reaching up to rub his temple. “I can’t stand it. I might be holding it together for now, but I’m gonna reach my limit, man. And then this is all going to come down around our heads because I’m going to fucking lose it.” He shook his head. “The last few days of being on the ship and not being in charge? This has been great. I’d like it to be like this all the time.”

Kaldalis sighed with a grimace. Garyung suffered from executive dysfunction, which meant that indecisiveness was enforced by his brain chemistry. It did put glaring flaws in his leadership style. He was easily pushed around - something even Kaldalis had taken advantage of - and slow to act when there wasn’t an immense time pressure.

In the heat of the moment, Garyung had good gamer instincts, and so he served Cotanaku well as a raid leader. But when it came to day-to-day management, he was literally in his own personal hell.

“You wouldn’t be saying this if you didn’t have a plan,” Kaldalis venturered. “You think you have a way out of leadership.”

“I do,” Garyung said, “and it involves being in Baimer and negotiating with them.”

“I thought them annexing Cotanaku was a bad thing,” Kaldalis said, crossing his arms. “It would fill the place with hostile troops and turn all of us into prisoners in our own town. I thought we didn’t want that.”

“No, I think there’s another way,” Garyung said quickly, gesturing to try and calm Kaldalis down. “Communication with the other nations has taught me a lot about the country mechanics. There are other paths to conquest than the military.”

“I don’t necessarily think that conquest is what we want regardless of the path,” Kaldalis said. “Zara already views us as second-class citizens. It doesn’t matter which boot comes down, I don’t feel comfortable asking them to put it on my neck.”

“But this was only ever supposed to be a temporary thing,” Garyung said, his gestures becoming more animated. “Cotanaku was only supposed to be independent until we could find an amicable solution. Not forever.”

Kaldalis felt his heart drop a little bit. Garyung had made Cotanaku an independent nation by accident, and they were supposed to resolve it as soon as they had a way. But Kaldalis thought that the way things had progressed since then was reason enough to change their plans. The Zaran leadership of the second settlement, Panbu, had been complete and total dicks to them. Kaldalis believed that they would expect the same from the Zarans if they took control of Cotanaku, which had cooled his opinion of giving over to them.

Unfortunately, having never had a discussion about it with Garyung before now put him in a sticky position. Kaldalis assumed that Garyung had mhad the same experience with the Panbu council as he had. And because he assumed, he’d made an ass of the both of them.

“Alright,” Kaldalis relented. “Let’s assume, for the moment, that the Zarans are going to be at a level of chill that they have never displayed to us before.” He crossed his arms and let that hang in the air for a moment. “I’d like to come back to that topic, but let’s ignore it for now. What’s the plan?”

“There’s a whole intrigue system,” Garyung said. Though he looked uncomfortable at the idea that the conversation of the Zaran treatment of them wasn’t over, he seemed more than happy to discuss his new plan. “The Zarans can send a spy to attempt to covertly take control of the city. And we can let them do it. They take control of the city, they take control of the country, and bing bong, I’m out on the street with no job, just how I like it.”

Kaldalis frowned, not entirely sharing in Garyung’s confidence. “Do you know how spies take control over foreign governments in the real world? I don’t know if you get to walk away from this plan like you think.” He drug his thumb over his throat for emphasis.

“This isn’t the real world,” Garyung argued. “And if I’m complicit in the whole thing, it makes the coup easier. They won’t need to remove me if I actively want to leave.”

Kaldalis took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts.

Garyung was putting a lot of faith in the Zarans playing along with his plans. But the man was clearly ready to risk his life just to get out of his position of authority. He really didn’t want to be doing this.

Kaldalis didn’t want him to leave his position. In his eyes, not only was Garyung the best man for the job, but keeping Cotanaku independent was the best move for everyone. They’d already established that there was no other way out. Just vacating his position and forcing another vote would cause Cotanaku to crumble when everyone lost faith in the system, even if they didn’t just elect him again by an even bigger margin. And while the council had jumped on the idea of a vote so that they could install a puppet, the system seemed to force them to defer to whoever held the Expedition Leader title.

Garyung wanted out very badly. So badly, that Kaldalis had to admit that he was stuck. In what capacity was Garyung more important? As a leadership tool, or as a friend?

“I want to make something clear here,” Garyung said, putting a hand on Kaldalis’s shoulder. “I’m not looking for permission. I’m going to try to talk them into this whether you agree with me or not. I’m only telling you because I know if I have you on my side, I can make it happen.”

“I guess you’re right. You can’t force me to agree, but I can’t force you to abide by my decision if I don’t.”

“If you want me to retain the authority to make decisions,” Garyung said with a smirk, “you’re gonna have to live with me making decisions. Even if those decisions are in an attempt to stop making decisions.”

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea,” Kaldalis said, crossing his arms again. But he nodded in acknowledgement of Garyung’s point. “I think if the Zarans take over Cotanaku, it’s going to become pretty apparent pretty fast that we didn’t know how good we had it.”

“But there’s no other way,” Garyung said, shaking his head. “If the people of Cotanaku are going to accept a change in leadership, we need a scapegoat. A hostile takeover from Zara is the best way we can, and if we can make it cheap and efficient for them to do it, maybe it doesn’t suck ass for us once it’s done.”

Kaldalis grimaced, but didn’t say anything else. He wasn’t sure what he could do at this point.

“I’m not demanding your help,” Garyung said when Kaldalis didn’t respond. “I’m just asking you to think about it.”

“And letting me know that you’ve already made your mind up about it,” Kaldalis said, slightly more bitterly than he meant to.

“I’m sorry,” Garyung said, “but not everyone is happy with the destiny that’s been thrust on them. I want to choose my own path again, just like you get to.”

Kaldalis had to yield that point. He had spent a lot of his time being trapped in one situation or another, but in truth it had all been by his own choice. Obviously, shirking the duties he’d taken on would have had dire circumstances. He didn’t have to turn in Onirioago. He didn’t have to go to Panbu. He didn’t have to subject himself to Onirioago’s attentions a second time to deal with the Jormongumo. Cotanaku would have gone to hell if he hadn’t done those things, but he’d had a choice.

Garyung hadn’t had that chance. Ever since he’d been elected, he’d been shackled to the council. As much as Kaldalis had been trying to empathize with him, he hadn’t put himself in Garyung’s shoes.

“Alright,” Kaldalis said at last. “I’m not gonna promise to help you. But I promise I’ll think about it.”

Garyung visibly sagged with relief. “Thank you, Kal. That’s all I’m asking for.”