The group carefully mounted the floating disc of stone, and Kaldalis tried not to panic as it started to rise. He’d lost many groups to the various elevator bosses of Monsoon’s making, as Myrin had said. He felt confident that the physics of this world was less janky than other MMOs he’d played, but some scars were too deep to ever be fully healed.

Up and up they went.

The disc floated up above the roof of the library, and then above all the buildings of the city. Balrim was anxious enough that he sat down near the middle of the disc, one hand on the stone as if to steady himself.

Kaldalis felt fine enough to stand, but he didn’t want to go anywhere near the edge. Instead, he stood right next to Balrim, near the middle.

Haldir seemed to split the difference. He was kneeling, but about halfway between the center and the edge. Kaldalis wasn’t sure if he was more confident in the magic floating rock, or if he just didn’t want to group up with everyone else.

Meanwhile, Myrin was sitting with her feet hanging off the edge, leaning forward to look down at the city as it fell away beneath them.

“So we’re floating on nothing,” she said, conversationally. “I thought there was going to be, like, a little column of stone or something that pushed us up, but no. There’s not even a shimmer in the air. Kinda trippy.”

“Could you-” Balrim swallowed hard and shook his head. “Could you not for like, a minute? I just... I just can’t think about that right now.”

“Fine,” Myrin said, leaning over terrifyingly far to look directly under the disc. “I just wondered if this was going to be a normal occurrence around here.”

“Considering the abilities these people seem to have,” Haldir said, “it isn’t out of the question that all manner of inexplicable and terrifying wonders could be dotted around the city.”

Kaldalis felt a grin cross his face. “I hope not. I think if we have to do the leap of faith from the lion’s head trick, Balrim is going to have an aneurysm.”

“Don’t even say it,” Balrim snapped. “If you say it, and Monsoon hears about it, then they’re going to fucking do it. And if they fucking do it I will hold you personally responsible for carrying my blindfolded ass across.”

“Why would we blindfold your ass?” Myrin asked. “We should put it over your eyes instead.”

Balrim lifted his head and glared daggers at his friend. “Not the time,” he said, before lowering his head again. “Not if you’re going to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Being… Over there.” Balrim looked up again and gestured towards her. “Leaning. Like that.”

“Like what?” Myrin said with a wicked grin. “Like thiiiiis?” She leaned way forward and Balrim groaned and looked away.

“I will push you off of this fucking thing.”

“Come over here and do it, then.”

Luckily, the friendly bickering didn’t last much longer, because, if it had, Kaldalis was sure someone was going to end up rocketing off the stone elevator and going through a respawn mechanic.

Instead, the ascending disc reached the top of its mystical climb, and there it slotted into a circular opening in the ceiling. Myrin had to roll back into the disc and pull her legs in as it fit flush with the stone. There it stopped, leaving them in a natural-looking stone cavern.

“Fucking finally,” Balrim gasped, crawling on his hands and knees to get off of the stone disc and hugging the solid ground for a moment before getting to his feet. “The whole fucking time I thought it was going to tip over and dump us all the way back down.”

“Huh,” Myrin said, “ I didn’t think of that.”

“I mean, whatever was lifting that fucking thing has got to be a thousand years old,” Balrim said, “It’s almost beyond belief that it didn’t take a shit and flip on us.”

“Oh wow,” Myrin said, hopping off the disc quickly with a shudder. “When you put it that way, that is pretty scary.”

Balrim sputtered for a moment, waving his hands at her, and then at the disc, and then back at her.

“If it helps,” Haldir offered, “I’m not sure if she’s serious.”

“The stuff from the library was all fine,” Kaldalis said, not sure if he was going to make the situation worse or better. “So whatever magical bullshit operated the elevator was probably similarly spared the ravages of time.”

“But the little garden area!” Balrim yelled, waving his arms. “It was just bare dirt and one dried-out husk of a tree!”

“Maybe that’s what they like in a garden,” Kaldalis suggested.

“Bare dirt!” Balrim waved his arms more as if it was explaining something. “Dried out husk!”

“I don’t get it, but if that’s what they like, who am I to judge?” Kaldalis said.

Balrim sputtered for a moment, and then fell silent, before crossing his arms and stomping away. Myrin rolled her eyes before grinning up at Kaldalis. “He’s fine. Don’t worry.”

With a shrug, Kaldalis decided to take a look around.

The rest of the cavern was interesting, if unremarkable. It felt like a lazy fix by an overworked game developer. The cave was round, and about sixty feet in diameter. There were a series of holes the same size as the disc they had just ridden arrayed throughout the room, and Kaldalis stepped carefully up to one of the others to peek back down into the city. Apparently they’d left the city, and so his globe of vision didn’t reach down into it.

But he had assumptions to work with.

“So these are probably the exits for other dungeons that end in this city,” he said. “Which means that maybe beyond the impassible walls of the ruins were the end points of other dungeons. Other boss fights. Other loot drops.” He paused and reflected on his cooldowns. “And other magic ability tablets.”

“So what you’re thinking,” Myrin said, “is that we go back down there with a rope, jump the walls, and then we all climb into the treasure room of every other dungeon on the island.”

“No,” Kaldalis lied, “I’m not thinking that at all.” He was, in fact, thinking about the elevator and his jump cooldown in tandem… although the idea made his stomach churn.

“Let’s get out of here, then,” Haldir said. “Our healer is getting farther away, and if there’s another monster before the end, we’ll want to be there to take care of it.”

He was right. And so they followed the vathon healer.

They had to scurry to catch up to Balrim.

There was a tunnel running south from the cavern, and Kaldalis felt his sense of direction kick back in to tell him that they were headed towards the encampment. At the end of the tunnel, though, was a thick wall of vines and branches. Apparently this opened back up into the jungle, and the exit itself was wildly overgrown.

“So, this is our way out?” Myrin asked when they reached the wall of vegetation. “It makes a better wall than a door.”

“I think we need to just push through,” Kaldalis said. “There’s a little space here, and…” He pushed his hands between two of the branches and tried to wrench them apart. Instead of tearing branches out of the blockage, he only managed to wiggle them around, opening a narrow gap that reached deeper into the mess of foliage.

“Hodor?” Myrin said, not waiting as she stepped around Kaldalis and shouldered her way through the gap, pressing through the wall of vines.

Kaldalis grimaced at the reference, but held the branches apart for her just the same. But the vegetation was thick, and she vanished from sight before even giving him a glimpse of the other side.

“So what do you see?” Balrim asked after a second. “Is this the way out, or do we need to ride that fucking elevator back down?”

“It’s really dense,” Myrin said, muffled by the curtain of overgrowth. “I think I can see light, though. Imma go into the light.”

“Run to the light Carol Anne!” Kaldalis said with a grin the suyon couldn’t see.

“Ha ha,” Myrin grumbled, barely audible through the vegetation. “Very fu-”

And then her voice cut off abruptly.

“Myrin?” Kaldalis said, “you cut out there. Is Discord taking a shit again?”

No response.

“Not funny,” Balrim said, and then again, louder, into the wall of branches. “Not funny, Myrin!”

“Okay, I’ll go in and see what’s up,” Kaldalis said, wedging his shoulder into the branches. “She probably just found a mountain of loot and is shoving it into her inventory before we come through.” He paused. “If you don’t hear from me, just assume that we’re both dead.”

“Right, we’ll find another way out and move on with our lives,” Balrim said. “You got it.”

“What? Fuck no,” Kaldalis grinned. “You come through and get our corpses for a proper funeral. I want a headstone ten feet tall and airbrushed like the side of a hippy van.”

“Do you want a wizard or an eagle?” Balrim asked.

“A wizard riding an eagle, obviously,” Kaldalis said, wedging his shoulder into the branches and forcing his way into the foliage. “And if there’s not a fucking sick-ass thunderstorm in the background, you better believe I will haunt you until the end of time. Your ghost will be getting haunted by my ghost’s ghost, I fucking swear.”

“Just keep talking,” Haldir said, “that way we can keep track of you.”

“And make sure it’s a real wizard, with a staff or a crystal ball or something,” Kaldalis continued, trying to ignore the uncomfortable pressure of branches pressing in against his horns. “None of this sword wizard bullshit. I know Gandalf had one, but he wasn’t a fucking wizard, and I’m tired of people saying he is. He’s a primordial spirit. That doesn’t count as a wizard.”

“You seem to have given this a lot of thought,” Balrim said. “I thought you were just making this up as you go. Do you actually want an airbrushed van tombstone?”

“I mean, I was,” Kaldalis admitted, pushing onwards through the branches. “But now I think I’m invested. Or maybe I should just get an airbrushed van. Do I want an airbrushed van? I mean, I walk to work, so I can drive whatever the fuck I want since it doesn’t have to look professional.”

“I don’t know, I think you have to like Rush and smoke a lot of weed,” Balrim said, voice now muffled as the layer of foliage closed behind him. “Otherwise they won’t sell you one.”

“I’m not a smoker,” Kaldalis said, wincing as a branch shifted and ground into his hip as he shoved past it. “But Tom Sawyer is pretty good.”

“Yeah, alright,” Balrim said. “They’re not my favorite, but I can’t argue with that one.”

“Hang on, I think I see the light,” Kaldalis said as he finally started to make headway. His hand broke through the branches and he gripped nothing but air. “Yeah, it opens up. Hang on, my eyes need to adjust.”

He gripped the branches and pulled himself through the mess of vines, eventually poking his head out. As he said he had to adjust to the light, but he soon realized what happened to Myrin.

“This is the side of a cliff,” he called back. “And it’s all covered in slick moss. She probably slipped down.” He looked down to see a diminutive figure about forty feet down. “Yeah, there she is.” He stuck his arm out and waved down to her.

“What the fuck,” she yelled up as she waved back. “This is some bullshit!”

“Yeah, they really don’t want us getting back in with a bunch of climbing equipment,” Kaldalis yelled back. “Hang on, I’m coming down.”

“We’re right behind you,” Haldir said, grunting as he shoved himself into the wall of branches.

Kaldalis wiggled his way out of the branches and slid down to join Myrin at the foot of the cliff. As soon as he hit the base, he got a little pop-up.

Sunken Ruins of Aruna

New record!

Clear time: 143 minutes, 16 seconds.

World first completion by Kaldalis, Balrim, Myrin, and Haldir.

Clearing this dungeon with a full group who has previously cleared it will result in reduced drops.

“Okay,” Kaldalis said. “A good attempt, folks. But we probably could shave a few seconds off that time in the next run.”

“No shit,” Myrin laughed.