What babies understand (and we subconsciously remember) is that the first 4 steps of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs are one and the same. There is no satisfying our physical and safety needs without the love and esteem of those around us. Feelings of love and security are the same emotion.

What babies don’t know (and we must learn) is that self-actualization isn’t about making yourself better. It’s about accepting what you hate and fear about yourself.

Hybris

1 Day Later - Horm - Marital Bed

I hit the sheets, sweaty and spent. “Whew! That was pretty fun.”

“Agreed.” Hybris smiles dreamily at me, then drags a projector onto the bed. Shines it at the ceiling.

“What’s this?”

“I’m giving a presentation.”

“Oh. I thought you were presenting earlier.”

“It’s a combo deal. That first part was crowd work.”

“Huh. Fair enough.” I relax back into the bed. This presentation will probably be bursting with confounding information. So, that’s fun. Also, I doubt I could stop it if I tried.

Hybris futzes with the projector for a few minutes, then clicks open a title screen.

The Meaning of Life, The Future of Humanity, & What To Do About It

“Okay.” she says. “Our research has taken an insanely weird path to an obvious conclusion. Which is a bummer. But, along the way, it explains humanity. So let’s take the journey.

“Leethy and I assigned the following questions to various groups as homework:

Can we kill the economy? Are we already a post scarcity society? Can we eliminate most work? Is dopamine the meaning of life? What is the life we want?

“Once they answered this stuff, we had to ask more questions about their weird-ass answers. But let’s look at the first data before we go deep.” Hybris clicks to the next screen.

Can we kill the economy?

“The easiest way to kill the economy would be to leave it alone. It is constantly trying to destroy itself. If left alone, all the money would run to a couple people, who would build fortified palaces, while the rest of us scour the countryside for calories. Very medieval.

“The only thing propping up the economy is government regulations and taxes. Otherwise the rich buy all the houses, hospitals, and food, then raise prices until they have all the money. Taxes and rules claw most of that money back and keep it in circulation. And money in circulation is basically all the economy is.

“So, the easiest way to destroy the economy would be to convince voters that taxes and regulations are bad. Probably by lying to them. A totally novel idea.

“Anyway, I’m sure a reboot of the middle ages isn’t the outcome you had in mind. I think you were more frustrated by bullshit jobs, global warming, and the classist obstinance exacerbating them.

“But, blowing up the economy is unlikely to result in a jobless ecotopia. Historically, we usually get authoritarian kleptocracies. So, breaking the economy is a bad idea. We probably need a better plan.”

“Yeah,” I mumble. “You’re the second person to tell me that. Message received.”

“Cool. That brings us to Question 2.” Hybris clicks again.

Are we already a post scarcity society?

“This depends on what you want from society. A 1920’s lifestyle? Seven people to a house, no car, no travel, and a simple plant based diet? Then yes. We could definitely be a post scarcity society.

“But, let’s say you want a 2050 lifestyle. 1.5 people to house, limitless clean energy, regenerative medicine, and an internet you can fuck through? Then no. We have a shortage of all that.

“Also, we have to pick one or the other. Because if we try anything between these two extremes, we all die of global warming or the obesity epidemic. Seriously, one’s gonna wipe out the Third World, the other’s gonna get the First. It’s fat or fry, bitches.

“With that said, we probably don’t have to work as much as we do now.” Click.

Can we eliminate most work?

“Not with technology. Whether it’s the tractor, the dishwasher, or Microsoft Excel, every time we invent a labor saving device we end up more desperate and working harder. It’s weird, but it makes sense. If a robot takes your job, you don’t get to retire, you gotta find a new job. It’s why there’s so many older factory workers on Onlyfans. Google sexy gut stash. You won’t regret it.

“The only thing to reduce work has been worker-led social reforms. Child labor laws, 40 hour work week, minimum wage, unemployment insurance, old age pensions - stuff like that.

“So, we could force efficiencies in our collective tool chain by limiting the supply of labor. Like, eliminate bullshit work by raising wages and going to a 20 hour work week. This would - counterintuitively - give a huge boost to the economy because we’d all have more money and time to spend it. It’s crazy, but that’s what happens every time we raise wages or lower work hours.

“But, to convince society to try this, we’d have to run a sustained political campaign or a massive mind control operation.”

“I choose the massive mind control operation.”

“I thought you would. That brings us to Question 4.” Click.

Is dopamine the meaning of life?

“Here’s where we start to face uncomfortable truths.” says Hybris.

“Just now?”

“Yeah, we’ve been shooting at society until now. This is where we take a shot at who we think we are.”

“Oh goodie.”

“Strap in.

"Most of our students found your dopamine theory uncomfortably sound. They didn’t like it, but they couldn’t refute that there was no survival component to the dopamine feedback loop. Or that a meaningless goal was as rewarding as any other.

“But then, one of our students found a weird parallel in childhood psychology. If a baby is neglected, it will have an existential crisis, instinctively knowing that without near constant love and attention it is in danger. The baby, who cannot fathom that it has shitty parents, will blame itself for this lack of love. And will attempt to change to be more worthy of love.”

“Oh no.” I whisper.

“Yeah, a lot of things start clicking into place. Maybe all of our adult ambitions are driven by an inner child trying to make itself worthy of love? Our efforts to be successful, attractive, cool, talented, or rich, may be to make other people like us so we feel safe.

“Also, when we complete a goal, the existential dread we feel may not be the anxiety of purpose loss. It could be the realization that nothing has changed. Our new accomplishments, money, and waistlines haven’t made us more loved, and there’s still lots of people who don’t like us.”

“Mother fucker.” I clutch my brow. “So it is all related to safety? Was I wrong about everything?”

Hybris shakes her head. “Not everything. The dopamine mechanic is what pushes us forward, and the meaning of life really is to protect the ego. It’s just that the best way to protect the ego is to feel loved, because that makes us feel safe, and that’s what dopamine is trying to push us towards. Trying and failing most of the time. But hey, that’s why we’re looking for better goals.”

She clicks the next slide.

What is a good endless goal? What is the life we want?

“We asked these questions before we realized we’re all scared babies. So that wasn’t considered in our initial data. Also, the answers really depend on when you ask people.

“If you ask children, they’ll tell you what they want to be when they grow up. It starts with authority type jobs like policeman or teacher. By highschool, they want prestige jobs like entertainers, doctors, or scientists. Very young children often want to be mommies and daddies. Which is fucking adorable.

“Young adults want to change the world. Socially or technologically. They want world peace, equality, clean energy, immortality, spaceships, and virtual reality. They’d want drugs and fucking, but they already got that.

“In middle age, the focus turns inward. We want happiness, freedom, peace, fulfilment, and confidence. Basically, we want the voices in our head to shut the fuck up. But the voices have the upper hand, because we’re held down by uncertainty, responsibilities, expectations, and doubt. Also, we need more money.

“Old people mostly want a do-over. Youth is wasted on the young, they say. If only I could do it all again, but right this time.”

“Jesus.” I swear.

“Yeah, it’s a fun progression.” Hybris cackles. “The dopamine cycle writ large. First you try to impress people by improving yourself, then you get anxious as you realize it’s not working, then you give up and start over with a new harebrained scheme. AKA life.

“So, how do we get off this merry-go-round of false hope, anxiety, and regret? Well, if we really want love from pretty much everybody, maybe there’s a more direct route than becoming an uber-mench warrior king rockstar billionaire?

“Because, self improvement isn’t a bad plan, we’re just hellbent on improving the wrong stuff. We pursue statistically improbable goals to make ourselves attractive, but ignore the simple steps that would make us likable.

“It’s an important distinction. People are attracted to who they’d like to be, but rely on those who accept them as they are. You get admirers by being exceptional, and friends by being kind and understanding. Friends are not only easier to get, but objectively better. Because when admirers get too close they realize you’re a deeply flawed individual, and your friends already know that.

“Friendship is about shared vulnerability. It’s about showing people you suck, and them not caring. Building a persona of brilliant infallibility just obstructs this process. It keeps you from the secure feeling you get when people love the failure-prone dipshit you really are.”

I nod slowly. “This all seems fairly obvious. Why am I just hearing it now? I’m 43 for godsakes.”

Hybris shakes her head. “I don’t know. It’s counterintuitive, I guess. I think we collectively need a better picture of who we can be.

“For instance, we can’t be:

Smart: Humans are universally dumb. We fuck up all the time. Most of what we know is wrong, either because we forgot part of it, or because it was always wrong. That said, ideas can be smart! But humans are always dumb. Dumb humans can sometimes make a smart idea if a huge group of us work together for a really long time. Like, really long. So you’re dumb, and you may have heard a few smart ideas, but you’re probably remembering them wrong, so don’t get cocky.

Successful: We fail at everything. Stuff is hard, and we are dumb, and that is not a recipie for success. Some people think success is a product of luck, but it’s worse than that. You can be really lucky and still fuck everything up. Try for a partial success. You may conceivably have one or two of them in a lifetime. You may use a partial win to obscure your mountain of failures. Don’t bother. As soon as people get close to you, they’ll see them anyway.

Physically Attractive: Hopefully you looked good for a year or two in highschool. Otherwise, that’s it. You will continue to get older. And fatter - less than 3% of people keep off any weight they lose. But it’s okay, the rest of us are getting older and fatter too. We’re all doing it together. It’s fine. Don’t embark on a sexy back campaign in mid-life. You will just make yourself unhappy. Concentrate on getting stronger, moving more, sleeping more, and eating a few vegetables. Then you won’t feel tired all the time and stairs will be a little less dangerous.

Sane: Does nothing make sense? Are you on the verge of mental collapse? Cool. That’s normal. You may be dealing with it alone, but you’re not actually alone. We’re all barely hanging on.

“So we can’t be smart, successful, sexy, or sane. But, we can be:

Kind: Yes, we’re surrounded by crazy dumb dumpy failures, but we don’t have to be a dick about it. We can say supportive shit like:

“Almost, buddy. Try again.” “Don’t worry, we can fix this.” “Wow! This is similar to my own failures.” “Fuck it. Good enough.”

There’s no point in abusing people for their inevitable flaws. Also, it will not make you popular.

Our True Selves: Not the true selves that we aspire to be, who are talented, and wise, and respected. But the true selves we are afraid we are, who are dumb, and ill, and look weird in a swimsuit. Because, what’s the point of tricking people into liking the person we’re not? Making friends is about being vulnerable, not projecting strength. If you cultivate a persona of power, intelligence, and success, you will never feel safe, because you will always fear exposure.

“And, at the risk of repeating myself, there’s a few things we must never be:

Dangerous: It shouldn’t be unsafe to be around us. That’s gonna end poorly.

An Asshole: Feelings are easily hurt, and you will do it by accident often. But deliberately making people feel bad is a poor idea. If your plan involves this step, make a better plan.

“So, yeah. When looking for goals we should give up on being exceptional, and instead work on being more kind, more vulnerable, and less like dangerous assholes.

“Also, when we get good at being kind, we should use this new forgiveness and understanding on the person we hate most - our past selves. It’s okay that we fucked up. It was inevitable.

...

“Anyway, just because we’re wired to seek love for security, doesn’t mean we have to. We could seek security through money. Or we could be in danger, but drunk off our tits. We could even work from home and lurk online until everyone forgets we exist.

“Being exceptional is a doomed goal, but that doesn’t mean you have to immediately embark on a quest for love armed with the twin guns of kindness and vulnerability. You could just exist. Take a nap.

“Eventually, you may feel a little restless, and have some energy for questing. May want a bit of the old dopamine. If being exceptional is pointless and stressful, what’s the best way to be mediocre? What is our new life path?”

Click.

What is the future we want?

“Above all, we want the future to happen quickly. It would be a real bummer if we missed it. So, speeding up the future is job one.

“Also, our old desires weren’t terrible. Meaningful work, improving the world, inner peace, and a chance to start over still sound pretty good. But knowing we’ll never be exceptional, we need a system where any idiot can get that stuff.

“For this to happen, we obviously need a more equal social structure. One where we wouldn’t mind a turn at the bottom.

“Higher wages, less hours, free school, and cheap childcare. Houses everyone can afford. Fund research until we cure cancer, heart attacks, alzhimers, and diabetes. Maybe cure old age. Proportional representation so every vote counts. Other stuff. Basically, share the wealth and help each other until we have spaceships and superpowers.

“Doing this stuff quickly would require taxes, regulations, and social programs.

“Annnnd… we’re right back where we started. Facing an intractable logjam of politics, lies, and classist obstinance. We’ve come full circle, knowing a bit more about how we got here, but still with no clear way forward.”

Click.

What Now?

Hybris collapses back on the bed. “That’s all I’ve got. Sorry. Thought we were after something there, but it all came back to politics.”

“It’s okay.” I muse. “You did good work. Being exceptional is a dead end. We’re all stupid. If we want to relax, we have to accept our stupidity and make some new labor laws. That’s going to be news to some people. Maybe we can leverage that into some kind of change. Redirect the firehose of dopamine fueled ambition to something useful.”

“Cool.” Hybris nods. “So we’re getting into politics?”

“No.”

“Just lobbying?”

“No.”

“A podcast? AM radio?”

“No.”

“Starting a cult?”

“No.”

“Writing a self help book?”

“No.”

“A pamphlet?”

“Just… slow down.” I rub my face. “Let’s start with a message. Something short, with clear steps, to get some of us paddling in the same direction. If the message is good enough, the medium will make itself.”

Hybris smiles. “Cool. That’s deep. What’s the message?”

“I don’t know. Give me a minute. I don’t want to accidentally cause Moros’ end of intelligence scenario.” I pause. “Or, accidentally stop it. I’m not sure what I want there, but I definitely don’t want accidents.”

“I like Moros.” says Hybris. “Is he available?”

“Not for you. He may let you watch your husband get fucked.”

“Deal! Scheduled in ink. When are we doing it? Also, I have my own show I want you to come to.”

I laugh and hug Hybris. We cuddle until she falls asleep. I carefully detach and scooch over. Think.

Eventually I pull over my laptop and start typing. It’s don’t know how to make a powerful message. I won’t even try. I’ll just list the facts in as few words as possible.

Humans have a glitch.

Love and security are the same emotion.

We don’t feel worthy of love, so we try to improve ourselves.

To become exceptional. Powerful. Perfect. Wise.

But humans are dumb, error-prone, dipshits.

We know this, because we’ve met humans.

Love is shared vulnerability.

Showing our stupidity, craziness, and weird bodies.

And being accepted anyway.

Hiding our vulnerability makes love impossible.

Who cares if they love a fake version of you?

You can’t feel safe if you fear exposure.

To get love, be kind, open, safe, and kind.

That’s it.

Sometimes people are dangerous or assholes.

It’s kind to not put up with their shit.

Forgive your past self.

Life is tricky. Humans are dumb. Mistakes were inevitable.

We’ve all been there.

To eliminate bullshit work, we need better labor laws.

Higher minimum wage. 20 hour work week. Tax the rich.

Giving poor people money makes us richer.

Giving rich people money makes us poorer.

Poor people spend money. Pay taxes.

Rich people don’t.

Humans are dumb.

It takes a lot of us a long time to figure stuff out.

We should tax the rich and spend it on science research.

Cure cancer, heart attacks, diabetes, maybe old age.

Maybe get fusion power.

I’d like that stuff before I die.

We need free mental health care.

Have you seen us?

Alright, that’s enough for now. I’ll try to say it better later.