I ordered love whip to gently carry the female healer to the sofa, then cracked my knuckles and opened my notifications tab. I needed a moment just to process the sheer volume of the notifications I just received. Meat Shield curled up next to the injured female cleric and began to snooze.

“Where is this?” the female cleric asked as she regained her senses from nearly fainting from the thousand meter drop. She rubbed her eyes in disbelief, looking around the pristine Japanese tea room with large bamboo tiled floors, sliding wooden doors, and neatly placed pillows around a low-set table. The large and wonky blue-gray sofa she was laying on in the middle of the room stuck out like a sore thumb in an otherwise thematically appropriate space.

I raised my palm. “Give me a minute… actually ten minutes. In the meantime, the cat will fill you in on the details.”

Snore.

…

I walked over to the sofa and picked Meat Shield up, then shook her vigorously. “Wake up!”

“Nyaa?”

Grabbing her by the nape of the neck, I dropped her in front of the cleric. “Explain to the nice lady here where this place is. I need to sort through some notifications.”

The female cleric looked on slightly apprehensively as I abused my cat. Probably not the best impression, but whatever, I had something urgent to do.

“Here.” I summoned a small pouch of Beef and Pork Chewy Jerky Balls™ and tossed them at the healer, who caught the pouch in surprise. “She’ll like those.”

Meat Shield’s pupils dilated at the sight of the new treats, and curled up to the female healer. “I’ll tell you everything, sister~ This room is the Dimension Room, and it’s a space where…”

With that settled, I turned to my own status screen.

There were several hundred kill notifications to sort through, every single one labelled as an environmental kill. Players, dwarves, humans… and one golem, which must have been destroyed when it fell.

In total, I received 37 level ups, so many souls that I couldn’t manually count all of them, and a whopping 120 gold and 571 silver, not even counting the loot. One gold was worth 1000 silver, so the total converted to silver was 120,571 silver coins.

“Here, your share.”

I tossed a pouch of ten gold and five hundred silver to the healer, and sent a trade offer of thirty gold to Books. It was the least I could do for them. The healer gave me the inspiration needed to survive the fall, and Books straight up saved my ass when I got critted twice in a row by a battleaxe to the face. There was a time and place to be generous, and this was one of them.

The healer caught the second pounch, her eyebrow raising when she heard the clink of coins within. She opened it, and gasped when she saw the gold coins.

“Oh wow, thank you.”

I nodded in acknowledgement and turned back to my status screen, to check the loot dropped.

None of the players had a pk status, so they didn’t drop any equipment, but the dwarves dropped 10x Adamantite Battle Axe, 7x Adamantite Warhammer, 4x Dwarven Adamantite Armor, and 1x Adamantite Poleaxe.

The dwarven armor wasn’t wearable, but I checked out the weapons. I was now well above the level restriction and could equip them without worry.

Swoosh.

The warhammer and battle axes just didn’t feel right in my hands. Too heavy for single handed weapons, and too cumbersome.

The Adamantite Poleaxe actually felt pretty comfortable. Maybe it was because I was comfortable with a tennis racket, so wielding a long weapon was more natural. I snickered internally thinking about how ridiculous I’d look using a poleaxe like a racket. But no matter how bad I looked, the stats were amazing.

[Adamantite Poleaxe]

Rare

A poleaxe made from adamantium, a rare earth ore. This meter-and-a-half-long two handed weapon was crafted by master smith Halfdan Ragnarsson to excel in both thrusting and slashing from a distance.

+500 strength

+10% strength modifier

That was an enormous strength bonus, but since it was tied to the weapon, I’d only benefit while wielding it. I continued to scroll down.

[Achievement: Major Bloodbath]

Kill one hundred humans in under one minute.

[+200 strength, +50 Physical Defense, +50 Vitality, +50 Dexterity]

I rubbed my eyes. Was this for real? The stat rewards were insane for this achievement, but the premise was even crazier. Who decided to make an achievement for killing a hundred humans within a certain time frame?

Either way, I wasn’t complaining. Permanent stat boosts were worth their weight in gold, and the two hundred strength boost was eye popping, not to mention the solid fifties in the other stats.

And, since I reached level 83, I hit the second job advancement tier.

[Because you have reached level 70, you have unlocked the second job advancement.]

Normally classes had a second advancement at level 60, but there were variations depending on the specific class.

[Dimension Ripper has permanently merged with your left arm.]

A new item quest has been added.

[Dimension Ripper item quest: Blood drinker.]

Absorb 100 liters of blood through Dimension Ripper to unlock a new feature.

Blood 0/100 Liters

Again, not immediate power, but I could tell that this item quest was going to have a good payoff. After all, it was telling me to literally suck up blood with my dimension ripper, which I guess was now just my left hand. I couldn’t wait to see how the new feature would manifest itself.

That summed up the important notifications. Wait, not yet.

Siege Tank Golem has been destroyed from fall damage.

You can reconstruct the golem if you recover its Core.

Well, shit. Seems like I needed to go pick that up later, although I wasn’t sure where it fell to.

I stood up, and walked to the sofa. The female healer was playing peek-a-boo with Meat Shield, tossing a beef and pork jerky ball into her waiting mouth every so often.

“Feeling better?” I asked her, finally taking a look at her status bar above her head. Her name was Rosalia, possibly after Saint Rosalia.

She looked up, and nodded. “Yeah.”

She was dressed in white cleric robes with a golden trim that complemented her long blonde hair, her robes styled in a low v-cut that showed off her cleavage. There was a black star tattooed on her left breast, possibly one of those cosmetic items from the in-game shop. Her cross pendant from earlier hung from her neck between her cleavage. It was a miracle that the pendant was still there after the fall from earlier.

Rosalia looked up at her savior, then up at his name, and started to uncontrollably giggle.

“... Spoon?” she said in disbelief, as her giggle turned into full blown laughter. “No way that’s your name.”

I sighed. My name was still one of my sore spots. “It’s a long story… let’s not get into it.”

I sat at one of the arm rests of the sofa, and tapped Meat Shield on her cheek to get her attention. “Why’s there so little furniture here?”

“Oh~” Meat Shield said. “You can buy more~”

“Hm?”

“Check the dimension shop~ it’s in the furniture section~”

“Dimension shop?” Rosalia asked, confused.

“It’s my class,” I responded. “I’m a dimension thief.”

“I see,” Rosalia responded, although she still looked a bit confused. “This is really crazy for a special class. Mine isn’t anything like this, so I’m kind of jealous.”

“You also have a special class?”

“Yep. It’s called Holy Priestess, and I got this pendant as a unique item.”

Holy Priestess sounded a lot like the female version of the only rare class I rolled in character select. My ironically named coincidence theory heuristic, which explained why some situations that appeared on the outside as coincidences were actually far from it, didn’t explain this one. It might be an actual bona fide coincidence here.

Rosalia held up her pendant to show me. It was a fat silver cross with spiraling engravings encircling the cross, creating a delicate casing that appeared almost elven in design, although I had no idea what elves were like in this universe.

“Funny enough, it has anti-undead properties, which really helped out in the boglands.” She picked up the cross gently by the chain and rested it back between her breasts, right next to that distracting black star tattoo.

“Ah, you’re from regiment one or two.”

From what I remembered, regiment one had a run in with an undead horde in the boglands, which delayed their journey by a week, and regiment two was heading through the same path a day later, and ended up in the same predicament.

“Yep, regiment two. Half my squad died in the Boglands, and the other half is probably done for too after today’s events.”

“Same.”

It was a bit funny to see a holy priestess have a black star tattooed on their left breast, though. That kind of stimulating aesthetic was more fitting of a punk rockstar than a nun. Actually, as Rosalia raised her arm, I noticed that she had a full sleeve tattoo as well.

I decided not to ask her about it.

“Open Dimension Shop.”

Ding ding ding!!

I almost fell backwards when I heard the unexpected ridiculous sound.

“Congratulations, you’ve collected 1,000 souls! As a reward, your dimension shop has been upgraded with new amenities! Please peruse our new selection. New items will be added occasionally, so make sure to check back often!”

“W-what?” Rosalia exclaimed in surprise. She could hear the overly enthusiastic voice as well.

“Uh…” I replied, equally confused. “Not sure what that was.”

“That’s Bubs~” Meat Shield said happily. I had no idea what she meant by Bubs.

[Soul Bank: 1570 souls]

You are now viewing the improvements section.

[Storage Room]

A room for all your dastardly needs. Can store weapons, ammunition, dead bodies, and even live bodies if that’s what you prefer. Warning: Live bodies are not guaranteed to be alive the next time you come around.

Price: 100 souls

[Physical storefront]

Tired of shopping through our spectacular products all by your lonesome? Why not open a physical storefront, and grant access to a special section of the Dimension Shop to the general public? Get rich quick by opening a physical storefront!

Price: 500,000 souls

Restriction: Requires a suitable area of land. If opened in a city, requires a permit from the city government. If opened underwater, permission from Queen Atlantis is recommended. Although not necessary, we are not responsible for any damages caused to the shop by angering Atlantis.

[Hire Storefront Shopkeeper]

Standing all day making your legs hurt? Want to outsource your worries to someone else? Need an underling to bully when you’re in a bad mood? Worry not, because we’ve got your back! Hire a shopkeeper that’s guaranteed to be diligent and will keep the shop tidy. There are no downsides here, only upsides. Hire a shopkeeper today!

Price: 10,000 souls

[New Room]

Feeling a bit cramped? Want a bit more space to fit all your torture devices? Purchase a new blank room.

Price: 100 souls

[Basic Bathroom]

Need to take a leak, but there are enemies outside? Had one too many fizzy ales during dinner? Your basic bathroom has got you covered for all your bodily needs. Comes with the basic set, which includes a shower, toilet, and sink. Bidet sold separately.

Price: 50 souls

[Luxury Bath Suite]

A luxurious bath ensemble suite, featuring a lava stone powered hot tub and separate six sided shower with rich marble decor. Includes all bathroom needs, a magical automatic sink, and more.

Price: 200 souls

You are now viewing the physical fixtures section. Fixtures offered in the shop will rotate periodically, so make sure to check back often.

Congratulations! As a reward for unlocking the physical fixtures section, we’ve gifted you a free Television. Your new fixture has been automatically installed.

[Tatami Futon]

Basic sleeping bed roll. What it lacks in comfort, it makes up in portability and price.

Price: 5 souls

[Royal Bed]

A king sized royal bed, with an ultra soft mattress and fluffy covers.

Price: 400 souls

There were more options that I decided to check later. I headed to the section that was the most urgent at the moment.

You are now viewing the dimension thief specialty section.

[Masterwork lockpick]

A one time use lockpick that can open almost any lock when utilized by a dextrous thief.

Price: 100 souls

[Shadow skillbook]

A skillbook containing the flagship ability of the dimension thief class. Shadow allows the caster to transform into a shadow, reappearing a short distance away.

Dimension Thief Ability

Cooldown: 10 seconds

Mana cost: 100

Level requirement: 30

Class restriction: Dimension thief

Price: 1,000 souls

[Ghostkersword]

A ghostly white sword that emanates a strange aura. Under the right circumstances, has the potential to cut that which normally cannot be cut.

Legendary

Item rank: S+

+100 intelligence

Unique ability: ??

Level requirement: 60

Class restriction: None

Stat requirement: 1000 intelligence

600 dexterity

Price: 7,000 souls

[Special cat food]

Cat food with a hidden effect. The effect is guaranteed to be super amazing. Please buy me.

Price: 1,000,000 souls

…

Was I hallucinating, or were some of these descriptions different from the last time I checked the shop?

Anyway, I immediately tapped on [Shadow skillbook]. It was a no brainer that I needed the dimension thief’s flagship mobility spell, especially something that I could use in combat. I couldn’t rely on cat based physics forever.

[Would you like to purchase Shadow skillbook for 1,000 souls?]

Confirmed.

[Your new soul bank balance is: 570 souls]

[Would you like to use Shadow skillbook?]

Confirmed.

Ability [Shadow] has been learned.

I backed out of the menu and heard Rosalia chat with Meat Shield, who was explaining to her what the dimension shop was.

“Shadow.”

Whoooosh.

My body immediately evaporated, turning into a black cloud. In my gaseous state, I flew across the room as fast as a dart, then returned into human form as dark smoke seethed out of me. It all felt so smooth and natural. Maybe dimension thief wasn’t so bad after all.