TL;DR Ekalius Online most likely won't continue.

This novel will go on hiatus as of today, 14.06.2019 and no new chapters will be released. The reason for this is that I’m unsure whether I want to continue writing.

I want to first make sure that you all understand that this has nothing to do with you, the readers, nor the story itself. This is me personally figuring out whether I enjoy writing or not. This is also not something happening out of the blue, although it might seem like it.

I’ve had mixed feelings about publishing this novel since the day I clicked ‘submit’ and the first chapters were officially released. I’ve never undertaken such a big literary challenge and it has been difficult.

I have enjoyed the chapters once they were finished and fooled myself into believing that it was enough. They say create what you want to read and that’s what I have done. I enjoy reading the story, I honestly do, but the last chapters have especially been difficult to write. Not because I didn’t know what I wanted out of them, but because I didn’t even want to sit down and actually write.

I even said not long ago that I wanted to publish more chapters per week and that’s true. It’s just that I don’t want to be the one writing them. I know that sounds weird because it is. It’s difficult to explain what I’m feeling. The writing itself is supposed to be the fun part. To see your imagination come to life as words appear. If I can’t even motivate myself to write something I love reading, then maybe I shouldn’t be an author.

I originally thought the problem was the story itself. I thought that I just didn’t enjoy the story anymore. That’s why I decided to rewrite it in the first place. This only served to delay my realization that what I truly enjoy is reading, not writing.

I constantly force myself to finish a chapter and it’s gone from being a fun hobby to work. I always think that it’s just me being lazy and once the chapter is written, everything fine. After three months of writing, I can tell that it’s not true. This is not a problem with me being lazy but me not wanting to write in the first place. Each chapter becomes more and more difficult to write and I force myself to get it done.

When I began writing the story I thought I would finish it no matter what. I thought that even if no one wanted to read it, I could at least finish it for my own pleasure. What I’m telling you now, that I’m thinking about quitting writing as a whole never even crossed my mind three months ago.

Throughout the novel’s life, I’ve seen the amount of support from you all. I’ve seen how more people than I ever thought possible have read through every chapter I’ve released. I honestly appreciate all of your support and that’s what makes this difficult. I realized that I’ve been delaying this decision because I don’t want to disappoint you all. Yet this only makes the situation worse the longer I wait.

I honestly believe that I’ll find that once I no longer have a responsibility to release chapters, I don't want to write them at all. I hope that after a week or two I want to write because I enjoy it, not because I feel like I have to. That is, unfortunately, not likely. I know myself better than anyone and I’m almost a hundred percent sure that I’ve only managed to get this far because I don’t want to disappoint my readers. I don’t want to be yet another author with an unfinished story, but I also don’t want to force myself to do something I don’t enjoy anymore.

I have tried everything to enjoy writing again, except to not write at all. I honestly hope this is all just burnout and a few weeks away will fix it all, but I can’t say that I truly believe it to be. I have been in a similar situation before and it did not end well.

Whatever happens, I want you all to know that I do not regret publishing the story. This has made me able to experience being an author and whether it’s something I truly enjoy. It’s been an invaluable life experience and my only regret is that I’ve let you all down.

I can go on without thinking “what if I became an author?”. This has been a way for me to try something new and I will never forget the experience. If you don’t see a new chapter before the month is over, then you’ll know what I decided. I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.

I’m sorry it had to end like this and I want you all to know that I understand how you must feel. For many of you, this situation is far too familiar. For others, this might be the first time you’ve had the displeasure of picking a story that probably won't end. I don’t want to make any excuses, I just hope you can understand the situation from my perspective.

I thank you for giving me a chance and I apologize that this is how it ends.