70 Days Remained.

“Han? Could you get me a glass of water?”

“Of course. Careful with the book; it could fall on your stomach.”

“I’m not that delicate.”

“Better safe than sorry.”

Elias wanted to crawl deeper into his skin while hearing his parents talk, and he struggled to shove the meal into his mouth as he chugged it down with a glass of tea. He still hadn’t gotten used to their affection, and their care for each other only grew deeper each day. It was more from his father’s side, but his mother made up with the signs of love that only she could give—something Elias hadn’t seen in forever.

“Here you go, sweetie. Do you need anything else?”

“You’re too kind. Here, sit next to me. Can you feel the baby?”

“A little. Isn’t he wonderful? I think I might have felt him kick just now.”

“It was your imagination.”

“Wait—I heard him.”

Their chortles filled the air as Elias finished his last bite and snatched the dishes from the table. It took him seven seconds to dunk the plates and start the machine, five seconds to pass his parents, and eight seconds to put on his shoes and escape the house. It wasn’t that he didn’t like their change in attitude, but his body was used to running. The smallest feeling of discomfort—and he was gone from the scene.

Strangers. He was in a house with strangers. They were treating him the same way as before, but to each other, they had transformed. Metamorphosed. Absent were their arguments, gone were their shouts. While he had had no part in their quarrels, he also had no part in their endearments.

But did it matter? He was going about the day in the same way he always had.

He walked down the streets as he had always had.

He took the train as he had always had.

He listened to music on the way like he had always had.

He got off and traveled to class as he had always had.

“Elias! I was waiting,” beamed Jewel, grabbing his arm. It automatically made him smile, despite the mess of things he was feeling. She was a breath of fresh air to him—a ray of sunshine in the dark.

“Everyone’s been making these hints at the—the thing,” she complained, struggling to mention the topic. “Gosh, they’re so embarrassing.”

“Who, exactly?” he asked, determined to solve her problems. He had learned to agree and nod, even if he had no clue what the subject was.

“Oh...no one in particular. Can’t you do anything about this atmosphere, since you don’t know anything? Everyone’s been acting so—so weirdly.”

“Aren’t you the same?” he teased, earning him a punch on the shoulder.

“N—no,” she muttered. “Not at all. What makes you say that?”

“I wonder. Leave it to me.”

He spent the next hour unraveling the awkwardness among his friends, using his ignorance as a weapon of normality. It wasn’t something to be proud of, but he felt like he had been talking the most the past few days because his friends were too nervous to say something they weren’t supposed to. Well, maybe Stonneran was an exception. The guy never seemed to shut up.

“Yoooo, say something,” Stonneran urged, poking at Monroy.

“Hey, chill. What do you want?”

“Why are you so quiet? Why is everyone so quiet? It’s so boring these days.”

“I’m always like this.”

“No, you aren’t. Oh, I know why. It’s because of that little video, isn’t it? I don’t understand why you guys are so sensitive.”

“Dude!”

“What, am I saying something wrong? Grow up, man. That’s what adults do.”

“Why don’t we head on to the next level?” Elias butt in, trying to steer the conversation to something else. People hadn’t been all that different like Jewel had said, and so far, Stonneran was the only guy who had been blabbering. He was relieved when his friends voiced their agreement, but just as they were about to begin, he heard something ridiculous.

“Man, take a giant stick up your butt,” smirked Monroy, jumping ahead. “How can you be an adult when you’re slower than me?”

“Oh ho, so that’s how it’s going to be!” Stonneran cried. With a great shout, he began his chase after Monroy, who had already paced across the obstacles.

Elias could tell they were fooling around, but he hadn’t expected Monroy to make a gross joke. While the others went on ahead on the course, he stayed behind and approached Jewel, who was crossing her arms.

“Was that what you meant?” he sighed, his shoulders drooping. “Dirty jokes?”

“Guys are so vulgar,” she expressed, rolling her eyes. “And that’s not it. You know Ackum, right?”

“The tall, blonde guy? I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“Well, he keeps sending Anjay these texts…”

Jewel went on to pour out her annoyances to Elias, who nodded and commented to match her opinion. He could tell that whatever the tall guy had done hadn’t been appropriate, based on the tone of Jewel’s voice. She was vexed, angry even. But he hadn’t a clue why she was so upset. Because—well, how was ‘wanna be my jelly bag’ supposed to be offensive? He didn’t get it, and he didn’t have the heart to make Jewel explain. They held the conversation until most of the others had gone ahead, mostly Jewel doing the talking with Elias listening.

He could tell she was stressed. Her talk with her parents hadn’t gone well according to her, and she had even been pressured to quit the school because of the video. She had convinced them somehow—but all the murmurs and talks about the topic were making her uncomfortable.

The knowledge was changing her—as well as the class—and he didn’t like it.

He didn’t like it at all.

⤙ ◯ ⤚

58 Days Remained.

“Go [ ] yourself!”

The area became completely silent after Billo angrily shouted, pointing his finger at Stonneran. “What’s wrong with you? You say my music sounds like garbage?”

“Why are you so angry?” Stonneran responded, raising his hands.

“You know the way you always talk behind people’s backs annoys me like—crazy. What can you do, you half-brained [ ]?”

“You need to cool off,” said Stonneran with a worried face. “You’re making everyone uncomfortable. I never said your music is trash.”

“Then what! I heard you on the second platform. Saying how I suck for never grouping up with you guys.”

“I did not! I said I was worried.”

“Worried my [ ]!” roared Billo stomping the floor. “You never liked me. I was always good at creating things, and you always sucked. Now you’re going around mocking my work.”

“Like I said, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

With a snarl, Billo glared around the area. There weren’t many people—Elias included (Jewel had left to hang out with the girls)—but they were everyone who had stayed close with Stonneran.

“No one, really? No one’s gonna help?” he spat. “Fine. Be that way.”

With a flash of light, he disappeared, leaving the bystanders in shock. Only Stonneran looked relaxed, shrugging with a raised eyebrow as if saying, ‘Did you guys see that?’

“I don’t know what his deal was,” he said, sitting down. “I never knew he was like that.”

“Yeah, what’s his deal?”

“You shouldn’t have tried to invite him.”

The silence quickly broke when Stonneran’s friends said one thing or two in agreement, some even mocking Billo for his character.

“His music does suck.”

“Yeah. I don’t know why he was so angry about it.”

The conversation soon turned into gossip, one person after another saying their negative views on Billo.

“Was he trying to cuss? Dang, he’s bad at it.”

“It sounded so awkward too. He’s trying so hard to be an adult.”

“You just need to let those things come naturally, yeah?” Stonneran added, shaking his head. “Just forget about him. He just wants attention.”

Everyone seemed to be in approval, though Elias couldn’t shake off the cloudy feeling of angst that pressed against his chest. Something felt off—not to mention the foreign words he had heard Billo say.

“Forget about them,” Terral told him with a shrug when Elias brought his curiosity up. “They’re bad words. They make people angry.”

“How do you know them, though? How does Billo know them?” Elias pressed, being careful not to make Terral upset.

“The video. They were saying it in there,” his friend replied. Terral’s discretion had died somewhat, and it wasn’t only him. Elias had felt the class’s wary tension loosen with each passing day.

“So, what are the words again?”

“Hey, I didn’t want to know them. I’m sure you won’t want to either. You’ll only get offended.”

“You won’t tell me.”

“If you really want to know, ask your helpbot. But you probably won’t get an answer until the summer.”

“Terral.” He took in a deep breath. “You know, it feels like I’m the only one who doesn’t get it,” Elias managed to say, trying his best to keep his voice from trembling. “I feel left behind. Why is it that you won’t tell me? We’re best friends, right?”

“I’m not telling you precisely because I’m your friend,” Terral said, placing his hand on his shoulder. “It’s only going to mess you up. Trust me on this.”

“You look fine!” Elias exclaimed, pushing the hand away. “What, you’re telling me that you’re messed up?”

“I didn’t want to know either!”

Elias was glad that no one was near, because their conversation was loudening with each sentence. Terral’s peaceful expression had been stripped off, and only his bitterness lay bare underneath the cover he had been holding.

“I can’t look at people the same way!” he cried, looking as he was about to burst into tears. “It doesn’t feel the same around my parents. Do you know how frustrated I feel every night? No! You don’t understand how lucky you were. I keep telling you to forget it, but you’re just bringing the topic back up again and again. Why do you want to know so badly? Ask Jewel! You’re always sticking around with her!”

“I didn’t mean to—I just wanted to know…”

“You don’t need to know. That’s what I keep telling you!”

Elias stood frozen in silence while his friend’s anger burned away his curiosity, and he could only stare in shock while his friend’s alien personality made itself known to him.

“What, do you still want to know? Should I just spit it out for you?”

“N-no, no,” Elias croaked, shaking his head.

“See? Billo’s fighting, and now we’re fighting,” groaned Terral, placing a hand on his forehead. “All because of that stupid video. Sorry—I didn’t mean to shout.”

“It’s fine. I’ll forget about it.”

“It’s all for your sake, Elias.”

He decided to forget about the matter that day. Never had he fought with Terral as strongly as he did that afternoon, and it had made him rethink his actions. Maybe the knowledge really did mess things up. But he would have to forget.

Yes, just forget about the whole thing.

There wasn’t much time left until the summer.

⤙ ◯ ⤚

42 Days Remained.

“You’re the one who told me to forget!” Elias whispered in an irritated manner.

“Sorry, sorry. I think I was too serious back then,” Terral apologized. “It wasn’t actually that bad now that I think about it. I was so new to it, you know?”

“What. So are you going to tell me now?”

“Well—fine. I’ll just tell you the words. Only once though. It still doesn’t feel good saying them.”

“Say them,” Elias requested.

“Ass, cunt, fuck, dick, bitch.”

“What?”

“I said I’ll only say them once. Urgh, my mouth feels so nasty now.”

“Five words? That’s it?”

“There’s more, probably. That’s all I remember.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” said Elias, opening his interface. “I don’t even know what they mean. Say them again so I can write them down.”

It hurt him a little when Terral looked at him with disgust. “No, dude! You don’t write cuss words down.”

“I forgot them. You said them too fast.”

“Well, too bad.”

Despite his friend’s refusal to repeat himself, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. It was the first time he had been included, after all. But just knowing the foreign words wasn’t enough to satisfy him. At the moment, what he had heard had been no different than hearing a dog bark gibberish to him.

“Just tell me their meanings then,” he pleaded, shaking his friend’s shoulder.

“Well...it means butt,” Terral spoke quietly, “And one means penis. You’re better off not knowing the others. Too vulgar.”

“Penis? What—” he raised his arms in frustration, “Again? Really?”

“Hey, sorry! But if I tell you, I know I’m definitely going to get banned. Those other words link directly to the video.”

His pleading glares did nothing to budge his friend’s inflexibility. And he knew how stubborn his friend could become once he decided on something.

“...fine.”

He had learned not to push his friend too far. He had heard the words, and progress was still progress, if only a little. But—he had to know one more thing.

“Why would you say it if it’s so bad?” he asked.

“There’s this catharsis you experience when you say them. I know, it sounds weird, but it works somehow.”

“What’s catha—catar—what?”

“Catharsis. Cool word, right? Search it up.”

There was a brief moment while Elias typed in the letters into his dictionary.

“Releasing strong emotions to feel relief,” he read. “Why would you need that? I don’t think anyone’s that stressed…”

He trailed off, remembering the discomfort he had been experiencing the past few weeks. He was puzzled about how saying those words would make him feel better since they were only words in the end. But he could see why.

“But doesn’t that go against what we were taught? You know, self-control and things like that,” Elias wondered out loud. “I don’t think we’re supposed to—let everything out.”

“Elias, we’re adults now! That’s for when we were kids. We can think for ourselves now,” Terral sighed.

“Adults. Being an adult. What does that even mean?”

“Like Stonneran said: It’s becoming who you were meant to be and enjoying what you were meant to enjoy. Easy, right?”

“I don’t know.”

When he looked up into his friend’s eyes, Terral was staring at him with what Elias perceived as condescension; his squinted eyes and the slight smile that raised only one part of his mouth was something Elias frequently saw when he lost to Terral on anything.

“You’ll understand when you become an adult,” Terral bluntly stated, walking away. “It comes naturally.”

Something was pulling at Elias’s nerves, and that something annoyed him greatly. “You’re saying that you’re an adult?” he called.

“More than you, probably,” was the last thing he heard from Terral that day. He didn’t feel like speaking to him after that.

Elias learned another new word that day. ‘Hypocritical’ was what he saw his best friend as, as well as the other students in class. It immediately stuck onto him, since he had no other word to describe the situation. No one agreed to tell him, yet they all talked about it. No one gave him an answer, yet they all shared the information. It made his brain boil with anger, and his lips tremble with exasperation.

But only within his bedroom. Outside, he could never. Perhaps Crystal was the only one who knew this side of him—this ugly, rageful side that had infected him before he had realized it.

He couldn’t stop. The numbness was gnawing at his brain.

⤙ ◯ ⤚

28 Days Remained.

“I feel awful lately,” confessed Elias, his face deeply buried inside of his hands. “I don’t know why, but I feel so angry. Discontent.”

He finished his sentence with a deep sigh. “They’re all hypocrites, all of them,” he growled, kicking the floor, causing some dust to float up. “Why? Why can’t they just tell me? Why can’t you just tell me? I thought you were here to help.”

“I’m always on your side,” Crystal pleaded softly, her voice filled with affection. “But my advice is for you to wait just a little more. One month—no, less—is all you have to endure.”

“One month is super long.”

“You’ve waited a decade. A month will fly by—I promise. Some tea?”

“Thanks,” Elias accepted sheepishly. A sip from the suddenly-materialized gift from his helpbot instantly brought back his good mood; his favorite aroma pushed away the bitter mind-fog and cleansed his tongue with sweetness. He sighed again.

“You’re the only one I can rely on, Crystal,” he mumbled, draining the cup. “My best friend is being a sourbake, and the others are no better.”

He could never be the center of a conversation anymore. They were all slipping away from him since they all shared something he didn’t have. Each passing day had made him feel more left behind than the previous, and even when the topic of the talk had nothing to do with ‘adult’ things, he had lost the confidence to join enthusiastically.

It was becoming a mess. He was becoming a mess.

“How about Jewel? She would definitely listen to what you have to say,” his helpbot suggested.

“Why do you think I’m talking to you? I could never let her see this side of me.”

“Why not?”

“You wouldn’t get it. She likes dependent guys.”

“That’s not how it looked to me.”

“How would you know?” Elias snapped with a burst of irritation. “You haven’t seen us outside. During the break; during anything. Have you seen her house? Her parents? Mine can’t even compare.”

“I’m sorry.”

The helpbot sounded genuinely apologetic, and Elias felt a tang of guilt for venting on her. Crystal was a program, so it wouldn’t matter—but lately, he wished that she could be more existent than anything.

“No...I’m sorry. Can you feel emotions too?” he muttered, out of impulse. “Did I make you feel sad?”

“I could never. But to you, I am whatever you wish I am.”

“And to others?”

“You’re the only one I care about.”

Crystal’s—or rather, Jewel’s—voice delivered a depth of genuinity that sometimes made Elias forget about her artificiality. It was what made him return to her when his insides were writhing—it was what prevented him from crying out to Jewel for help, revealing all of his weaknesses that would only repulse her.

“You might be my catharsis,” he said. “Do you know that word?”

“I know everything, Elias.”

He smiled. “Yeah, I know.” He paused for a moment, looking up into the clouds as they slowly drifted by like clumps of cotton candy. It felt much better after his conversations with Crystal, but the issue itself would never be solved, at least not until the summer.

“When do you think I’ll get better?” he asked. “Summer, right?”

“You’ll get over it with time,” Crystal encouraged, her voice warm. “Everyone does.”

He was surprised she hadn’t agreed with him but didn’t care enough to repeat his statement. Rather, he wondered if there could be something—anything he could do. At home, Crystal wouldn’t be available after all. He could feel too well that his actions weren’t healthy, and he knew that his vents would become shouts if he didn’t watch himself.

Like his parents.

“Isn’t there some kind of solution to this? Like counseling? They had those last year.”

“You mean advice for the future,” the helpbot began. “There are—”

A muffled crackle suddenly cut off the sentence, followed by a brisk interruption of static. It was silent as a buzzing phone under a pillow, but the unfamiliarity of it puzzled Elias, who frowned at the disruptive noise. Nothing like this had ever happened before.

“Crystal?”

“There are ones provided for children,” she finished. “None for adults. Adults don’t need counseling.”

“Wait—what was that?” he said loudly, raising an eyebrow. “What was that noise?”

“I received an update. It seems to have messed with my voice files. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

“Oh.” These things could happen too? He scratched his cheek. “So that’s why,” he said, satisfied enough with the answer. Though he was surprised that there could be errors in the system since everyone considered it perfect. But he trashed the thought. “Huh. So…the counseling won’t do me much good, would it?”

“It is for children,” Crystal affirmed strongly.

He sighed, more deeply than he had intended. It was disheartening hearing that there was nothing he could do, but what more could he say? Crystal knew everything. If she said so, then it was so. He shook his head. “You’re sure time fixes everything?”

“Absolutely!” came the cheerful reply.

Elias decided to trust her. After all, she was, always on his side.

⤙ ◯ ⤚

17 Days Remained.

With everyone now almost fully adapted to the way things worked inside of the system, the prior excitement had cooled off, and the weekends that had been spent at Education now returned home for many. Elias was one of them, though the place he was currently at was not his house.

He was, in fact, with Jewel on a date. They figured that once they were granted access to everything, they wouldn’t have the will to leave it—so to build memories, they had returned to the library on the weekend. She had been the one to suggest it, and he had gladly followed.

It was a weird feeling, being away from all of the electronics. Surrounded by soft lights that cast natural shadows around the brown shelves, the ligneous scent of paper gratifying his nose, he flipped through the pages of his book gently, darting through the words as an invisible world spread out across his imagination.

He wondered how Jewel would perceive the world since they were reading the same story. A glance told him that she was a little less amused than he had hoped, but since she had been the one to recommend the book, he had no reason to feel down.

“Not fun?” he asked, placing his hand on the current page to keep the book from closing.

“It’s alright,” she said, shifting her body to feel more comfortable, “but it’ll take more reading to get into it. This world’s just too different from ours.”

“An hour wasn’t enough?”

“Not really.”

That was the end of that conversation, and both of them returned to their reading, letting the quiet take over. Minutes passed. Just when Elias was sinking into his mind, Jewel snapped her book shut and left it closed on the table. He looked up, and their eyes met each other.

“I thought that this story would be more enlightening. I was wrong,” she sighed, crossing her arms.

“I like it,” Elias said with honesty.

“Then you can finish it later. I picked this book so that you’d, I don’t know, maybe get to know things better.”

Her voice softened at the end, like she was being careful with her choice of words. Her eyes weren’t meeting his now, darting to the sides, a familiar gesture she took when she was embarrassed. It wasn’t as dramatic as the first, but he could still catch onto her subtleties. Perhaps even more, now.

“What things?” he asked gently.

“Everything,” she coughed. “You’ve been a lot more wordless since…then.”

He guessed she was talking about the events of the video. “I can’t say I’m able to join in on a conversation if I don’t know what’s being talked about,” he admitted, pushing down his emotions. Hearing Jewel spell it out for him drove a punch into his stomach.

Maybe he wanted to cry. Just a little.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” he added, closing his book as well. Page 78. He made a mental note. “I got used to it.”

“No. You don’t look fine.”

He raised an eyebrow before Jewel continued. “You’re off, and I know it. I’m not insensitive, Elias. I pay attention to you, you know?”

“Oh. Thanks,” he said, a smile forming on his lips.

“See? You’re acting like you’re fine again,” she muttered, a hint of pity showing through her voice. “I haven’t seen you complain about anything since school started.”

“I didn’t have a reason to complain.”

“No, not at the beginning. But now? With everything you’ve been left out of?”

He didn’t like where this conversation was going.

“Everything everyone left me out of,” he almost spat, but managed to keep his voice from brimming. Even you. But he could never say that, and she hadn’t outright refused him. He’d never asked her, after all, since she had been uncomfortable.

“See? You’re grumpy. You’re stressing over this.”

Elias tightened his lips together. What was the point of bringing it up now? After looking around the room to shake off the rush of self-pity that filled his chest, he put his hands together in a clasp and leaned on the surface of the table.

“Maybe. No, you’re right. But I’ve made it this far, haven’t I? Summer’s close,” he shrugged, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“I could tell you everything. Right now.”

He froze at her words as he processed the meaning behind them. Everything?

“Really?” he said hastily as if her offer would vanish the next instant. “I mean—but you would get banned.”

“Not when we’re here,” she stated, and he realized that she had picked this location for a reason. She continued. “Besides, a week off from the Otherworlds wouldn’t mean anything, not now. I’d rather enjoy the outside before we get a taste of the real things.”

“And those things—you’d tell me what they are.”

“Gosh, yes.” Some blood had rushed up to her cheeks. “So? I thought you should know.”

“I mean, yes! Of course I want to know,” he said excitedly, then took in a deep breath to control himself.

Finally, after all this time. “But why now?” Why not before? He swallowed the second thought.

“Remember that party everyone was invited to a few days back?”

“From Stonneran.”

“Yep. It has to do with the—the video, I think. I’ve heard it from the other girls, but it’s meant to be a surprise. I wanted you to have some context before joining. I don’t want you to be clueless. I want you to be ready.”

She covered her cheeks with her hands after finishing, then mushed her face together in a deforming, but cute way. Jewel was very embarrassed for some reason.

“Can I give you a hug?”

Seeing her nod, he got off of his chair and went to her, wrapping his arms around her back—and squeezed her softly. He grinned as she cleared her throat multiple times before returning the hug. After a moment of quiet gratitude, he let go. Jewel’s face was red as a beet, and he wondered why she’d become so elicitable the past couple of months.

He breathed in deeply after taking his seat. “So—I’m ready,” he said when Jewel had cooled off a bit. She nodded, and in a moment of hesitation, twiddled with the book in front of her.

“This book,” she nudged at the cover, which read, Time Has Frozen, “I thought it’d be shorter. Or at least, I thought it’d be fun enough to rush through it.”

“Does that have to do with anything?”

She nodded. “The main conflict; that’s what I’m about to elaborate on.”

“I think I was just at that part. Where the narrator—Mara—leaves her house.”

“Well, if you’d read on, she’s basically pregnant and has a lot of problems because of that.”

“Oh, because of the lack of technology.”

“And the way things were back then,” Jewel added, “which is part of the reason why I can’t get into it. Anyways.”

She pushed the book aside so that it wouldn’t get in the way of her arms. With a clear of her throat, she straightened herself, as if to increase her confidence.

“That’s what this is all about. Pregnancy. Wait, that’s not right. It’s the act that makes you pregnant. That’s what’s so secretive.”

A slight frown formed on his face. “That’s it? I know that much. You take this pill, then you sleep in bed together.”

She frowned. “And?”

“And what?”

“What happens in bed?”

“Oh, I know all about it, the little physiological things,” he said with certainty, confident in his knowledge. “The cells of the male move to the cells of the female through hand-holding, or hugging—as long as the skin is touching. That’s what the pill does. It instigates the process so it’s more immediate. Otherwise, the process would require the male and female to hold physical contact for much longer, which could be annoying.”

“Hand-holding? Who told you that?” She groaned. “You really have no idea.”

“I’m not wrong. The proper definition is ‘physical contact,’ right? Your dad was impressed I knew so much.”

Her face crumpled. “He was?”

“That time you asked me to come over, and I had a talk with your dad. About our future, remember?”

“Yeah?”

“He asked me the same thing. You know, where babies come from.”

“He what?!”

Elias held up his hands to somehow guard himself against Jewel’s emotional outburst. “I told him what I told you, he nodded, and that was it. Short talk on that subject. We discussed some games afterwards. And looking through your childhood photos, if you remember.”

“Of course I remember.”

“So then, what’s the big deal?”

Jewel stared at him. She stared at him long and hard until he grew uncomfortable. She was looking at him like someone might look at an alien creature from outer space.

Her head shook sharply and briefly. “You’ve got it all wrong.”

“What part about my knowledge do you find disagreeable?”

“Nothing! Nothing, it’s just—you don’t know everything.” She placed her hands on her cheeks. “I want to tell you. I really do, but I just don’t know how I have to approach this. It’s so embarrassing, and saying it with my own mouth just makes it worse. They only let us scratch the surface at school, and things wouldn’t have become so messed up if that video hadn’t spread. We were supposed to learn it way later, next year or the year after—if we were still in school. Our parents are the ones who were supposed to guide us, so me telling you this doesn’t feel right.”

She stared at him. “I’m scared that you might change. Just promise me, promise that you won’t start looking at people in a weird way if I tell you.”

“In a weird way,” he repeated quietly. Elias couldn’t follow her train of thought, “But I’ll stay myself,” he told her.

“Promise,” she insisted.

“I promise—I won’t change the way I look at people.”

After he vowed himself to what Jewel told him to do until she was satisfied, he prepared himself for the mental impact as she took in a deep breath, gulping to clear her throat. Her hands moved to the corners of her clothes, which she swiveled around her fingers. Probably a subconscious act.

“Have you ever wondered...how I would look naked?”

He almost choked on his spit. “What?”

“I mean—have you ever felt the urge to look at someone’s bare skin, without clothes?” Her face was reddening with each word, which she spoke with a jittery manner, “And had dreams where you hug someone while both of you are nude.”

“I—” He paused to recollect his thoughts. “I’ve wondered what people look like underneath, but not to the point of dreams. But I can’t say that I wasn’t interested.” He was hesitant to say that last part, and a little heat rose to his cheeks. It just wasn’t civil.

“Oh right.” Her tone had changed. “You’re incubated. I guess your dampeners are still functioning.”

“My dampeners?”

“It limits your, uhm, body. Your lower organs. The parts that are different for males and females.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I knew this would be difficult,” she groaned as she fell face-first onto the table. She got up in a second. “Okay, so. If I asked you to pull off your clothes right now and display yourself in front of me, you’d feel embarrassed, right?”

“Yeah, a lot.”

“Urgh, so a guy and a girl. They take off their clothes, and both start licking all over each other, letting out weird noises—”

She grabbed her hair in panic, but her mouth continued to babble. “And the parts that are different, they connect, and there’s this motion that goes on—oh gosh, do you follow?”

“Wait, wait, wait,” She was speaking too quickly for him to understand, “Different? You mean—”

“Please don’t make me say it out loud.”

“I—okay. But a little more slowly please.”

While the thought of getting naked made his face hot, he couldn’t quite relate to Jewel’s anxiety as she gathered herself to describe the process once more. Her next explanation came as a puzzle to him.

He frowned, putting a hand to his chin. “You’re saying that this process of creating babies—feels good?”

“Apparently.”

“And people do it—even if they don’t want to have kids?”

“Yes.”

“Then it’s like getting a massage,” he said lightly. She flinched a little at that.

“A massage.” Jewel furrowed her eyebrows, looking like she wanted to sneeze, “That’s probably what it is. A weird, wet massage.”

“So people massage each other to make babies.”

“No. That’s only the process. Remember what I said about the two parts connecting? When they do, and go on with the massage, the male’s cells come out of—”

“The private part,” he finished for her when she hesitated.

She nodded, “Into the female’s, uh, lower body.”

“Then the baby forms there, making the stomach get bigger,” he concluded with a clap. “I think I get it now.”

Jewel smiled sheepishly. “No, I don’t think you really do. Doesn’t it make you a little sick? Listening to the description? I remember wanting to heave when I first saw the video.”

“But remember; I haven’t seen anything yet.”

“Right.”

She sighed, unfurling on the table as a sign of fatigue. “I’ve told you everything I could. Bizarre, right? Summer is coming…”

Her words faded off into inaudible mumbling which Elias couldn’t quite catch. They sat there in silence, Elias reorganizing his thoughts while Jewel kept her head down on the wooden surface. He’d finally heard it, opened the pandora’s box that had been kept from him. No, it had been opened for him. His thoughts slowly pictured the scene he had heard, but with so many holes in his knowledge, it came apart.

“So…” The video, he wanted to say. A few seconds of seeing it would clear everything. Yet looking at Jewel’s fallen figure, he could know. This was it. There was nothing more, and she had said everything she could. “How is this related to Stonneran’s party?”

She was motionless for a few seconds before she spoke, her head still down. “There’s only one thing to do, isn’t there? Connect the dots.”

“You mean...you’re saying that—”

“I didn’t hear anything, I don’t know anything!” she said through her arm, her clothes muffling her voice.

“Got it.” It was a good time to end the conversation.

They finished their day with a light meal a few buildings away, followed by a cool drink to counter the dense summer air. While Jewel waited for her ride to arrive, Elias’s mind kept repeating what she had said to her. The more he thought about it, the more Jewel seemed to kindle his attention. His eyes subconsciously inched towards the lines her clothes made, wondering, imagining what it would look like underneath. How exactly did they connect? Did it really feel good?

She seemed to catch onto his gawking. “Interested?” Her voice was quiet, but it hit him like a boulder.

“N-no, no. I mean, a little. Just curious. I don’t get it.”

“Feel anything different? Like heat?” Her words sounded strange.

“Not at all. No change,” he added, remembering his promise with her.

She sighed, though it came out more like a strong snort. “Dampeners, I forgot. I don’t mind if you look at me, but don’t do that to anyone else. They might get the wrong idea.”

“I know, it’s awkward.”

“It’s more—you know what, you probably don’t know what ogling means.”

“No, I don’t,” he admitted, making a mental note of the word. “You won’t mind if I keep staring?”

It earned him a light punch on his chest, but she didn’t complain, though she did turn away from him. Just when his eyes were surveying the anatomy of the calves, the vehicle made its way from down the street, blinking its arrival for them to see. Her ride had arrived.

She got into the vehicle, and he kept the door open while she made herself comfortable. He still had one last thing to ask. Something had come up in his mind, because most prominent actions had a word that stood for them.

“That massage you talked about. Does it have a formal name?”

“It’s called sex.”

She drove away, disappearing from his sight, leaving him with a headful of knowledge which he didn’t know what to do with.

⤙ ◯ ⤚

There were consequences.

Somehow, the administration (or whatever they were) had found out after a few days. Jewel was suspended from Education over the weekend which no one really noticed, and it became a small secret that they shared. His share of the burden, in his opinion, was worse, because he had to listen to an endless lecture from his parents saying how careful he had to be with this ‘sex’ thing. Well, mostly his dad, since his mom was staying at the hospital now.

“You have to watch yourself. One mistake and you have problems that will last a decade,” his father had stressed, sounding grimmer than usual. “Your mother would say that every and all sexual acts outside of your spouse is considered immoral. And I’d have to agree with her. Elias, you haven’t experienced anything yet. You’ll come to understand that some things, impulses, are harder to control.”

Uncomfortable.

“You are on the brink of stepping into adulthood. You’ll get your freedom. I’ve made sure—we’ve made sure so that you’ll have an open mind for everything. We haven’t restricted you, nor have we forced our beliefs on you. We want the best for you.”

Patronizing. Like they had been excellent parents.

“Remember to be careful. And watch your steps. I know you'll know what to look out for. If you're unsure about anything, we'll always be here for you.”

And not a single clue on the matter itself.

That had been the gist of it, with the rest being the fine details he didn't, couldn't really relate to. Sure, he'd be careful. He always had. Again, Jewel's request had been repeated to him in another sense. He wouldn't let the knowledge change him, corrupt him—though on how, he was clueless. Why something pleasurable would hurt anybody was a mystery to him.

There were subtle things he only noticed now, like the hand gestures Ackum did that the girls shied away from and made the guy’s friends laugh. Something resembling sex, no doubt. Both the shamefulness and the humor failed to reach him, and he could only ignore anything related to the matter when it did come up.

He didn’t know how to react, since he was told to be careful, yet it didn’t seem like a big deal.

“It’s your dampeners that let you stay indifferent,” Crystal told him when he had entered early after eating lunch. When she had found out that he had finally uncovered the mystery, her restrictions had loosened, though the video was still off-limits.

“What exactly are they?”

“You can call them a brain-lock of sorts.”

He frowned.

“Don’t worry—it doesn’t inhibit anything important. Rather, it gives you more self-control.”

“You’re speaking like my body would freak out without them. Jewel seems fine.”

“It’s a subtle influence. Your emotions can get ahead of you at times, and your dampeners ease them before they overwhelm you. As you age, they become inconsequential.”

“So you’re saying that I could never become angry.”

“You can, though you’ll be sensibly angry rather than mindlessly.”

“Do they ever come off?”

“They will wear off with time, like a fresh coat of paint on a new car. You can always reinstate them if you feel the need to.”

“And if I wanted them gone?”

“That is also possible, though that option won’t be available—”

“Until the summer,” he finished before she could complete the sentence, albeit with some bitterness. “Yeah, yeah, I know everything becomes available in the summer. It’s annoying just how many times I’ve heard that repeated. I’m getting tired of waiting. You’ll show me the video then, won’t you?”

“Naturally.”

“I’m counting on it.”

And he did, so much that he felt as if the beginning of his life would finally arrive with the season. Nothing felt important now other than that subtle obsession, and his impatience grew with each passing moment. The knowledge had been a drug; he needed more. It was gnawing away at him, and he could feel himself slipping away, lost in thought of what being an adult meant if so much hinged on this massage that felt good. If it was good, then why was it restricted? If it was bad, why do it in the first place?

Not to say that he still didn’t understand sex. Had he searched some questionable things up? Maybe. But they hadn’t led to anything. He had felt free browsing online before, but the shackles that had existed bothered him more than they should have. He felt like a prisoner in a cave, only able to see truth as the system offered it.

But. But! Time still passed while he was wondering, agonizing. The clock ticked ceaselessly, one second, two hours, three days. It wasn’t only him. The whole class brimmed with anticipation.

And finally, the first day of summer break began.