《My World To Live》End of Chapter Nine || Self-Conviction
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For a few minutes, the two pleasantly chatted about the memories that Aispin could recall about his former life in his hometown and with his sister. After also laying down some loose plans for tracking down Hyd' Tyml, the two headed back to the inn. On the way, they met two familiar people.
"Leœss, is that you?" Essairyn called out to the guy's back. He turned around at his name and upon recognizing her, waved. Coming closer to him and Darren, she asked Leœss, "Is your home okay? And your siblings?"
"Thankfully, they're uninjured, but the farm was partially ransacked. We're not sure if it's H.T.'s doing or some random demons nearby that took advantage of the confusion." Leœss roughly ruffled his hair in annoyance. Not even in the rural countryside or in his own home could he have peace. Now that Darren had informed him all about Hyd' Tyml and their twisted goal, Leœss had a name and group that he could vent his frustrations toward. "Once I fix up the farm, I'm going to request the Knights to join a mission to combat H.T. Hopefully they'll agree after what's happened, but I'm still a newbie, so I'm not sure..." He sighed and dropped his hand from rubbing his head.
"You want to follow them?" Aispin jumped at Leœss's mention. "Then maybe you can join us, Essairyn and I are going after them with the clues they left behind. We're heading northwest as that guy Lyam told us. It's risky, but it's the only solid information that we have about their headquarters."
"Wait—" Darren cut in before Leœss could reply to Aispin. The sandy-haired boy directed a sharp gaze at Essairyn. "You just decided to go after Hyd' Tyml? Why.. didn't you tell me?" The forlorn look on Darren's face stung Essairyn. She immediately knew that he was referring to when she previously made headstrong decisions on her own. Darren had thought that after what they had been through together, they'd stick together and discuss with one another. Clearly, Darren realized that he had thought too soon. Old tendencies died hard. He continued without letting Essairyn explain; although, the latter didn't know what to say back anyway.
"You had been thinking of this since the battle ended or from the very start? Or, did he convince you to come?" Darren shot a sharp look at Aispin, making the black-haired boy almost flinch and wonder why the usually stoical guy was acting this way. "What's your reason for going after H.T. and dragging along Essairyn?"
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Unable to take his misplaced accusatory undertone, Essairyn stepped between them and finally found her tongue. "I was the one agreed to go with Aispin to find his sister that H.T. captured. He didn't—"
"Essairyn! After today you're still set on putting yourself in danger again?! I thought that we had come to an agreement earlier that—"
"Agreement?!" Essairyn's voice unconsciously rose a little to match Darren's. "I thought you understood meearlier! Didn't you say to fight against H.T.? That this is a different world, and we can't act like we did back on Earth? We're in this together, you said!" By this point, her face was only two feet away from Darren's, as if challenging his nonsensical stance.
"Exactly! Together! We'd talk about it together! But—!" Darren slackened the muscles around his gritted teeth in order to calm himself. "..I don't want to see you get hurt again. It's like.. you're just throwing yourself into the fire! We don't have to change ourselves that quickly for the sake of adjusting to this world! Are you really going to let it control you like that?" His eyes gleamed with pitifully hidden desperation. He knew Essairyn could be brashly spontaneous, but Darren also knew that she was sensible and also more sensitive than she allowed herself to appear to others. In his gut, he had a wrenching notion that she would eventually and slowly destroy herself without even realizing it if she continued to act in this manner. Adventuring was innocuous enough, but it was foolhardy to willing put oneself in harm's way to this extent. This Farinheld mission had only proved his initial apprehension was correct.
Essairyn had opened her mouth to speak, but no sentences that felt right came out of her head. She closed it and her eyes to wind herself down and think more equably. She didn't want to start another heated argument nor say any hurtful words. Contrary to what she had hoped, the two of them couldn't be in accord for as long as she had thought after their last disagreement.
"This is my decision, Darren. I'm not going just because fate dangled some—" damn shit storm "—it in front of my face to deal with." Essairyn inwardly imagined wiping her sweaty brow for almost saying something that would only escalate the situation. "You're probably right that I should just ignore this. But I don't want to hideanymore, Darren. This might be stupid, but—" She clenched her fists remembering the slain bodies, grotesque demons, and sheer scorn spewing from Kajarn's scarlet-tinged eyes. "I'm stupid, okay?!" She vociferated suddenly while momentarily squeezing her eyes. "I just can't let them have their way! What happens if we just ignore them? Then what peaceful lives will we have in the end anyway? Shit." Her curse was accompanied by a click of the tongue and walking away from Darren.
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Now, her heart and mind was heavy and muddled again. She couldn't say that despite being somewhat traumatized by the Farinheld attack, she wanted to feel that adrenaline rush through her being again. Even though they had ultimately lost this time, her zealous spirit couldn't take that as the final verdict. It wasn't revenge, just a foolish desire to get even because she felt robbed of her expectation to excel. Yes, her silly competitive streak with herself and this world—she was subconsciously daring herself to become the fictitious heroine made in the image of herself. Who could ever admit that unabashedly in front of others? Even she found it to be ridiculous. But by latching onto this lofty, crazy notion, she could separate herself from the weak-willed person of the past. She was now Essairyn; she had to be—
"Aispin." She turned her head around slightly and gestured for him to follow her. Not quite sure what to make of the situation that escalated beyond his expectation, Aispin blinked in a daze for a short second before awkwardly accompanying her inside the inn.
The second reason. Also stupid, she declared in her heart. Essairyn wanted to get to know Aispin more. A crush? No, she wouldn't admit that to herself quite yet. But she didn't want to let go of this fluttery feeling. It was something she hadn't felt in a long time. Like her heart had thawed, Essairyn desired to open her heart and chase after what she never dared to do before. Always giving excuses, until entering this world and meeting new people, that stone cold heart protected herself and those weighty, idealistic responsibilities that surely had to be her joy in life. Unknowingly, perhaps knowingly, she had only been kidding herself while slowly sinking and becoming a human robot.
Ahahaha. Essairyn laughed to herself and clutched her chest. What am I? An empty, unfeeling void? It's like I'm learning everything, how to feel again. So strange... Why am I so strange? ....Puhah. What is this, another, late term identity crisis? So... silly. The girl tossed aside these sentiments as inane, not wanting to deal with it or make sense of this human personification of ambivalence that was herself. However, Essairyn still had much to learn, that such feelings were human and not uncommon for those her age.
"Essairyn," Aispin began carefully. "If you don't want to... if it's better that you don't..."
"Aispin, it's okay. I just—" Stopping short, she was unable to continue. It was like the words had died, and Essairyn was too tired to try to find replacements. Instead, she slumped down onto a chair and propped up her forehead with her hands and elbows on her thighs.
At this sight, Aispin didn't know what to do or how to approach the defeated looking girl. Much less for the opposite gender, just understanding any person was a difficult task if words and feelings were kept inside. With a soft sigh, he padded over and kneeled down in front of Essairyn. Taking her hands gently, he looked into her now surprised lavender eyes.
"Sairyn, you—"
The inn's front door opened abruptly and Darren stood resolute in the doorway. Seeing Aispin and Essairyn together in that pose, he reflexively halted his steps forward. They blinked blankly at him, and Darren almost turned around to excuse himself.
"Uh! That, Essairyn." He rubbed his temples, attempting to get rid of the awkwardness he felt about this subject and their argument. "It's fine. I don't have any right to dictate what you do either. I... also want to come with you."
"Huh?!" Essairyn shot up from her seat. "You don't have to just because I—"
"No, no, I want to do this too. Not just because it doesn't feel right to not go with you, I also want to learn the truth. After speaking with Leœss, I'm convinced. He wants to join you guys. And I don't see how, as long as we're careful, that it would be a..bad idea to stop H.T."
"Darren..." Essairyn bit the corner of her lower lip. "Thank you.."
Darren smiled gently at the sincere yet restrained emotion across her face. "Yeah... you owe me one," he jokily cracked, making Essairyn break out into a laugh while beaming merrily.
Chapter Nine -- End.
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