《Emperor of Poker》55: Clown College
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Be wary of falling in love with a poker player. They're too good at hiding their emotions, some to the point of not having them at all.
“Nooooooo….Let’s sleep more!” Ellie cried as Joey turned on the TV to get her up.
“It’s already afternoon. Come on, let’s get brunch,” he said.
Ellie was hungry too, but this ravenous rogue kept her up till morning! “Let’s just stay here and order food!”
“There’s a tournament downstairs I want to play. Get your butt out of bed before I spank it again.”
Her face turned pale. “Urrrgghh, fine! In a minute!” She couldn’t take another spanking. That was Joey’s version of “Good morning!”
Ellie sat up in bed. She held the covers over her face as she peered at Joey walking around the room. She was tired but had an ulterior motive to stay in bed. ‘If we stayed here, we’d have more time together…’
When she awoke this morning, it was like there was an invisible cord connecting her heart with him, one that grew taut with distance, pulling and painful. Far wouldn’t work anymore, not even the length of a poker room.
Either the cord was too short…or her heart was too tender to touch.
She hadn’t felt this tug since she was young. Before her parents turned it into a leash around her neck. Before she cut it at her end for good.
…
Joey and Ellie walked together towards the casino buffet, planning to eat a sumptuous brunch. They needed to replenish calories.
Being an unpopular dining hour, there was no line and they sauntered right in. Upon entering, they were overcome; scents from various cuisines tickled their noses, luring the two starving ghosts to float towards the food like it was reeling them in.
There it was—their rocket fuel. Meals from all cultures and regions lined up behind glass counters like diamonds at a jewelry store. All the different colors, textures, aromas…They both gulped. There was no time to waste, for there were many gluttons in this world, yet only so much food.
‘Get in my stomach now!’ they declared their murderous intentions to their culinary victims, grabbed plates, and got to scooping. Casino buffets had dozens of options, but their plates and stomachs were only so big. It wouldn’t be a simple job.
Ellie used the precise fire technique. She took a little bit of each tray to sample. If she liked the food, she would later return for seconds.
Joey used the scorched earth technique. He grabbed as much as possible of the food that looked most appetizing and piled it on his plate until carrying it became a balancing act.
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Sometime later, they reached the end of the buffet selection. The yellow brick road had run out of pavement funds. Like life, it seemed infinite while walking, and too short when ending.
And like most patients in their death beds, Joey closed his eyes and prayed to God…that the shrimp scampi would still be there when he returned.
They took the tiniest and slowest steps away from the buffet as they stared at it with longing eyes. It was like watching their children leave for college. They could only give their blessings, hoping they would return safe, more mature, more succulent…more…their imaginations were getting out of control!
“Ellie! Joey!” That’s when someone shouted their names.
They turned and fired laser beam eyes on he who hath disrupted their passionate farewell!
There they were: Anwar, Pedro, and Amy all sitting at a large table. Joey dared to murder here in broad daylight if anyone got between him and this food...but looking at the state of the trio, he saw they were already in bad enough shape.
The heavens must have decided to smite them yesterday for this as pre-crime.
Anwar was in a full-body cast, being fed a smoothie with a straw by Amy. Pedro was in much better condition. It seemed his fat armor shielded him during their collision, causing Anwar to bounce off him like a pinball, scoring who knows how many bonus points.
Yet, despite escaping death, Pedro didn’t escape retribution; Both his eyes were black like a panda’s. Even his signature sunglasses couldn’t hide his shame.
Ellie walked over with her stacked plate. Joey followed with his Leaning Tower of Pisa.
“…How’s the recovery going?” Joey asked Anwar as he sat down.
“Good. The doctor said I’m in the top 10% of recovery patients for human cannonball accidents.” Anwar replied.
‘...There’s more of you?’ Joey blinked on repeat.
“Don’t worry. Tonight I’ll find the records for those 9% above you and ask Angelo to pay them a visit. We’ll bring you up to top 1%,” Amy promised.
‘That’s not how that works!’ Joey rubbed his forehead.
“How long do you need to wear that cast?” Ellie questioned in concern.
“Not long. Amy said I can take it off in 1 week,” Anwar answered.
Joey squinted at him. “That’s…thoughtful of her, but listen to your doctor first.”
“Amy is my doctor…” Anwar said.
Everyone gave Anwar looks of pity as they prepared their eulogies.
‘This is like an advertisement for second opinions,’ Joey thought.
“He’ll be fine. I’m a certified doctor. I have a degree with honors,” Amy declared with pride.
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“From where?” This piqued Joey’s interest.
“Clown College,” Amy responded.
…
“What?” He couldn’t have heard that right.
“Amy graduated from clown college. Her family owns a circus,” Ellie explained.
Joey’s eyebrows raised. In his mind, facts from the past started flying around and connecting. The puzzle came together...despite the world falling apart.
Now he understood how Amy knew so many acrobatics and random skills. A circus was a place to develop those abilities and an insane imagination. He thought she was a gag character, but it turned out this world was the joke all along.
Amy sighed. “That’s all in the past. My parents kicked me out for going too ham…I clowned too hard for those p*ssies...”
…
‘The circus parents that taught you swashbuckling thought you were too crazy?!?’ Joey expected a logical explanation for Amy’s behavior would decrease his fear of her, but it only increased.
“That’s why I wanted to start my own circus troupe...but after yesterday’s debacle…I doubt the investors will give us more funding,” Amy sighed.
‘Someone invested in that?!?’ Joey’s jaw dropped. The investment market was too bullish!
Amy was depressed. She only wanted to create a place she would fit in...somewhere people would understand her. Where would she go now? The aliens hadn’t picked up her distress signal yet...
Joey had trouble swallowing his food. Conversing with this group was like having the twilight zone run on repeat in your head. He needed energy for the poker tournament. So he droned everything out and started eating. He took one last look at pitiful Anwar…
Even if all that was true, Joey wasn’t confident clown medicine was going to fix him. ‘I’m pretty sure every prescription will be a pie in the face.’
…
After a delicious meal, everyone went their separate ways, leaving at their own pace. Joey and Ellie stood alone outside the buffet entrance, at the edge of the gambling tables and flashing slot machines.
From the corner of his eye, Joey saw Pedro with a snorkel in the distance. The last time they all came together to the casino, Pedro mentioned he suspected others alienated him at the pool because his blow-up doll had a problem.
‘No sh*t bro…’ Joey thought at the time. Looking at Pedro now, he realized Pedro was the one with the problem...because he still carried a blow-up doll, but an obese one this time! ‘It wasn’t a weight issue DOG!’ Joey shook his head.
He glanced at Ellie who hadn’t noticed or hadn’t cared. She stared at him like a puppy waiting for instructions...
As he met her eyes, a steel cage rattled inside him. So he hunkered down on it, gaining what he thought resembled stability and control.
He told her he would go play in the tournament. As her head lowered and she stared at her feet, he couldn’t see the loss in her eyes, but he felt it even clearer. This was dependence, a feeling he once grew himself, before he burned down the greenhouse.
‘This feels too close…’ he thought. ‘It would be better for her if we didn’t get too close…’ he justified.
Not in the mood to play, Ellie’s massive reluctance crowded out her volume as she whispered, ‘I’ll go upstairs and take a nap.’
“Ok…have a good nap,” Joey said as he kissed her on the head and hugged her. Then he walked away, ignoring her searchlight eyes beaming SOS on his back until his ignoring evolved into ignorant.
…
Bright lights and loud noises. Those were the two most populous life-forms in casinos. If you spent enough time in one, the people all blended together. Then the lifeforms all blended together. Today, Joey sensed this senselessness...
But he didn’t have time for random daydreams, he had his own dreams to make a reality.
Upon arriving at the poker room, Joey worried about the time. He took out his phone and sighed in relief. He’d made it.
There was a special tournament today because of the extra influx of people. It wasn’t a major tournament but compared to the usual, the buy-in was larger today--500. This wasn’t a big investment for Joey, but it would still be the largest buy-in tournament he’d competed in.
The last time he played a tournament here, Joey got cut like excess fat right before the money positions due to a rule misunderstanding. He wouldn’t let that happen again. Registering right before the deadline, he marched to the adjacent tournament hall.
“Get in your seats!” The shout of a tournament staff member echoed as Joey walked in.
He smiled because he could feel it—an itching in his feet.
It was a new year...
He would start it with a stomp.
Then end it with a stampede!
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