Chapter 19

“Absolutely not!” I shouted.

She was going too far this time. I could handle her wanting to see how the humans lived, as it would satisfy her natural curiosity and help her understand what kind of creatures they were so she would be more wary of them in the future. But to directly interfere in their affairs at a level that, by necessity, must lead to a nationwide conflict? That was lunacy.

Merry, however, didn’t seem to think so. “ Why not, would you rather ignore these people? Do you wish to simply forget about their plight so we can go on and live our own lives elsewhere?” she asked defiantly.

My eyes narrowed at her accusation. She was to use my own riddle against me. “Exactly! But a human would leave it be, and either benefit from it or try to forget about it.”

I grimaced and said “The situation here is different! By the gods Merry, we’re just kids! Even by our own standards. There is no way we could pull something like that off!”

“We may be young, but we have more power than we know what to do with! And we have an obligation to use that power to help these people!”

I was flabbergasted at that declaration. We were dragons, we weren’t obligated to do anything! “Can you even hear what you’re saying?!” I asked incredulously “We don’t have to help anyone! Where did you even learn something like that from?” Merry suddenly got a very cold look in her eyes. The same cold look she got when she thought of the Stronghold.

“I learned it from you, Illumen. You said it yourself, remember? That power wasn’t everything. That you would save one sad little dr- little girl because she reminded you of another sad face. Well that’s what I see when I look at these three. Sad faces staring at me from within the lake, and I want to save them the same way you saved me.”

“Merry…these are hu-”

“You talk about how much you hate them. But from what I saw today, you are more like them than you are like our kind. Illumi, I love you more than life itself, and if it came down to it I would gladly sacrifice everything for you. But the parts of you that shine the brightest to me aren’t the dr- aren’t the parts like the people back home. They’re the parts that you got from humanity.”

I stiffened up, but didn’t say anything. What she had just said infuriated me. Ordinarily the two of us got along like wood and fire, but for the first time I could feel myself getting truly angry at her. What was worse was that she was intentionally trying to upset me.

“You’ve changed.” I said quietly. “Ever since we left that place, you’ve changed.”

“Did you prefer me meek and helpless?” she asked, becoming quiet herself.

“No, but I did prefer it when you thought things through. Tell me, how do you intend to kill three hero when our master herself admitted to not being strong enough to kill one?” I asked, My voice becoming very flat.

Merry reddened and thought about it for a moment, before saying “I do not know, but I would rather die trying than live with regret about running away. I will not be a slave, either to the humans or to my own fears.” She said, looking rather proud of herself . Scratch even applauded and Benson looked like his opinion of her had risen several notches.

I exploded.

“AND WHO DO YOU THINK HAS TO DEAL WITH THE MESS AFTERWARDS!? Who do you think will mourn, and cry and grieve after you are gone!? Not you! Master and I, that’s who! I have already lost one friend, why must you feel the need to charge into death's embrace as well? For your pride? I’ll take my mate over pride any time!” I shouted. I too loved Merry more than life itself. I wanted to keep her safe, and warm, and comfortable so that we could live long lives together. So why? Why was she so dead set on this?

“Illumi, my beloved, what are our kind without our pride?”

I already had a rebuttal planned, but my voice caught in my throat. A dragon without their pride was no dragon at all. And if I was no dragon, then…

It meant that she was completely right about me. I fell to my knees, no longer sure of what to do or say as the realization came crashing down on me. That I-I shared anything in common with my most hated enemy. It shook me to my core and forced me into a daze. Merilyn, realizing that she had perhaps gone too far, sat down next to me.

“My darling…” she said, choosing her words carefully “ It is those parts of you that you hate that I love most and… and I would see you come to love those parts of yourself as well.”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about…” I said. The inside of my head was in turmoil as I tried to comprehend my own feelings. I had thought that I understood myself down to my very core, but Merilyn had shattered that self image and I was left wondering- who…no, what was I?

Sensing this, she said “If you don’t know what to do, then why don’t we go with them and try to find out? I will be by your side every step of the way, you know?” Her soft fingers grabbed mine, and she pulled me to my feet. Gingerly, she lifted my head and when our eyes met planted a kiss on my lips.

I was unsure of how to react to that. I was still so full of anger and confusion, both at her and at myself. But I did know one thing. I still loved her, and for now that was enough to help me pull some semblance of myself together.

“Uh, are you guys finished…?” The female human said, scratching the side of her head. Both she and Scratch looked confused. Benson too was staring at us sheepishly, but seemed to understand that our argument was over and that we were both coming with him.

“Well anyway” he said, deciding not to pry “If the two of you are joining us then lets save the explaining until we get to our hideout. C’mon, I’ll show you the way.”

With that, the five of us made our way out of the forest. Merry had to grab my hand and steer me out of the path of trees as I shuffled listlessly through the woods. From the outside I appeared to have shrunken.

Though inside my world was as turbulent as a great storm. Merry was right, I was more human than I wanted to believe. I had always known that humans had influenced my growth, but up until now I was willing to write it off as the effect of my time spent with Rickurd. But to disregard my pride for the sake of the one I loved? That was an action that no dragon was capable of performing. Even Merry, sweet as she was, would risk her own life and the happiness of her mate for the sake of pride.

But at the same time, I was certainly no human. My way of thinking was too different to theirs, my anger too great to quell, even if we did share some similarities.

So if I wasn’t a dragon and I wasn’t a human, what was I? Some kind of-

“Heeeey! Illumi, are you even listening?” The human girl shouted in my ear. I started, at some point she had slowed down to walk next to me. To my left, Merilyn was talking animatedly with Scratch about her skill.

I looked dispassionately at the female, unsure of what to make of her. She was almost the same height as I was despite being ‘older’, with dark brown hair and eyes. Her mouth appeared to be permanently upturned into a mischievous grin which, coupled with her attitude, gave her the look of a very naughty monkey.

“Sorry, were you talking?” I asked

She made a face and said “I said my name is Lyca! L y c a, honestly, it’s like you can’t even hear when Merry isn’t talking.”

“Sorry, were you talking?” I repeated. Venting some of my frustration on this girl felt good, so I figured I would try to take my mind off of…my mind.

“You…! You sure act big for someone that had to have a girl convince you to stand up and fight! What kind of man are you, huh?”

“The kind that doesn’t take well to strangers. Especially the loud, annoying kind of strangers.”

“Gaaaah!”

The two of us continued ribbing each other until we got to the treeline. The distraction was enough to keep me from dwelling on things too. After exiting the forest however, the five of us had to stop talking as we would be sneaking back into the village. There were still people out this late and they weren’t all guards. Drunks, filth cleaners, and merchants who had closed up shop late were still wandering around.

The gate was still thankfully unmanned but Merry and I could not shake the feeling of being watched even as we quickly crossed back into Elmbrook. Benson led us on a different route through town than the one we had taken earlier. Between buildings and down several alleyways until our journey ended at a dilapidated wooden cabin.

“I know it’s not much…” Benson said sheepishly, looking at the building.

I rather thought it fit. Where better to hide than somewhere out of sight, out of mind, and that looked so decrepit nobody would ever bother looking into. Scratch certainly didn’t seem to have any problems with the place, as he popped up to the door and opened it for our party.

“Come on Illumi, I have a feeling things are going to be a lot more exciting from here on out.” Merry said happily, walking through the open doorway behind Benson and beckoning I follow her. Lyca went in after and smirked back at me.

I was more hesitant. There was something bothering me, something that felt wrong about this building. Maybe it was my overall state of mind, maybe it was the smell of humans coming through the door, or maybe it was the fact that I still felt like someone was watching me.

But, even though there was a chill creeping up my spine, Merry was already moving ahead and I couldn’t fall behind her. Regardless of our arguments, regardless of my internal conflict, regardless of her whims- I would not let her experience the same pain I had. If danger threatened, it would see the Wrath of a Demon.

“For that is my true self.”