Chapter 10

When we first began our 6 months of training I had thought that conquering magic would be a cinch. Up until now I was able to defeat foes and learn skills with relatively little effort. Of course, there were some enemies that were beyond the realm of my abilities but I had thought that all I needed to defeat them was grow bigger. Thus, I reasoned magic shouldn’t prove that tough of an obstacle to my journey.

I had never been more wrong.

The day after she agreed to teach us magic, Merilyn and I were to meet Carmen at the lake where we fought the Chimera. The two of us had arrived early though, so we went for a swim.

Then out of nowhere the lake rapidly started to freeze over with ice. As the two of us desperately swam toward the shore to escape we saw Carmen sitting there, causally as could be.

“We were still in there you know! What is the meaning of this?” I said

“Heehee, just giving you a little demonstration, that’s all.”

“You could’ve done that after we got out!”

“Hey now, I told you yesterday that this would be hellish, didn’t i? That’s just the beginning, if something like that is enough to ruffle your feathers then you’re not gonna make it.”

“Tch, what does freezing a lake have to do with teaching us magic?”

“I have to agree with Illumen, Miss Carmen. I can’t see the point of it…”

“Well for starters it gets your scaly butts out of the water and onto dry land where I can start giving you your lessons. It also gives you some first hand experience of just how dangerous magic is. That spell was weak enough that any human wizard with half decent ice magic could cast it, and since you two can’t fly yet you would have been stuck out there for at least long enough to prepare another spell.”

“Tch, you just wanted to show off. I knew you were there, I just didn’t expect you to attack us.”

That made her angry.

Carmen loomed over me, saying “Now listen here you little twerp, my job is to teach you how to use magic, and unfortunately for you learning the how’s also means learning the why’s, the when’s, and the what’s. That’s how to cast a spell, why the spell works, when to cast the spell and what to cast it on. It also means learning how to avoid a spell. So when I freeze over a lake, or create a thunderstorm, or turn a hill into a mountain, I expect you to be able to tell me all of those things and what to do to counter the spell.”

She paused, stepping back and planting herself on the grassy riverbank, before continuing.

“All of that being said, for the next few days we’re going to focus on mastering the basics. You’re going to learn how to sense your own mana, how to manipulate your mana, how to manifest your mana, and then how to mold that mana into a spell. I assume you know what mana is?”

I was still angry about the lake but I decided to let it slide for now. With a huff I nodded my head, but to my surprise Merilyn shook hers.

“Hmph, a Dragon Sorcerer who doesn’t know what mana is? Well I expected as much anyway. Mana is one of the five fundamental forces that govern existence. The others are gravity, electromagnetism and…well, anyway mana is one of the five. It’s the universe's manifestation of ”life“ energy, as only living beings can produce it, though it can be transferred into inanimate objects to create ”Enchantments“. Illumen, can you tell me where mana is produced?“

“…No, I cannot. I don’t know anything about these five fundamental forces, or ”Enchantments“. I just thought mana was the energy used for magic…”

Carmen snorted, causing smoke to puff out of her nose “Then listen well. Just because you are blessed with magic doesn’t mean you know anything about it. Take everything you thought you knew and throw it away, I’ll show you what magic truly is.”

As she spoke her eyes lit up and I could feel her excitement like electricity in the air. In fact, there was electricity in the air. Carmen's body began crackling with magical energy, surrounding her and growing more and more dense causing me to suddenly get a horrible sense of foreboding. The same sense of foreboding that I felt the first time I spoke with Emperor Reyzo.

I hadn’t realized it before, but Carmen was strong. If my guts were right, she was every bit as powerful as Reyzo was. I looked beside me expecting to see Merilyn overcome with fear but, once again surprising me, she had a look of awe on her face.

“Lady Carmen…One day, will I be this powerful too? Could I really…is it possible?” she said

“If you practice and train diligently then yes, you can be this strong. Or stronger. As a dragon you already have a leg up on using magic because your vessel can create and hold more mana, and as a Dragon Sorcerer you will have an easier time understanding and casting spells because of your natural affinity. But don’t think it’ll come easy, you must still practice, practice, practice! And as for you…” she said, turning her head towards me “You’ve had the easy road when it comes to your powers. You were gifted with many blessings, and you’re even halfway through evolving into a Demon Prince. But that’s made you cocky. Well I aim to beat that out of you and turn you into a real magic user. Prepare to experience what it’s like to work for something. It’ll be hard, but that’ll make the fruits of your labor all the more worth it.”

She spent the rest of the day going over the basics with us, telling us how to sense the magic in our body by following the channels of mana leading from our brains through our bodies and connecting to our spirits. Once you find the mana flow in your mind you trace your way backwards into your spirit, where your mana core resides.

Merilyn was able to understand this immediately, and had succeeded at locating her mana core before the sun went down but i…

I was unable to sense the flow of mana at all. I knew it was there, as Carmen was laughing at me for being unable to sense it in a body as densely overflowing with mana as mine was, but I couldn’t do it yet.

“Well I laugh, but in truth it would be weird for you to be able to do it right away. Merilyn and I can because Dragon Sorcerers have an affinity for magic. The cost for this affinity is our ability to use skills though. It’d normally take a dragon months just to master mana sense. Tomorrow I shall continue with her lessons, you can sit there and keep practicing.”

She said this all very nonchalantly, as if she were trying to spare my feelings. It wound up having the opposite effect though, as I felt myself fill with anger. It wasn’t directed at Carmen or Merilyn, rather this anger was reserved for me and me alone.

For the first time in my life I felt the shame of failure. Carmen was right, up until now all of my skills had given me a false sense of genius. I had felled Dire Wolves, soldiers, dragons, gorgons, and even a chimera but I always won with my Skills.

It dealt a serious blow to my ego. There was no reason for me not to be able to do something after I had it carefully explained to me, yet there I was the night after my lesson, still trying to find the mana pathway.

“Gah, why can’t I find it! What could I be missing, what does Merilyn understand that I don’t? -sigh- Let's go through this again, the pathways start in the mind and to sense them one's sight must be unclouded. Is that where I need to start? Is there something clouding my mind? I recognize my desire to succeed in this, and I know it may be unhealthy to expect to master magic faster than the average dragon, but the very fact that I realize that means that it can’t be the reason…so is there something I’m deliberately not paying attention to? Some flaw that I’m choosing to overlook? But what…what don’t I want to think about? What’s so painful that I can’t-'' then it hit me.

“Rickurd…” I thought. Just thinking about his name hurt.

I didn’t want to believe it, but as I stood there I grew more and more certain. The thing that was holding me back was my past. If I ever wanted to move forward with my magic, I needed to accept what had happened but…

“But how could I? We were supposed to take on the world together but now? Now I’m all alone..”

As I thought that, the guilt of not being able to save my friend overwhelmed me and I could feel my unruly emotions trying to burst out of my heart. I had to calm down or else I might wind up hurting Merilyn-!

But once again, before I was overwhelmed I felt her warm embrace against me. She was still asleep, yet even now she was comforting me. I pushed myself closer to her, concentrating on my breathing and slowly, very slowly, I calmed down and drifted off into sleep. I resolved myself to overcome my past. Not for me, I didn’t care about myself enough for that. But for Merilyn, and for Rickurd I would do anything.