Chapter Thirty-Six

I walked through the common area, carrying a stack of books back to my room. I had the floor to myself, as Sarah had taken the team out to get more acquainted with the city. She’d offered for me to join them—but I chose to fetch the martial books Rel had sent instead. After a few days of stewing on my loss, I figured I needed all the help I could get.

“Elara, stop that!” Zafir hissed, suddenly grabbing my arm. I shot a puzzled look back at his stern face. “My office. Now.”

“Stop what?” I asked, baffled, as he pulled me into his office and brushed his hand over an object by the door that I’d begun to think was how he signaled Amara to start tinkering with the surveillance. “Zafir?”

As if another measure of protection was needed, a sound I felt more than heard pinged through the room. Finally, Zafir turned to me, his eyes narrowing as his human disguise vanished. “If the wrong person heard what you were doing, they would glass this planet and write the loss of Clan V’shir and any visiting delegates as permissible losses.”

“Uh…?” I frowned deeper at him. “Ok…ay? But what was I doing? I was just carrying these books back to my room.”

Zafir took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “You were humming .”

I shot him a foul look over the stack of books I carried. “If you’re about to tell me that humming is so culturally offensive that it’d warrant such an extreme response, I will slap you.”

“It’s what you were humming, Elara. Forbidden knowledge, locked away histories, suspected clan erasures—many generations have done their damnedest to keep songs like what you were just humming sealed away. There isn’t a single living queen who is privy to those secrets.” Zafir took a deep breath and then collapsed into a chair, leaning his head back. “And you didn’t even know you were humming… I’m going to have to prohibit you from humming or singing. Perhaps your chip can be modified…”

“Slow down. What do you mean ‘forbidden knowledge?’” I sighed in exasperation as I moved to stand in front of him. “Zafir. It’s…a lullaby. That’s all. I know it deep in my—”

“Oh no.” Zafir was on his feet in an instant and moved over to a bookcase, pulling some metal instrument from it. He laid it flat on the nearest surface, and a 3D star map shimmered into view above it. None of the labels or other symbols were legible to me, leading me to believe it was a Syldran star map. Zafir continued to mutter to himself as he flicked through multiple parts of the known universe, his skin several shades lighter than normal.

“…Zafir?” I called.

“If…you know it as a lullaby, then…” Zafir mumbled as he traced a line from one planet and downward through a series of multiple galaxies and the many systems within them. “…then…mmm, there’s only so many clans who would fit the profile. If it was them …”

My shoulders slumped. I wasn’t going to get a clear answer out of him anytime soon, and the books I was carrying were getting heavier by the moment. Finally, I set the books down and took a seat across from where Zafir had briefly sat. From there, I watched him trace between more and more points in space. Finally, a good ten minutes later, he stopped on a planet I recognized—the one we were on.

“It is…possible…” Zafir murmured in Syldran, then he glanced at me. “If I’m right, it would explain why I can’t match your genetic data to any legal database. However…it means we must be careful. I can’t tell you a single word of my hypothesis. It’s too dangerous. They might be willing to strike even if Citomy was on the surface.”

“…you’re just going to leave me hanging after all that?” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Like I said, it’s a—”

“The clans that would use such a destructive song as a lullaby have been dead for four millennia or more—and queenless for longer!” Zafir snapped back, his hands curling by his sides. “ Unless …I’m right. Which, if I am, the humans and Citomy are the least of our concerns on this planet.”

I stared back at him in begrudging silence as he walked over and sat across from me.

After a moment, he leaned forward, pleading, “Elara… I need you to trust me as I’ve trusted you. If you want to live—or if you want any of the Syldrari you’ve met here to live—don’t press me. Don’t hum. Don’t sing.”

“…you’re asking me to act like you don’t have a lead on my origins, and like I—”

“ Elara . We have a saying—’Syldrari create, all others destroy.’ Yet, there are clans who see art in destruction-and they invariably go too far. Maybe not in the first generation, maybe not even in their six thousandth.

“There are only so many crimes, clans, or people that we would be willing to glass a planet—and we would spend the next several centuries bringing life back to that planet. Perhaps less, with how our technology has advanced since the last such occurrence…

“Then…there are primal fears. Much like how early human explorers feared their oceans—the creatures, where the waters flowed—Syldrari once feared the ocean too. Then, we feared the universe.

“For a time, the universe was believed to be flat—only as thick as the thickest body suspended within it. Then, we advanced. We came to understand that the universe is another ocean, one of indeterminate shape. It even has incredibly strange lifeforms living within it and beyond planetary confines.

“When you see what you believed to be an asteroid breathe or bleed , or chew through a ship like it’s a midday snack, you begin to wonder what other fascinating horrors exist in the universe.

“And, if the universe is another ocean…do you have to go deeper to discover the true oddities and nightmares lurking there? How deep into the abyss of the universe must you go—is it even measurable? Would you know when you’ve arrived…or if you had piloted your ship directly into the stomach of one of those horrors you were searching for?”

I eyed the rather serious Syldrari. “And what does this have to do with—”

“A forgotten—or hidden—fact about many of those ‘crazed’ clans. They created destructive ‘art’ because they believed they would need it where they were going.” Zafir folded his hands in his lap and leaned forward, locking eyes with me. “I will investigate during my free time. There should be evidence on this planet somewhere if early Syldrari explorers crashed, settled, or made an outpost here. Once it’s safe to do so, I will let you know what I find. In return, you will act like a good little ‘ignorant human’ and lay low. No humming. No singing. I would rather not tinker with your chip, but if you can’t control your need for song…”

I groaned and gave him a pout. “Seriously. I didn’t realize I was humming until you said I was. If it’s that dangerous…then maybe… Look. I don’t want to endanger you or the others. But wouldn’t it be suspicious if I’m put in a situation where I’m expected to sing and… can’t ?”

“I’ll leave your chip alone for the moment, but I should be able to program it to only allow you to sing or hum certain things.” Zafir rubbed his chin, an odd sparkle in his eyes. “Though, I must confess, dangers aside, I’m curious to know how you still know such a song. With your memories gone… Ah. Perhaps gene memory? Or…”

I scoffed. “And why do you know it? If it’s so dangerous, I doubt it was broadcast with a, ‘don’t sing this’ warning.”

Zafir gave me a mysterious smile. “I worked in many interesting places after I graduated last.”

“Graduated last ?” I raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t live as long as we do and study only one field.” Zafir waved a hand dismissively and rose to his feet. “I should get to work on these new conundrums, and you have reading to do.”

“It’s supposed to be your day off…” I sighed, a wave of guilt briefly hitting me.

“And what better way to spend it than on a passion project? It’s been a while since I last worked on something I found personally interesting. Let’s see…” Zafir wandered over to his desk, his human disguise reappearing.

I hesitated before deciding to take the hint and left with my books. What was I supposed to do with the information Zafir had given me? I wanted answers, and not on Syldrari time. No, I wanted them before my inevitable demise.

I paused outside my door. Or…is he hinting that my aging and lifespan haven’t been reduced to that of a human? In which case…he wants the imperials to retire me. For what reason? Protection? What is his aim?

Whatever it was, my gut said to trust him—so that’s what I decided to do.

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