It’s been 5 years since I left the military. At the time I was just so fed up with all the bullshit that being a female with a medical problem goes through. Well, considering how many women try to intentionally get pregnant before deployments, they give their gender a bad name. The few that do compete on equal terms with men tend to destroy their bodies because it is scientific fact that most women’s bodies can’t do the things that men’s bodies can without breaking.

Those few who actually care about their bodies and get checked up run the gauntlet of shoddy doctors who couldn’t get a job in a civilian hospital. It’s a legendary fact in the army that Motrin and water cure everything and after years of pain and no relief, it was time to give up the career and join the civilian side.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder garnered a bad reputation in the early years of the Middle Eastern Wars. Enlightenment through the valiant efforts of service members of that time have changed the stigmata of PTSD from being an incurable and destructive disease to a natural human response to trauma. It was because of them that the D was dropped and Post Traumatic Stress gained public acceptance. Since those early dark days, psychiatrists have discovered that treating the cause of PTS is not to drug up victims, but to listen and actively engage personal acceptance. The government, still anxious about the volatile history of PTS, mandated all veterans to see counseling at the Veterans Affairs Hospitals on a quarterly basis for the first three years post service.

“Kara Winters, Dr. Schuber is ready to see you,” an early generation robot says. I get up and walk over to follow the robot. The Veterans Affairs (VA) switched to robots a long time ago; but, as cheap as they are they haven’t upgraded the robots to the newer android models. Veterans like to joke that the VA is a museum; since, only relics of ancient history reside inside, including themselves.

It doesn’t take long to walk down the yellowed white hallway to reach Schuber’s office. Dr. Schuber is a younger doctor then the previous one I’d seen before, Dr. Andrews. He had moved on to a private hospital where pay was better after completing his required 10 year service.

Ever since Obama Care doctors have been hard to get due to poor pay and restrictive insurance requirements; so, the government started offering 100% paid medical school scholarships with a requirement of ten years of government service. This service can be discharged at anytime in life before the age of fifty and be in service to Veterans Affairs, Department of Defense, or other government branches; unfortunately, this passed after I had left service.

As I entered the small office I saw a small nervous looking man with light brown hair and blue eyes starting to stand up from behind a desk that barely fit in the room. Holding out his hand he says, “Hello, as I’m sure you know, I am Dr. Schuber.” Just looking at the man is annoying so I sit down without responding, ignoring his hand. He continues speaking as he also sits down, “I know that you probably don’t want to be here since you don’t have any of the standard symptoms for PTS, but that doesn’t mean that this has to be a wasted session. I am happy to hear about anything really as long as it helps you.”

It is clear the young doctor wants to cut his teeth into his profession. Normally I would sit quietly thinking the entire session since cell phones weren’t allowed inside the office, but it doesn’t seem like I’ll be able to do that this time. With a heavy and loud sigh, “I feel this is a waste of time for both of us and since Dr. Andrews is no longer here will you please just sign the form saying I am adjusted and no longer need to come into these sessions? It’s well past the mandatory 3 years and now almost past the extended 5 years for those with PTS. I clearly do not have Post Traumatic Stress.”

Dr. Andrews had warned him that she would be difficult. It was true she didn’t have PTS, but she was still not adjusting to civilian life. Just looking at Kara Winters’ green eyes, he could see she was dead inside, not to mention looking at her work history. She never stayed at any job for very long always moving on whether because of health issues or just leaving. It’s clear she was coasting on a life that could lead to a dark end.

“Since I am new to your case I feel I would have to see you through more sessions before I would be inclined to fill out the form, however, the VA was recently cleared to try out a new program which implements virtual reality immersive technology through a game platform.”

“We have selected two main genres to implement; science fiction and fantasy, and are accepting candidates to test the effectiveness of the program. A big Virtual Reality company whom you may have heard of, called Titan, donated one thousand of their new VR Immersion Pods to the VA to use, as well as the two games we will be using. The Sci-Fi one is called Beyond Horizons and the Fantasy one is called For Glory.”

“If you do choose to participate you will have to take care of your real-life affairs because you will be in full immersion for six months on site as these new pods take care of everything for you. Time in-game is roughly 4x that of our time so what is six months here will be almost two years in game.”

Hearing the doctor talk about Virtual Reality distracted me so much it was difficult to process the information. Like most of my generation I have been playing console and computer games for a long time, but on my disability checks could never afford or use the early VR head pieces. My bad eye made it basically useless as VR before today needed binocular vision. This pod, however, sounded like it may be a direct brain link sort of deal, because no one in their right mind would sit in a claustrophobic pod that cleaned and fed you while semi aware.

An opportunity like this is unheard of for the VA as we often get the dregs or highly experimental programs. To be able to participate alone is exciting, but add my rental lease ending soon and it becomes kismet. Apartment hunting without a job was really hard to do. That left just one more question before I accepted. “If I do this, will you sign the form?”

He wasn’t surprised she would ask that, but since it kept her in the system for that much longer he would do it. It was difficult to retain a patient if they claimed they were fine even though they were not with ambiguous results like hers. This doesn’t mean that they were actually ok, but the VA couldn’t afford to treat everyone and actively encouraged doctors to abandon patients when legally able to. With the 5 year mark almost upon them he wouldn’t be able to keep her any longer and they both knew it.

“The program won’t begin for a few more months; however, the VA understands this and will house people currently between leases to be able to participate without loss. Titan has agreed to pay the VA to encourage participation and you know the VA isn’t an organization to turn money away. The target group are singles without a home as the commitment of 6 months is difficult for family members or home owners to work around. During this limbo time, we will have to meet and test you thoroughly to implement a baseline for the program, as we like to see results and need a control baseline to build from.”

“In game, there will be handlers assigned to candidates to check in with and be evaluated by. There will also be evaluations done in the background that will not hinder your play. At the end there will be a one to two month cool off period with psych evals; but, after that, we are done with each other unless previously missed symptoms flare or Sociopathy occurs. After that, you are free to continue your life.”

He smiles and looks at Kara who now looks intrigued which is an improvement over her passive expression. “I would ordinarily say take your time to decide, but we only have one thousand pods, nine hundred of which will be for patients the other hundred for handlers. The numbers simply aren’t good for waiting. If you are even slightly interested it is better to say yes now before it is too late.”

Looking at the doctor, I can tell he is excited by this new program and to be honest it is very exciting, but this is the VA and anything VA related is something to be wary of, but what the hell, I might as well, it’s not like I am going to do anything important during that time. “Sign me up. To be honest, I like both genres, but I lean towards Fantasy for gaming so may as well go with that. I’ve never heard of either of these games and I play a lot so they must still be in beta right?”

“I don’t know for sure, but they are developed by Titan and seeing how the VR pod hasn’t come out yet, they may be using the VA as guinea pigs to see how the hardware works. The military and VA have often been used to test experimental drugs before, so I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the case again. Let me print out the forms with your information and we’ll go over everything as we sign it.”

As Dr. Schuber left I pull out my phone and notify my apartment complex that I will not be renewing the lease, as well as closing out all my bills. The few pieces of furniture I have left are easy to get rid of, as I had sold the big stuff like bed-frame, tv, couch, and table a long time ago. I lived like a camper in my own home, but it made it easy to move. Hopefully, I can move to the crappy VA housing quickly as my lease ends next week.

Dr. Schuber returns with what looks like a lengthy manuscript in his hands. It isn’t surprising the VA will require so much paperwork for a new program. All my medical records that I keep fill up an entire file cabinet that I had to get to make it easier to sort through. The VA is known for losing records so I have to keep a copy of my own. Such a pain. It is going to take a while to go over everything so we go over the parts needed to get to the housing and program acceptance first so that we can finish the rest later. He has several appointments today so we can’t go overtime.

As I leave the office with the rest of the paperwork I can see the doctor fall back in his chair as he sighs, seems he had a lot vested in this meeting. It doesn’t matter to me, though, because I have a lot of work ahead to do before next week ends.

***

Today is the day I go into VA housing. I had left my former home with the remainder of my belongings-a bug out hiker ruck with the bare necessities for life minus food. Items such as one set of spare clothes, four socks, sandles, five underwear, two sport bras, gortex coat and shell, gloves, scarf, a tarp, woobie blanket, poncho, fire kit, three knives, mess kit, gas heater, flashlight, and quart pot. The medical records were locked into a bank deposit so I didn’t have to carry them while a digital copy inside a thumbdrive hung on my neck in a waterproof pouch with my identification cards, papers, and passport.

The VA had sent a bus to pick me up. It was already fairly full when I entered so I chose to stand with my hand on the handle hanging down. Looking around I see a few kitted out like I was. When they saw me looking at them they nod back with a gleam in their eyes and a smile stretching wide. The journey across town doesn’t take long after a few more passengers max the bus capacity. Crammed in like sardines we arrive first at the hospital where passengers swapped out before heading to the housing across the hospital block.

At our stop those of us for the program exit and line up at a sign on the side walk that read Titan Program. Not everyone getting off fell in line as some seem to be residents already leaving us behind. It doesn’t take long for a person come out and lead us into one of the long buildings to the side. All the housing units have plain walls and tiny windows and dark doors so it was good that we had a guide to the right building or it may have taken a while to find the right spot to check in at.

The reception area looks like it had the furniture gutted out as stains on the floor showed that it was usually set up with a seating area like most hospitals, but I guess they had to change it as it wasn’t the usual housing situation as everyone here, including me, were in the new program. Two tables were set up with low budget printed signs on them. One said Fantasy and the other Science Fiction.

The guide turned to our small group, “Welcome to the Housing Block A-101! In case you are in the wrong area this is for people who signed up for the Titan Project.” The guide looks around at the five of us that followed her. Seeing no one looking lost, “The tables you see ahead are one for each genre like their signs say. Just line up behind the table you are with and they will give you further instructions!”

My thoughts wander as I wait in line. It seems many were able to choose which they wanted, but towards the end of the sign up, which was only later the same day at Dr. Schuber’s, the Science Fiction group was filled and everyone else had to sign up for Fantasy. You could tell who some of those were today as they glared over at the Science Fiction line. Everyone selected to participate had been in the Psych Ward that day and while some were for PTS, others were for amputees. It takes a lot of counseling to get over missing a limb or two.

I sometimes wished I was missing a limb, because then people would take my disability seriously. Chronic pain is no joke and it affects everything, but people at non-profits think you are just trying to game the system and treat you like a scumbag unless you have a visually impactful disability like a missing limb.

What I had was a missing uterus due to the military doctors failure to find the cause of my pain. My life lost at least twenty-five years off my lifespan because of the hysterectomy. I have glass bones and I can never have kids even though I never wanted any. Losing the option hurts; however, the real kicker is that I will always be in pain because the jerks in the Army thought I was trying to get out of Physical Training.

What was it like to be pain free? I can’t even remember anymore. They say the brain actually changes shape due to pain. That it sensitizes to it and becomes more pain focused. Well, this VR pod may be a way out of pain and I get to play with only occasional visits to a psych handler. Maybe I could disappear into the game like those litrpg books I used to read and never come back out. That would be nice, but then I’d probably ruin the chances of other veterans getting to use the program and that would suck.

It’s finally my turn to sign in. I’m given a room number and told to check in anything I feel is too valuable to leave behind or in storage. After going down the hall I find my room and it seems so did 39 other people. My heart wrenches in my chest as I feel the bliss of nostalgia looking at the barracks style bunk lineup. I see others also have soft looks and maybe a watery eye or two. that is hastily wiped away. We are all Veterans and miss being service members.

I see the bunks have names on them in alphabetical order which brings another jerk in my chest. How I’ve missed this. We are in various states of fitness and it appears we will be living a co-ed lifestyle with the men in majority which isn’t surprising at all. I’m on the low end of fitness. Having a menopausal body is no joke and I’ve gained one hundred pounds since leaving. I am ashamed, but there isn’t much I can do on a low budget and no will. Healthy food is stupidly expensive.

It’s been a while since I was in this environment and I ask hesitantly, “I know I look the slob, but I’d appreciate it if we could do PT together. There is much I can’t do, but what I can I want to do.” Many of the people here are murmuring to each other and a short man with a large beer gut smiles at me and says, “Marine Corporal Ned Johnston,” as he holds out his hand to me, “That sounds like a fantastic idea! I could certainly stand to lose a few around the waist. Ha!”

Marines never say they are former marines probably because once a ‘Marine always a Marine.’ Marine Boot brainwashing is as strong as ever. It makes me remember all the Marines I had worked with as an Army soldier. My heart hurts once more. Having met a like minded person we are now mates.

Civilians can never understand the bond service members have with each other even though we don’t know each other. All we have to know is that they served and we are mates. I say mates rather than friends, because we are tighter then friends or best friends. We are brothers and sisters to each other.

Being Marine, he has already found the rest of his branch members and introduces them. I’ve always interacted well with Marines; so, it isn’t strange to be accepted by them. After all, when I was deployed we were under Marine command; so, it is all the same even if the poor sods are brainwashed.

In our room there were five other Marines so the introduction is done quickly. “Meet my new Army friend!” announced Ned, “She also agrees that I need to lose some kilos! Anyway this scarecrow here is Lance Corporal Steven Bouyea and next to him is Gunnery Sergeant Felix Luna. Over there, behind the bed, is Lance Corporal Ava Medea and these two over here are brothers, if you couldn’t tell, Sergeant William Cho and Staff Sergeant Peter Cho. They may not be twins, but they look close enough to be it.”

Once I was introduced and accepted by the Marines everyone else in the room moved into their branch cliques leaving me to the Marines. Branch rivalry can be strange like that and while the Army people would probably still talk to me, I’ve made myself to be a mate of the Marines and so more like a Marine then Army person. I would have joined the Marines except at the time women were still not allowed in combat like roles so I opted for the Army, but it wasn’t a big deal at the time just a culture thing.

A new person wearing scrubs enters as we are meeting and greeting each other, “Hello! Looks like FG-07 finally filled up. My name is Jenna and I am here to lead you to the lock room to drop off your valuables and recieve your basic clothing kits. Everyone in this room signed up for the Fantasy game For Glory. If you will grab your things and follow me in a single line we will get you sorted out in no time!”

We follow Jenna down the hall to another wing where a Security Guard stands at a desk in a room full of lockers. Another person where scrubs is off to the side next to five terminals.

“Line back up when you are done and I’ll take you back to your room later once you are done!” Jenna cheerily calls out as she goes out another door.

The new scrubbed person shakes their head and sighs, “Don’t mind Jenna folks! My name is Gary and these terminals will take a scan of your hand and assign you a locker number. Once at the locker be sure to hold each item up to the camera inside the door to document what is being placed inside. The bracelet you find inside will be worn on the right wrist and will keep a copy of the contents inside it for reference later. Inside you will find two sets of sleep clothes and work out clothes you can wear during your wait for immersion. Go ahead and change into the work out clothes and place your current clothes inside. These lockers require a hand print to unlock so don’t worry about losing items. Once you are done line back up in the hall on the other side so you aren’t blocking the way. Congrats on being accepted into this program and I wish you the best!”

It takes a while as some people had more items then others, but we finally were all dressed in our new clothes and back in line. After waiting twenty minutes Jenna finally showed back up and took us back to our new home. “The rest of the day is free time to do what you like. The gym is back by the reception room and the dining facility is out the door and back here,” she points at a map on the wall in our room. If you need to find anything else just refer to this map or ask anyone wearing scrubs here.”

We all changed together earlier so Ned and I gathered up our group and headed to the gym making fat jokes on the way there. Because of my soft bones I couldn’t do high impact work outs and had to limit the weight lifted. We worked out for two hours then went to eat at the dining facility which I called a DFAC (dining facility) while the Marines called it a galley or chow hall. I’ve called it chow hall a few times before too, but majority of the Army called it DFAC these days.

The food was about what I remembered from when I served. Hamburgers you could bounce, lobster, steak, and the all too traditional cold bar that had applesauce, salad pickings, and cold toast. Well, I’ll definitely be on a diet again, but only because the food was gross. Well, that works for me.

It was a long day and the bunks were calling so I showered and dressed in my new sleep clothes and was about to climb into the bed over a person whose last name was Williams (seems to be a lot of Williams in the military) when a person dressed in scrubs come in. They are carrying a clipboard and ask us to sound off when our name was called. It took a few minutes to get through forty names and everyone out of habit started standing by their bunks leaving a “kill space” in the center of the room.

A kill space was something seen in the basic training barracks that trainees were not allowed to step in or they would get punished. It didn’t serve much purpose at the time other than to reinforced following rules. Not sure if that is what was intended; but, habit is an old horse and we were all triggered back to those days.

At the end of roll call the scrub person then announces, “All of you have at least completed the basic paperwork of acceptance and housing, over the next few days we’ll be going over each and every paper in the packet you received. As there are nine hundred of you we will be doing this in two groups, the fantasy group and the sci-fi group. This is because there are slight differences in the forms required due to the explanation of the games. Groups are give a handler based on rooms. Each room will report to 1 handler in game.”

“For those good with math you know that this doesn’t account for the 100 pods and that the groups are divided unevenly. This is because there is a special needs group in each game that requires extra personnel for high risk PTS patients. They have more handlers. There are also loose handlers that will float around between groups as they are specialized in their fields and of course some pods are on standby for VIP personnel who want to check in.”

“You all are Veterans so I’m sure you can understand that there will be a lot of government oversight on this project. I tell you all of this to forewarn you as a courtesy. What you accomplish here will affect Veterans in future programs to come and I ask that you do not let them down.”

“Later on in the week we will be going over game particulars such as backstory, races, and what to expect. Once everyone has finished checking in and the paperwork we will begin the evaluation tests. Once again these are done by room. Each room will be given a special test that is different to other rooms.”

“I go ahead and tell you this as I know you will be talking to each other and to prevent the deluge of questions about why one person got one test and not another. This is basic scientific method with each group acting as a control or variable group, but do not be concerned as these are basic tests and no drugs will be added except those required for quality of life that you may already be taking.”

“Now to the important information you need to know now. Your room is designated as FG-07. This stands for ‘For Glory 07’ and is pretty easy to understand. Current zero hour for pod insertion is set to 15 May 2058. Today is 20 April 2058 so you have some time until then. Expected estimated time to departure from pods is 15 November 2058. Current cool off is set to two months post or 15 January 2059 unless adjusted which is always possible since this is a new program.”

“Your disability payments will continue while in the program so do not worry about payments for alimony or child support if you have them. Because this is a VA program that is in testing we will pay a BAH, basic allowance for housing for those of you unable to remember. A deduction is made for life support functions such as food materials, cleaning materials, a feature that will not normally be covered for the Pods. In essence the fee is waived as a tester. All clothing provided here including a custom medical suit for the Pod is also paid for.”

“Please keep in mind what I have said. You will find schedules posted everywhere and room specific activities will be on this digital wall by the door. That is all.” With that the scrub leaves and we go back to our activities or preparations for bed.

The excitement of the day fills my mind as I close my eyes, but the stress and work out of the day makes sleep quick and deep. For once I sleep without dreams.