This Isn’t My World, And It Pisses Me Off

Chapter 3

“THE HERO HAS ARRIVED!” A cacophony of noise erupted around Ikari as soon as the light had disappeared. Once his eyes adjusted, he found himself standing in a huge hall.

Marble pillars lined the sides, with rich tapestries draped across the windows. Several people stood around him, some dressed in dark red robes, others in fine clothing. Those in robes summoned him, and the ones dressed nicely must be nobles, Ikari quickly figured out.

Before him, at the end of the hall was a golden throne with an older looking man with grey hair and a golden crown. The crown was decorated with jewels, all of them sparkling in the light. At his side was a woman wearing a much smaller crown, standing while he was sitting and wearing an outfit that, while covered most everything, did not look very comfortable.

The King and Queen, if he had to guess. The King looked rich beyond imagination, and the room he was in had to be part of a castle that must have been as opulent everywhere else as his current location.

Ikari stared at his surroundings. The room was beautiful. It was magnificent. It housed the King and Nobles.

It pissed him off.

“I am King Otto. Welcome Hero! You must be the chosen one as foretold in legend! With your strength, we will surely be able to defeat the Demon King that plagues our lands!” The King stood up, his long purple robe flowing around him.

“No.”

“Excellent! We will-” The King paused, Ikari’s words finally connecting. “Excuse me?”

“I said no.” Ikari responded, his face contorted into a scowl that sent shivers down the Summoners spines. “I did not ask to be brought here. I want to be taken home. Now.” He took a step forward, as he heard the well dressed people around him start to murmur.

The King looked surprised, but quickly remedied himself. “The power it takes to open a passage for a Hero such as yourself is enormous. We would not be able to open a passage like that for at least a…”

He seemed to be thinking quickly, as if he was trying to figure out how long he would have to make Ikari stay here for him to want to help. “Four days. I’m certain in that time, if you explore my wonderous Kingdom, you will be more than willing to help.”

“It is, after all, the forefront of culture and technology.” He settled on, a smile that was a little too smug for Ikari’s liking appearing on his face. Considering the technology that Ikari could think of off the top of his head he didn’t really believe that one.

“Fine.” The unwilling hero stated, causing those around him to breathe sighs of relief. “I’ll beat him in three days.”

“Eh? Beat who?” One of the nobles said, someone with a very pompous looking moustache.

“The Demon King. Who the Hell else?” Ikari responded.

“Such a bold claim!” “Can he really do it!?” “He must have a great power bestowed to him by God!”

The voices lapped over one another, but at the mention of the word God, Ikari found himself enraged. Ato. That asshole of a God. Once he beat the Demon King, he was going to find a way to kick his ass.

“A statement only the Chosen One could make!” King Otto exclaimed, the room falling silent under him. “Surely, God must have bestowed upon you the ability to slay this monster!”

“God,” Ikari made sure to say as sarcastically as possible. “Didn’t give me shit. Nothing but the clothes on my back.” He spread his arms out wide, before feeling a weight on his back. He checked behind him.

Oh. Apparently his backpack was sent with him too. Maybe he would have that chocolate bar to look forward to.

His words caused another wave of murmurs among Nobles, earning them another scowl. “It is no issue.” The King raised his hand, silencing the room. “We would be happy to aid a Hero on their Quest to defeat the Demon King.”

From beneath his cloak, the King produced a medium sized brown bag. Ikari had three guesses what was in it and they all started with G and rhymed with old. With a sigh of acceptance, Ikari approached the King.

He knew accepting this gold meant accepting the quest to kill the Demon King and that he would have to play along with this stupid Isekai plot. With his knowledge that his fate would be sealed, Ikari stretched out his arm towards the King.

The bag of gold fell into it, clinking all the while.

“WHAT THE FUCK!?” Ikari exclaimed, jumping back in surprise as the strange message floated about a foot and a half in front of his face.

He tried to wave it away, but his hand moved through the strange transparent square.

“Ah, this is the Magic of our world.” The King explained. “Our System.”

Ikari’s teeth ground against each other in anger. “Another damn isekai cliche.”

“Observe.” The King stated, and suddenly many more screens popped up around Ikari. The largest one had a picture of the King and his current outfit, with several smaller boxes pointing to his various rings and jewels.

“Simply think the words, ‘Show Statistics’.” The King explained. Ikari squinted as the King’s descriptors disappeared. In the few moments he had a look at them, he was certain one of the rings had “Increase Speaking Prowess by 48%” or similar flavour text attributed to it.

“Show Statistics.”

“Why the Hell am I a stick figure?”

“Bardic Talent.” He read off in a confused voice. He could remember playing the guitar, but he didn’t think he was good enough for it to be level four. Unless they ranked levels from one to one hundred. He wasn’t able to read everything, as he noticed nearly every noble trying to get a peek at his stats.

“Close Stats.” He said, hoping that would work.

It did, and the screens disappeared from view, shrinking into a tiny square that Ikari could now notice at the edge of his vision. There were also three separate bars at the bottom of where he could see. Each a different colour.

The King clapped his hands together once in approval “So you have accepted! Excellent!” He laughed loudly, while Ikari stared at the small icons in his vision. “The story starts here!”

Before he could even begin to think about how his body now followed a different set of rules, the King bellowed out. “Now! Let us give aid to the Hero, be it by trinkets, coin or power!” His hands were raised high, and Ikari felt the odd urge to give himself something meaningful.

At first, nothing happened. Then a small trickle of nobles left the huge congregation by the sides and stood in a line in front of Ikari.

The first one held out a small pouch. A part of Ikari didn’t want to take any of these ‘gifts’, but he figured that anything he was given would be a step closer to him beating the Demon King and getting the Hell home.

He took it with a slight hesitation.

Another screen popped up as soon as it touched his palm. Ikari read the description of the item, and then scowled at the noble who had given it to him. He had a pudgy face and greasy black hair. His tiny eyes winked at Ikari, as if telling a joke, and then he walked off.

Ikari felt himself getting more and more pissed off at this world. A [PING] sounded in his ears, and he saw another screen pop up in front of him. “Ignore.” He said immediately, wanting to get this over and done with.

The next noble stepped forward, and placed a ring into Ikari’s open palm. No notification popped up. “Must just be an ordinary ring.” He figured. He placed the ring into the pocket of his hoodie along with the bag he swore to himself he would never use.

Three more nobles awaited him. The next two both gave simple but ornate rings. The last noble, a man with a very pompous moustache, tapped his foot impatiently. He coughed into his fist and spoke with a regal accent.

“As my gift to you, I give you my best wishes in defeating the Demon King.” He smiled, bowing so low that his exceptionally long nose almost touched the floor.

“Walter…” The King warned from behind him.

“Oh fine.” Walter said defeatedly. He stuck out one of his many ringed fingers and slipped the least expensive looking one off. “For you, dear Hero.”

He dropped it an inch away from Ikari’s hand, the unwilling hero having to move to catch it.

Ikari stared at the notification, reading the description and the benefit. Slowly, a plan began to come together in his mind, realising what could be done with this new gift. His mind worked rapidly, thinking of what could be done with this depending on what kind of potions existed.

For the first time since arriving in this damned new world, Ikari looked to the King with something other than anger and blame.

“Do you have an Alchemy Area?”