“Look,” the Chosen One said, once again running a hand through his hair. “That wasn’t what was supposed to happen. Dan wasn’t supposed to be there, and I didn’t think that old guy would be so weird.”

“She’s your Healer,” Sewer Bard said damningly, still a hair’s breadth away from drawing his rapier. “You’re supposed to protect her.”

“He did punch a Dev in the face,” Qube clarified, sniffing.

There was a collective pause as the group took in that information. Sewer Bard’s hand fell from the hilt of his sword.

“Wait, that was a Dev you punched in the face?” he asked, incredulous. “I must apologise, my most worthy woman, I didn't quite catch that detail in your tale.”

“Honey, you just come over here and sit quietly, while he explains everything that happened,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said, drawing Qube to the stairs leading up to the next mansion and trying to settle the Healer down, a surprisingly difficult endeavour when Qube was refusing to let go of the Hunter, and Squiggles was refusing to let go of Qube. Eventually the arachnid gave up on getting Qube to sit down, and continued hugging her.

Even the occasional glimpses into Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s inner pockets wasn’t enough to make Qube give up her much-needed hug. Not yet.

Qube knew it was her duty to take over the explanation from the Chosen One. The Chosen One had proven time and again that he wasn’t to be trusted with explanations. And she probably shouldn’t be clinging to her friend like a child.

But, just for a moment longer, it was nice to be taken care of, and comforted. She, who had spent her life comforting and taking care of others, was rapidly coming to understand why people could become addicted to it.

“One of the Devs, Dan, came to tell us how to deal with the guy in charge of the, uh, mana pool. Only Dan is…” the Chosen One looked up at the sky, searching for the right words. His lips twisted into a grimace.

“He’s Evil,” Qube muttered treasonously from inside Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s thorax.

“Pretty much, yeah,” the Chosen One agreed, somewhat distractedly. “He threatened us, so I punched him, and then the guy in charge of the mana pool was accidentally kinda creepy in a grandfatherly way, but agreed to give us what we needed so the world would work and seems like he’ll be on our side in the future.”

In terms of an explanation, it was pretty poor. For a Chosen One explanation, however, it was downright coherent.

The Hero gave a sigh, and moved slightly closer to where the party had formed a new huddle around Qube on the stairs.

“None of which means you should have had to go through any of that,” he said, reaching out a hand to Qube. Instinct and training ordered Qube to take his hand, but she held back, hesitating.

The Chosen One dropped his hand.

“If she is going to be exposed to such an unpleasant situation again, it would be best to warn her, and to allow me to layer some protective curses over her,” Definitely Bad Guy said, his voice steady despite the fluctuating temperatures.

“Or at the very least, allow us to go with the poor darling so she isn’t thrown to the wolves all alone,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady added.

The Chosen One’s jaw set, and Qube saw reflected in his face the protective rage that had tried to overtake her earlier.

“I promise you,” he said in a low, serious tone, “you will never have to deal with them alone again. From now on, if they want to talk to one of you, they’ll have to talk to all of you.”

Qube sniffed, and gave the Chosen One a weak smile.

“Thank you,” she said. But the rest of the party didn’t seem satisfied, and the Chosen One wasn’t finished.

“More than that,” he said, gathering steam, “you’re not gonna have to be a companion to a bunch of weird military dudes, or Devs, or anyone you don’t want to. I know you. I know all of you,” he said, sweeping his gaze over the party. “And I wasn’t joking when I said this is going to change the world. As long as we can get through to the public, and you can all ‘ascend,’ I’ll—I’ll…”

He faltered, clenching his fists. His face was in turmoil, and Qube suddenly realised that what had been holding him back against the Dan Dev and Sir Ian might not have just been respect, but fear.

Fear for the party.

“I don’t care what they make me sign, or what they try and do to me, I’ll do my best to protect you. All of you. And when you come into my world, everyone’s gonna wanna talk to you guys, learn what your lives have been like. Which means that you can tell them exactly how much of an [apple] Dan just was. And if any of the other people mess with you in the future, there’s a spell you can use to get them to stop.”

His eyes were gleaming now. Qube took her cue, and asked: “What’s the spell?”

“The words are simple,” the Chosen One said with a savage grin. “Just say: ‘is this really something you want going in the history books?’ Because make no mistake, you four are going to write history.”

Definitely Bad Guy frowned slightly. “I do not see how that is a spell,” he said pedantically. “That more sounds like a threat to expose them.”

The Chosen One slapped his hand against his forehead. “It’s a — yes, dude, it’s a threat, it’s a metaphorical spell.”

“Writing history…” Sewer Bard was lost in his thoughts.

“And what protection will that give us against Devs powerful enough to erase us with a thought?” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady asked practically. The Chosen One’s face fell.

“Yeah, about that. We’re not safe yet. But I actually have a plan,” he started, and Qube looked at the Chosen One in admiration. “Kind of,” he finished. Qube looked slightly less admiring. “But we’ve got a long way to go before we’ve got any hope of pulling it off.”

The Hero looked at Qube, who was slowly emerging from the all-encompassing embrace of Sexy Screamy Spider Lady.

“But, to make it up to you for having to deal with those two, how about we do whatever it is you want to do next?” he asked her.

“Anything I want?” Qube asked, her eyes gleaming with glee. The Chosen One gave a wry smile at her sudden cheerfulness.

“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?” the Chosen One asked her. “But yes, anything you want.”

The possibilities! She could go to the Royal Library, or go to their house and raid the garden, or go to the Royal Observatory and borrow their telescope to look at the stars! Qube was practically vibrating with joy.

But then she remembered all those messages for help on the Adventurer’s Board that they’d accepted. Sure, the other quests hadn’t seemed as urgent as a child stuck down a well being stared at by enough people that someone should have thought of a rope, but still. They were a band of heroes, which meant it was their duty to accomplish the missions they’d agreed to.

She brightened as she realised there was a way she could do the missions, and get what she wanted afterwards.

“Well, Chosen One, I have a couple of things that I would like to do, but I think we should postpone them until after we have a fun bonding activity together. One involving a whole pile of gold. Would that be acceptable?”

The Chosen One leaned in, avarice visibly gripping him.

“Now that’s what I like to hear,” he said greedily. “You got yourself a deal!”

***

“I feel like you tricked me,” the Chosen One complained as they trekked through the impractical sewers.

“I’m sure the Golden Slime terrorising the underground will weigh a lot,” Qube said, refusing to accept blame.

“Yeah but slimes aren’t loot,” the Hero grumbled. “I can’t fit them in my backpack. Unless…” he trailed off, looking thoughtful.

“Chosen One, no,” Qube said, not even waiting to see where that thought led to. “We’ve met some lovely slimes before, and I don’t think they would appreciate being shoved into a backpack.”

“Well then how are we supposed to capture it and bring it back?” the Chosen One asked triumphantly.

Qube hadn’t thought of that.

She also was just now starting to question how, exactly, a giant Golden Slime was terrorising the underground, but that felt like something she would see as soon as they found the culprit. They’d been following a glittery trail for the last few minutes, stopping only to let Squiggles try licking it up. It hadn’t really worked, much to the sharktopus’s frustration, but she at least seemed to be enjoying splashing about in the bright green water in the middle of the sewer’s canal.

Qube didn’t know why the sewer water was bright green. It was probably a sign of being healthy and vibrant, like a forest. Admittedly, it didn’t smell as nice as a forest did, but it certainly smelt organic.

They were nearly at where Qube’s internal compass told her the entrance to the Thieves Guild should be when the trail veered off to the side, following a small side tunnel.

The Golden Slime was oozing around at the tunnel’s dead end, leaving the walls and floor coated in glittery slime. It was pure gold, and much smaller than the Lava Slime from the Fire Temple. It spotted them and made an alarmed burbling sound, before dashing past them and back into the main canal.

“After it!” the Chosen One shouted, giving chase. “Oh no, no, no, it’s a speed challenge! I hate these!”

The Golden Slime was fast, slipping away from any attempts to grab it, and absorbing both crossbow bolts and fireballs. Nothing hurt it, or slowed it down. Even when the Chosen One hurled his shield at it, the creature still managed to dodge and gave an aggravating little giggle as it darted down another tunnel.

“We need a jar or something!” Qube said, trying to keep up with the faster Hero. They’d nearly run the thing in a full circle.

But in the end, they didn’t need a jar.

They had a Squiggles.

The Golden Slime skimmed across the verdant water along the middle of the canal, outpacing everyone, when an iron-grey fin suddenly appeared behind it. Far, far faster than anyone could have imagined, it closed in on the Golden Slime, the water behind the fin churning into green foam.

A terrible, wide mouth opened, revealing endless rows of teeth that just peeked through the water and, with a snap, the Golden Slime was gone. The teeth, fin, and foam also disappeared, leaving only slowly flowing water running down the way. If the party hadn’t known any better, each of them would have sworn that there was nothing lurking under that bright green water.

“Squiggles!” the Chosen One shouted, throwing his shield at the water. “Get out of there and give me that living loot back!”

The shield landed with a splash on the surface, and shining white teeth appeared to the side of it.

“Don’t you dare try to eat my shield!” the Chosen One said sternly.

The teeth disappeared.

“Don’t yell at her!” Qube flared in defence of her pet, conveniently forgetting all the times she’d yelled at the naughty mascot. “She did a very good job at stopping the Golden Slime!”

Squiggles poked her nose out from under the water, and sniffed. The Chosen One looked at the sewer ceiling, and sighed.

“Yes, Squiggles, you did a great job eating our target. Please come out of the stinky water now,” he said in a long-suffering voice.

“Oh, her ribbon and flags are going to be ruined,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady lamented as Squiggles slorped out of the water, her outfit looking bedraggled, and then thoughtfully deposited her still-dripping self in front of the party and rolled over, demanding belly scratches.

“I’m not giving belly-rubs when you’ve been playing in sewerage,” the Chosen One informed Squiggles. Squiggles lifted her head, and gave the Hero her best puppy-dog eyes, expanding her black doll eyes to their widest size.

The Saviour crumpled almost instantly. Everyone gathered around Squiggles and started either petting her, or trying to fix her outfit.

Everyone, except for one party member.

“That is not going to work on me,” Definitely Bad Guy said, standing firm against her cuteness attack.

Squiggles eyes started to shimmer, as if with unshed tears.

“Such emotional attacks are pointless against someone who has done the kinds of things I have in the name of research,” the Mage said, sounding much less certain.

A single tear trembled in the corner of Squiggles’ eye as she remained locked onto Definitely Bad Guy, ignoring her other loved ones cooing and fussing over her.

“I— very well, if you insist,” Definitely Bad Guy said, and slowly reached out to poke Squiggles’s belly with the tip of his foot, gently rubbing the sole of his boot against the sharktopus’s rough skin. “But only to stop you from upsetting yourself.”

Squiggles opened her mouth, revealing now-glittery teeth, and drooled in happiness.