Hello again. Today I got yelled at by Onica.

Apparently, those fun side-effects were not, as I put it, flavor enhancing fun. But rather, as she put it, debilitating toxins that I only survived because of my stupidly robust immune system gained from consuming every deadly and dangerous object I could get my hands on.

I think my decription is better. Much shorter at least. Possibly less accurate though.

Anyway, this all started because she noticed me adding some of the red not-not juice to this mornings bland gunky porridge that serves as a staple of the diet on the ship we chartered. I figured that nice sweet flavor would put a pep in eveyones step.

I was wrong.

She was so busy yelling at me for adding 'poison' to the dish that we both failed to notice that everyone had already loaded up on it and started eating. Personally, I think the crew is to blame, just as much as I am. Who sits down and starts shoveling food into their gob when an irate lady is in the corner screaming about someone poisoning said food?

Idiots, the lot of them.

Pretty shortly the crew started dropping like flies. Heavy, fat, paralyzed flies. I tried to sneak off while Onica was distracted with all paralyzed and puking crew members.

It didn't work.

So. I spent the rest of the day being taught, in extreme detail, what constitutes a poison, toxin, or venom. And the various ways to locate, handle, and contain said nasty buggeroos. I also had to carry all the crew outside, and prop them us on their sides with their head over the side of the deck, so they could all puke into the beautiful blue waters instead of the dark wooden planks.

I got puked on. A lot. And had to clean up the mess of nasty sour smelling gunk in the mess.

All in all, not my favorite day.

Still, it wasn't all bad. I learned some neat tricks. If you collect the secretions of the gold-toed tree frog in a clay pot, and mix it with some pitch, you get this sick green garbage. Its all sticky and nasty, an if you light it on fire the resulting smoke drives people absolutely crazy!

Like, biting each others noses off crazy!

According to Onica at least. So now all I need to do is find some gold-toed tree frogs, and figure out what pitch is. Then I can make insanity smoke bombs!

Which, come to think of it, sounds terrible... Am I a bad person?

... Nah!

Anyway, I also learned how to clean up vomit. Well, I mostly learned how not to clean up vomit.

Don't try to wash it away with bucket loads of water, it'll just get carried into corners and hard to reach places.

Don't try to burn it, the smell is horrendous, and you'll set the ship on fire. The captain cried again when I did that...

Don't try picking it up with your bare hands, because the smell and consistency will make you barf, and then you just have more clean up to do.

On that note, don't try not to barf when you really need to barf, because its coming, and you cannot stop it. If it can't go through your mouth, then it'll come out your nose. And that really, really, stings!

Lets see, don't try to scoop it into a bucket, you'll just push it all around. And, uhm... Oh! Definitely, do NOT!!! try to coax wild animals to board your ship and eat the vomit! They poop EVERYWHERE!!!

Then you've got to clean up poo and throw a bunch of animals overboard and the captain cries again.

In the end, the best way is just soak up the vomit with some sand or sawdust or somehing like that, then sweep and shovel it into the glorious blue sea.

Huh, I guess I learned a lot today.

Good for me!

Well, I'm tired, and for some reason I'm not really hungry today, so I guess I'll skip dinner and head straight to bed.

Oh, but before I forget, note to self: get revenge on Fen for when he blew up a pile of vomit. I spent an hour scrubbing the walls and ceiling in the mess! And before I did that little chunks kept falling and landing in my hair!

Ugh, on second thought, I'm gonna go take a flame bath before bed.

Good night.