《How to get lost: a wanderers guide》Diplomacy
Advertisement
Hello again. Today was awkward.
I woke up when the Prance smacked me in the head with a branch.
Not the worst thing that I've woken up to.
I wasn't to bothered by it, the branch was pretty soft and rotted. So I was only annoyed by the dirt that got in one of my eyes. Julius though, he was not amused.
He sent a fairly tame blast of flame into the Prances face. Once he stopped screaming and managed to put his hair out I had to laugh.
His formerly pale skin and long silky golden hair were no more. His face was bright red and he had no eyebrows. His hair was much shorter now, and very curly and coarse. It looked kind of like a bush.
In short, he looked funny.
I stood up and had a good laugh and stretch. Now the prance was looking at a puddle that reflected his new apperance in the dawning light. He was crying.
I felt bad about laughing, but everytime I looked at him I couldnt help but to chuckle.
"Stop shaming me you brute!" He shrieked, tears and snot dripping liberally from the appropriate orifices. "You should just kill me! I won't be your next meal you disgusting cannibal!" I don't know what a cannibal is. But it doesn't sound like a good thing.
From the context he thought I would eat him? WHY?!
Ah, my hands and mouth were stained red from the red pod fruits I ate last night. Did he think that was blood? It looks nothing like blood though? Its too bright and the shade is all wrong. Plus its not all crusty. Does he not know what blood looks like?
When I was trying to think of a way to respond that wouldn't end with more loud screaming Julius took action. He also seemed annoyed by the loud noise so early in the morning. And I think he may have been offended by the tone of the words.
Advertisement
Anyway, he set the poor Prances pants on fire.
More screaming happened.
Once he calmed down, and jumped into another puddle to put out the fire, we could inally sit down and start talking.
It went thusly.
I stared at him.
He stared at me.
I stared at him.
He stared at me.
I stared at him.
His stomach grumbled.
And so it was decided to postpone our talks(?) until after breakfast.
I offered a red pod to him which he took gingerly and another to julius. I was kinda wary of showing a stranger the glowfruits. He sat there just blanky watching me and julius tear through a pod apiece before he finally starte to slowly and delicately nibble his. He flinched and muttered everytime some of the red juice dripped or spattered on his formerly white clothes.
My own poncho had long since collected a lovely collection of stains dying it in a fine and dizzying slew of shades.
Afte my third red pod I just sat and watched him try eat a messy pulpy juicy fruit wthout getting any on his hands, mouth or clothes. He wasn't very successful, But watching his face contort and shift gave me another good laugh. I don't think he appreciated the humor of the situation.
After breakfast we sat down again.
He started off by clearing his throat."*Ahem* We seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot." I looked at my feet wondering which was the wrong one? "I am his royal highness, Prance Francis Rex Armitage. 13th in line to the waveborne throne. To whom might I have the pleasure of addressing?"
"I dunno" I answered truthfully with a shrug.
He sat there looking at me, I stared back. What? Was I supposed to say more. With a grumble I decided to mimic his own introduction.
Advertisement
"Uh, I mean. I am the Wandering Prance Lie von Falseberg. Only successor of the Lost throne. Nice to meetcha?" I started with as much gravitas and confidence as I could muster. I thought I sounded trite and conceited, but Franny seemed impressed. His eyes widened and he started to sweat and mutter.
This continue until I was worried I had broken him. But he snapped out of it and kind of bobbled his head and upper body at me, which I mimicked out of curiousity. This seemed to put him at ease and after that we started to actually chat.
I learned he had been on an excursion into the fallen lands beyond the great barrier to acquire some experience and training in survival skills and live combat. Sadly, his entourage of guards and servants had been ambushed in the night by the tribe of Frogmen I had destroyed yesterday. Barely two days into his first ever adventure outside of the family lands and already his followers had been slain and he had nearly been killed.
I guess ugly-jumpers are also known as frogmen. Thats a silly name.
Anyway, he was not excited about his prospects of survival and begged me to help him return to civilization. I had nothing better to do so I agreed.
I regret that decision.
He would not stop talking!
Yappedy yappedy yap. All day long he chittered and chattered. Asking me questions about the lost throne which I evaded with silence.
Questions about my flames and what methods I had used to reach such magnitude and control. I told him I just nearly died a bunch of times. Happily that shut him up for about five minutes.
Then he was curious about Julius. Where had I bought him? How had I trained him? Could he pet him? What kind of creature was he?
Julius actually let himself be held and pet for a little while before once more taking residence upon my head. That surprised me, but I suppose it was Julius' way of apologizing for burning him. Twice.
I had no idea people could talk this much!
I took out my aggression on any dangerous critter who got too close. Franny kept being chased and almost eaten by things I had deemed harmless though. Assumptions can be dangerous it seems.
Finally, all the running, screaming, and talking seemed to wear him down and blessed silence reigned for a short while.
Which is when the complaints started.
His feet hurt.
His skin was filthy.
Bugs kept biting him.
He was hungry. But no thanks he wasn't really in the mood for roasted swamp slither.
Ungrateful wretch. I briefly thought of just leaving him and flying off. But I had given my word. And so I continued until finally both the day and his mouth closed.
I lie here, enjoying the silence between Frannys tremendous snores and writing todays events.
I can't wait to be alone again.
Goodnight.
Advertisement
- In Serial1363 Chapters
VRMMO: The Unrivaled
Lu Chen used to be a ranker of the most popular VRMMO game, Spirit of Grief. After a car accident turned his dreams into dust, his disability left him incapable of escaping the pit of mediocrity he was thrown into. Helpless and defeated, his story ended.Two years later, the Eternal Moon Corporation launched a new VRMMO called "Heavenblessed", and Lu Chen stumbled into another terrible accident that left him in a complicated situation far beyond his ability to handle. That won't stop him from rising to the top, however. Not again.Come witness the rise of the sword-wielding zombie and the relationships he makes during his journey to the apex! For riches and bi- ahem, for career and love!He wields a demonic sword from Hell, he dons armor shining with Heaven's light. His boots stride across the sky as his helmet devours the souls of his enemies. On his left side sits the Goddess of Death. On the other, the Angel of Beauty.From the land of ice and death, a generation of Asura Kings rises, their roars reverberating throughout the world.Tremble in fear, noobs!
8 8156 - In Serial1353 Chapters
Refining the Mountains and Rivers
A young man's life changes when he stumbles upon a mysterious item. Qin Yu had never been a lucky person. Weak of body, bullied by his peers, and with only his friend as his family, he struggles day-by-day to live. But everything changes when he stumbles upon a little blue lamp. An immortal and demonic cultivating adventure.
8 3344 - In Serial2455 Chapters
Mortal Cultivation Biography
A poor and ordinary boy from a village joins a minor sect in Jiang Hu and becomes an Unofficial Disciple by chance. How will Han Li, a commoner by birth, establish a foothold for himself in in his sect? With his mediocre aptitude, he must successfully traverse the treacherous path of cultivation and avoid the notice of those who may do him harm. This is a story of an ordinary mortal who, against all odds, clashes with devilish demons and ancient celestials in order to find his own path towards immortality.
8 1050 - In Serial1503 Chapters
Dragon Prince Yuan
Destiny stolen at birth, the prince of the once mighty Great Zhou Empire, Zhou Yuan, has been plagued all his life by a fatal poison, forced to suffer powerlessly until one day when fate draws him into a mysterious domain where he meets a beautiful girl in green, a bizarre dog-like creature and an unfathomable old man in black.Join Zhou Yuan as he is thrust into the whirlpool of destiny while he seeks the pinnacle of cultivation.
8 1057 - In Serial677 Chapters
Ranker's Return
In the early days of the virtual reality game, Arena, meleegod was the strongest ranked player! He deleted his character and suddenly left. In order to restore his bankrupt family, he returned to Arena!"Do you want to create a character?"
8 1715 - In Serial1525 Chapters
Monarch of Evernight
Qianye rose from hardship but was felled by betrayal. From then, one man, one gun; he tread the path between Evernight and Daybreak and became a legend. Even if Evernight was destined to be his fate, he still intends to become the ruler who dictates.
8 22861

