《How to get lost: a wanderers guide》Diplomacy
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Hello again. Today was awkward.
I woke up when the Prance smacked me in the head with a branch.
Not the worst thing that I've woken up to.
I wasn't to bothered by it, the branch was pretty soft and rotted. So I was only annoyed by the dirt that got in one of my eyes. Julius though, he was not amused.
He sent a fairly tame blast of flame into the Prances face. Once he stopped screaming and managed to put his hair out I had to laugh.
His formerly pale skin and long silky golden hair were no more. His face was bright red and he had no eyebrows. His hair was much shorter now, and very curly and coarse. It looked kind of like a bush.
In short, he looked funny.
I stood up and had a good laugh and stretch. Now the prance was looking at a puddle that reflected his new apperance in the dawning light. He was crying.
I felt bad about laughing, but everytime I looked at him I couldnt help but to chuckle.
"Stop shaming me you brute!" He shrieked, tears and snot dripping liberally from the appropriate orifices. "You should just kill me! I won't be your next meal you disgusting cannibal!" I don't know what a cannibal is. But it doesn't sound like a good thing.
From the context he thought I would eat him? WHY?!
Ah, my hands and mouth were stained red from the red pod fruits I ate last night. Did he think that was blood? It looks nothing like blood though? Its too bright and the shade is all wrong. Plus its not all crusty. Does he not know what blood looks like?
When I was trying to think of a way to respond that wouldn't end with more loud screaming Julius took action. He also seemed annoyed by the loud noise so early in the morning. And I think he may have been offended by the tone of the words.
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Anyway, he set the poor Prances pants on fire.
More screaming happened.
Once he calmed down, and jumped into another puddle to put out the fire, we could inally sit down and start talking.
It went thusly.
I stared at him.
He stared at me.
I stared at him.
He stared at me.
I stared at him.
His stomach grumbled.
And so it was decided to postpone our talks(?) until after breakfast.
I offered a red pod to him which he took gingerly and another to julius. I was kinda wary of showing a stranger the glowfruits. He sat there just blanky watching me and julius tear through a pod apiece before he finally starte to slowly and delicately nibble his. He flinched and muttered everytime some of the red juice dripped or spattered on his formerly white clothes.
My own poncho had long since collected a lovely collection of stains dying it in a fine and dizzying slew of shades.
Afte my third red pod I just sat and watched him try eat a messy pulpy juicy fruit wthout getting any on his hands, mouth or clothes. He wasn't very successful, But watching his face contort and shift gave me another good laugh. I don't think he appreciated the humor of the situation.
After breakfast we sat down again.
He started off by clearing his throat."*Ahem* We seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot." I looked at my feet wondering which was the wrong one? "I am his royal highness, Prance Francis Rex Armitage. 13th in line to the waveborne throne. To whom might I have the pleasure of addressing?"
"I dunno" I answered truthfully with a shrug.
He sat there looking at me, I stared back. What? Was I supposed to say more. With a grumble I decided to mimic his own introduction.
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"Uh, I mean. I am the Wandering Prance Lie von Falseberg. Only successor of the Lost throne. Nice to meetcha?" I started with as much gravitas and confidence as I could muster. I thought I sounded trite and conceited, but Franny seemed impressed. His eyes widened and he started to sweat and mutter.
This continue until I was worried I had broken him. But he snapped out of it and kind of bobbled his head and upper body at me, which I mimicked out of curiousity. This seemed to put him at ease and after that we started to actually chat.
I learned he had been on an excursion into the fallen lands beyond the great barrier to acquire some experience and training in survival skills and live combat. Sadly, his entourage of guards and servants had been ambushed in the night by the tribe of Frogmen I had destroyed yesterday. Barely two days into his first ever adventure outside of the family lands and already his followers had been slain and he had nearly been killed.
I guess ugly-jumpers are also known as frogmen. Thats a silly name.
Anyway, he was not excited about his prospects of survival and begged me to help him return to civilization. I had nothing better to do so I agreed.
I regret that decision.
He would not stop talking!
Yappedy yappedy yap. All day long he chittered and chattered. Asking me questions about the lost throne which I evaded with silence.
Questions about my flames and what methods I had used to reach such magnitude and control. I told him I just nearly died a bunch of times. Happily that shut him up for about five minutes.
Then he was curious about Julius. Where had I bought him? How had I trained him? Could he pet him? What kind of creature was he?
Julius actually let himself be held and pet for a little while before once more taking residence upon my head. That surprised me, but I suppose it was Julius' way of apologizing for burning him. Twice.
I had no idea people could talk this much!
I took out my aggression on any dangerous critter who got too close. Franny kept being chased and almost eaten by things I had deemed harmless though. Assumptions can be dangerous it seems.
Finally, all the running, screaming, and talking seemed to wear him down and blessed silence reigned for a short while.
Which is when the complaints started.
His feet hurt.
His skin was filthy.
Bugs kept biting him.
He was hungry. But no thanks he wasn't really in the mood for roasted swamp slither.
Ungrateful wretch. I briefly thought of just leaving him and flying off. But I had given my word. And so I continued until finally both the day and his mouth closed.
I lie here, enjoying the silence between Frannys tremendous snores and writing todays events.
I can't wait to be alone again.
Goodnight.
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