The white stones part at my knock, and the little orb bobs before me, immediately turning a shade of burnt orange at the storm gathering on my brow. I can almost hear the little guy gulp. He turns and bobs ahead of me, leading the way much quicker than usual to the throne room and beyond to the usual pagoda surrounded by the ethereal garden and night-like sky.

The king and queen relax on the pagoda. The queen gestures me forward with a regal wave of her hand.

Seeing them and the welcoming up tilt of the queen's lips, my steps falter, and I wonder if I'm being rash.

"I... I need to get my family back. Now." My voice is barely above a whisper, and I clench and unclench my fists, seeing the blood of the knight once again, seeing his wife's tears and his grandson's confusion, and... I don't know what to do. My mind is in a tailspin of grief and anger and an emotion that clutches my heart in a death grip and won't let go—fear.

The entire speech I had rehearsed in my mind fails me. The demands and the accusations I was going to throw... in the face of the actual fairies and the remembrances of how they've helped... I can't.

The king's face is hard as granite, and he watches me with one upraised brow. "Don't you realize—"

The queen sets a hand on his shoulder, and he glances at her.

Something in her gaze must say something, as he throws me a mock salute and flutters from the room like a hummingbird.

"Come, sit," she says.

I walk over, hesitant.

I stop. Everything that has led me to this point runs through my mind in a loop.

The first time I held the twins, their gurgles lightening my life. Daddy giving me his blessing to walk the way of the sword. Momma kissing my forehead when I brought home Ran, welcoming my bond into our lives with not a word despite Timber Wolves killing my grandmother. The day I saved a life while hiding behind the red hood, forever changing the path I would walk.

The day a little thief tried to rob me, and I tried to catch him. He accidentally introduced me to the Undercity and eventually put me on a path to fight the Mistress of Thieves. I came to realize that not everyone who stole or did things I didn't agree with were bad... but perhaps situations out of their control put them on a path different to my own. I have come to know truly bad folk. And the Mistress is not one of them.

Then there came the more recent days; learning of the threat to the prince at this very library by a man named Darshius, meeting the prince, fighting in the tournament to find Darshuis... and losing my family.

Through it all, there was one thing I know. I have never been alone.

These past few days—or perhaps, years—have really hardened my heart, despite my wishes. They have turned me into someone different, someone more jaded and less kind.

And that hurts to realize.

I thought I would come through these things and trials stronger. Thought... thought that I was different. That I would define how these things changed me, not the other way around. But somewhere along the way I forgot who I am. Forgot Whose I am.

Forgot that I always had help. I had Momma, who was the biggest supporter and confidant, willing to listen to all of my complaints and issues. She welcomed me with open arms, offering wisdom and peace to help me figure out the tough situations. I miss her so much. I never realized how much I leaned on her, mentally and physically, until she was gone.

Jack stayed with Jill when Momma and I were busy and always kept us on our toes with his antics. Jill made me laugh after the rough days, and would often read aloud to me from her books when she felt up to it.

Ran... my sweet, sarcastic bond never left my side and never complained about everything I've put her through, instead making me laugh when I felt like crying and breaking with me along the way. Then Hans and Jenny and the fairies were there on my worse days... a light and help when I didn't know how to move forward. And The King. He was always there... always had my back and my future, giving me little things at the right times to keep me going and holding me, even when I forgot him.

Never was I alone. I've always had support at my back and those beside and above to guide me along the way.

My King, I'm sorry. I... it's so easy to forget. Please, protect my family and make a way, for I don't know what to do. I feel the time for waiting has come to an end, and this urgency inside me builds for me to move, but I don't know how. Help me to move in the right direction. And... help me become who you want me to be through this. Use it, use me, somehow, someway—because I see nothing good coming out of this.

I look up, and the queen patiently sits on the rail of the pagoda, watching with knowing eyes and a gentle smile, making her seem ageless.

I walk over and sit on the marbled grey and brown step, draping my arm over a knee and feeling all the aches and pains of the fight. "I'm sorry."

"Don't issue apologies to the fairy. We are a selfish bunch, likely to misconstrue such things." I nod. "Besides, there is no need for you to apologize. I understand."

"Does the shield, or whatever it is, extend below ground?" I ask quickly, my idea swirling and wanting release sooner than later. It's something I had read in one of the many bond books that didn't help me a wit with knowing why they wanted Ran... but the little yellow book had a place about bonds with shielding capabilities and how they could be defeated with an earthen bond.

The queen blinks at the abrupt subject change. Then a serene grin tips her petite face and makes her eyes sparkle deviously. "Yes," she says slowly, and my heart drops, "but there is a difference." My heart beats again. "Only one mage gives life to the underground spell, in comparison to the twenty keeping up the primary shield. The primary spell makes the warehouse hide in plain sight, impenetrable by any normal means, and harmful to any who can pass it," she says. Based on my limited knowledge, I think she means anyone who tries to pass through would be burned to a crisp. "But the one designed for below Beulah? A rip through it would take a mere few turns, for it is less powerful in design... but I do not have the means to get you down there," the last words she issues almost as a way of apology. But I do not need her to get me there. I only need her to get me through the shield... if the place has an underground entrance like I suspect.

"So, if I found an underground means, we could get through?" I ask, hope churning in my heart.

She flutters her wings where she's on the rail above my head, crossing her legs regally. "Theoretically, yes."

"And if I could get us as near as I could... do you think you could get us the rest of the way?"

She looks out at the small flowers flowing in the nonexistent breeze; her gaze distant. "Yes, I believe so."

"I will get you a way there."

"And we will eradicate these vermin for what they did to my Natasha and to your family."

I grin at the vehemence in her usually placid voice. It's time.

I stand up, give her a bow, and walk to the entrance without another word.

"Natasha would like to see you, if that is of no mind," the queen calls out, fluttering to the flowers with a tiny pair of thinning shears in hand.

I pause, wanting to get out now and move forward with my plans. But I have already issued my proposal to the Mistress of Thieves... it's unlikely she will get back to me immediately.

Besides, it would be rotten of me to keep Natasha and Rose away from each other when they are in such pain.

I sigh and nod to the queen.

Her eyes smile at me before she returns to her flowers.

I stretch as I wait, my ribs protesting the movement, but not as sore as a few hours back. My hand still stabs me with pain, but it's both itching and hurting, so I'd guess it to be healing alright. My limbs feel like lead, despite the healing energy Ran sends my way as she rests. I would protest her sending me her strength... but I doubt I could keep moving if not for her.

And I need to be healed, and soon, because I'm going monster mage hunting.

I hold out my hands. Under my fingernails is still dark brown and crusty. The white bandage is already stained with a spot of red, and I know getting the bandage off is going to be a chore as the blood dries and sticks to the wound.

Buzzing fills my ears and a little pink streak darts into my chest.

“Hi sweet one,” I say as Natasha about bowls me over. I was a bit more prepared for it this time and brace myself for her forceful—erm—greeting.

“Hi.” She smiles up at me with full white teeth, youthful eyes filled with joy as her gossamer pink wings flutter behind her.

I smile back and sit down on the grass with her cradled to my chest.

“You’ve made her very happy,” Natasha says softly, a tear in her eye falling down her cheek as she communicates with the now happy spark in my chest that still won’t talk to me.

I hang my head. “Yes, but not before hurting her. I truly didn’t mean to—I didn’t know what I was doing.” But that doesn’t stop the consequences. That I almost did something... yeah. Not good.

“She understands, even if she's hurt. She’s willing to try being your friend, if you’ll let her.”

“I would like that very much. I’ll do my best to be good to her.”

“That’s all we can do. We all make mistakes. It is how we handle such failures that defines us,” the queen says softly as she trims some of the glowing blue daisies, tucking one behind her daughter's ear.

I hang my head, letting out a sigh. Yeah, my response lately has been to show the world my hinny and call it a day. No more. I'll just have to work on being a little less cynical.

What's wrong with cynicism? Ran huffs in the back of my mind. A small smile grows on my face, despite the exhaustion pulling at my limbs. It has been a long week.

Natasha kisses my cheek, then snuggles into my chest. I give her a sad smile, thankful for her support.

I look at the Queen. "They are being harmed and hurt. They need me. And I need them," my voice ends in a whisper.

“I know. Don’t fret. We will get them back yet. Have some faith in those you have surrounded yourself with. You are not alone in this fight.”

Not alone. “Thank you,” I say.

She sets a gentle hand on my head. My eyes close against my will. She goes back to snipping.

The gently weaving grasses and the soft snips lull me to sleep, and right before I sleep, I dreamily wonder if a certain fairy drugged me to make me sleep.