CHAPTER 561

THE SHADOWS CAST

Aaria groaned lowly as she opened her eyes, her eyelashes fluttering wildly in a haze. A few streaks of the sun made their way through the open-curtain window to her left, shining over arrays of light across her flamboyant blanket and onto the carpeted floor. She fought the grogginess as she pulled herself up and sat against the hand-carved bed’s frame, looking out into the empty room. It was rather long, winding in a slight curve against the side of the fortress’ walls, decorated lavishly by nearly everything she could find – paintings, sculptures, mosaics, hand-woven, elaborate rugs, extravagant furniture, convoluted chandeliers, and even a few pieces of stuffed animals.

She sighed with an empty expression, throwing the blanket to the rear and stepping to the bed's side, leaning over, her flocks of hair shining in the golden sun, strands lingering to the side, seeming messy. She stared emptily at the floor for a moment before standing up, stretching lazily and walking over to the basin in the corner, quickly washing herself. Right beside the basin was a massive, carved-in room full of lavish clothing, where she spent nearly half an hour choosing and dressing before stepping out, draped in a complex, multi-layered dress of crimson and gold, held together by shining bows on the sides and around the waist.

Right by the closet's entrance was a small chair lingering in front of an oval, gold-framed mirror and a mid-raised table full of strange, tiny cups of makeup. She paid them a quick glance before looking into the mirror, her reflection painstakingly staring back. The disheveled hair appeared a stark contrast to her dress, causing her to sigh lowly as she began fashioning it the best way she could, turning into a complex bun somewhat slowly and awkwardly.

She put her elbows onto the table and leaned closer in, lowering her head for a moment before looking back up; her skin was smooth, well-maintained, yet also appeared… fake. Her eyes reflected the sort of inner turmoil she had difficulty expressing, one that was eating away at her for years now, slowly building up, fanning the flames of her insecure heart.

Managing to tear herself away from the mirror, at last, she got up lethargically and walked over to the door, stopping for a moment and taking a deep breath before walking out. Right outside, several dozen women dressed like clones quickly shot to their feet and aligned to her sides, creating a sort of a path through the terraced road. To her right was an open view of the Empire's horizon, pillars upholding the upper floor, a variety of flowers decorating the railing. Her eyes, however, ignored everything as she made her way through a makeshift, human blockade converging behind her, creating a strange sight.

She stepped out into the open, the corridor’s exit leading to an open plaza down the set of stairs; the plaza was entirely empty, as was the case during most of the days, as it stood straight in front of the Empire’s official ‘palace’ of sorts. At the very edges, she could see a few figures working, though she paid them no heed, walking straight toward the palace’s grand entrance. Usually, this early in the morning, it was rather empty and silent, the Grand Hall seeming more a ghastly place from the horror stories rather than one of the Palace’s main buildings.

She left the entourage outside and made her way in, glancing around; etched across the walls, on the ceiling, present on dozens of paintings hanging around were the two figures that loomed over her – her parents. Their heroic figures stood imposed in one terrible circumstance or another, all of which they managed to overcome, making their way to the top and creating what is effectively a unified world. Both were unmatched in terms of strength and charisma, the ability to lead without even trying.

She couldn't remember the last time she saw her father attend any of the Empire's meetings, yet one word from him would still be enough to mobilize the entire Empire within minutes. Despite the fact that the majority of people never met him or even talked to him, his name carried such weight that it was unnecessary. The sheer quantity of titles that often came with his name was enough to etch him into the memories of people. She moved to the edge of the hall and sat down on one of the benches lined against the walls, looking eerily lonely.

There were murals of her, too, hanging about, and her portrait was even centralized amidst the two. It remained the penultimate reminder that she was inadequate; she wasn’t as strong as her father, as quick-witted as him, as smart as her mother, and not nearly enough capable of a leader to take over an entire Empire. She could feel her shortcomings in everything she did, and the stories she’d hear when others didn’t know she was listening were like swords being etched deep into her heart.

By her age, the Empress was already a Holy Maiden…

She has everything she could ever dream of and still can’t cultivate faster than some kids from the orphanages…

She’s weak…

She’s dull…

She’s shallow…

She’ll be a terrible Empress…

I wish the Lord and the Lady would have another child…

The pricks mounted, one by one, over the years, each digging a further inch deeper, stabbing at her. She used to believe in the empty façade that everyone was her friend, that everyone liked her because of who she was, and that it had nothing to do with what she was. However, the reality was much crueler than what her rose-colored, child’s mind believed. She realized quickly that, save for her parents and their unconditional love, she could rely on very few others. Among those of her own age, perhaps only her older brother was one of them, someone who always treated her the same.

She sighed, lost in thoughts, leaning further back against the bench. Every morning of every day, she would come here just as the dawn struck the day, sit in the silent thoughts for a good hour before others started showing up. Though she tried many times to sort the mess inside her head, it was all for naught. No matter how hard she tried, she always found herself coming up short of the world’s expectations. By all accounts, she was entirely ordinary; the only thing separating her from those kids throwing mudballs at each other on the streets was her namesake. The accidental point of her birth… and nothing else.

More than once, she wished she had been born in an ordinary family; she could have lived her life in silence, estranged from the eschewed eyes that never truly accepted her. She could have been someone ordinary, someone untouched by the glamor and the glory of the Court, unblemished by the expectations she knew she would never be able to meet, no matter how hard she worked. The reality escaped her eyes, and she escaped it in turn.

"… you look awfully despondent." A voice startled her out of her thoughts as she cried out, jumping up. Only then did she notice a familiar-looking figure sitting on the bench next to her, smiling faintly, his hair just as disheveled as hers was when she woke up. She had never seen her father without a cheeky smile on his face or entirely cleaned up. Perhaps only he could walk around in the Palace, and among the Courtly, looking as though he had just come from the streets where he begged for bread for hours. "Oh, wow. If I look awful enough to scare my own kid, maybe it's time I took some fashion advice from your mom, eh?"

“… ha ha ha, sorry,” Aaria laughed lightly and sat back down, leaning against his shoulder briefly. “It’s not that; you just startled me.”

“What were you thinking about so deeply anyway?” Lino asked, moving a few strands of her hair from her forehead.

“Nothing much.” Aaria replied, pulling the corners of her lips into a smile.

"… you got the same smile as your mom," he said after a few moments, sighing. "I remember her giving me the same look a long, long, long time ago. Reassuring me. Then, a few days later… she was gone. I wouldn't see her for over ten years afterward. Are you planning on running away, firefly?"

“…” Aaria swallowed back her words, staring deeply into the pair of abyss-black eyes. If there was one thing that she prided herself on, it was that she never burdened her parents with what she believed were her insignificant troubles. The two had the entire world to worry over; her little worries weren’t nearly bad enough to impede on that. Yet, his gaze seemed to thaw that thin layer of frost of confidence around her heart. “… I’ve thought about it.” She replied at last, looking away in shame, lowering her head.

“… where would you go?” Lino asked.

“… I don’t know,” she replied. “Somewhere. I’d figure it out.”

“… let’s go somewhere then.”

“Huh? Aa-aaaaaaaaaaaah!” Aaria suddenly screamed out as she felt herself pulled out of the reality, thrust through the world she had never seen before; all around her, the reality warped into a tunnel-like shape, colors beyond complexion forming shapes beyond descriptions, temporarily dulling her mind. By the time she registered it all, she felt a breeze of wind push past her cheeks, her legs touching the hard ground. It took a moment for her mind to catch up before she bent over and bawled out a mouthful, coughing right after. “Ugh, what the hell dad…” she grumbled angrily as she wiped her lips, straightening right after and taking in her surroundings.

“Oh, right, you never space-tunneled before,” Lino chuckled. “My bad.”

Aaria realized the two were standing on a riverbank, a stream of clear water pushing beside her down the rocky steep. Behind her was a small cabin, perched underneath a tall and bushy tree, the two surrounded by a massive plain.

“… where are we?” she asked after a moment.

“This,” Lino replied. “Is where I met your mom for the first time, second time.”

“Huh?”

“A long while back, I passed out after a fight with a Devil,” he said as he walked up to a small, wooden pier, Aaria following right behind him. The two sat down by the edge, letting their legs dangle off just above the stream. “And your mom… she brought me here. When I opened my eyes inside that cabin, a strange, masked woman welcomed me. I never told her this, and you better not either, but I nearly pissed myself from fear back then.”

“…”

“Anyway, we spent some time here until I recovered,” Lino said, glancing up toward the sky, a warm smile hanging on his face, one that caused Aaria to smile as well. “During which… I fell in love with her all over. Staying here, with her, away from the world, shut off from its troubles, from all the noise… is in one of my favorite moments of all time.”

“…” Aaria lowered her gaze back onto the stream, rocking her legs back and forth. She was lucky – she always knew that. Beyond simply having been born into the right family, the truly lucky part that her parents were irreplaceable. “You and mom are really amazing…”

“… it’s your mom that’s amazing,” Lino chuckled, glancing down at her. “I’m just a straggler who managed to ride the coattails of her marvelous life.”

“… no, you both are,” Aaria sighed, shaking her head. “Whenever people talk about you, it’s like… each story somehow becomes crazier than the last. You did all these crazy, insane, yet incredible things… all the time,” she laughed bitterly, looking up at the clear, blue sky. “And, somehow… you always… always… won.”

“…”

“People hate me, dad.”

“… huh? What? People don’t hate you.”

“Ha ha, it’s fine; I know they do,” she laughed bitterly, corners of her eyes growing teary. “And… honestly… I don’t blame them. I’m never good enough. Never good at anything, dad. No matter how hard I try, how much effort I put in… I always come up short. I want to be like the two of you; I want people to have their eyes shine whenever they mention me… not really because of me, but because of you two. You've built this amazing world all by yourself… and sometimes… sometimes I feel I'm the only stain on your legacy."

“…” Lino listened in silence as tears began rolling down her slightly reddened cheeks.

“… I… I’m sorry,” she cracked all of a sudden, her fingers’ hold onto the wooden pier tightening. “I’m so sorry…”

"… you seem to have a really skewed view of your mom and me, firefly," Lino said with a pained smile, caressing her head gently. "We're nowhere near as amazing as you think we are, and especially not as much as people describe us. If anything, both of us, especially me, are littered by faults, regrets, and past mistakes we'll never be able to erase. You say we've accomplished all of these amazing things on our own, but that's hardly the truth; all along, we had countless arms and hearts supporting us. And, as people do from time to time, we failed many of them."

“…” Aaria moved her gaze away from the river and onto the man she always considered ineffable, untouchable, a wall that can never be cracked. Yet, that very wall was cracking right now, in front of her eyes.

“This Empire… this damned empire was built on blood and bones, firefly,” Lino said. “Names of hundreds of people lay etched in its bloodbound soil. I failed so, so many times, I’ve long since lost the count. However, nobody mentions that. Recently, and secretly, I sneaked into some of the schools just to see what’s it all about, and not once did I hear anyone mention how I had to escape my first, true war with a tail between my legs. Not once did I hear anyone mention how I had failed to protect the very first people that decided to follow me, leading to their early demise. Not once did I hear anyone mention all the countless mistakes I’ve made, the endless sea of people I’ve let down, and no doubt countless heartbreaks I’ve caused.”

“…”

"All those murals, all those paintings, mosaics… what they paint isn't a story of how your mom and I got to where we are," Lino sighed, shaking his head with a bitter smile. "They paint a folktale that's about as true as if you said birds give birth to lions. Remember this, firefly -- behind every single moment of glory is a story full of heartache, failure, and breakdowns. If there is one thing I'd never let you be, firefly, it's to be like your mom and me. They talk behind your back? Let them. The only reason they don't talk behind my back is that they're scared shitless. If it bothers you, just whip them a few times to teach them a lesson."

“… ha ha ha ha…”

“I didn’t change this world for them, Aaria; I didn’t fight endless wars, lost hundreds of friends, and set the world on fire for years, for them. I did it for you – so you wouldn’t have to. You are amazing, no matter what you think of yourself. You say you failed at everything you tried, but the only thing I saw you try is to follow in your mom’s and my footsteps. That’s a no-go, firefly. Be yourself. Never let our shadows hold you back from becoming whatever you want. If you want to become an Empress after us, devote yourself to it. If not? Then don’t. Who gives a shit, anyway? There are literally millions of people out there who’d be more than happy to inherit the throne. If you like painting, then paint; if you like dancing, then dance; if you like music, then sing; if you like writing, then write; if you like doing nothing and lazing around all day, then laze around until your heart’s content. The world is yours, firefly, and you don’t owe it anything. Nor do you owe its inhabitants anything. You only owe yourself to live the life you want to live.”

“… how do you not care?” Aaria asked, biting her lower lip and throwing herself into his chest; all her troubles seemed to fade away right at that moment, as though a wall between them and her had been erected from the solid nothing.

“… I can’t answer that for you, firefly,” Lino said, caressing her hair warmly, embracing her with his free arm. “If you want, your mom and I can abdicate the throne today, and move here. It will be just the three of us, day in and out. However, something tells me… that’s not the path you want to take.”

“…”

"The key in life, I've learned," Lino said, taking a deep breath. "Is finding yourself in the midst of others. You'll always feel the pull to be someone else; when I was younger, the only reason I wanted to be a smith was because I saw how lavishly the smiths in the village lived. But, before that, I wanted to be a miner, because I saw miners eating freshly baked bread on their way over to the mines. And, before that, I wanted to be a guard of some fancy noble, because I always saw those guards dressed in the best armor and weapons coin can buy. If you let this pull of the naïve heart win, you'll never find yourself. You'll always be somebody else. Look no further than yourself," he added, chuckling faintly. "How many millions of girls in the world want to be the Princesses because they believe you're at the peak of happiness? That you have everything?"

“…”

“So be yourself, firefly; you may be my kid, but before that, you are your own self. You owe neither your mom nor me anything. Never let these, or any other, old bones hold you back. If you try and fail, what does it matter? Everyone tries and fails. If I never failed in life, I’d have never learned anything. So, you could say, my genius is built upon the mountain of failures.”

“Oh, your genius, is it? Ha ha ha…”

“Indeed, indeed,” Lino chuckled, stroking his chin. “This unparalleled genius indeed.”

“… unparalleled, huh? So… you must have failed tons in your life?”

“Oh, more than you can count.”

“I can count plenty, though; I may be a bit slow, but I’m not a dud, dad…”

“Oh, my bad. I heard some clerk talking about how he saw you struggling to count to a hundred, so I just assumed…”

“WHAT?!!” Aaria jumped up suddenly, her cheeks red like a cherry. “I-I can count more than a hundred!! Who said that?! I’ll beat his ass so hard he’ll forget to count to a hundred!!”

“… I think he was like… a hundred and one years old, though. Oh, sorry, it’s a hundred, plus one.”

“…” Aaria settled down, finally realizing she was being messed with. That cheeky smile… ah, that cheeky smile – she loved it more than the words could ever describe. “You’re an asshole…”

“… oi, where’d you learn that word?!”

"From a hundred and a one-year-old clerk who said you stink of cheese."

“… you know what? You just might make it as a Court Lady. You’ve a fierce tongue on you, firefly.”

“Eh, I guess I did inherit something from the two of you unparalleled geniuses…”

“And it’s the best part, at that. Be proud!”

“… I’d really rather not…” Aaria laughed lightly, rolling her eyes. “Thank you…”

“… I’m just sorry it took me so long.”

“I understand; don’t worry about it.”

“No,” Lino shook his head. “It pains me that you even understand. I may say I built all of this for you, but if I’m constantly running about, what was the point? From today onwards, reserve one hour every day – we’ll call it Daddy-Time!”

“Ugh, no, please… that’s so embarrassing…”

"Says who?! I, as the only other person here, say that it's absolutely magnificent! The first order of our Daddy-Time – tag! If I catch you, I'll throw you into the stream and we'll swim together!"

“Ugh, stop joking—oi, no, don’t! Dad!” Aaria suddenly jumped up and ran off, sprinting, Lino right at her heels. “I’m serious, stop!! The water is too fast, and I can’t swim that well! Daaaaaad!!!”