My fear was confirmed a few minutes later, after mom had stopped yelling, as the big-toothed monster came in and kissed her on the mouth. Come on guys, I’m right here, I can see everything! They spoke for a while longer, but by that time I was starting to get sleepy again. Oh well, at least he’s not going to eat me. I think…

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Over the next few days I built a much clearer picture of the world around me… or, at least, of the house around me… Anyway, it was a wood and stone building which seemed pretty sturdy. They used candles and lamps for light after it got dark, so I can assume there is no electricity. At this point, I’m pretty certain this has to be another world. Why the hell would people with body mods live in a rustic cabin? And can you even GET jaw implants like that?

I really wanted to see what I looked like, but I still hadn’t figured out the trick to getting my arms to move how I wanted them too. Granted, I still spent most of my time asleep, so I’d only been trying for a few hours or so. I definitely felt pretty normal, well… for being stuck in the body of a baby. I could more or less tell that I had four limbs, two eyes, and maybe even fingers. But that was about all I had to work with at the moment. Oh yeah, and I could poop like a champ.

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I have seen Big-Jaw (dad) a few more times over the last few days, and the interactions between him and Purple-Hair (mom) were starting to get a bit less scary. More than half the time she starts off yelling, but I have no idea why. She is always calm by the time he leaves, and always smiling and happy when she looks at me.

He doesn’t always pick me up, but he often stands over me looking down. I hate to tell you dad, but those fangs do NOT make for a reassuring smile. I’m just glad he doesn’t drool (that’s my job). When he does grab me though, he does it a lot slower than he did the first time, which I am grateful for. He also has massive hands, at least three times the size of mom’s. Right now I literally fit in the palm of his hand. I have no idea if I’m a super small baby with a tiny mom, or if he’s just an oversized giant.

I have still really only seen this one room in our house: I really hope mom takes me for a walk sometime soon. Then again, I’m probably only a week or so old, so maybe they think that’s too early to go outside.

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I saw a bunch more of our house today, and it was pretty neat looking. Everything is tidy and clean, the furniture looks well-made and expensive… though, that’s probably because everything here looks like it came straight out of an Antique store. I’m pretty sure everything is hand-crafted, so wherever I am the tech level is a lot lower than I am used to. This worries me quite a lot, as I was already missing the internet (and my family, cough cough) during my few free minutes alone and awake.

Mom was constantly talking to me, but, of course, I still had no clue what she was saying. The language sounded more Gaelic than anything else I could think of (not that I was an expert, by any means). She didn’t seem to be expecting me to reply, so I was happy to listen and just look around. Actually, I bet if I did reply she’d drop me and run screaming from the house. Which would be funny at first… and then really really terrible.

I figured that even if I did learn the language quickly, I should probably try and play dumb for a while so as to not freak everyone out. I mean, smart kids are great and all, but nobody should be capable of conversation by 8 weeks old. Anyway, that was a concern for the future, for now let’s just be quiet and listen to mom.

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Green. GREEN! My skin is green.

Both mom and dad are a golden tan, like a typical outdoorsy Caucasian might be maybe. Sure mom has purple hair and pointy ears, and dad might have a crazy jawline (and the teeth, my god, the teeth!) but his hair is a deep brown and both of them are pretty darn human looking.

So why the hell am I green! Not only that, but when I look closer I swear I can see tiny scales. This is crazy… why are Purple-Hair and Jaws even ok this! Am I even their kid? This whole experience has been one big shock after another, what’s next, wings? Do I have to learn how to fly (actually that would be awesome)? Am I gonna be fed eat bugs and flies (not so awesome) when I finish breastfeeding?

Ok, let’s calm down and think about this. Alright… Ok… well, I’m pretty sure lizards don’t drink milk, though I’m not completely certain. Stupid Google, where are you in my time of need! I don’t think I hatched from an egg. The immensely painful crushing experience more or less proves that.

Cool, that’s a good start. Lemme see, anything else... hmmmm. Ah! Purple-Hair is lactating, which means that she probably just gave birth. And I was just recently born… so… well, I have no idea. This just makes no sense at all. Maybe they are taking care of me for someone else.

But that doesn’t quite fit… nobody could be THIS happy about taking care of someone else’s baby.

Ack, here comes mom… err… Purple-Hair… for a feeding. At this point I suppose it doesn’t matter, but even though this is a second life I guess I still want to know where I came from. At least they don’t seem to care about the color of my skin.