This morning I spent some time designing a poison that would impede healing magic. It wasn’t too difficult, I just had to combine Whitefoot and Astrie in the right way, and I didn’t need it to be perfect either. I just need it to be good enough to cause my apprentices serious issues that they can then figure out how to overcome those problems.

Creating a mind that is self-aware is actually really hard. I’m not sure I can pull it off without a healthy amount of luck, and I do have a healthy amount of magical luck stored up but I’m not sure if I want to try and use it for this. With some trial and error, I might be able to do something else though. With what I understand about the brain and the mind I should be able to create a crude design of what I want, and then I can take advantage of evolution and hopefully get a more refined version. Repeat that a couple thousand times and I should get there eventually.

Like most of my projects, the work isn’t hard, just tedious.

I ended up talking to Talus today, or rather she came to talk to me. She apologized, saying that she wasn’t exactly the best girlfriend, and, I mean, I wasn’t either. She said that in hindsight she didn’t exactly treat me well, though she used harsher language than that. She said that the fact that she had memories of a previous life regarding relationships, memories that she admitted to taking advantage of to try and manipulate me, is much worse than the passive manipulation that my dungeon core applies to everyone because I can’t control that. In regards to that she also said ‘at least with a dungeon everything you manipulate manipulates you in turn’, something I am going to have to look into more. She said that she regretted treating me like a doll and constantly tried to interrupt me while I was working, though I do admit I could have been a bit more attentive.

She also thanked me. She thanked me for saving her life when we first met, the injuries she had sustained could have killed her without my help. She thanked me for providing her a place where she could be safe for a while and allowing her a chance to grow into someone able to fend for herself.

She cried when she found out that the heart of my forest was destroyed, I have never seen sorrow turn to seething rage so fast. She said that the place where we met was the first place since childhood that she truly felt safe.

We parted ways after that, she didn’t tell me where she was going but she left my forest entirely. It’s quite likely that I will never see her again, which is sad really. We had something for a while, and while it wasn’t all good it definitely had good parts. Would I do something differently? I’m not sure.

At least I’ve realized that I am over her now. Emotionally anyway, if anything she is even more attractive than she was before. I feel nostalgic over the memories we share, though it wasn’t that long ago, but I don’t feel any desire to return to that.

I wasn’t the best girlfriend, I intentionally ignored her and often thought she was annoying when all she wanted was to hang out with me. I groaned and bemoaned whenever she would pull me away from my work, which more often than not wasn’t exactly time sensitive. I easily could have taken some time every day to hang out with her without causing any real harm, but I didn’t and I should have.

And I can’t help but compare what I have with Azrezel now to what I had with Talus. He’s a lot more like I am, constantly working on passion projects and pursuing power because it’s fun, not for any desire of power. We both rely on knowledge and understanding much more than emotion, intention, and desire. And a number of other small little ways in which we are similar.

I will say that one thing I miss about Talus is her libido, Azrezel doesn’t exactly have one unless I use some healing magic to say otherwise. The biological functions of undead don’t really work properly, even when everything is in perfect condition.

That was emotional to write, more so than I was expecting.

Anyway, Good Night Diary.