The kids’ father was found dead this morning. It was poison. A kind designed to give you a quick and painless death, making it feel like entering a deep sleep. The young alchemist killed himself. I was the last one to see him alive.

The logical side of me knows that there is nothing I could have done as there was no way I could have realized he was going to kill himself. It’s simply not something I had ever encountered before, and certainly not something I had considered as being a possibility.

But the not so rational part of me blames myself. I should have tried to do something, despite the fact that I didn’t know to do anything, I would have known to do something if I had read his mind with Lace, but why should I read random people’s minds? It feels like going a step beyond what is ok.

I have seen people die before. I have been the last one to see several people alive. But I’ve never had anyone I knew commit suicide, and it’s hitting me a lot harder than I thought it would.

And the kids, what are we going to do with the kids? I will keep training them if they want me too, I doubt Askos and Junior will stop but I’m not sure about the others. And they are too young to survive on their own, Askos might be fine because of the whole memories of a past life thing but the rest won’t. Hopefully, we will figure something out.

Askos was understandably not in the mood to practice healing, but Junior wanted nothing more than something to keep her mind off of everything. So I offered her a challenge and offered guidance when she got stuck.

By the end of the day she successfully healed one of the bodies of all injuries. It was, admittedly, one of the easier ones, but that doesn’t change the fact that she succeeded weeks before I expected her too. She began to cry, when she realized her accomplishment. And so I comforted her, held her until the child fell asleep in my arms.

I want these kids to have a good life, and more than just because I liked their mother and grandfather. I feel responsible for them somehow. But it’s not like I can raise them myself, ignoring the fact that I would make a terrible mother, being adopted by me would dramatically change the way the people see them. I don’t think it would be healthy for children to be quite literally worshiped as they try to go about their daily lives. I know for a fact that I could get any number of people that would be willing to take care of them, but who would be a good choice. Whisperer’s replacement, whose name I really should have learned by now, knows the people quite well and should be able to point me in the right direction. I’ll look into that tomorrow when they wake up.

During my downtime, I continued writing the book the scholars wanted me too. I burned my knowledge about the anatomy of as many creatures as I possibly could onto the pages, going into a level of detail I have never seen written down before. I have even included the anatomies of my Ents and all of the clockwork creatures, the latter of which I know way too much about. I never wanted to learn about clockwork, but with how many plant-based clockwork creatures there are around me at all times I bet I could build a clock on my own, eventually. Maybe I could replicate one of the creatures that already exist.

At this current pace I should have a book that is good enough by tomorrow, though I could realistically spend a couple more days getting everything I know about anatomy onto those pages. I’ll probably perfect it, but something might come up preventing that.

Anyway, Good Night Diary.