《Congratulations, You're Dead!》# 86

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"MANLING!!!" The roar is so loud and all encompassing that I blank out for a second.

We only had to wait a few hours before a go between got the okay to bring us to the hidden village. We left mittens at the inn, because... well, he's Mittens. No way were we bringing that trouble magnet to meet a dragon.

When I come to, all I can see is a house sized maw bearing down on me. I don't have time to think; I half turn away and reach out, throwing Apricot and Amelia clear with a gust of wind. I have just enough time to register the look of horror on their faces before my world erupts into pain.

"AAAAAAHHHHH----RRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" My high-pitched shriek modulates into a masculine bellow of pain and rage as I instinctively resume my Plantkin form.

But pain means I'm alive. Alive and very, very pissed off. Pissed off enough to forget about my contingency plan and just want to get some revenge. I have Blackthorne to thank for saving me, he sprung to full-size and lodged himself in the beast's jaws. But, my trailing arm was grazed by a fang and sheared clean off at the elbow.

Even now, I can feel a toxin spreading from the wound. So, I grit my teeth and take the rest off at the shoulder. I can still feel a bit of it got through into my system, so I down the prepared Healing Sap and turn it's zinc and Mana Gem flask into a necklace

All that takes me less than a second, and the dragon is still disoriented, so I shout. "My turn Wyrm!" The fingers on my remaining hand morph into black, dagger-like claws as carbon fiber reinforces my bones and muscles. I reach up and grab it by the nostril and sink my claws in, all while my legs have sunk roots deep and wide into the earth.

"Yes, I am a man, you crazy fucking dragon. But, I am here to help! Which, I am going to do RIGHT AFTER I KICK YOUR ASS!!!" Replacing my missing arm with a construct of pure Magic, I use it to reach up and rip the blood-stained tooth out by the roots.

A blast of super-heated steam rips from it's throat along with a surprisingly feminine scream.

"Is that all you've got?" I scream right back. "My wife can do better than that! Blackvines!" Plants made from living space elevator cables wrap around the enormous neck, choking off the air supply before it's able to draw breath for another attack.

The beast isn't done yet, though. She's unable to move her head, so she whips her tail around trying to use it to break me in half. Using most of my magic to slow it down, I'm just able to catch it using a vine.

"Nice try." I sneer over the tip of its snout into an eye that's as tall as I am. I then slam its own fang through the offending appendage pinning it to the ground, where even more vines emerge to wrap it up. Then, starting with its jaws, I slowly shrink Blackthorne down as they cinch the dragons jaw shut, before I spread the vines out to cocoon the rest of the massive beast.

"Now!" I half-shout, half-pant. "Will you calm the fuck down and fucking listen?" I loosen the vines choking it. The wild, panicked rolling of its eyes calms as soon as the dragon is able to draw breath again. We stand there in a staring contest for a few moments until she finally looks down and away. "About fucking time!" I snort and peel my, now bloody claws from her nose, my roots shrivelling away at the same time.

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""Sorrel."" My girls come running up and tackle me into a three-sided hug. "Are you okay?"

- "Your arm!" They talk over each other.

"I'm okay." I drop the construct to reveal the end of my arm, the tip of which is already covered over in flesh, the pale green color of a new shoot. "It'll grow back; being Plantkin has a few nice benefits, after all." The zinc is helping too, but it is slow and clearly not meant to handle the abuse I just put my body through.

"You crazy fucking jackass." Amelia breaks into tears. "Don't you ever scare me like that again." She hiccups, and buries her tear-stained face against my chest.

"Just let it out baby, I'm right here." I would shift back into my human form to give her a more comfortable place to lay her head, but I get the feeling that Shapeshifting would be a very bad idea right now. "We're safe now, it's okay." I lower us to the ground and Apricot moves to sandwich Amelia between us.

"Come on, babe." Apricot tries to cheer her up. "You've got to admit that was really fucking hot. And, I'm not talking about that sub-par steam attack." She chuckles when the dragon snorts indignantly at her line. "Just him catching that tail was enough to make me wet, and I'm definitely going to be masturbating to that image for the rest of my life."

"Snerk." Amelia snorts out a laugh at our partner's over-the-top antics. "I think when he said 'My turn' was even hotter." She sniffles out. "Like the fight was already over, and she just didn't know it yet."

The dragon groans with the distinct tone of embarrassment as my wives soothe their frazzled nerves by talking about how awesome I am.

After a few moments; once they seem to have calmed down, Joceline Bard, the go between for Newlake and the hidden village, slowly approaches. "..." She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out.

"My apologies for the subterfuge." I speak up, seeing as she can't find any words. "This is my true face, and this is what I typically look like." I project a hologram of my human form. "I took the guise of Elle to calm the nerves of one of their cousins." I nod to where a group of blonde women, all seemingly in their early twenties, are peering out from behind the cover of the forest. "Had I known that this one would be so damned touchy just because I was created with a penis, I would have said something." The dragon grumbles. "Oh, shut it you."

"But, why where you still a woman then?" The girls and I rolls our eyes in sync and each of us give her the same look. "Oh!" She blushes, and I can hear a few of the women tittering.

"Now, that everyone has calmed down." I float us up over the dragon's head. "Maybe we can speak like civilized beings?" I loosen the bindings around her mouth, only for all of them to fall away as the beast is replaced by a beauty.

The villagers that were hiding all come running up at this point with cries of "Gwynne." And then, many more cries of "your tooth" and "your smile". Her fang is still full-sized and sticking out of the ground, now coated in both mine and her blood. The pieces of my arm have already rejoined the soil, I didn't want to look at it, or let the girls get even more upset.

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"It's fine girls." She touches her finger to the empty socket and channels pure Mana into it, causing a replacement to grow out almost instantly. "See, all better."

"So, you're a half?" I say as we touch the ground once more. "I was wondering where you came from." 'And, why you were so weak.' is what I don't say.

"Gwynne Hartin, at your service." She curtsies to us, and I swear I can see a hint of a blush on her face before she ducks her head, hiding it behind her flowing, golden locks.

"Sorrel Rumex, it's a pleasure to meet you." I give her a slightly mocking bow in return. "I'd shake your hand, but..." I pointedly look down at my shoulder.

This time she definitely blushes. "I don't know what to say. The dragon side of me gets a little territorial, and thought you were here to take my children."

"I'm surprised you were able to tell; I put a lot of work into that Shapeshift, making myself as much a true female as I could." At first it was just cosmetic, but the girls liked her so much that I tweaked it to perfection over the course of the afternoon.

"It's hard to hide things from dragons, but truthfully I didn't consciously know until you took your true form." She looks me up and down. "I haven't run into many Plantkin, and none who act like you. Are you a half as well?"

"I was raised by humans. This is the form I feel most comfortable in." I explain while pointing to the hologram. "Mind if I ask how you came to be?" Dragons can be randy, but they're more likely to eat a human instead of fucking one.

"Mhm. My father." She spits out the word. "He was already mortally wounded when he crashed into and formed what would become Newlake. Knowing that he was dying and had no offspring, he chose to impregnate my mother with his last breath. Like you, I was raised human; I had a few mates and many children, but it wasn't until generations later that the curse showed up."

"It's not a curse." I negate her statement. "They are two new species, proto-species, technically. Which is likely why they can't control their powers. The Sighted, are called Sirens by the Book of Knowledge, and the Sleepers, Moura. Named according to Temmie for their similarity to certain myths."

"I knew I should have purchased evaluate." She sighs.

"It would have taken a few levels." I say to alleviate her burden. "I've got it at one, and they only read as question marks. Had to ask a friend with it at level three to scan Clara and her sister Cici, a Siren and Moura respectively."

"Nnh, it's hard enough to level as a dragon-kin. I used what few points I had for stuff that would help my girls." She says like she's trying to defend herself.

"Understandable." I nod. "Clara and her sister may only be my subjects, but I would like to help them all the same."

"Subjects?" Joceline mutters. "Wait, Rumex! I knew that name sounded familiar. You're the warmonger from Larendath."

I snort and the girls crack up laughing when she calls me a warmonger. "Oh, that's rich. I am Marquis of Arcadia -formerly known as the Grasslands- but, I am no warmonger. Berkie sent two-thousand men and a dozen mages to take Riverton because he wanted our new dungeon. I stripped them nude and sent them packing, and nothing else... Well, I did steal a bunch of metal he was stockpiling for war a few days ago, but that was likewise done without harming anyone." I play the movie of the invasion.

"Hahahah." Gwynne's deep belly laugh fills the clearing once the movie ends. "Oh, look at them scamper. I never did like those royals; every time the rumor got out about our village here, they'd send in forces looking to capture my girls." She snarls, and I wonder just how she got them to finally stop.

"Like I said, I want to help." I continue where I was before Joceline side-tracked us. "But, to do that, I need your help. I will give you as many enchanted bracelets as you need, either way. But, I hope that with all of your cooperation, we can find a way to unlock your full bloodlines and bring about your true potential as a species."

"Yeah, but what's in it for you?" Joceline gives me the stink eye.

"Relax Jocie." Gwynne says in a motherly tone. "He just said what's in it for him. He's deeply in love with his wives, and you just saw him defeat me with barely a scratch." She smirks at the affronted look that pops onto my face. "The challenge of working on this puzzle, and the knowledge he'll gain is all the reward he's looking for."

"That's it exactly." I smirk right back at her. "This has me asking so many questions about magical evolution, how dragons tie into the other species, and most importantly what this might mean for my own children." I look to Apricot and she shrinks to her true size, revealing that she's a pixie.

"I knew I smelled Fae on her." Gwynne nods smugly while her descendants marvel at meeting a pixie. "How'd you manage that? I though only dragons could Trueshift."

"It's Sizeshift, a wedding gift from Temmie." I explain as Apricot returns to human size and sidles up next to us again.

"Nice." She smiles, showing off her perfect smile. "So, what do you need from us?"

"Information to start with." I answer immediately. "A detailed scan, and a blood sample from anyone willing to provide one, both here and back in Newlake." I eye the big tooth.

"Go ahead and take it, you won it fair and square." As soon as she says that, I toss it into my inventory to prevent any further degradation. "Heheh. Anything else?" She laughs at my eagerness.

"A place to lie him down before he passes out would be nice." Amelia says. "This dumbass may look fine, but fighting you took more out of him than he's letting on."

"Why'd you have to remind me?" I fight to keep my eyes open now that she's reminded me of how wiped I am. "Nnh, need food first. Tore my body up pretty bad holding her down, and the rebuilding is going to take a lot of fuel." As I say this I take out my snack box and pull out the emergency food I prepared in case I over taxed myself during a healing. It's basically just pemmican that's been loaded up with tons of vitamins and minerals. I wash it all down with a large bottle of dextrose.

As soon as I do a popup from Temmie shows that I have a new Title. Honorary dragon: Gained for defeating a dragon 'single-handedly'.

"Very cute Temmie." I slur, and show the notification to the girls, they give a token laugh, but mostly just look worried.

"This way." Gwynne ushers us into the village, the girls practically dragging me.

I blank out for a minute, only to wake again as they lay me in bed. "You rest now babe. Apricot's going to watch over you while I go get Mittens."

"'Kay." I mumble. "Don't let her eat him." The last thing I hear is their snorts of laughter before I slip under again.

***

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