《Congratulations, You're Dead!》# 37
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*Ding**Ding**Ding*
"Snerk! Huh what?" I snap awake. "Oh, shit Marta's calling, we totally forgot." I reach for the phone while the girls climb groggily out of bed. "Hello Marta."
"Ah, Sorrel, it works." I can hear the smile in her voice. "Can you three still make it for dinner?"
"Of course. We're not late are we? Kinda fell asleep after a big bit of Magic earlier."
"Magic, eh? I've fallen asleep after a bit of noon-time magic myself, a time or two before." She sees right through my lie, making me laugh as I hear Abby groan in the background. "But no, you're not late at all, the meal should be ready in about an hour."
"Oh good, we'll see you soon, then."
"Until later, magic man." She laughs and disconnects.
"How could you let us fall asleep?" Amelia accuses while getting dressed.
"Let you?" I disagree. "I just wanted to rest for a minute, it's not my fault someone gets her motor revved by watching big magic being performed." I send a look at our orange-haired companion.
"Mmm, Don't forget about that ballista, that was pretty fucking hot too." Our pixie temptress adds before slipping into her skirt and shrinking back down to her normal size. Only she left the skirt behind.
"Well, I guess that answers that question." I laugh at the bottomless pixie.
"Oops, sorry Apricot." Amelia takes off the pixies skirt and slips into hers.
"You did it like that on purpose just so this would happen, didn't you Temmie?" *Ding**Ding**Ding* The systems laugh-like bells ring out.
"Nice one Temmie." I give the ceiling a thumbs up. "Alright, just give me a minute to clean up downstairs and then we can drive over. You want to leave your parents a note?"
"No need, I called Mom before we came home."
We head downstairs where I pack up the armor tests and decompose the extra trees. It takes a minute to turn the ballista into a rocket, an Oldsmobile Rocket 88, that is.
"Ugh, Sorrel." Apricot groans.
"Oh, you're not getting out of this, you little rocket girl." Amelia laughs at her.
We hop in and I start playing Rocket Man by Elton John, the girls are into it at first. But after a minute in it goes 'Oh no no no I'm a rocket man', and Apricot groans before shifting to our size just to smack me. Meanwhile Amelia's clutching her sides from laughing so hard.
I keep up a rocket themed playlist the whole way there. Surfing on a Rocket by Air, Rocket by En Vogue, Rocket Ride by Kiss, and Def Leppard's Rocket. Amelia laughing so hard the whole time that she could barely breath. While Apricot just kept beating on me, she even tried to take the wheel once, presumably to crash us just to make me stop. But, I just made it pop off in her hands and kept driving, only to have her start hitting me with it, making Amelia laugh even harder.
I'm just starting Ride My Rocket by Pantera when we turn the corner onto Marta's street. When she cries out. "Oh, thank the gods! We're here, please stop with the music."
"I guess I can give you a break." I finally relent after just one 'Ride my rocket. Wear me out.' "Besides, I think Amelia's about to pass out from not being able to breathe."
Abigail's waiting on the porch for us again, and comes running up before we even stop. "You have a magic carriage? How does it work?" She gushes out.
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"It doesn't. Not yet, at least." I answer. "Right now I just push it with magic. I need to make a proper engine for it still. That's what I was supposed to be working on today, actually."
"But, then he built a ballista in the backyard, to test some crazy armor that can stop a ballista bolt like it's nothing." Apricot sings my praises, having already forgiven me for teasing her. She wasn't really serious about it, or she would have hit a lot harder. And, she knows all she has to do is ask me to stop, and I will.
Abby looks at my crotch and her face goes white causing me to crack up laughing. "No, not that one, that was just a gag to tease the girls." I pant out between laughs. "This is what I made." I toss her a plate of metal that's not even a centimeter thick.
"Why would you need to stop a ballista bolt for?" She asks, more than a little confused. "And how did this little thing do it?"
"Oh, I'm sure you'll find out soon. That's why your aunt invited us over, after all." I give her a sad smile. "And, I'm sure I could do better than that if I had..." I pause as a thought hits me. "...access to the right metals. Uh, you've got some paint on your chin, by the way." A triumphant smile creeps onto my face.
"Oh, no." She blushes beet red and starts wiping at it with a cloth she pulled from her pocket. "The stuff gets everywhere, I don't know how Marta stays clean."
"Here, let me." I magic it up into a tiny drop on my finger tip before silently Analyzing it.
"Babe, I know you're not doing it on purpose, but if you don't quit smiling at her like that, you're going to need that codpiece for real." Amelia threatens me with more humor in her voice than heat.
I look from the cobalt blue on my finger to the now flustered girl in front of me, and then to Amelia. "Sorry, but I just remembered that a lot of paint pigments contain metals. Like cobalt." I wipe the droplet onto her nose before she can react.
"Ack, you jerk." She tries to hit me, but I dance out of the way and hide behind Apricot. "Now, you're really going to need some armor."
"Hey, don't get me in the middle of this." Apricot shrinks and flies over to land on the stunned Fire Mage.
"What? but, you, big, huh?" Abby sputters.
"Guys, I think we broke her." The pixie calls as I'm trying to keep the car between myself and Amelia while she chases me with conjured water balls.
"Oh, there you guys are." Marta's voice rings out from the porch of her pseudo-victorian home. "What's going on out here?" She smiles at the hectic scene happening in front of her house.
"Sorrel broke your niece." Apricot flies up to tattle on me. "He smiled at her and now she's just standing there kinda blank faced."
"Hey, I'm not the one who revealed she can go from pixie to human-sized and back." I counter while dodging another attack from Amelia.
"No, but apparently you showed her your giant codpiece earlier when neither Amelia or I were home." She fires back with a low blow.
"Oh, that's it. More rocket songs." I start up Like A Rocket by Reverend Horton Heat
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"Noooo!" Apricot screams making Amelia and I crack up laughing. Marta has an amused smile while Abby just seems to be growing more confused by the second. "Please no more." She finally begs.
"Okay, sorry for teasing you on the way over." I cut the music. "But, I think you more than got me back just now."
"No more rocket songs?" She asks suspiciously.
"No more rocket songs." I promise. "We can even change the car if you really want to."
"No, I like the Rocket." Amelia cries.
"Oh, fine. But only because you want it." Apricot relents.
"Hello Marta." I walk up and hand her a big box of chocolates. "I owe you and your niece an apology. We invited you to our wedding, but then we went and got eloped. I hope this can make up for it just a bit."
"That's quite alright." She accepts the gift. "If what I've heard is true, then I certainly don't blame you for stepping up your plans."
"Are you finally going to tell me what's got you acting so weird." Abby snaps out of her stupor and rushes up to us.
"Maybe we should go inside first." Amelia cautions.
"Yes, please come on back to the kitchen." Marta guides us into her home. "From your attitudes, I take it that my sources aren't wrong." She pulls a worried looking Abby to her side.
"I don't know exactly what you've been told." I start. "But, since it involves Abigail directly, I'm just going to lay everything on the line. And, please don't spread this around, I'm not sure how far the Queen wishes the news to spread."
"What is it?" The girl asks, suddenly looking even younger than her sixteen years. "You guys are scaring me."
"Don't worry Abby, you're safe and you haven't done anything wrong." Amelia reassures her. Apricot even takes human size again and reaches out to hold her hand.
"Cendassa is preparing for war." I say flatly. "They want the dungeon. And, they're gathering troops in secret to take it and the rest of Larendath. All while using your running away from the baron to make waves publicly."
"No." She gasps out and would have fallen to the floor if her aunt hadn't grabbed onto her. "No! Gods Dammit!" She goes from shocked and afraid to furious in a split second. "I thought I was done with that smelly old bastard for good. If he wants me, then he can come and get me. I'll burn the old bastard to charcoal!" She spits.
"ABIGAIL!" I roar, waves of power visibly pouring off of me. "Control. Your. Magic!"
She looks up and sees all the Fire I'm holding in check. If she wasn't already on the floor she would have fallen again. "Oh, gods." She gasps out, quickly reeling in her out of control Mana. "Aunt Marta, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to." She starts crying and pulls the glass kitten I made for her from a deep pocket and hugs it to her chest. "I'm so sorry." She mutters again.
"Shh. It's okay Abby. You didn't do anything wrong." Marta kneels down to hug the overwhelmed girl. "I should have found a better way to tell you than this."
While this touching scene is happening. Apricot looks at me like she wants to eat me while mouthing "So fucking hot". Almost making me bark out laughing, only Amelia's elbow to the ribs stops me. Though, she's got a certain heat in her eyes too.
"I'm sorry for dropping it on you like that Abby." I crouch down in front of her. "I let my anger at their cowardly actions taint my words. I swear to you that this war will never reach you. Larendath is my home and I will protect it, even if it means I have to show them what Real Fire is." I growl and suddenly I'm hold the heart of a star in my hands. "Look closely little fire kitten, hopefully this is the only time you'll ever see such a thing."
Her tears dry up as she stares at the physical manifestation of my fury. A nuclear inferno chained by my will and fueled by my rage. Her mouth opens a few times, but a quiet "How?" seems to be all she can utter.
"I was wrong before." Apricot says in a throaty purr. "That.. is really fucking hot!" Amelia groans, but the pixies pun is just what was needed to break the tense atmosphere.
"Snerk." I snort and cancel my spell. "Dammit, Apricot don't make me laugh when I'm holding a star in my hands." I chuckle. "And you, fire kitten. I shouldn't have to say this, but please don't try to re-create that spell."
"I wouldn't even know where to begin." She breathes out, still in awe at the vision I just showed her. "Are you really going to fight?"
"I already am." I tussle her hair like I used to do to my sister. "I'm fighting so that it never comes to that. I've looked death in the face before, and I don't want to bring that to anyone... Not unless I have to. So, I'm fighting with my phones, with troop transports like the car outside, with new armors. New ideas to strengthen the country. To protect what I care about." I pull my wives close to me.
"I think if they knew you were here waiting for them, they would be running scared." She sniffles.
"If only." I sigh. "Here, have some chocolate, it'll make you feel better." I hand her a bar of milk chocolate.
"Just don't spoil your appetite for dinner." Her aunt says lovingly. "Oh, no! Dinner, I completely forgot."
"Don't worry, I've been keeping an eye on everything." I tell her. "It takes more than a near house fire, or me 'losing my cool'" I wink at Apricot. "to make me let dinner burn."
"Ugh, you two and your puns." Our blonde bride groans again.
***
"Mmm, Dinner was excellent. Thank you." I lean back and pat my full belly.
"No. Thank you for saving it." Marta counters. "You've already done so much for Abby, and are doing so much for the country. And on top of all that, you made the effort to save dinner. Is they anything we can do to repay you? You mentioned a painting before."
"Oh, yes. Sorrel, can you show her the wedding?" Amelia pleads.
"Mhm, sure. That's probably easier than getting the queen to show up for a sitting." I joke and take a sip of my wine, the light glinting off the rim of the glass. "Ooh, that might work... Why haven't I thought of this before." I get lost in my own head for a few minutes.
Pulling out my Enchanting supplies and a sack of silica, I quickly fashion a Rune Stone based around a glass cube. "Why was I complicating this? I'm already working with light..." I mutter as I inscribe a series of images in the glass. "...It'll only be write once, so it's not perfect, but for now, yeah..." A few more tweaks and I set the Rune down examining it with my magical sight for any defects.
"Is that what I think it is?" An excited voice breaks me out of my creative trance.
"Push the button and find out." I smile at my love.
"Eeee!" She screams and practically rips the finished device from my hands. "Oh my gods! You did it!" A three dimensional hologram of the wedding ceremony starts playing above the dining table.
"Hmm? The scale is a bit off from what I was aiming for, and I still need to add sound, but those are trivial problems." I wave the them away. "And, because it's just light, that means pixie sizing it will also be trivial... Once I get better at miniaturizing Runescript, that is." I try to explain but the pixie isn't listening to me. Apricot's caressing the device, lost in her own little world full of movies right now.
"You really got married by the Queen?" I take notice of Abby after she speaks.
"Oh, Sorry Marta, Abby." I bow in my seat. "The idea just hit me and I let myself get carried away."
"Hahaha." Marta's laugh rings out while her niece sits there gaping at the projected image. "No need to apologize. Or, did you forget that I'm a painter? I know exactly what it's like to get caught up in a bout of inspiration."
"Thank you for understanding." I say with a relieved smile. "And, speaking of you being a painter. Is there any chance you could introduce me to your pigment suppliers? A lot of them contain metals, and I'm having trouble finding a good supply. Oh, and let me give you two a health check, some of those metals are kinda poisonous."
"Poison?" Abby pales.
"As long as you aren't eating them you should be fine, but it would make me fell better to make sure that my friends are healthy." I smile at the girl to re-assure her.
"I told you not to lick the brushes." Marta shakes her head her neice.
"Hahaha." I can't help but laugh as her niece goes from pale to ghostly. "Here, drink this." I fill her glass with Healing Sap and place my hand on her shoulder. "There's some traces in your intestines, but it looks like the added vitality from being Awakened has protected you."
"Thank you, thank you." She gulps down the sap.
"Thank Temmie." I say and move on to her aunt. "Hmm, there's some build up in your soft tissues, but not nearly as much as I would expect from a lifelong painter." I fill up her glass, and guide the magic to clean and restore her organs as she drinks it.
"My master always stressed cleanliness. That, and I just never wanted to walk around with paint on my chin." She smiles at Abby, having obviously noticed the smudge from earlier. "Thank you for this. I know a lot of older artists that often complain of headaches and fatigue, most blame old age, but it sounds like the paints might also be partly to blame."
"I'll try to have a look at them later, but unless they're gravely ill. It's just going to have to wait, at least until after we get back from placing phone relays to Riverton."
"You're leaving again?" Abigail speaks up. "But, you just got to the City."
"Once the car is done it should only take a couple days to get there and back." I tussle her hair again on my way back to my seat.
"But, that's over a thousand kilometers from here."
"Abby." Amelia says with humor in her voice. "Haven't you figured out yet, that Sorrel doesn't do anything by halves?"
***
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