Kai

They dined alone and in silence as they often did. His father, Lord Cywin, sat up opposite to him holding an elegant set of forks and knives. For Kai, he had arranged a blacksmith to conjure up a device that attached to his left stump to hold a fork in place. It was painful at first and more painful later, but it allowed Kai to cut his meat in a dignified manner and that made his lord father happy. Blood-coloured curtains were drawn open, allowing anyone on the streets to look in and see what they ate.

It was a challenge on two fronts. It showed their wealth when many struggled for food, and it showed that they ate meat, which the Elders had outlawed a hundred years before. Our kind is not fond of meat. It is wrong. There were elves who thought meat eating to be a fair act, it was part of nature. There were also yet those who thought they had no choice but to eat meat or to starve. Cywin was different. He eats it and he does it openly, as if mocking the laws of our land. He is daring steel to be raised against him. And every day his affront continued his influence felt stronger.

Father will soon rule the Woodlands. The thought brought him great joy. There were and would always be traditionalists among elves. It was even more likely that they outnumbered the rebellious youth who hoped the Woodlands would adopt the lordship styled ruling of the other lands in the Six Princedoms. But empty stomachs speak louder than righteous hearts. Their knees will bend when we open their mouths.

“Sometimes I wonder why one should bother trying to strangle the Elders,” Cywin said, sipping at his wine, “when I need not even provide them the rope. The fools are only resourceful in finding new ways to hang themselves.”

“What do you mean?”

He smiled at him and this made Kai proud. He hadn’t seen Cywin show that satisfied, sneakily proud expression in a long time. Not since he had lost to Vandyr and ruined his plans. “The First’s death will ascend you to his position when the sun does.” His gaze turned to the moon and his fingers tapped at the wooden table impatiently. “They hear the whispers, no doubt, but they still make my son one of them.”

“Mayhap they think me controllable,” Kai volunteered. “They think me capable of being the dagger to your heart, lord father.”

Cywin barked a laugh at that. “If so, then their foolishness has evolved beyond its limits. You are my son.”

“Of course, father,” he said quickly, lowering his head for a moment as if to bow. “I would never betray you for their sake.” He loved his father, respected his ambition, and blamed the elders for his state. There was no reason to ever turn on him. “It will be much easier.”

“That it will. But there is more.” Cywin smiled through his wine glass once more. It was almost unsettling to see him smile. “They have elected to give Rei the First’s Heartbeat.”

Kai attempted to stand up at this, but his body only allowed him to sit up. “They cannot be that foolish! Why would they hand him of all people a second Heartbeat?”

“Desperation driven by incompetence. Think of it, Rei is the only young man in the elderguard. Who else would you have use it? Vawin of Museu? Ky of Mosqueiro? Rico of Salinas?” He shook his head. “Fine swordsmen in the yesteryear. Old men now, and the golden-green of the Elderguard ill-suits them. Had they gotten rid of them in time, they would have plenty of young men to pick from. Now? Their choices are a bunch of old men who can no longer survive getting used to a new Heartbeat, and a boy who already has one.” Cywin sipped at his wine again. This was his second cup, a rarity for him. “Their foolishness gives us opportunity. If they had not driven the lad to suicide, he would also have been a good candidate. Talla, as well, had their pride not gotten in the way.”

“Talla is a woman,” Kai said, raising an eyebrow. “It is against our customs.”

Cywin only laughed. “Customs are measured by how long you bend your knees to someone’s will. My will is strong, my son, and elven knees will bend for generations.” He paused, and his smile was gone. An unpleasant thought had occurred to him, and Kai shuddered at that expression. “Can you still father children?”

It hurt that the question had even been asked. “O—of course, father.” His wounds had not reached his manhood, though his thighs ached from the injuries that day. “That will be no problem.”

“You told me after waking up from your injuries that you could still bed Talla if I demanded it of you.” Cywin was up to his third glass now, but his face was not red. Kai told himself that it was, that the drink had overtaken him. “Have you done as I requested?”

Kai’s chest tightened. “No, father. I…I had barely any time alone with her. She was the human’s guest as he championed her, and her mind was poisoned with Stormener ideals. I could not arrange it so.” He had been sure, once upon a time, when he was strong and handsome, that she would have been agreeable to the idea. Lately it seemed she did not look at him the same way. She will not admit it, but it is the injuries, he thought. I’m hideous. It’s the human’s fault.

“Ah yes, the human,” Cywin noted sadly. “They speak of it even in my circles. They say that after being spurned by the Elders, she did as a foreign lady and ran off to a different court for favor.” His father seemed to find humor in the matter. “Smart decision. Had I been in her position, I too would have accepted to be Redgrave’s whore if the Elders made clear I would have no chance of ever advancing my title.”

Despite his pain Kai pressed his arm to the table and forced himself to stand. “She is not his whore!” he thundered. “Talla would never allow the human’s hands to touch her!” But he had seen her walk toward the river with the human. They merely talked. She would never swim with anyone else. “She is a noble elf, trying to use the man to get rid of the Deathless curse. To think she would be involved with a human, why that’s—that’s impossible, that’s—”

His father glared at him and he fell silent and back into his seat. Cywin continued to stare at him for a few moments, and the growing silence hurt him greatly. “I do not mistreat the lady when I accuse her of whoring herself,” Cywin said dismissively. “Were I in her position, I too would do the same. Quite frankly, as you well know, I have a very favorable opinion of whores and courtesans.” That he did, and it shamed Kai. “It matters little if she has done it or not, anyhow.”

“It matters little?” Kai cried out. “It matters a great deal—”

“Either Von of Redgrave is helping her out of the nobility of his heart,” Cywin cut him off, “or she is very horizontally convincing. You tell me that Von of Redgrave is lacking in nobility of character, that he is a craven mercenary that laughs at the elven plight.” He leaned forward. “Are you giving me incorrect information, boy, or is she a whore?”

He shrunk in his seat, thinking of the consequences for lying. “I am not giving you incorrect information, lord father,” he muttered.

“Answer me, boy.” Cywin’s voice grew angrier, and he stretched every word as he spoke, as if he knew the sound of his voice was painful. “I will not let you be more a craven than you have been. Is the information incorrect, or is she a whore?”

“Lord father, I promise you the information is not—”

“Answer me.” Cywin’s voice was no longer burning with anger. It was calm, even and demanding. This was worse. “It is a simple question.”

“She’s—she’s a whore.” He wanted to die for saying those words and he did not believe them. They stank of betrayal and would haunt him when he tried to sleep, he knew. Talla is brilliant. She must have tricked Redgrave somehow. She did not do anything like that. But he had seen her walk to the river with him. She must have tricked him. He could not let it end there. Disgracing her this much was already too far. “Talla—talla would not do that for personal gain. I’m sure she has elves in mind with whatever she has to suffer through. She—she is just…trying to make him slay Vandyr.” She hadn’t done anything like his father had suggested. And if she had, it was because I failed to slay Vandyr. That thought didn’t make him feel better.

Cywin nodded slowly. “Good. Face the truth, do not enslave your own mind with lies.” His father gazed at his empty wine glass, appearing to consider a next one. “If Redgrave slays Vandyr, he will be a hero to elvenkind. That would make Talla’s moves quite troublesome.”

“Father?”

“Think of it. Talla is an elf, yes, but she is no noble. If she manages to weasel herself into marrying Von of Redgrave, then the Stormlands would have considerable influence over the common people. If they manage it before we fully take control of the Woodlands, they could likely seize a few border cities and be welcomed as heroes.” Bosque, their capital, was right at the border but Kai dared not bring it up. He thinks of sacrificing Bosque, no doubt. “Do you know how to earn the common people’s loyalty, Kai?”

“Love or fear,” he told him immediately. He had read as much in many books. “You blind them with light or darkness—to the point where they cannot see your true faults either way, be they weak leadership or a weak army.”

“It is timing, my son. The first one to feed them will earn their loyalty. It will be that figure that shows up when the night is darkest and the winter is coldest that they will remember when banners are at their gates.” Cywin let out a quiet chuckle at this. Sometimes, it seemed as though he enjoyed this. “If Von is foolish and merely fond of elven bodies, it needs not be Talla’s, do you not agree?”

Kai hesitated. It pained him to imagine making any elf lay with a human, but let it not be Talla. “I agree,” he said. “It should not be her, even,” he exclaimed, “for she is not part of our family.” Realization crept in. “You can’t mean—”

“Your sister is quite beautiful. We will wed her to the human, secure an alliance.”

Kai could scarcely believe what he had heard. “Father, that is not possible!”

Cywin nodded, and here the wine might have taken some effect, for his agreement was not with what his son had said. “Yes, that is true. Stormkeep will not accept a marriage without purpose, and as of now we are but powerful merchants. We need to act fast, to establish ourselves as rulers of the land. It is only then that they would consider something as scandalous as to marry their Second Lord to an elf.”

“Sister is a Maiden of the Forest!” Kai cried out. “She is pure. She is married to the forest. Maidenship is not an institution we can tear down—”

“Why not?” Cywin asked. “We will destroy Eldership, Maidenship hardly seems difficult at that point.”

“The law of our land—”

“Is decided by its ruler,” Cywin cut him off. “That will be no object.”

That they had deemed it necessary to destroy Eldership was a cruel necessity mandated by the world. To kill more elven systems seemed callous. But father knows best. “You would marry sister to Redgrave,” he muttered, “and then what?”

“Their son would one day rule Stormkeep, or a significant hold in the Stormlands at least. We would continue to marry off Stormeners to elves until our cultures’ gap was reduced enough. We live much longer than they do, my son. We can wait. Especially if the Deathless Curse is taken care of.”

“What if that makes humans come to the Woodlands?” he demanded. “Would you have us share our lands with them?”

Cywin regarded him coldly. “Yes.” It was not an answer that invited debate. “If we are not to be Elders, but lords, understand that people mix. The northern Waterfalls have humans in them, and the wolves rule them regardless. The Stormlands rule Stormhaven, it is true, but the settlement has nearly as many wolves as it does humans. They bend their knees to their lord regardless. It is a matter of fact that once your lands are rich and you do not close yourself off other races will mingle.”

“And you would allow it?”

“Yes. Demons, if those wings will not fly them to the sun first, humans, if that stubborness will not freeze them, giants, if they can bring those mighty knees of theirs to touch the ground, wolves, if they do not hunt more than we allow them to.”

The thought made him sick. He wanted to say something, but upon remembering how little it would have meant, it made him sicker. “What would you have me to do, father?” he muttered. “Once the Woodlands are ours.”

“You are my heir, and that has not changed. If you could sire a kid with Talla, that would be preferable. She is quite the capable young woman, and I would not mind calling her daughter,” Cywin said, with surprising warmth to his voice. “Failing that, we will find some woman who can put up with your appearance. If you fail to produce a heir…Rei will be legitimized, and his child will be heir. Mayhap he can bring Talla into our noble house.”

Even raising an objection here felt pointless. Rei was a bastard, and he would never be Cywin’s son beneath the Evertree’s laws. Under lordship, he could be legitimized. He would be my brother. The thought did not disgust him as much as he thought it would. Instead, it worried him.

“When the time is right,” Cywin went on, “you will return to Greytower. Your injuries are no excuse for your lack of worth.”

“Lack of worth? I am now First Elder—”

“And you would have been even if you had not abandoned Greytower, the title was already promised. But had you remained there, you would have mastered many arts that would be helpful in your rule. Did you not know that Lady Ellara of Highstone was there as well? She lost a leg in a hunting accident. If you had played the game correctly, a marriage alliance with her would not have been out of the question.” You would have me wed a demon? “She is Master of Healers now,” Cywin muttered, “and above your station. She was not at the time. You could have done much for our house.”

Silence fell.

“I give you much allowance in your behavior, boy, for your injuries are most cruel. But do not forget that many in your position rise as better men than before. To blame your character on your wounds is a disservice to those men and their valor.” He shook his head. “If only you had listened to me, and not directed your blade at Vandyr…why did you have to be so impatient?”

It all hurt, but those last few words hit differently. “Must you really ask?” Kai pleaded. “Father?”

He held his gaze for a moment, then looked away. “We will speak again in the morning. Your brother is a foolish man who clings to his oaths quite severely. Convincing him to break them might take some effort.”

His father stood up and walked away without another word. There were no farewells or wishes of kind dreams, as there hadn’t been since he lost so much of himself against Vandyr. With effort and a deep breath, Kai forced himself to stand up, lifting himself with his cane. It would be a long journey now, but he needed to go down to the lower level of the manor regardless.

Each step was careful and could have killed him. The spiraling stone steps leading downward were tricky for an uninjured person, and trickier still for Kai. He could have requested a servant’s assistance, but that would not do. No servant was allowed to see this sight, his father had declared, and Kai had agreed. It took him ten minutes to reach the end of the steps, and he was breathing heavily when he did.

He was met with a ferocious growl from beyond the steel bars separating its occupant from him, and a wild, outstretched arm reaching forward. The elf had once been beautiful. He still thought she was. Golden of hair, though it was ashen now, and missing strands where it had once been perfectly arranged. Once, her smile had melted the hearts of all elves, even the ruthless Lord Cywin.

“Hello, mother,” Kai muttered, smiling weakly.

She reached her hand out slowly and for a moment he thought of extending his hand, but whatever thought caused the hesitation in the Deathless Elf was gone—it stretched its hands at him once more, trying to seize him through the bars, to strangle him.

Some days, Kai was tempted to let her.

“Father’s future scares me,” he muttered. “There are so many changes. I do not know if they are correct, but I trust his judgment. I…I don’t know if there is a place for me in that future.” His voice turned to anguish. “Mother, he means to legitimize that whore’s son!”

Upon seeing her continuous attempts at extending her arm beyond the bar, at her fury, Kai felt more shame. “I am sorry, mother. I tried to kill Vandyr. To get rid of the curse. I did my best. But I failed.” And you’re still like this. “I lost so much that day. Sometimes I wonder why the Chains and the Fire did not take me there, so close I was to them. My skill with the blade, father’s love.” Talla’s affection, though he could not bring himself to say it. “I blame the human,” he muttered. “I want Redgrave dead.” He had taken everything from him.

There was a chance Von of Redgrave would be the one to slay vandyr, marry Talla, gain his father’s approval, and even win Blade Valley.

All of those were Kai’s dreams, once. Von and the Elders had cost him them all. “One by one,” he swore, “one by one, mother. I will kill them all like animals. And I will make them pay. Everything I lost…I will get it back.”

The flames of vengeance burned hot in his heart, but the words sounded hollow, even to himself. He looked at his mother, who continued at trying to attack him and for a moment reached forward, willing death to be embraced by her once more. Not yet. He pulled back, sank his head onto his chest and weeped. Not as long as I still have things I can do.

Von

Master Cycle stood before him in the underground training area, standing in a somewhat formal manner that ill-suited the man. Von stood across from him, his sword and one knee touching the ground, as Stormener custom mandated—he would now receive information promised in an oath and he needed to accept it this way. His master was not comfortable with the arrangement but he had gone along with it anyhow.

“Master of mine,” Von pleaded, “tell me why.” For a moment he thought his master hummed a tune in response, but then he thought he must surely have imagined it, for his face was serious. “What made me forsake my old ways and seek to become the greatest swordsman I could?” He could not keep the anguish out of his voice.

His master regarded him quietly for a moment. “You have worried about this a lot, I see.”

“I have. I remember—I still feel as though I am the man who wanted nothing more than to stay in his room, to stay hidden from the world’s troubles.” He did not feel as though he had stopped being that man. It was as if that man was merely forced outside and to learn swordsmanship, by a beast he could not control. “I cannot help but wonder…what made me want to become the greatest swordsman in the world before. Was it magic? A Heartbeat? A cry for help? What—what was it? I must know.”

Master Cycle nodded, starting to pace around the room before remembering his required position and quickly returning to face his kneeling disciple with hands clasped behind his back. “I understand your questions, kid,” he said softly. “It’s been a long time for me, so I had almost forgotten what it’s like. When you are young, the world always feels like it’s one answer away from making sense. So you chase after it, hoping to find the magic”—Master Cycle hesitated here briefly—“blade that will cut through all your hesitations. It is not that easy, I fear.”

“What do you mean, master? Do you not know why I stopped being the person I was?”

“Ah, I do. It is not just not the answer you want to hear.”

Von shook his head fiercely. “Be it disgraceful or shameless, I need to know. What drove me to change so dramatically?”

“Nothing.”

Von stared blankly at his master.

“And everything.”

He continued to stare at him.

“Let me pose you a question, Von,” Master Cycle began, “why have you decided to help Talla? Why have you started acting like a lord? You said it yourself that you still feel as though you were that lazy lord from before, so what drove you to such a sudden change?”

Why have I? It was a difficult question and it had a long answer. “My heart was disquiet with the thought of staying as I was,” he said, “and I sought a way to soothe it. Mother’s pride, the way everyone had expectations for me…” That wasn’t quite it. That had affected him, surely, but that wasn’t what had driven him to do it in the end. “Talla’s request weighed heavily on me,” he said, with some confidence. “She pleaded sincerely and bravely. It would be shameful to turn her down.”

“But you shamed yourself and your family plenty in the past,” Master Cycle prodded, “what was different now?”

He thought about it long and hard. “Nothing. My past failures they…they were not easy. Every bit of shame I brought made the next one harder.” And it piled up.

“What else?” His master insisted. “That doesn’t sound like enough reason!”

“I talked at length with you, master. With Mother. I prayed for my brother to give me answers. I wrote to Vance. Your kindness and support was there.”

There was a long silence.

“Well?”

“There was no single reason,” Von said slowly. “The shame of the past, Talla’s earnestness, my desire to change, knowing I had changed before, the talks I had with my family…” He included his master in that. “It made me try it out. And when I held the sword, well…” He hesitated. “It was fun.”

Master Cycle grinned at that.

“After that first duel, it seemed like I couldn’t stop going forward,” Von admitted. “And one thing led to another. Before I knew it, I realized I was more capable than I thought. That I could handle things. At no point did I ever start feeling like I was capable, though. Even now, master, I feel like an impostor.”

His master broke protocol here and knelt down in front of his student, placing a heavy, paternal hand to his shoulder. “Let me tell you a secret, kid,” he whispered, as if worried someone might overheard him, “we all feel like impostors.”

“Even you?”

“Even me,” he acknowledged. “There is no point in our lives when we wake up as this mythical adult version of ourselves capable of doing that which we dreamed of as kids. We just decide that we want it bad enough we are willing to fuck ourselves up on the path there.”

Von considered this and nodded slowly. That felt crushing, but also comforting. It was an odd balancing act. “Is…is that what happened to me last time too?”

“There was so much going on last time,” his master said, laughing quietly. “You were nervous, hated yourself…but you were beginning to get on your own nerves. Everyone wanted you to honor your house somehow, and your mother had started to look into marriage candidates for yourself—most of which turned you down on principle alone. Your brother and I became acquainted after an adventure, and he invited me to teach at Stormkeep. One day, you tried out the sword, and I goaded your pride so that you came back the next day.”

“You goaded me?”

“Do not judge, it’s how I learned too. One day, when you have your own stubborn disciple, you’ll teach them that way too.”

“I…rather doubt it, master.” But the fact that Master Cycle was certain enough that one day Von would be skilled enough to have disciples of his own brightened his mood a little. “Is that what happened?”

“Oh, it is how it started, to be sure. It’s not all, though. Life is rarely that simple. A lot of things happened then. You cannot cross blades with hundreds and not expect to expand your own world a little. You traveled, lost, trained, drank, traveled, lost, drank, traveled, won, drank…and made a lot of friends along the way. Rivals. Slowly, you wanted to make them acknowledge you.” He hesitated slightly. “Lobo of the Noble Companions was one of your closest friends, you know?”

That shocked him most of all. Was that why he showed up here? He…we were friends? And I just acted like an admirer of his? I’m such a fool, I’m— “I will pay back his kind visit, then, with a worthy match next time we meet,” Von declared.

His master nodded. “That is the kind of resolve that comes to you as you live. You met many people, and developed many resolutions like that. And they each guided you along a path that you chose to walk on.” He hesitated the most here. “There was also Gilver, the demon.”

“The man who defeated me?”

“The very same. For whatever reason, you really wanted to defeat him, kid. And I mean really wanted to. Never explained why either, so I can’t help you there. You said you would tell me after Blade Valley, but, well, you know what happened there. But what I need you to remember, Von, is that even by the point you became obsessed with defeating Gilver you had already fallen in love with swordsmanship.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Why does that matter, master?”

“Because it means you weren’t driven into this path by a single reason. You had many reasons, yes. Many promises, vows made to others as well as yourself. But it wasn’t a single event that made you who you were. Youmade yourself who you were. I want you to remember that, even if you try to find out more about your past with Gilver.”

Von nodded slowly. Somehow, he understood what his master had meant, and why he had chosen this manner of telling him. He didn’t want him to chase after a version of him who never was. Von of the Past didn’t wake up and become a different man. Step by step, decision by decision, he slowly became the one everyone respected, admired and hated. There was the matter regarding Gilver, of course, but that was not why he set forth on that path anyway. It is a reason I continued it, perhaps. More motivation. But that wasn’t why I became who I was. I was never this ever-confident person they all tell me I became. I’m sure I still had doubts. Fears. Concerns. That soothed him. “I am Von of Redgrave,” he told himself firmly. For the first time, he didn’t feel like as much of an impostor saying it aloud.

He rose to his feet with his master.

“Master Cycle, I have made my decision,” he told him firmly.

“Talla has informed you then, I take it?”

“I will not run. If brother means to try to trap me in a marriage, he is welcome to the attempt. I will not let him nor will I let that interfere with my training. I will train with you every day I have until the next tournament, without stopping!” Von declared proudly. “I will not allow anything else to distract me from that.”

Master Cycle’s smile had never been wider. “You make me proud, shitty kid.” He bent his knees. “Now, that’s enough talk. Draw your sword! Let’s get you ready for Dragon Tower!”