“Where’s Blaise?” Elizabeth asked him once he entered the dining room.

“He had to go take his portkey before it went off,” Harry lied with easiness as he took his usual seat. “And the others?”

“In their rooms, almost everyone was half-sleep after dinner. Aunty just left with Fleur to show her around, they were waiting for you but you took too long,” his sister accused him.

“We didn’t take that long. The others were hungry because they skipped lunch in favour of a midday nap,” he explained with a sigh and began eating his soup.

“By the way, I wanted to ask about your new cat.”

Harry only raised an eyebrow as response, feeling slightly guilty for leaving his new friend on his own. Then again, what the cat lacked in looks was more than overcompensated in intelligence.

“It is not fair that you are allowed to have a cat. Even Flora and Hestia have cats!” Elizabeth whined in protest.

“You have three murderous fowls,” Harry deadpanned, thinking on the contrast between his lovely Hedwig and Elizabeth’s baleful birds. Though he admitted, albeit begrudgingly, that they were useful.

Hades, the Andean condor with no aesthetic appeal whatsoever, was quick and efficient in his deliveries. Apollo, the somewhat plain yet overly large owl, had an eerily accurate memory and understanding of the language, only delivering the letters to the people they were intended to and destroying it otherwise. Considering the latter dealt with the businesses rather than Gringotts, he had to be clever unless he wanted to be disposed of by Harry’s competition in a futile effort to gain inside information... He wondered why he decided to follow this particular train of thought, was he that tired?

“Don’t call my babies that!” Elizabeth complained, directing an accusing glare at him. “And we were not talking about them. You have a bird and a cat, I also want one.”

“You are only allowed to have one pet in school,” he reminded his pouting sister. “Besides, the cat is not mine. I found him in the castle, we are trying to find his human, but until now no one claimed him.”

“So he’s already yours,” she muttered. “For some reason, aunty almost cried when she saw him. She took him with her so I think you don’t have a say on the matter.”

“Did you enjoy the ball?” he asked, not really wanting to know why aunt Eleadora kidnapped the poor feline and having an uncanny interest on how Viktor behaved last night.

Dinner went by with Elizabeth telling him about her night with far too much excitement. Harry nodded and hummed here and there while he enjoyed his meal. Now, he felt a sliver of pity for Viktor, who had to deal with his over-excitable and hyper sister. For a second, he wondered who this Boy Scout band was because his sister was gushing about them as one of those rabid teenage fangirls. He suppressed a shudder and decided ignorance was the better option sometimes.

“Harry!” Sirius yelled from the doorway, approaching the two teenagers. “Hello, Lizzy.”

Immediately Harry took notice of all the changes in his godfather. His posture, for once, was not sagged. His shoulders were relaxed but his back was straight. Also, the dark circles he once assumed were a genetic trait in the Black family were absent from Sirius' face. His godfather no longer looked as if he was carrying the weight of the world, and even though all those years in Azkaban took their toll on the man’s appearance, the lines of his face were no longer as pronounced as they were a few months ago.

“You are looking good, Sirius,” Harry complimented his godfather, accepting the hug the man was giving him. “Want to have dinner?”

“Nah, pup. I had dinner with Amelia and Susan already. Talking about that, I was going to ask you when you have a free evening because Amelia and I were thinking about beginning to know each other’s families a bit better and she already knows Remus. Not that you don’t know her already, but it would be nice-”

“Sirius, calm down. Choose whatever day you want after my trip to the Empire and before the twenty-seventh.”

“Oh, we are travelling! I already made a list of all the places we should visit while we are in the Tribes. Also, you have to tolerate my friends for a few hours,” Elizabeth informed him with far too much cheerfulness. “I’m going to bed now because I have to help aunty with the book delivery that is arriving tomorrow.”

“I am going to the bank in the morning, want to come?”

“Nope,” Elizabeth answered while grabbing a spoon. “We have to catalogue and organize the books so there will be no time... Besides, I already had tea with Ragnok yesterday,” she said before pecking his cheek and fleeing the room before he could stop her from taking the whole pudding bowl.

“She stole my manager,” Harry grumbled.

“That is not important, she stole my pudding!” Sirius complained, holding an empty cup and looking as if his sister stole his first-born instead.

Harry only patted his godfather’s shoulder and filled his favourite mug with the much-needed beverage, taking a second to appreciate the strong scent of a good black tea before taking a sip.

“Want some?” Harry asked his godfather when he noticed the man’s gaze.

“I want to talk with you about a few things,” Sirius muttered, looking utterly uncomfortable.

“Go ahead then, we have all night and it is barely seven.”

“Okay then,” the man grunted, playing with his empty cup in an effort to ease his nerves. “I should have talked with you about this a while ago, but this is something I never thought I would be preaching about. Argh, Remus should be here!”

Harry waited patiently as the man rumbled, curious about what was so urgent that had Sirius acting as an inarticulate teenager about to ask out his crush. Also, he was deciding whether it was a good time to speak about the matter that had been bothering him. Unfortunately, he knew himself too well. He would avoid the topic for as long as possible until it became such a heavy burden that needed to be vented, and even in that situation, he would be reluctant. No better moment than the present, right?

“I noticed Hwasa arrived really late, or really early, depending on your perspective,” Sirius began, giving him an inquisitive look.

“I showed her around the castle and then we chatted a bit, we didn’t notice the hour. Sorry if we worried you, Sirius,” Harry apologized, wondering if he would be grounded.

“Ah, there is no need to apologize pup. I was a teenager so I know how it is,” the man muttered, not even looking at him. “I just hope that you were both careful... Well, I know that you are really mature for your age, but still... Ehm, no, that wasn’t what I was going to say. You know what happens when a girl and a boy are together alone and when they like each other. Oh Merlin, have mercy on me!” Sirius whined, covering his flaming face with his hands.

“Are you okay?” asked somewhat awkwardly a confused Harry Potter.

“I should have listened to your mother when she tried to make me read all those parenting books,” the man complained but steeled himself. “You are a teenager and have urges, I know, I have been there and it is totally natural. Your body is changing and also is your mind. It is totally understandable that you begin to feel attracted to girls – or anyone, it doesn’t really matter... Well, it kind of does, actually. Being with a girl is different from with being with a bloke and the process is different but also similar, I guess... Well, of course it is different because girls and boys are different but it has the same procedure and of course, you have to use protection in both cases. Ehm, even if a boy can’t have-”

“Are you talking about intercourse or physical changes?” asked a frowning Harry, trying to understand where was his godfather going with all his blabber.

“Thank you so much, Merlin,” Sirius muttered, heaving a relieved sigh.

“You should thank muggle sex-ed and aunt Eleadora.”

“Sorry about that, you have no idea of how uncomfortable it’s to give the talk to a godson who already experienced the act,” Sirius said, apparently, all the embarrassment had drained from the man.

“What gives you that impression?” asked a somewhat offended teenager that internally asked himself if he looked that easy.

“Oh, come on pup! I was once a teenager. Your princess arrived really late and the ball ended at midnight, maybe a few hours more but that is it and the castle is not that interesting.”

“We left the ball pretty late,” Harry explained, “and I did show her around. The inner courtyard was adapted to a spring-like temperature for many complicated reasons that I don’t want to talk about and I took her there. We really talked.”

“Until five in the morning?” asked an incredulous Sirius.

“I thought it was only until four,” the teen muttered and then shrugged. “We caught up, talked about school and what is going on in general. Mainly she nagged me for not taking care of myself.”

“You’re being serious, aren’t you?” groaned Sirius, his face turning into a hot pink once again. “I can’t believe I went through all of this embarrassment only for that.”

“If it makes you feel better, I have never been intimate with anyone and am not planning on doing so. Also, Hwasa is only a friend.”

“It really doesn’t, but at least I know that I don’t have to go through this again.”

“Aren’t you planning on having children?”

“Amelia will take care of it,” Sirius snapped, pouting at his godson until he realized what he said, then proceeded to blush intensely.

“That is a wise decision,” Harry agreed, ignoring the spluttering man in favour of his tea. “I also wanted to talk to you about something,” he said, at last, steeling himself.

“Go ahead, I have nothing left to be embarrassed about,” Sirius groaned.

“If you say so... I wanted to ask you about my father,” Harry blurted after taking a deep breath. Sirius immediately raised his head; the blush had yet to disappear.

“I thought you were going to ask me about my experiences with – never mind, what do you want to know about James?”

“What kind of person he was. My mum wrote a lot about him, but mostly about their school days so I want to know what kind of man he became.”

“Well, I don’t know where to start,” Sirius muttered, there was a slight smile on his lips though his eyes spoke of grief not yet forgotten. “He was my best friend, my brother in everything but blood. James was really kind and thoughtful; he always had kind words to offer or a shoulder to cry on when encouragement didn’t work. He was a tough nut to crack, just like Lily. He didn’t like to accept when he was wrong, especially when we were young, but he recognized his mistakes... eventually.

“The war changed him, Harry, it changed us all. James changed for the better. I think it’s a Gryffindor trait to be brash and impatient, he also was, but he learnt the hard way to eliminate those traits. We all did. He became even kinder, always offering help to the many families that needed it and even going as far as hiding muggleborns and forging documents... He saved many lives that way. He was far from being perfect, but James was a really good man, Harry, and he loved you unconditionally.”

“Do you know how mum and he got together?” Harry asked in a quiet tone, trying to hide how much Sirius last phrase was affecting him.

“I am surprised Lily didn’t write about it.”

“She did, I just want to know how it happened from another perspective.”

“Well, where to begin? James fell for Lily from the moment he saw her in the sorting ceremony. It was really funny, the notable Potter heir becoming a blushing mess when Lily told him his robe was backwards and proceeded to ignore him. He tried to gain her attention ever since. We were young so we had no idea of what to do to gain a girl’s attention and the only thing that came to our minds were pranks. That is how the Marauders were born, all because of a girl that didn’t pay attention to the Potter scion,” Sirius explained, his wistful smile being replaced by a stony mask when he continued talking.

“Lily was really close to Snivel- Snape. She was close to Snape. They were best friends, even when she was a Gryffindor and he a Slytherin. No one really understood that friendship, especially not James. He was really jealous so we kind of began playing pranks on Snape. Now, Harry, I want you to understand something. I know we were wrong for acting that way and turning Snape in our victim, but we were young and immature. In the beginning, it was a way of warning him to stay away from Lily, but after a while, we forgot the real reason why everything began and lost our perspective.”

“I know, mum wrote about it.”

“She hated us, didn’t she?”

“Mhm, but she got her payback so you shouldn’t feel too guilty,” Harry answered, nodding at the man while he filled his mug with more tea.

“Ah, I always knew she was behind all our accidents. Never mind, neither of us understood that our behaviour was what pushed Lily away... Well, Remus did, but we rarely listened to him. Anyway, this was sort of a vicious cycle. James asked Lily out, she rejected him, we took it out on Snape, and Lily hated us even more. It lasted until fifth year. Lily and Snape had a bad fight after he called her mudblood, but James still hated him and Lily still hated us. I decided to play a prank on Snape, I thought it would be harmless, I really did... I told him Lily went to the whomping willow, following Remus because she wanted to know his secret. It was a full moon night.

“He didn’t believe a word I said, but he still went in, just in case. I never thought he would. James saved him from being attacked by Remus... That was the day everything changed. I have never seen James so angry, especially not with me, Remus was terrified of what could have happened and Snape was on quarantine. Lily though, she was downright murderous. We had no small accidents during that month, but we heard the teachers gossiping about how your mother demanded Dumbledore for our immediate expulsion. I think the only reason why she didn’t make it public was because of Remus, to not ruin his future and all that. But that doesn’t mean we got out unscathed. Lily sent a formal letter to James’ dad, as head of the Potter family, to inform him of his shameful behaviour. She documented proofs and names of witnesses.

“We were having breakfast when James parents stormed in the great hall. I have never seen aunt Dorea so angry. They took James away for a week, when he returned, he had none of the pride he left with. I decided to write to your grandparents, I loved them as my own so I really didn’t want to disappoint them, but I would rather have them disappointed at me than at James. In the end, we were both grounded.”

“You only got grounded? I read a copy of that letter and I would have disinherited any of my offspring if they acted... So that is what really happened,” Harry said, taking a sip of his tea as he took a moment to process the situation.

“Yeah, that’s what happened. Charlus erased James name from the line of succession until either he proved to be worthy of it or the next heir was born. The Potters have always believed in the Noblesse Oblige doctrine and you already know the family motto. So yeah, both were pretty angry with us. They normally bought everything we wanted, so we had no idea how much money was really worth. From that day, neither of us received a cent from them. You know? The Potters were more of a family than my own could ever be, I practically lived with them since I was thirteen so the fact that I had disappointed them was a hard potion to swallow.

“I think that was the tamer year for us, no pranks, no bullying, no more ego bigger than our heads. But even then, Lily hated us. During our sixth year is when your parents' relationship improved, though not much. We had a Hogsmeade weekend and we went to buy a few chocolate frogs with the money we earned during the summer.”

“What did you work on?” Harry asked, curiosity forcing him to interrupt before he forgot.

“Well, that is a funny story. James and I were in charge of cleaning the sanctuary. Uncle Charles paid us a galleon a week,” he commented, smiling at the memories. “We thought he was underpaying us so we searched for other jobs in the Alley and came back humbled and ready to shovel all that dung. Though aunt Dorea hired Remus to help her shopping. It’s really hard to earn money, Harry.”

“I know,” he muttered, remembering those days where every penny he was able to scrounge seemed like a fortune.

“Yeah, either way, we went to Hogsmeade to spend our hard-earned money. I don’t think I will be able to ever forget that day. Lily was walking, holding hands with some bloke we never saw before. James was confused, not angry or even jealous, just confused on why she chose that bloke over him. He decided to talk to her after dinner... It was not a nice chat, entertaining yes, for everyone who wasn’t James.

“Your dad told Lily she should have said she had a boyfriend and he would stop bothering her. He was not the most intelligent guy around,” Sirius muttered when he noticed Harry’s grimace. “Even I knew that saying that was basically telling her that he didn't respect her, only her boyfriend. So Lily ended up destroying what was left of his ego in less than five minutes. I think that was the dressing down that James needed to understand that his crush on Lily turned toxic.”

“Because being attracted to someone doesn’t translate into entitlement over that person.”

“Those were almost her exact words. After that day, she hated us even more but it was the last push that your dad needed to mature. He decided to write to his mother, risking another punishment for his behaviour. Thanks to Merciful Mother Magic, aunt Dorea was not angry with him... Or at least she gave him her opinion on the matter and didn’t punish him. James decided to apologize to Lily, for absolutely everything. Pup, when I say everything I mean everything. He wrote every single thing he should apologize for and used a whole roll of parchment.

“Lily didn’t immediately forgive him, though she no longer glared at us with desire to murder us in our sleep. They kind of agreed on a truce. Though your mother still wouldn’t even spit on any of us if we were on fire, except maybe Remus. This situation continued until seventh year, where James was named Head Boy. Trust me when I say that your father and your grandparents protested, but Dumbledore didn’t change his mind. Lily was also named head Girl, but even though he still liked her, James was reluctant to accept the position so the two of them complained to the Board of Directors, the teachers, and the headmaster. In the end, they were dismissed but they made sure everyone regretted ignoring them... By the way, your mum was the mastermind.

“Lily became really cold towards the teachers. She always had a closer relationship with them than any of the students so it was a shock to them, the sweet Lily Evans treating teachers as unwanted acquaintances was a sight to behold. Of course, Flitwick also helped her. If I am not wrong, she entered some kind of competition as Flitwick’s apprentice rather than representing Hogwarts. It was a bitch slap for Hogwarts in general to have the winner of the competition saying everything she learnt was from Master Flitwick because if she were to rely in the school education she would have not even been able to qualify. I remember The Prophet trying to attack her for making Hogwarts look bad in an international level only to go silent and never breach the topic again. I still wonder what happened...”

“The emperor happened,” Harry said and began to explain when he saw Sirius baffled expression. “She was dating one of his nephews. The emperor really liked my mum, so he told the press what would happen if they kept talking.”

“The Emperor threatened the press because of Lily,” Sirius repeated dumbly.

“He never threatens; he just tells you what is going to happen.”

“Right,” the man muttered, deciding to forget that inconvenient piece of information. “Where was I? Ah! So, Lily and James became the nightmare of the whole school and they could no longer take their position away unless they wanted to face the Potters. All in all, it would have been an entertaining year had the war not turned more violent. When we graduated, Lily no longer hated us. It was a big improvement, but I guess no one really noticed. We were far too focused on trying to find ways of helping in the war efforts. James and I entered the Auror training, Remus began spying on the werewolves, and Lily entered the unspeakable training along with a Marlene and another friend of hers. We also joined the Order.

“The Ministry was filled with Death Eaters, so it looked like the Order was the only group doing something against Voldemort. Lily and James became really close during those times. They were normally paired together, just like Marlene and me. She got to know your dad as the person he became instead of the egocentric brat he once was. They fell deeply in love. They got married on December of 1979, and then you were born. You already know the rest of the story.”

“Mum wrote about the time she got pregnant,” Harry told his godfather when it was obvious the man would not touch the subject. “I want to know what was going on my father’s mind, Sirius. I know what happened... I just need to understand why he acted the way he did.”

Harry was not one to beg, yet he could hear the imploring edge on his tone. He needed to know the truth if he was ever going to forgive James Potter.

“Those were really hard times, Harry,” Sirius muttered, not gathering the courage to look at his godson. “We were living on borrowed time. Lily and James became main targets of assassination along with a few others. We were all sharing a house just to protect our families, us, Lily, Marlene, Frank and Alice, and other members of the order. Lily lost contact with her friends in order to protect them. Those were really hard times. Lily and James really loved each other, they were planning a future together after the war was over.”

“But they didn’t plan to have me,” Harry finished, not even bothering to look down at his hands, where the mug of tea was trembling with violence.

“They loved you-”

“Sirius, I know my mum loved me from the moment she knew she was pregnant. What I want to know is why my father abandoned her for a whole month!” He clenched his jaw when he noticed he was losing control. His magic was thrumming in his veins.

“As I said, those were really dark times,” Sirius muttered after a moment of heavy silence. “James matured a lot, but he was still not ready to be a father. I will not try to justify him, he was a coward and chickened out. I just remember him entering our room, grabbing his bag and leaving. Lily was not the only one who didn’t know where James was. I tried to locate him many times, but all I know is that he took the high-risk missions from the Order and the Aurors. He was suicidal for a whole month, it was his way of trying to cope with having another life he wanted to protect.

“Remus found him almost dead near a wolf camp. He brought him back to the house. The first thing he did when he woke up was ask for Lily and their child, that is how we knew you were on your way to this world, Harry. There was nothing elegant or romantic in the way Lily and James decided to get married, both were nineteen and prime targets in the middle of a war, but they loved each other. You have no idea of how hard James tried to end the war singlehandedly, only to give you a safe place to be born even if he was no longer alive to see you enjoy the times of peace. James loved you so much that he would have gladly given his life to protect you.”

Harry listened, and as he listened, he felt the knot on his chest unravel. For some reason, his eyes were prickling and his throat was constricted. Was it relief? Perhaps. He believed that his father married his mother out of duty, even when she described the wonderful man he was. He compared himself to Voldemort, torturing himself for countless nights, wondering when he would become like him. There were moments where he felt like a monster, so hideous that not even his own father could love him. But James Potter loved his son.

He only noticed his vision blurring and something wet on his cheeks. Harry wiped the liquid emanating from his eyes. It was a long time since he cried, far too long.

“Harry, both of your parents loved you,” Sirius repeated, encasing him in a comforting hug.

“I know,” he whispered and the knot on his chest totally dissolved. His magic no longer thrummed, begging for a violent release. Instead, it flowed gently, as if trying to soothe him.

Is this what peace feels like? Harry wondered as more tears escaped. His magic never felt like this, so tranquil and compliant. It was always comforting, but she almost had a mind of its own and begged to be free. Also, the voice in the corner of his mind that always reminded him of the monster he was had quieted down for once. Maybe it would make an appearance when his emotions settled, but for now, he would enjoy the quiet.