《A Fool fooling around in another world》My secret stash
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With "Provoke" active, the two huge bulldozers rush towards me in an even simpler manner than they themselves already are.
'Do you think I would just let them?'
"Sit." (Me)
I imbue mana into my voice, making it reverberate through the whole guild with insurmountable dominance.
'Huh... I didn't even know that's possible. I wonder what else pure mana can be used for?'
The two bodybuilders trip over their own feet, making them slide directly in front of my feet where I pin them down with knives in every limb.
"AR-" (Huge guy #1)
"-GH!" (Huge guy #2)
"You're even gonna split that between each other? That's... kinda hilarious, to be honest." (Me)
While I've been dealing with the bulls in the front, the two lolis in the back finished their chanting.
"POISON-" (Little girl #1)
"-RAIN!" (Little girl #2)
I twist my wrist, creating a warphole in midair, which sends the acid to another place.
"There's literally NO reason for you to shout that. You just told me what was coming, and that's it." (Me)
"YOU-" (Little girl #1)
"-BLOODY ASSHOLE!" (Little girl #2)
"Girls your age shouldn't use such words yet." (Me)
I prevent one of the girls from moving by putting her inside a space prison and send the other to me with a warphole.
"WHAT ARE-" (Little girl #1)
"-YOU DOING?!" (Little girl #2)
I bend her over my knee.
"STOP!" (Little girl #1)
I flip over her purple skirt.
"Oh, so now you don't finish your sentences?" (Me)
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER!" (Little girl #2)
"How about no?" (Me)
*SMACK!*
"OUCH!" (Little girl #1)
The slap resounds through the whole room. Her bottom under her white panties, which look really childish because of the bear sewed on it, turns a deep crimson.
"Bad girls need a spanking, don't they?" (Me)
"I'M 36 YEARS OLD!" (Little girl #1)
*SMACK!*
"So what?" (Me)
THAT MAKES IT JUST BETTER!
i continue spanking her.
"STOP IT! LET HER GO!" (Little girl #2)
"What was that? You want to take her place?" (Me)
Her infuriated face changes to a blank one immediately.
"You know what? I think she fits rather good on your knee." (Little girl #2)
"YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!" (Little girl #1)
"Ah, love between siblings... I guess I have no choice but to spank both of you." (Me)
"WHAT?!" (Little girl #2)
"HA!" (Little girl #1)
'They're actually pretty childish for their age, eh?'
I teleport the other one on my other knee and continue with the spanking. Each slap is followed by an outcry, while the two huge guys lie there in silence... with their hands and feet still pierced.
"STOP RIDI-" (Little firl #1)
"-CULING US!" (Little girl #2)
"Ridiculing? I'm not ridiculing you. This is more like a show of dominance." (Me)
"THIS IS NOT DOMINANCE!" (Little girl #1)
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"THIS IS PATHETIC!" (Little girl #1)
*Sigh*
"Pathetic, eh? Alright then... I didn't want to do this, but I guess you're forcing me to." (Me)
I let both of them float in the air inside of a space prison, and do the same to the other two guys on the floor.
"LET'S RESORT TO REAL VIOLENCE THEN, SHALL WE?!" (Me)
I spread their limbs apart with magic, making them form an "X" with their body, while creating lightning spears directly in front of their eyes, hearts, and stomaches.
"It's over with fun and games. My little sister is probably gonna wake up soon, and I want to have some nice breakfast with her, so decide quickly." (Me)
I let the spears of pure lightning come nearer to their bodies.
"Either you obey me, like the weak ants that you are, or you die. It's that simple." (Me)
"Euh... we'd rather-" (Huge guy #1)
"-obey you." (Huge guy #2)
I look over to the two tiny girl in purple.
"We will-" (Little girl #1)
"...obey too..." (Little girl #2)
*CLAP!*
Every spell I used, disappears suddenly. The crackling of the lightning spears stops and the twins drop on the floor.
"Nice. Well then, care to join us for breakfast?" (Me)
"HUH?!" (All of them)
"Come on, don't be surprised about something like that. I spanked you little girls and made the two bulldozers trip with my voice. You should have a general idea of me." (Me)
Silence.
"I do whatever the fuck I want. That's it. And now, come and eat with us, I still have something to talk with you guys about." (Me)
I seep some healing magic into the wounds of those guys and turn around, Janna already standing on the stairs.
"Good morning, dear!" (Janna)
"Morning, love. Come down, we're having breakfast." (Me)
"Yes!" (Janna)
She jumps down the staircase, visibly happy that we get to eat together after such a long time.
But stops at the sight of the two little girls.
"Dear? Who are they?" (Janna)
"Business partners. That's it." (Me)
"WHO WOULD SPANK BUSI-" (Little girl #1)
*CLAP!*
I teleport behind her and come really close to her ear.
"You'd do good not to finish that sentence, or else you're... well... dead." (Me)
*CLAP!*
I teleport back.
"SECRETARY! BRING US FOOD!" (Me)
From behind the counter, I hear a sudden shout.
"YES, SIR!" (Secretary)
'I like her new attitude. It's way easier to work with.'
"Wait, what was the little girl about to say?" (Janna)
"SHE WAS ABOUT TO SAY, THAT HE SPAN-" (Little girl #2)
*CLAP!*
"Do you want to fucking die?" (Me)
*CLAP!*
"Dear?" (Janna)
I pull back a chair and signal Janna to sit on it.
"It's nothing, trust me. And you guys over there, get over here." (Me)
With confused expressions, they take their places at our table.
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For a little while, silence prevails between us, with Janna gawking at me without a care in the world.
"What a gentleman my future husband is. He pulled the chair for me and even prepared breakfast for us." (Janna)
'Fuck yeah, I'm a gentleman.'
You just pulled the chair for her to silence her, and it's not you who's preparing breakfast, but the cute counter girl.
'Who I am commanding.'
Wow
"Since this is getting awkward, let's start with small talk! A first good step is always introductions!" (Me)
Their confused expressions get even more perplexed at my sudden proposition.
The last time you started with introductions, they lost most of their guards, the princess got tortured and the king nearly became impotent.
'Introductions are always nice, aren't they?'
"My name is Yu Krifta, and this is my sister, Janna." (Me)
"Wait, hasn't she been calling-" (Little girl #1)
"-you "dear" and "Future husband"?" (Little girl #2)
"So what?" (Me)
Janna's neck snaps from gazing at me, to threatingly stalking the little girls.
"Got a problem with that?" (Janna)
"No, we-" (Little girl #1)
"-are sorry." (Little girl #2)
CALL THE EXORCIST!
'She's not a demon... She's just possessed by... love?'
So there was a demon called "Love"? You just taught the Akashic Record something new.
'The more you know, bitch.'
"And you are?" (Me)
The twins look at each other for a second, seemingly asking who should go first.
"We are-" (Huge guy #1)
"Po and Bo!" (Huge guy #2)
'Wait, who is who?'
"We handle everything-" (Bo)
'Alright, gotcha. So the first one is Po. Thanks, narrator.'
No problem.
"-concerning organized crime, like theft-" (Po)
"-and slavery." (Bo)
Bo and Po cross their arms, signaling that they're done.
"And we are-" (Little girl #1)
"-Lily and Mily." (Mily)
"We rule the-" (Lily)
"-Drug market." (Mily)
"My fucking God, it's getting annoying how you're finishing each other's sentences, but have it your way. Since introductions are done, let's get right to the point." (Me)
The Secretary serves each of us a plate of scrambled eggs with some kind of blue bacon beside it.
"First: You shouldn't just tell me what kind of boss' you are. What if I'm an undercover cop? Have you never seen any good detective movies?" (Me)
They look perplexed, again.
"Second: I know that none of you are ruling the market in any way." (Me)
"YES-" (Lily)
"-WE ARE!" (Mily)
"No, you-" (Me)
I look at Janna with expectation.
"-are not." (Janna)
'Thank you very much for helping me be sassy.'
"I already know of that shitty organisation, which is taking over the market. I've heard of it before, and read about it in some of the, very rare, documents of the former guild master. They've been pressuring you into getting annexed by their corporation, so you can work together, to which you've been declining. Which was the right choice." (Me)
"Of course-" (Bo)
"-it was." (Po)
"But y'all fucked up while you were at it." (Me)
"WHAT-" (Lily)
"-THE FUCK?!" (Mily)
"Come on. You're waging a turf war agaisnt a MULTIDIMENSIONAL COMPANY! Without even a real plan on how you should fight against them. What did you expect they would do? I'm surprised they didn't just crush you by force yet." (Me)
At that, they don't know how to refute anymore.
"And that's why, we're here." (Me)
"He said "we"! Kyaaaa!" (Janna)
'Fucking adorable.'
"And what can-" (Lily)
"-you help us with?!" (Mily)
"Well, for once, I'm not a fucking retard and actually have a plan on how to deal with them." (Me)
Provoke was used successfully!
'Lol, that's easy.'
"YOU'RE-" (Lily)
"-THE RETARD!" (Mily)
"Playground insults, eh? Anyways, now comes the part where I need you guys. If it wasn't for that, you could eat my ass for all I care." (Me)
"WHAT DO-" (Bo)
"-YOU NEED, HUH?!" (Po)
"Numbers. I need a fucking army to storm that place like the FBI after they found my secret porn stash." (Me)
WHAT WAS ON THERE?!
"WHY SHOULD WE-" (Lily)
"-HELP YOU?!" (Mily)
"Wait, what the fuck kinda question is that? Your biggest rival will be out of town and- okay, let me explain it slowly." (Me)
I take a bite of the scrambled eggs.
'Everything tastes so fucking bland.'
"You guys probably did some research and found out where their HQ is, right?" (Me)
They nod.
"Fantastic, at least one thing you did right." (Me)
Provoke was used successfully!
'Damn, that's really easy.'
"So my plan is to storm that HQ with your numbers. Your army of cannon fodder will keep the annoying small frys away from me, while me and Janna take on the Boss." (Me)
"I guess we do-" (Bo)
"-have some cannon fodder." (Po)
"If we succeed, the whole underground is yours again, but with one additional thing." (Me)
Their perplexed expressions are back.
"I'll leave this world." (Me)
"You're-" (Bo)
"-gonna die?" (Po)
"Nope, just going to the next neighborhood to fuck the next HQ of theirs up. But that's not important. The only thing important for you guys, is what happens after I leave." (Me)
No sign of the confusion being lifted.
"Fucking hell, what happens after the new Guild Master leaves?" (Me)
Sudden realization spreads on their faces.
"Your-" (Bo)
"-spot-" (Po)
"-becomes-" (Lily)
"-free-" (Mily)
"And you'll be able to get a whole new market. So? Are we partners now?" (Me)
Each and every single one of them smiles as if they just fucked a middle schooler.
"I take that as a yes?" (Me)
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