Inside a hallway in the colosseum, I only have one thing on my mind right now.

"OH YOU DIRTY BITCH! WORK THE SHAFT, WOULD YOU?!" (Me)

"Huh?!" (Prime minister)

How that happened? Let lil' ol' me tell you the story behind that.

About 1 hour before that.

"That's... That's a fuck load of people..." (Me)

Just as we entered the colosseum, a huge crowd of people surrounds us in their seats. If I had to guess, it would be about 70.000 people.

"What? Could it be that you have stagefright?" (Lydia)

"I bet if I were to take someones virginity right here, then the stagefright would disappear. Want to serve as a volunteer?" (Me)

"I respectfully decline." (Lydia)

"That's what I thought." (Me)

As we progressed, we see about 80 people surrounding a single person. That person looked a bit out of place, since every kid that surrounding him had a bit of a flashy look, meanwhile he looked pretty dirty with his unshaved face and messy, long black hair.

Since that was most likely the place where we had to meet up at, we go towards the crowd.

"*hum*" (Me)

You seem to be in a good mood? I thought that you hated places where a lot of people meet up?

'Yep. Even though I hate these kinds of events, there's still one thing I look forward to.'

And that is?

'The energetic commentator! Who doesn't like a commentator, who explains every single move of yours as if it was the birth of his own child?'

And this is the moment where exactly the opposite happens. I begin to think you're doing this on purpose...

"So... yeah. I'm your commentator for this tournament..." (Commentator)

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT MONOTONE VOICE?!" (Me)

"Euh... yeah. I don't really want to be here..." (Commentator)

The commentators voice was constantly monotone, while his eyes radiate as much will to live as those of a dead fish.

"This... tournament will have the normal knockout system. Euuuh... about 32 schools participate, so to get first place you have to win 5 matches... yeah..." (Commentator)

(Authors note: Like this:

Every single participant was silent. Only after a few moments, a certain person dared to ask a question.

"How do we know when we have to fight whom?" (Hajime)

'Of course it's him who would ask a question. Doesn't he know the feeling of being afraid of making a mistake in front of a crowd? I fucking hate him.'

"Euuhh... over there is a blackboard, where everything is listed. Now excuse me, I need to find a rope to hang myself." (Commentator)

"Oi... you alright?" (Me)

"I just said I want to hang myself. What the fuck do you think?" (Commentator)

"Wait a second, I have a rope right here. Fucking prick." (Me)

The commentator without a real name left with the rope in hand and immediately every single person runs to the blackboard.

"Yeah, I ain't queueing up for that." (Me)

I twist my wrist, resulting in the blackboard falling through a warphole and appearing in front of me.

The crowd, who was just now running towards the board, turns around and looks at me with wide open eyes.

"What? Never seen a person who could teleport things to his liking?" (Me)

'Shit. Seems like I'll only be able to whoop that Hajime's ass nearly at the end.'

Just as I was turning around, a blackhaired girl passed me with a bizarre smile on her face. Her completely black dress is a bit made like one you would wear to a ball, with all the frills and shit like that. Coupled with her black parasol she looks just like someone going through her emo phase. But even so, her face is perfectly formed. From her red lips, to her big, red eyes to her perfect cheekbones. Everything was placed just like it should be. Just her body leaves place for improvement.

"Seems like we'll only meet at the end. What a shame." (???)

She continues to pass me.

"Now, why the fuck should I just let you go?" (Me)

"Cause you can't stop me." (???)

Suddenly, liquid darkness swallows her up and she vanishes, leaving no traces behind.

"That... damn. Sassy, I liked that. Not bad." (Me)

"Yu? Who was that?" (Aline)

"Just an acquaintance I've met once before. I took over her special place once. Fun times." (Me)

"Huh?! What do you mean special place?! YU! DON'T IGNORE ME! TELL ME WHAT YOU MEANT, AT ONCE!" (Aline)

Since our first fight is gonna begin soon, I go to our dedicated room. Every team gets their own rooms, in which they can live those three days. The room in itself isn't really something noteworthy. It's just the usual luxurious shit with a bed for every participant, but still in one room.

"Whoops." (Me)

4 of those 6 beds suddenly exploded.

"Yu... you did that on purpose, didn't you?" (Lydia)

"Haha... yeah." (Me)

Suddenly, as if someone wanted to progress in the story, someone knocks on the door.

*knock knock*

"Come in?" (Me)

The door opens and a sleazy, middle aged man comes in. His mustache is pretty much one which only villains would wear like that. With his thin and crooked stature his villain-like look only gets worse.

"Hello, young man. I presume you are Yu Krifta?" (???)

"Damn straight." (Me)

"Just like I thought he would be. I'm the prime minister of our kingdom. I'm here to-" (Prime minister)

'What the fuck? Does he think I didn't hear what he just said? And I thought when I'm acting retarded I'm retarded, but he's on another level.'

Didn't you do the exact same when you first met God?

'Why do you even know that?! You weren't even there yet!'

"WAIT!" (Me)

'Now watch Screeny.This is gonna be good.'

"Y-yes?" (Prime minister)

"Let's hold this conversation outside, alright?" (Me)

"Euh... alright?" (Prime minister)

"Yu?" (Belka)

"I'll be right back. I just have some business with this uncle here, alright?" (Me)

"Alwight!" (Belka)

The door closes behind us. The hallway we now stand in is completely empty, except for us two.

"So?" (Me)

"Yes, of course. As I wanted to say, I'm the Prime minister of the human kingdom and was sent here by the king." (Prime minister)

"Cool." (Me)

"C-Cool? *cough* Yes, it is pretty... cool. Since we've already heard of you from the dungeon break at our school, we wanted to make you an offer." (Prime minister)

"Huh." (Me)

"As we were able to see, you have a bright future ahead of you, so we offer you a place at the royal guard! Isn't that fantastic?" (Prime minister)

"Alright, continue." (Me)

The Prime ministers face contorts, since he seemingly ran out of things to say. He probably expected me to accept his offer immediately.

"W-With your immense strength you could contribute to the kingdoms safety and protect the citizens! By accepting this offer, you can most likely become the royal guard captain and as such get riches and prestige!" (Prime minister)

"Nice." (Me)

The Prime ministers face breaks out in panic. He doesn't really have the calmness one would normally have if you were confronted with politics all the time, which indicates that he most likely bought this position or used some other tricks to get into it.

"You are most likely a smart boy. Coupled with your unlimited potential, you can achieve a lot in the circles of our kingdom! You truly have a bright future ahead of yo-" (Prime minister)

"OH YOU DIRTY BITCH! WORK THE SHAFT, WOULD YOU?!" (Me)

"Huh?!" (Prime minister)

And that brings us to the present.

"W-Work the shaf-?!" (Prime minister)

"Oh, excuse me. It's just that I like to dirty talk when someone IS SUCKING MY DICK!" (Me)

'Another thing I can cross from my "Things I want to say" list.'

"SU- YOU INSOLENT BRAT! LET'S SEE IF I CAN'T WASH THIS FILTH OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!" (Prime minister)

"From the amount that you've been sucking, I would rather have you wash your mouth." (Me)

The prime minister tries to form a spell with his hands, but I immediately stop him by kicking him off his feet.

With him lying on the floor, I put my foot on his ribs to press him down.

"Alright, Bitch. You've made exactly 3 mistakes." (Me)

"LET ME GO!" (Prime minister)

"Mistake number 1: You never go outside of a room with someone if he asks you to. Come the fuck on. Why would you do that? Shouldn't you at least be a bit wary of a boy who seemingly killed about 200 incredibly strong monsters while singing?!" (Me)

"WHA-" (Prime minister)

I kick his nose, resulting in it breaking.

"Shut up. I still have 2 other points. Mistake number 2: You tried to actually control me by tying me down to a position. AGAIN! Didn't you guys already understand the first time when I declined? You're worse than Jehovas witnesses, for Christs sake!" (Me)

"And the fird mischtake?!" (Prime minister)

I kick his nose again.

"Didn't I just tell you to shut up? Now, Mistake number 3: This is actually the worst one." (Me)

"Y-Yesh?" (Prime minister)

His broken nose hinders him to speak properly.

"I didn't like how you used your tongue while sucking. You need a special technique for that, and you sucked like a pug licking ice cream. So to compensate for all that, I'll have you do me a favor." (Me)

"A fafor?" (Prime minister) (Authors note: Yes, those errors are intended.)

"You'll be my spy in royal circles. You'll inform me about everything they plan which involves me or those around me. Did I make myself clear?" (Me)

"Yesh!" (Prime minister)

I stretch out my pinky and thumb to heal his nose.

"Now there is only one thing left." (Me)

"Huh?" (Prime minister)

"What? Did you think I would just let you go and trust you, so you wouldn't snitch on me? I'm not as stupid as a certain guy who goes into an empty hallway with a lunatic." (Me)

The prime minister just looks at me with his narrow eyes, completely silent.

"So there's a new thing I want to try out. You see, I'm very interested in how magic circles work and I just recently found out how I can make them activate under a certain condition. Now I want to try that out. (Me)

"You- You don't mean on me, right?" (Prime minister)

"No, I mean my secretary Jared. OF COURSE IT'S YOU, YOU DUMB FUCK!" (Me)

A knife falls out of my inventory.

"Of course I can't have you wash it off, so I'll carve it into you... literally." (Me)

"No. You- You can't! I'M THE PRIME MINISTER, YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" (Prime minister)

"Fucking watch me." (Me)

"AAAHHHHHHH!" (Prime minister)

I turn him on his belly and reveal his back. With the knife ready in my hand, I put the tip on.

Don't you want to put his ass up, so you can fuck him while you're at it? I mean, it can't get gayer than it already is.

'Fuck off.'

After 10 minutes of him struggling and me forcing him down-

'Fuck, this really sounds gay.'

-the magic circle is finished.

"Phew. Now, if you try to reveal some information about me, your head will explode. Don't you think that's a great idea? Oh, you fainted." (Me)

I stand up and heal his wound until only a scar remains. With him waking up after about 15 minutes, I return back to my room.

"Yu!" (Belka)

"Yeah, I'm back." (Me)

From torturing one of the most important persons in this country.