"Come on. Why won't you tell me? They're just numbers!" (Me)

"Yeah, well, those numbers coincidentally describe the 3 sizes of my body, so of course I won't tell you!" (Lydia)

"If you just have complexes about your chest size, then don't worry. I like them small and big." (Me)

"I DON'T HAVE COMPLEXES ABOUT MY CHEST!" (Lydia)

"You don't? If I were you, then I would..." (Me)

"I HATE YOU!" (Lydia)

If you were to listen to our conversation, then you wouldn't really expect that we've been down here for about 4 months and right now are running away from about 200 scorpions with gatling guns as pincers and lazerguns as stingers.

'Why the fuck do scorpions even need gatling guns? I mean, what path did their evolution take to actually evolve working guns and lazers?!'

This is a world with magic. Do you really have to ask why?

'YES, I FUCKING DO!'

By running away we were able to lure them to a bottleneck between 2 mountains. I turn around and activate "spacial cut" vertically, which then cuts through every single scorpion.

'I didn't even gain any levels? God damn low level scum...'

"Why the fuck does a dungeon even have fucking mountains?!" (Me)

"Isn't it really a bit too big?" (Lydia)

"This won't be the last time I'm hearing that from you." (Me)

That was awful

'Yes, I have the humor of a 12 year old. I'm proud of it.'

In these 4 months we've encountered all kinds of monsters. We fought T-Rex's with rocketlaunchers as arms, Rambo, but in a mankini, and we even fought against a certain hamster who was as as strong as a demon lord. It really is a weird dungeon...

"I WANT TO MEET BELKA GOD DAMMIT! I WANT TO STROKE HER HEAD AND PLAY WITH HER TINY, CUTE EARS!" (Me)

"I'm slowly getting sick of hearing that every 15 minutes." (Lydia)

"AND NOW WE STAND BEFORE ANOTHER DOOR WHICH WILL LEAD US TO ANOTHER FUCKING ROOM! No, wait. Doesn't this door look different than the others?" (Me)

"You're right. Before that there was no real door but only slides or rollercoasters which lead us down..." (Lydia)

"Those were especially fun." (Me)

"NO THEY FUCKING WEREN'T!" (Lydia)

In front of us is a huge door, with 2 gigantic statues on either side.

'Yeah, I ain't gonna fall for that.'

"DOUBLE SHORYUKEN!" (Me)

At a speed faster than frying beans with lightning, I hit both of the statues right in the balls.

'Hm? Nothing happens? Did I predict wrong?'

Suddenly both statues turn to dust with a pitiable cry.

Did you have to be so cruel?

Due to onehitting the Guardians of "Alex' Bedroom'': EXP 2x

Congratulations! You gained a level!

'Looks like they didn't have the BALLS to fight me. HAHAHAHAHAHA Kill me. Status'

STATUS

STATS

Level: 211 Statpoints: 90

HP: 60 MP: 8378 (8037) HP REGEN: 0.40/sec MP REGEN: 0.60/sec

STR: 40 DEX: 121 END: 40 INT: 60 WIS: 60 CHR: 50 LCK: 40

ABILITIES

ACTIVE: Space of distorted Time; Lightning step (shortcut: clap); Raygun (shortcut: pointed finger); Enhance (shortcut: slap desired part of body); Lightning clad (shortcut: touch both shoulders diagonally) ; Blink (shortcut: flick); Heal (shortcut: Touch target with pinky and thumb); Search life (shortcut: touch temples) ; Embed Lightning (shortcut: tap weapon of choice twice); Connect Lightning (shortcut: lock fingers); Cure Disease (shortcut: Point pinky at target); Cure higher Curse (shortcut: point ringfinger at target); Counter (Auto); Warphole (shortcut: twist your wrist); Invisibility (shortcut: Cross arms); Spacial cut (shortcut: swing of arm); Lesser Gravity control (shortcut: stomp with your foot); Analyzing Eyes;

PASSIVE: Perfect Body control; Extreme Magic potential (Gift from God); Perfect language comprehension; Inventory; Shortcut; Twin Dagger Mastery (99%); Throwing Knives Mastery (100%); Higher Throwing Knives Mastery (13%); Medium understanding of Magic cirles

AFFINITIES: Lightning (99,99%); Life (46,75%); Space (36,30%)

TITLES

"The one who made God vomit"

"You're fucking ridiculous"

"Nightmare of the magic Forest"

CONTRACTS

Unnamed (Threeheaded Lionchicken)

'I guess it looks pretty decent.'

Would you allow me to remember you THAT YOU AREN'T EVEN FUCKING 13 YEARS OLD?!

'*sigh* I don't want to enter another guys' bedroom...'

"Alright Lydia. On the other side of this door is probably a boss monster which is even stronger than every single enemy we've ever encountered." (Me)

"*gasp*." (Lydia)

"Yes, I know. But don't worry, I have plan." (Me)

"Well, sometimes you can be reliable, can't you?" (Lydia)

"Of course I can. And now... take your clothes off." (Me)

"..." (Lydia)

P.o.V Alexandra

'Hello, dear guests! My name is Alexandra and I am the master of this dungeon. I've already been here for about 1500 years, but I somehow still look like when I was 8 years old... that's good, right? Well, anyways. This whole time in which I've secluded myself, not even 1 person managed to get through to this room! That's a pretty big achievement for a dungeon master, you know! Well, that was until now.'

Suddenly the door behind me opened. It has been closed for these 1500 years I've been down here, so this is a pretty emotional moment for me.

'I guess I have to welcome them accordingly...'

"Welcome, dear travellers who have conquered my dungeo- WHAT IS GOING ON?!" (Me)

Through the door didn't come the brave heroes who I expected, but 2 naked people, one of them male and the other female, who slide backwards although they look like they're walking forward, meanwhile tipping their fedora down. (Authors Note: They're moonwalking for anyone who didn't notice).

The male person abruptly stops and looks at me.

"LYDIA! I WAS WRONG! BUT YOU CAN'T PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!" (???)

"WHY?!" (Lydia)

"I like it better that way." (Definetly a pervert)

"I'M NOT A PERVE- Okay, maybe I am a little bit perverted." (A proud pervert?)

The girl puts her clothes back on, unlike the male. He just stands there prouldy with an errect member and looks me straight in the eye. Well, not that he shouldn't be proud of his body... his muscles are well defined despite his age and he's surprisingly well... "equipped".

"Hello, I'm Yu. And you are?" (Yu)

I snap back to reality after being hypnotised by his swinging member.

"*cough* My name is Alexandra! You- you did well in coming this far adventurer! You have bested my trials which were full of dangers and-" (Me)

"YOU CALL THAT "DANGERS"?! THAT WAS FUCKING NUTS YOU RETARD!" (Lydia)

"No need to be offensive Lydia." (Yu)

"*cough* I-" (Me)

"Why are you coughing so often? Are you sick?" (Yu)

"No, of course not! I'm a dungeon master! How could someone as great as me get sick? (Me)

"Gonorrhea." (Yu)

"...yes I can still get gonorrhea." (Me)

"And you say that you can't get sick. Pff, pathetic. On another note, why does such a cute little girl like you even know that she can get gonorrhea?" (Yu)

"I'm about 1500 years old." (Me)

"*GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSPPP* IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?! ARE YOU THE LEGENDARY ENTITY CALLED "LEGAL LOLI"?!" (Yu)

'What the fuck is wrong with them? That's not how I wanted my first meeting with an adventurer to go...'

"Can we hurry up a bit? I want to get out of this mad house you call dungeon." (Lydia)

"This mad house is my house... Alright, you can now pick from anything in this room to take with you." (Me)

I open up a hidden room full of gold and jewellry. There are also legendary weapons to pick from, for which nations would wage war for.

"You could for example pick this "Hero Sword". It does double damage against demons and will surely be a good companion on your journey!" (Me)

I continue to show them all the treasures I've collected over the time, but somehow the adventurer's expression didn't change.

"You said I could pick anything in this room, right?" (Yu)

"Of course. I stand to my word." (Me)

"Then I pick you." (Yu)

"Ah, yes. Me. What a wise choi-...eh?" (Me)

P.o.V Yu

DON'T YOU DO IT!'IMMA DO IT!' ANOTHER ONE DID THE SAME AND HE REGRETTED IT FOR HIS WHOLE LIFE!I advise against it as well, young master.'FUCK YOU BOTH!' "Then I pick you." (Me) "Ah, yes. Me. What a wise choi-...eh?" (Alexandra)You fucking did it.'I already have the other voices to handle, don't get on my nerves as well.' Suddenly, the whole dungeon starts to shake. "OH NO! SINCE I HAVE TO LEAVE THE DUNGEON, IT WILL COLLAPSE NOW! EVERY SINGLE MONSTER WILL BREAK OUT!" (Alexandra) I told ya 'I ain't regrettin nuthin.' "Let's see if I can somehow prevent that!" (Me) "YOU CAN'T STOP SOMETHING LIKE THAT!" (Alexandra) "*sigh* Well, you don't know him yet." (Lydia) "Why does that sound like something she should be glad about?" (Me) I look around the room and soon find what I look for. What I found is a black stone, which shines in an eery light. 'Analyzing eyes'Greater Soul Stone (Filled with Greater soul) Description: Can harbor a soul of the deceased. Soul can be used as energy. I roll up my sleeves and concentrate mana on top of my finger. "It's time to let the artist, hidden inside me, out!" (Me)Do you mean autist? I draw a circle on top of the soul stone. My concentration perks up to the highest it has been in years. The last time was in my last life, when I wanted to awaken my x-ray vision by staring intensely at every single woman I encountered. "A few dicks there, a few asses here. And that should finish it." (Me) "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHY YOU ARE DRAWING DICKS ON A STONE IN SUCH A SITUATION?!" (Lydia) "Uuuuhhhhh... comic relief?" (Me) "We're gonna die..." (Alexandra) I activate enhancement to the fullest and throw the soul stone into the ground. Abruptly, the shaking stops and everything calms down. "Wha- what happened?" (Alexandra) "I just let my magic do its thing. Nothing special." (Me) 'That was fucking difficult as fuck. FUUUUUUUCK I'M EXHAUSTED!' Alexandra looks at me with curious eyes. Her expression tells me that she doesnt really trust me. "Fine. I drew an array of magic circles on top of a soul stone which now controlls this dungeon like you once did. I used the soul stone for 2 reasons: It can serve as a substitute for an AI and at the same time it fuels the magic circle." (Me) She suddenly falls into deep thought. Her brows wrinkle, showing how much she thinks about it. After half a minute her expression brightens up and now she looks at me with sparkling eyes. "That- THAT'S GENIUS!" (Alexandra) "And now that you're mine, you will see a lot more of it." (Me) She's gonna be fucked brainlessFrom how much I observed young master, I can confirm this statement'What kind of monster do you think I am?!' Are we wrong? 'Not even one bit, but I still don't want to seem predictable lol.'