'I still think that Megum*n would be the best choice.'

I'm slightly disappointed in you. Who wouldn't want to conquer a goddess like Aq*a?

'Shut your stupid ass up, or Imma go "EXPLOSION" on your ass.'

As expected of my master. He knows about storys which involve the affairs of gods.

You think way better of him than you should...

We're already wandering around inside of the dungeon for about 12 hours and still couldn't find an exit. Not that I wanted to find one anyway.

"Oh nooooo, looks like we have to go further down the dungeon. Oh boy, such a shame." (Me)

Master, I recommend not doing that.

'And why?'

Well, there was a reason why such a great being as me was the guardian of the first floor.

'*sigh* You were the weakest of the monsters, weren't you?'

I have to admit, it is as you say.

"Fuuuuuuuuck." (Me)

"What is it?" (Lydia)

"Oh, it's nothing. I just realised, that I don't have any costumes for you to wear." (Me)

"HOW IS THAT A PROBLEM IN SUCH A SITUATION?!" (Lydia)

"WHAT SHOULD I DO BEFORE WE SLEEP THEN?!" (Me)

"HOW ABOUT MAKING SURE THAT WE DON'T DIE?!" (Lydia)

"Priorities, Lydia. Priorities." (Me)

"HOW COULD THAT BE A PRIORI-" (Lydia)

"Found it." (Me)

While we were quarelling, I searched for some way to get to the next level. What I found, is a slide which goes down in a pretty steep angle.

"Whoever created this dungeon, he has good taste." (Me)

"What do you mea- KYAAA" (Lydia)

I pick Lydia up and run towards the entry to the next level with "Lightning steps" activated.

"DON'T YOU EVER DO THIS AGAIN WITHOUT WARNING ME!" (Lydia)

"Okay... WARNING!" (Me)

I jump down the slide.

"HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE!" (Lydia)

The slide has a steep angle, but is nevertheless built like a spiral.

"THIS IS FUUUUUUUUUN!" (Me)

We slide for about 5 minutes before leaving the slide and crashing into a wall.

"I think I broke my leg, but that was totally worth it." (Me)

"If I survive this dungeon, then I will distance myself from you as much as possible." (Lydia)

"Can you really go back to your boring daily life, after having such a thrilled experience with me?" (Me)

"Yes. Yes I can." (Lydia)

'That... was unexpected.'

"Well, so where are we?" (Me)

I look around us. In front of me is a huge lake, which seperates us from the next stairs. I use my "Sense life" magic to search the lake for any dangerous monsters.

'This should be easier than I thought.'

Inside of the lake are various threats. An example would be a shark about thrice as big as a Megalodon, who additionally has teeth which move like a chainsaw around his mouth.

'That's actually pretty savage...'

What I found as well, was a huge Kraken at the bottom of the lake. He's most likely the Boss of this level.

'I wonder if Lydia could somehow come in contact with that?'

Tentacle play?

'Tentacle play.'

"Nothing to worry about Lydia. In this lake is nothing dangerous. There are absolutely no sharks which are as big as a tower or Kraken who you later get sacrificed to, just to satisfy my sexual desires. No such things can be found here." (Me)

"Oh, well then I'm glad. If there are no Monsters here, then I can rest assured...DO YOU THINK I WOULD SAY THAT?! I WILL NOT GO NEAR THAT LAKE UNTIL I SEE THE CORPSE OF THAT KRAKEN!" (Lydia)

'How did she see through my waterproof lie? Mysterious...'

I don't know how you can be sometimes the biggest genius I've ever encountered and at other times you could be considered retarded...

'That's called Schizophrenia, you dumb bitch. Pick up a book for once, would ya?'

I don't think we should just ignore what you just said...

"Before I do anything though, I want to rest a bit. Even I get tired." (Me)

I pull out a tent out of my inventory.

"Could you tell me where you always get those things from?" (Lydia)

"If I told you that I have a huge cave inside of my asshole, would you believe me?" (Me)

"100%." (Lydia)

'Shouldn't she somehow refute me at that moment?'

I put the tent up, realizing how much smaller it is than I originally thought.

"You don't coincidentally have a second tent up your bum, do you?" (Lydia)

"1. Who would keep 2 tents in their asshole? Are you insane? 2. I don't pull them out of my ass." (Me)

'I actually have about 6 more tents inside of my inventory, but she doesn't need to know that.'

"Okay, I will sleep in the same tent. But you have to promise me, that you won't touch me." (Lydia)

"Why? Didn't you hear how good it is to have sex while camping? I heard it's fucking in tents." (Me)

*sound of a cricket chirping in the distance*

"..." (Lydia)

You didn't just...

I'm impressed Master. Your jokes are so far advanced that even a great being such as myself doesn't find them funny.

'To hear that from a threeheaded lionchicken hurts even more than I expected...'

I put the tent up and snuggle my way in before taking the position of a victorias secret model. (Authors Note: Fuck do I know how to describe that... He lies on his side and uses his arm to support him, something like that. Just imagine a pose where you want to seduce someone.)

"Are you coming in or not? *wink*" (Me)

"If I had another choice, then I wouldn't hesitate and run away..." (Lydia)

Lydia lies down besides me. Her back is faced to me, which creates a bit of a distance between us.

After about 15 minutes, I get bored of just laying near her.

"Are you already asleep?" (Me)

"...what do you want?" (Lydia)

"Well, I just wanted to talk about what you said before we fought the Griffon." (Me)

"It was just on the spurt of the moment, since you saved me and all. Don't put any meaning behind it." (Lydia)

"Hoh?" (Me)

I put my hand on her hip.

"Are you sure about that?" (Me)

She slaps my hand away.

"Yes, very much." (Lydia)

'If she wants it that way...'

I shock her from behind.

"KYA" (Lydia)

"Hehe, still want to be such a feisty one?" (Me)

"Stop that! I want to sleep." (Lydia)

She tries to suppress a smile, which just makes me even more eager to tease her.

"Come on, you still don't want to admit it?" (Me)

I shock her a few more times.

"STOP THAT! *giggle* STOOOP!" (Lydia)

She tries to prevent any more shocks by slapping my hands away. I, of course, dodge every attempt of hers and soon it escalates to a wrestling match for who becomes the more dominant.

'OH SHE WANTS IT THAT WAY HUH?!'

What are you doing?! NO! PUT HER DOWN YU!

As expected, my master doesn't let anyone defeat him...

I pick Lydia up from behind and supplex her to the ground.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR MESSING WITH A WARRIOR!!! Wait... she's unconscious, isn't she?" (Me)

Lydia just lies there, foam coming out of her mouth.

You were so close to having a lovey dovey moment...

'It was her fault! She provoked me! She should be glad that I didn't piledrive her...'

My master is so merciful.

'YOU SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR SARCASTIC REMARKS FROM A CHICKEN!'

You fucked yourself, no need to let it out on others...

'God dammit...'

The night went by without her waking up or me having no need for my dear Linda.

"Wha- what happened? Why does my head hurt so much?" (Lydia)

"I most certainly didn't fuck you and bang your head against the wall continuously. Exactly that didn't happen." (Me)

"If I don't feel my hymen tearing when I have my first time, I will hunt you down." (Lydia)

'At the most crucial moments she doesn't get my jokes huh?'

"Anyways. I waited for you to wake up, since I wanted to show you something." (Me)

"And what would that be?" (Lydia)

"Just the reason why you fell for me." (Me)

"I already told you that it was just on the spur of the mome- huh? Why do I get that weird sense of déjà vu?" (Lydia)

I roll up my sleeves and put my hands inside the lake.

"Uuuhhh... well I'd like to say something epic right now, but nothing comes to my mind, so... bye bye." (Me)

I use half of my mana and electrify the whole lake.

"I love the smell of fried fish in the morning." (Me)

Of course my master just killed so many monsters in a matter of seconds.

You don't sound like someone who just massacred about 300 different kinds of fish... well, here you go.

You gained 76 levels!

'Nice'

Every single lifeform who was just alive, now floats belly up on the sea. Even the Kraken.

"Is that corpse enough for you, miss?" (Me)

"I- uuhhhh... I guess?" (Lydia)

'What does my Status even look like right now?'

STATUS

STATS

Level: 122 Statpoints: 76

HP: 54 MP: 8378 HP REGEN: 0.20/sec MP REGEN: 0.60/sec

STR: 28 DEX: 104 END: 20 INT: 54 WIS: 60 CHR: 40 LCK: 30

ABILITIES

ACTIVE: Space of distorted Time; Lightning step (shortcut: clap); Raygun (shortcut: pointed finger); Enhance (shortcut: slap desired part of body); Lightning clad (shortcut: touch both shoulders diagonally) ; Blink (shortcut: flick); Heal (shortcut: Touch target with pinky and thumb); Search life (shortcut: touch temples) ; Embed Lightning (shortcut: tap weapon of choice twice); Connect Lightning (shortcut: lock fingers); Cure Disease (shortcut: Point pinky at target); Cure higher Curse (shortcut: point ringfinger at target); Counter (Auto); Warphole (shortcut: twist your wrist); Invisibility (shortcut: Cross arms); Spacial cut (shortcut: swing of arm); Lesser Gravity control (shortcut: stomp with your foot); Analyzing Eyes

PASSIVE: Perfect Body control; Extreme Magic potential (Gift from God); Perfect language comprehension; Inventory; Shortcut; Twin Dagger Mastery (91%); Throwing Knives Mastery (100%); Higher Throwing Knives Mastery (11%); Lesser understanding of Magic cirles

AFFINITIES: Lightning (99,99%); Life (46,75%); Space (30,30%)

TITLES

"The one who made God vomit"

"You're fucking ridiculous"

"Nightmare of the magic Forest"

CONTRACTS

Unnamed (Threeheaded Lionchicken)

I use "Lesser Gravitiy Control" and pull all the corpses towards me, before putting all of them in my inventory.

"WHA- WHERE DID THEY GO?!" (Lydia)

"Magic." (Me)

'Now. The observant reader would most certainly wonder why I collected all those corpses. The reason is-'

Necrophilia?

'No.'

Eating them?

'That as well, but for another reason.'

Fucking and then eating them?

'THEIR BODYPARTS! THEIR BODYPARTS CAN BE USED FOR WEAPONS!'

What a boring reason...

'Fuck you.'