"And we're back, live on stage!" (Me)

"What are you talking about?" (God)

God looks at me, like I'm a lunatic.

"Oh nothing... so what are my abilities going to be? Come on. Gimme the good shit." (Me)

"Why the fuck would I do that?! I don't want anything to do with that. Euh... let's say you have 100 points to decide which abilities you want to have. I'll decide myself how much one ability is worth." (God)

"As responsible as ever huh?" (Me)

"I have a whole universe to manage. Why would I give a shit about your abilities?"

'Wasn't it HIS idea, that I get reincarnated?!'

"Fuck you too." (Me)

'Alright, brainstorming. What abilities do I want, which wouldn't be too OP and hence make my whole life boring? I guess something standard like "High magic potential" is safe...'

...

'Wait... how does anything that world work anyways?! I don't even have a fucking clue on how the magic works, so how should I pick my abilities wisely?!'

"What is the world even like? What type of magic is there? Please don't tell me some chuunibyou-shit with incantations or something like that. Then I would rather go the warrior path..." (Me)

"Good that you ask! It seems like you still are somewhat intelligent." (God)

"Did you just say I'm dumb you old geezer?" (Me)

'Welp, no need to be angry abou it. He'll forget this whole conversation soon because of his alzheimers, no use in being upse-'

"AAAAAHHHHH YOU GOD DAMN SHIT GOD!" (Me)

While I was muttering and thinking about his impressive age, the pain strikes me again.

'FUCK! MY BODY FEELS LIKE IT'S HOT IRON! ...wait, I don't even have blood right now.'

While I think that I'm making the same jokes as a certain skeleton out of a pirate anime, the pain vanishes and the old geezer starts talking again.

"Alright, let me bestow a little bit of my infinite knowledge upon you! The world you'll live in is called Gargantia and is-" (God)

'Of course there's still the part, where I get information about the world, which no one even wants...'

About 4 hours passed (which felt like an eternity) until grandpa stopped talking.

'Since no one wants to hear the old man "bestowing his knowledge" I'm just giving you a summary.'

The name of the world is "Gargantia". Unfitting for such a huge planet, it only has one supercontinent, divided into 4 kingdoms.

'By divided, I really mean divided. A huge ass mountain-range is supposedly between the four kingdoms, which makes it pretty hard to cross to the other continent.'

The 4 kingdoms are each about the size of russia. The north is occupied by the kingdom of "Ljot" with the Ice giants.

The east is taken by the humans with their "Great kingdom of magic".

'Wow, their naming sense is BAD!'

The south is controlled by the elves.

'YOU HEARD RIGHT! ELVES! EVERY MANS DREAM!'

Their kingdom is called "The Great Forest Nation".

'But they fucked up with the name of their kingdom... damn.'

And lastly, there are the dwarfs. They live in the east, in their glorious "Dwarf Kingdom".

'HOLY SHIT! THAT'S THE WORST ONE SO FAR!'

Each kingdom is controlled by some kind of ruler, except for the Ice Giants. They're barely intelligent enough not to bash each others heads in, so they wouldn't manage a king.

'They have the best name for their kingdom though.'

The magic is nothing special really. It doesn't rely on incantations, but rather on complicated hand gestures, which activate the mana in your body.

'Yep, just like N*ruto. Reeeaaally creative. Well, at least it's better than shouting shit while you're fighting...'

I let my mind process the information I just got.

'If I'm really going to be a mage class, then I'll first need something to control my body better. If those hand symbols are really that complicated, then I don't want to get a cramp while fighting. Then I need something like a boost, which can make me superior to others. And finally the standard necessities.'

I turn back to the grandpa, who's already picking his nose out of boredom.

"Alright, old man, I want the following abilities: Complete body control, so I can use the hand symbols at a good speed, a training space where the time is distorted, but can only be used for one day daily (everything else is most likely too expensive), an inventory, like in every standard game, since it's convenient, perfect language comprehension and as the grand finale a high magic potential." (Me)

"Let's see... the body control about 5 points, the training space 50 points-" (God)

"WHAT?! 50 POINTS?!" (Me)

"It's a hyperb*lic time chamber, what did you expect?" (God)

"I expected it to be, like, 15 or something." (Me)

"And you guessed wrong." (God)

'FUCK THAT GUY!'

"The inventory is about 10 points, the language comprehension costs 10 points as well and finally the high magic potential about 20 points. That leaves you with 5 points." (God)

"Oh, can you give me a staus screen like in games? Pretty pleeeeeeeaaaaaaase?" (Me)

While I try my best to bring out my chocolate side, God just looks at me like I'm a shitting pig on the street.

"Don't give me that stare, you're making me arou- no wait, I'm not a masochist all right?" (Me)

'Wait, how am I even supposed to bring out my chocolate side if I don't have a body right now... that must be the reason why it didn't work!'

"I think I'm going to vomit... the status screen is already included. Some other wishes?" (G to the od)

"Oh then make my encounter luck high! I want them good flags you know?" (M to the e)

(Author's note: I like good pussy and I like good tree... sorry.)

"Yeah, that should be the rest of your points." (God)

He sighs.

"Finally I get to send you away..." (God)

"I know you loved the time with me, you little tsundere." (Me)

I smile at him with the most charming smile in the world.

"You are the very first guy who made God vomit, congratulations. And now, have a fun journey." (God)

"Yeah, see ya when I die again, old man." (Me)

'Since I'm gonna kill myself again, if I don't like that world.'

I suddenly feel very sleepy. As I slowly close my eyes, I see God waving at me with a sorrowful expression.

'Can't blame him. My charme is just irresistible."

My consciousness fades away.

God P.o.V

I'm once again alone in this darkness.

'He really became a handful, while I wasn't there, eh? I guess I can't blame anyone other than myself. I should've raised him responsibly, and not leave him in the midst of growing and then alter his memories...'

I let his life without me replay once more.

*Sigh*

'It really hurts to see your own son suffer like that.'