Chapter Twelve

It is our actions that define us

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*Grrrrr*

Like tyrannical, rumbling thunder, my stomach’s growls destroyed whatever semblance of tranquillity the forest edge held, causing the insect-like ape that I had been stalking to freeze as its muscles tensed.

Whether the creature was about to scream in surprise, run or, more than likely knowing my luck, turn and fight, I didn’t know but what I did know, was that I didn’t have the same luxury.

In nature, a single moment’s hesitation is the difference between life and death.

I leapt through the remaining distance, my bones screaming in protest at the explosion of speed, as I watched the ape start drawing a deep breath.

My hands smashed into the two thick, stubby antenna sticking out of each side of its head, no more than a few inches tall as I clasped it in a vice-like grip.

A bone chilling growl tore from my throat while my lips threatened to crack as a manic smile erupted onto my face, knowing I had made it in time.

A few microseconds later, my knee slammed into the left side of its back, knocking the still forming wind out of the ape's lungs, as my right foot wedged me between it and the ground, giving me the leverage I needed.

Without a moment’s hesitation, I twisted with all my might. My right hand, which was my dominant, pushed outwards while my left pulled the antenna still attached to the creatures head, towards me.

Just like I had planned, the head rotated counter clockwise though, when it reached a similar limit to that of a human, it stopped momentarily as the creature went rigid. A low clicking noise echoing into the grasslands as its hands rose in an attempt to grab mine.

-”Now!”

Releasing an inhuman grunt, accompanied by a roar in my mind, I put every ounce of strength I could muster into my arms and back, relaxing only for a moment, letting the head slightly reset, so I could increase the momentum.

A sickening, nerve clenching crack erupted from the ape’s neck as the head twisted past its previous point of no return.

My stomach rolled and flipped as I released the head, letting the creatures twitching body fall to the floor with a dull thud.

-”Damn…”

I was momentarily speechless as I raised my shaking hands, adrenaline and conflicting emotions, mainly excitement and fear, raging within my soul.

When I had been fighting Spike, I had been too busy trying to survive, only to pass out and fully heal making the whole thing seem like a very realistic dream but as I stood there panting, the magnitude of my actions and their resulting emotions hit me like a truck.

One part of me, by far in the majority, was screaming in ecstasy as it revelled in the power of the moment. It felt like I could do anything, however, just like a coin, there was a darker, much more troubled side that, just like that one guy at a party, was putting a dampener on everything.

I had just killed in cold blood and what’s more, I had not only enjoyed it, in a sick way, I actually craved it. It was if all my worries and concerns had, just for a moment, vanished. A mask I didn’t even realize I was wearing, at least to this extent, had fallen.

The imaginary beast in my head cowered alongside its human counterparts, shivering as I rose my hand to my lips, tracing a smile that, if I was honest with myself, would have probably scared a death row inmate.

I chuckled. -”Seems like that pretty therapist was right. The only things that kept me in check

-”Seems like that pretty therapist was right. The only things that kept me in check were those that were dear to me and the thought of being locked in a tiny box. Without society as the gatekeeper, it really is easy to fall.”

Knowing I was going to have to be careful as I was now staring into the abyss, resisting the urge to launch myself into its welcoming embarrass, I took a steadying breath and looked at my foe, recalling just how lucky I had been.

At the betrayal of my stomach, my body had reacted almost entirely by itself, seemingly as if I was on autopilot, falling into one of the many plans I had been formulating while sneaking up on the now, very dead ape.

Still shaking, I scratched the painful spot on my arm, which was now tingling in a slightly alarming way.

My attack had been brutal, quick and did not even hold a shred of mercy or honour.

Secretly, not that there was anyone here to judge me, I was proud of myself.

I had cast off the shackles of humanities attempt to become similar to the gods and reverted to my base nature. Though even this had a counter as I felt a nagging feeling that some things weren't right, as well as the discomforting thought that I was being manipulated, settling deep into my bones.

To emphasise the point, I knew what bothered me wasn't my unprovoked attack or the seemingly impending loss of my humanity. No, it was how easily I had done it and its implications.

And no, it wasn’t that I felt regret or remorse.

It was the fact that, to end a life, all it took was a few light steps and a quick twist.

A shiver ran down my spine.

-”Would it be that easy to kill me?”

I took a quick glance behind me, only returning to my prize when I was certain nothing was trying to creep up on me just as I had done to it.

My paranoia started to take hold as a familiar thought, no, this time it was more of a feeling, bubbled up from the depths of my subconscious.

I was too weak, slow, stupid. I had lost myself in the momentary joy of winning a battle while the war was far from over. I needed to improve and fast.

The ape’s fate could have easily been my own but unlike my opponent odds, there would be no chance of a lucky save for me.

The plan of breaking its neck had been incredibly risky, so much so that I was actually planning something else, as it was all based off the creature having a similar skeletal structure, or at least weak point, as a human which, by its appearance I had been less than confident about.

I got lucky with Spike yet here I was abusing the same concept. If the Ape had a different nervous system structure, or say, could twist its head three hundred and sixty degrees and spit bone melting acid, I would have been so far up shit creek, trees would be growing on its banks.

-"That could have gone horribly wrong."

I shook my head, realizing that I was making another mistake.

-”It still could go horribly wrong.”

The murder, because calling it a fight was too generous, replayed in my mind as I quickly scanned the surroundings, making sure I had not been discovered. I had once again wasted too much time in my head. I needed to change this, though I was unsure how to trigger the right adaptation.

As if to remind me that other, more dangerous, animals were out there, a lone wolf's howl penetrated the night, seemingly far out in the grasslands.

Double checking the dense vegetation behind me, my jaw locking in irritation at the lack of visibility, I bent down and grabbed the ape under its arms before quickly dragging it backwards.

-”Cover works both ways. I need to find a secluded spot to… reap my rewards.”

Something inside of me was unwilling to admit I was going to try and eat the insect-like ape.

Within moments, both my prize and I had disappeared into the mini jungle and even though I had walked the place twice now, including my pride in my bird-like sense of direction, I was completely lost.

Though that was not important. The surrounding trees were watching me.

Well, at least in my mind they were.

Lost in a sea of dark greens, browns and vibrant, luminous plants, my paranoia and imagination were running wild.

Behind each tree, leaf or even under the very ground I walked, threats lurked, waiting for me to make one tiny, insignificant mistake and end my small, insignificant existence with ease.

A distant screech, from an unknown animal, resulted in my throwing myself to the floor, eyes darting about as I tried to steady by hammering heart while not reducing it so much I became sluggish.

I released a silent curse at my greatest advantage yet, my biggest disadvantage. Apart from the area around the fruit trees, which seemed to have been unnaturally cleared, if an enemy was standing more than four foot from me and completely still, I would be lucky to see them.

This place was an ambush predators dream come true and just with that thought, I remembered that the apes were not my only problem. I had my spiky friends to worry about too.

I strained my hearing and sense of smell, knowing that both were practically useless, as my claustrophobia started to return, like a starved, rabid beast sensing a wounded animal in a bear trap.

-”Come on Al,keep it together. Can’t go loosing your shit now.”

Without actively thinking about it, a name finally came to me, Alpha. The same name I had given the female wolf although, as even I found the name childish, I shortened it to Al.

I wanted to be top of the food chain, beholdant to no one and surpass my limitations and fears and, honestly, every other name I thought about didn't fit.

”Al.”

I tried speaking the name outloud, momentarily forgetting why I was laying in the dirt and mentally shrugged.

-”Better than nothing I suppose.”

Pulling myself to my feet, I started moving again, wanting to get as far away from the kill site as possible though, I couldn’t help but cringe at the deafening noise I was creating in my hasty retreat.

Crunching leaves, twigs and rustling bushes, as well as long, unmissable scuff marks created by the limp body, were there, basically a giant ‘Tasty Al treats here’ sign pointing in my direction.

Deciding that the only thing I was really able to solve at the moment was the scuff marks, I quickly scooped up the corpse, struggling under its weight as I threw it over my shoulder and started creeping away, in a different direction to where I had been heading.

While I did this, a part of my mind was still on threat assessment yet, one bit of crucial information was missing for me to really know what I was facing.

-”Why was that monkey just sitting there eating like it was on holiday?”

I pause, checking the surroundings as my skin starts to tingle. Minutes tick past yet nothing changes, so I continue deciding that I am finally losing it.

-”It could have just been taking a break while eating.”

*Grrrrrr*

My stomach once again breaks the silence.

I grind my teeth as I try to peer through the suffocating foliage, but at the same time making sure that I reinforced the need for me not to be able to.

X-ray vision works great in films and books but in real life, It would be horrific. I didn’t even know if it was possible but I was unwilling to take that risk.

I bit my tongue slightly, using the slight pain to get my thoughts back on track.

-”No, it seemed to be watching for something. Either it was a lookout or waiting for others. Either way, I need to get as far as possible, take my fill, and leave.”

After a while, I found a large, orange leafed bush that seemed perfect and after moving between it and a tree, I straightened up trying to see if height would give me any better visibility before cocking my head as I listened and heaving a sigh of relief.

-”Looks like I am in the clear.”

Gently placing the body on the ground, more to reduce noise than out of respect, I studied my prize.

The creature was covered in a dark grey, almost black hard plates that were joined together with a lighter grey… skin I suppose. The plates had a visible bubbly texture to them and, when I tapped one, it sounded like I was knocking on something hollow.

While it looked like a human regarding its shape, its joints were very prominent and socket like, and combined with the creature's skin, is why I refer to them as insect apes. Though while I don't know of anything on this planet that fits the description better, apart from me, I had shortened it to apes.

My gaze drifted to its head, lifeless black eyes, apparently being all pupil stared back as one of the protruding antennae, the left one, hung by a small amount of skin, having almost been ripped off earlier, letting thick, yellow blood flow slowly into a small puddle that had formed underneath it.

-”Fuck”

Looking at where I had just come from, I could not see any blood on the ground or leaves.

I felt my muscles relax as I breathed in.

-”That would be all I need, leaving a trail of blood crumbs for them to follow. Though it doesn’t glow, here that colour sticks out like a sore thumb.”

I continued to study the creatures features, noticing that its mouth opened vertically rather than horizontally, with two mandible-like pincers at each side.

Frowning, I poked the chest of the ape, noting it felt just like its head, though I now knew I was just delaying the inevitable.

My stomach flipped again.

-”Yellow blood. I wonder what colour the flesh is. Maybe I should just hunt the Spikes. At least I know they won’t give me food poisoning or melt my insides.”

-”No, I didn’t get this far by playing it safe. Man the fuck up. You have eaten bugs before. They are even delicacies in some places. This one is just larger… and human-like… and intelligent…”

Shaking my head and deciding to get on with it, I was suddenly hit by the realization of how ill equipped I was.

I had no tools to butcher the animal at my feet.

Flicking one of the pincer-like mandibles sticking out of the creatures mouth in irritation, I frowned as an gruesome idea started to form while I stared at its serrated, dagger like appendages.

After flicking it again, this time with much more force, I noted that it felt incredibly sturdy and made up my mind.

-”Once you start down the rabbit hole, there is no going back it seems.”

Gingerly prying open the mouth, after poking it in the eye a few times to make sure it was dead, yet wishing I could just remove the head completely before doing what I was doing incase it zombied me, I grasped hold of a mandible and gave it a gentle tug, careful not to cut myself.

It extended a few inches out of its mouth, the blade like tip only a quarter of its length and, as I had done many times tonight, I sighed.

I was going to need to go deeper if I wanted to pull this out without slicing a finger off.

Slowly, my hand entered the creature's mouth, scraping against teeth that, thankfully, seemed to be designed to grind, and not peirce, food as they did not cut my skin.

The insect ape's mouth extended much further than a humans, making it look like something from a B-rate horror movie, enabling me to somehow able to fit my fist into it, grasping the slimy base of my soon to be knife.

-”What would I give for a survival knife now. I'd even for a sharp spork.”

Luckily for me, it felt that the base was connected by flexible cartilage and not the thick muscle I was anticipating, probably how the creature could extend it and so, after taking hold, I bent it slightly to give myself a better grip, using my spare hand to hold the tip at that angle least my grip slip and I cut myself.

Taking a deep breath, I pulled.

Unlike when I broke the creatures neck, there was almost no resistance and the dagger-like appendage jerked out of its mouth with a sickening ‘pop’ sound.

I wiped my now yellow hand on the leaf litter, only to add leaves and dirt to the things clinking to it as I studied my cadaver and started praying.

If the carapace on the outside were indeed an exoskeleton, I could not imagen the insides were very appetising. Not in the slightest.

-”Please just be some fancy Armour.”

Deciding that the leg probably held my best chances of me being able to stomach the animal's insides, I experimentally grabbed two thigh plates with my hands and pulled apart.

The plates lifted, having a certain degree of flexibility before they resisted my attempts to separate them.

Taking a deep breath, I pulled with all my might resulting in a half ripping, half cracking noise echoing outwards.

Yellow blood flowed out, rapidly soaking into the ground.

It appeared the muscle had been attached to the shell, and some had come off with it, but now I reached my next challenge.

Awkwardly holding the impromptu knife, I started slicing a fair chunk of yellowy-green meat away from the shell, hissing in disgust that it looked even worse than I thought it would.

-"What damned creature has yellow blood and green tinted flesh? Is its survival mechanism to look so gross nothing wants to eat it. If I wasn't about to eat my own stomach lining, I would have to agree its pretty damn effective."

As I probed around while finding the best places to cut, feeling more and more nauseous as time went by, I found the leg bone and sighed in relief.

Even if things were crazy as me on morphine around here, it appeared everything was still logical.

The creatures skeletal structure made sense and explained why it had been able to grow to this size, walk upright and have its neck broken.

Well, I know Earth had some very big bugs in its past, but I didn’t really know much about their insides or how they worked bar what was shown on TV and none walked on two feet if I remember correctly.

My humanity, conscious, super ego, whatever you want to call it was now screaming at me, pointing out my casual line of thought while I was A, in danger, B, slicing up a creature and C, which once again beat common sense as I felt it was the most important, about to eat uncooked, alien meat without even washing it.

My stomach continued to feel queazy, forcing me to dig deep and find my resolve.

-”Eat to live, live to eat.”

Something continued nagging at me, telling me what I was doing was wrong and, for some reason I started to listen to it before shaking my head.

-”No. It’s no big deal, you have done this before. Wait, Why do I feel like this? It isn’t human, and I had no issues with eating or slaughtering meat before. I grew up on a farm for fuck sake. What’s wrong with me?”

Sighing, I look around again, almost hopping that something will attack me and force me to abandon the unappealing meal.

-”I guess because it looks so… wrong. Get on with it you fucking pansy. Eat or be eaten, survival of the fittest and all that.”

I lifted a tiny amount of meat to my mouth and, closing my eyes, licked it.

The taste was sweet, yet bitter but not totally unenjoyable, which was clearly in opposition of my stomach who had decided that if it wasn’t red, it didn’t want it and was trying its best to hurl even if I hadn’t swallowed.

Taking a few rapid breaths, knowing I would need to hold them after what I was about to do, I lifted the large slab of meat I had cut out of the ape's leg and took a huge mouthful.

My sharpened teeth tore through the flesh like a hot knife through butter but, deciding that chewing was not going to end well, I swallowed quickly and leant backwards against the nearby tree as I closed my eyes and focused on keeping the hard won nutrition down.

-”Hard won my arse, I didn’t even give it a chance.”

Taking deep breaths, my stomach slowly settled yet just as I was about to open my eyes and go back for seconds, I noticed something odd.

As if someone had flicked a switch, the natural noise of the forest silenced, not even the rustle of leaves broke the oppressive feeling that suddenly descended.

I froze, though only after double checking that the tree was behind me and not something about to break my neck, as I listen intently.

Silently raising the meat to my mouth, I took another bite, knowing full well what the silence entailed.

Something considered more dangerous than me, at least by the local wildlife, was stalking nearby and nothing, not even the bugs, wanted to draw its attention.

Each tender mouthful wend down my throat, my stomach ignoring its earlier protests with the the meat as it got back on board with Team Al, proving that the issue was in my head, or so I hopped.

In the silence, my hearing seemed to be amplified, however, all I could hear was my own heartbeat.

*Lub-dub*

*Lub-dub*

*Lub-dub*

*Lub-dub*

A niggle at the back of my mind trying to draw my attention to my heart beat as something felt really… strange, yet I paid it no mind.

Strange can wait when deadly was making a house call.

The faint sounds of clicking, first to my right, then to my left and front caused me to flinch, yet instead of fear, excitement bubbled up. The dark, monstrous creatures of my imagination were banished as I recognised what I was dealing with.

-”It looked like my food’s friends had caught up.”

I finished the slab of meat, not knowing when, or if, I would get a chance to eat again and picked up the mandible before crouching.

Another clicking, accompanied by the crunch of a stick echoed in front of me.

-”They are sweeping the area. That means they don’t know where I am yet.”

Resisting the urge to put my hands together and exclaim 'excellent' in my most evil voice, I moved cautiously, slightly mimicking the actions of a chameleon with smooth, rocking movements as I backed behind the tree and headed towards the clicking at my left.

While I stalked through the forest, I decided that in order to keep some semblance of my self, and not devolve into a psychopathic monster, I would need rules. I already had the first one ready.

-“Rule 1: Only kill to eat or in matters of self-defense.”

*Lub-dub*

*Lub-dub*

*Lub-dub*

*Lub-dub*

I grinned widely, immediately coming up with the second rule.

*Lub-dub*

*Lub-dub*

-”Rule 2: To not take unnecessary risks, if survival is challenged, it is considered self defense and in accordance with Rule 1 to eliminate the threat.”

*Lub-dub*

*Lub-dub*

*Lub-dub*

*Lub-dub*

*Lub-dub*

*Lub-dub*

My heart beats hammered in my chest as I struggled to regulate my breathing...

-"Heart beats?!"

I frowned as the clicking became louder, my hunter, yet also my prey, not letting me think about this new revelation more than a simple, typically man prayer, though slightly modified due to all of the unbelievable things that had been happening to me recently.

-"Oh God, please don't let me be pregnant. Actually, if it's between that and a chest bursting alien, I promise to be a good father."