෴Raz෴

෴Sia෴

Yesterday

“I am really starting to hate that guy.”

Sia nodded without responding.

“Shit, I was going to ask him about this message my mom left. They supposedly know each so well, maybe he can figure it out.” Raz grumbled.

“There’s always later. I’m sure he’ll come back soon enough.”

“How can you be so calm about this?”

She turned away. “I guess I’m just used to it. He always has this grand plan. Sometimes I’m part of it. Sometimes I don’t exist to him. So he has whatever he’s doing, and my life goes on.”

“Yeah, I guess. So something just crossed my mind. You said you had two burners right?”

She nodded slowly. “Yes–why do you ask?”

“Can I have the other one?”

She shrugged. “Oh, yeah, sure, I guess. I gave him the old school one. You can have the decent one.”

[She is relieved that you just wanted the phone.]

More fucking layers. Hope this isn't just more secrets.

She vanished and reappeared a few seconds later holding a generic looking smartphone. “I had Wrai— a guy from work get it setup with all the latest updates and encryption software.”

“So what’s Ray like?”

She laughed. “Oh, he’s, uh, what did he call it. An oh tuck ew. Or a total weeb, depending on the day.”

“Otaku? He can’t be that hardcore, if he’s working a job like yours.”

“You’d like him. He’s a funny guy.”

“I would huh? What are you trying to say?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure that calling someone else an Otaku or Weeb is an insult.”

“It is?!” she looked at him with a searching expression. “But he calls himself those names!”

He shrugged. “I’m just saying, the actual meaning isn’t a compliment. I think some people just own it about themselves. Sounds like he’s probably cool with himself, which is always good.”

She watched his face for a few seconds before answering. “Huh, I don’t know why, but I sort of thought you’d be jealous that I’m getting favors from male coworkers. As for ‘Ray’, to be honest, he’s about the farthest thing from cool he could be. He definitely calls himself a Weeaboo or Otaku from time to time. He’s a good guy though. This reminds me, I owe him a shopping trip.”

“Hmm, a self professed Weeb? Let me guess, he wants you to go buy Manga’s or Hentai or something from street vendors. Probably in Akihabara or maybe the anime district in Ikebukuro.”

She nodded, “Yeah he only mentioned Akihabara but that other…” She trailed off and looked him up and down. “Holy shit! Does this mean you’re a weeb? Should I be picking up some for you?”

Raz shrugged. “You say it like it’s a bad thing. It’s not a key part of my life, but I enjoy both, yes. I don’t seem to have the time for it anymore, but my pc at home has—” he stopped. “Well, I had a fair bit.”

“Sorry babe, I’m serious though, do you want to get some for you while I’m there? He wrote me a shopping list in English and Japanese. I could get you an extra copy of whatever I’m getting.”

He sat down on the couch and shook his head. “Nah, I’d be coming into a random story who knows where. I’d have no idea what was happening and why the different characters do things, or if they even matter, and that always sucks.”

She glanced around the room, looking at the pictures on the first wall, then the screen on the second wall. With a heavy sigh she looked at the front door on the third wall, then turned toward Raz and the remaining wall. "Yeah, that makes sense. I guess if you skip the chapters that don't have characters you care about in them, you'd probably not really understand what's going on in the story."

He nodded. "Exactly, makes it hard to join a manga halfway through."

She sat down next to him, “Ok, just wanted to make sure. I’m doing that shopping now, so it wouldn’t be any big deal to get more.”

He put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. “Oh don’t think I haven’t started to think about what interesting things I can send you shopping for now that you’ve mentioned it, but I’ve got no time for entertainment right now.”

“You totally do though.” she waved her hands in a sweeping motion that took in the room. “You could totally just chill for a few days and relax. You’ll never have a better opportunity or reason to just kick it for a bit.”

He looked at the tv, and then at the laptop, finally letting his gaze fall on the window out into the city. “You’re right. That’s what scares me. Right now, I feel like it would be all too easy to lose myself in entertainment.” he shrugged. “It would be so nice, so easy, to just crawl into a comfortable hole and pull the cover over me. I’m not sure I’d ever want to come out.”

He stood back up and paced in the room for a moment. He licked his lips and then clenched his jaw. “I can’t afford that. I’m not sure I ever could, but now it’s just so obvious that I can’t spare that kind of time.”

She watched him pace, her posture and expression said she was suppressing something, but she didn’t speak.

After a few more passes across the room he cleared his throat. “There’s something I wanted to ask you about though. I’m guessing it’s a touchy subject.”

“Oddly enough, right now that doesn’t feel like it even narrows things down all that much.” She retorted.

He sat back down and pulled her close. “It’s about you, and we don’t have to talk about it now, but I think we’ll have to talk about it at some point.”

She turned away and stared out the window, a sudden tension in her shoulders. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Well, when you were telling me about your parents, and your late sister’s kids.”

“What about them?” Her tone had gone flat.

[Complex emotions detected. Anger, resentment, envy, bitterness—]

Yeah no shit, she knows where this is going.

“You mentioned that you can’t have kids.”

“I did.” She shifted slightly, to be further turned away and looked out the window as though captivated by something there.

An awkward silence built around them for a long moment before Raz continued.

“How do you know?” he asked.

“I just know. You’re right. It’s a sensitive topic. Do we really need to have this discussion now?” she snapped.

He sighed at her harsh tone. “I guess not. But it seems like something we should talk about at some point.”

Her tone went cool again. “I was pregnant once. Then a month later, I wasn’t. There isn’t much more to tell.”

After another painfully long silence Raz realized that was all she had to say on the topic and mentallly, then physically shrugged. “Alright, let’s talk about something else. I’m homeless, jobless, and sort of a fugitive from shitty people. Now that I’m such a catch, what’s next for us?”

She tried and failed to suppress a small smile. “I guess you’re lucky I’m not into you for your job or where you live.” She turned away from the window to look him in the eye. “It’s never been about external things.”

The suppressed smile crept onto her face. “But, well, now that you mention it, I guess that does beg one major question.”

She shifted and turned to fully face him. “What are you going to do now?”

He nodded emphatically. “That–is a damn good question, and the one I’ve been trying to answer ever since I realized my old life doesn't even exist to go back to. I cannot believe I’m saying this, but I hope your boss has some ideas. Otherwise, I might be couch surfing a little longer than I’d like.”

She stood up and hugged him with one arm. “Don’t be silly. If you can learn to stay away from touchy topics, Why would I make you sleep on the couch?”

He smiled faintly. “Thanks, I guess I have a lot of figuring to do.”

And we’re going to have that conversation at some point if we’re ever going to be more than just dating.

Her gaze hardened. “I swear you were just thinking that you’re going to come back to this touchy subject as soon as you’re back on your feet weren’t you?!”

His eyes widened. “I swear, if you tell me now that you can read minds, we’re going to have a long conversation about those secrets.”

She gave him a half smile and shook her head. “No. But after all this time, you’re not as hard to read as you think you are.“

He tried and failed to suppress a smile. “So read me then, what am I going to do next?” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

She smiled. “Oooh, I hope you’re going to carry me to the bedroom and have your lustful way with me!”

He cocked his head as though deep in thought. “Well, I was going to go online and start looking for jobs that don’t care about paperwork. But, yeah, I could do that instead.”

As he carried her into the bedroom he wondered who was distracting who.

෴෴෴ ෴෴෴ ෴෴෴

Acceptance and Coping

Sasha and Paolo huddled together on his couch sipping at a simple but savory soup he’d thrown together while she slept. Periodically she would abruptly blink away tears and have to set the soup down before hard sobs wracked her body.

“It’s not your fault!” Paolo insisted.

She shook her head vehemently. “You don’t know that. You can’t know that. She might have been ok. I killed her!”

“Keep your voice down!” he urged her, “While you were asleep, I’ve been watching. No one inside that building survived. No one!”

“It doesn't matter! I failed her! I thought I could get her out and I left half her damn body behind!”

He pulled her in for a hug, she struggled and cried before relaxing into his embrace. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. But you’re looking at it wrong. You didn’t kill her. She was going to die. You tried to save her, when she was doomed. You failed, and she died. That’s true, and it’s tragic, but that is not the same thing as killing her!”

She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I know there’s something wrong with your logic, but I’ll try to run with that perspective. I hope when you reported in, the boss said he’s going to fucking vaporize whoever did this.”

Paolo relaxed his embrace until his hands rested on her shoulders. “Reported in? I don’t have any way to do that without…” he trailed off.

She looked puzzled for a moment before her eyes widened. “You haven’t reported in? We need to do that right now! You were in operations so long I forgot you’re brand new to the Norns. I’ll set up a connection to the backup distributed communications network.”

At his computer she began to establish a secure connection. “Who knows, if we report everything we saw, there might even be some detail that helps them figure out who did it.”

Paolo nodded. “Yeah, I saw something the boss needs to know about.”

෴෴෴ ෴෴෴ ෴෴෴

Guilt and Anger.

Richard Sanderson, Rich, to his friends, Rhino, to his coworkers, drove the modified black SUV in a silence that bordered on aggressive. Roland Koenig, Rex to his friends and coworkers, rode shotgun. Rich had rebuffed, then cut off, then simply ignored all attempts at conversation and kept the vehicle exactly four miles per hour under the speed limit the entire trip.

Rex watched another semi blast past them and turned to Rhino. “Rich, come on man. Everyone is passing us! We’re not moving a body or heading to a target. You’re not blending in, we’re doing twenty less than anyone else on the road. We’re just picking up Chris. Can you at least match the speed of traffic?”

Rhino didn’t reply. Rex watched Rich’s finger hover over the buttons to slow the vehicle down further for a few seconds before he tapped the cruise control switch a few times to increase speed a few miles per hour. They drove on in silence.

Far to the north of the bustling Atlanta Metro area, the cities give way to towns and hilly forests. Beyond Lake Lanier, the SUV continued north. The eight-lane interstate gave way to a divided four-lane state highway, which gave way to the two-lane state route they were currently on. The view of the beautiful scenic countryside of rolling hills and distance mountains around them was wasted on both men.

They arrived at their destination. A small unmarked assisted living facility nestled at the southern edge of the Chattahoochee National Forest. Rhino pulled up in front of the building and shut off the engine. He stared sightlessly ahead for over a minute until Rex spoke up.

“You good brother?”

Rich shook his head. “Whadda you think? No man, I’m not good. I’m a soup sandwich on legs, and driving the meat wagon isn’t making it better!”

Rex glanced at his watch reflexively. “Rich, I don’t expect you to believe me, but I’ve been there. When you come home, and your squaddies, your friends, don't. But don’t you say that again. This aint no meat wagon, Chris is alive!”

Rich didn’t reply.

Rex punched Rich in the shoulder. “Hey! Snap the fuck out of it!”

Rex moved as though to punch him again. Rich flinched. Seeing him react, Rex continued. “You gotta suck it the fuck up, and you gotta do it now. Johanssen is in there waiting for us, and he is not dead! Get over yourself a little. He is pretty fucked up, but your pity party isn’t helping shit.”

Rich whirled at him in anger. “Where do you get off—”

Rex stabbed a finger at him and talked over him. “No! Where do you get off thinking whatever your emo bullshit is compares to what Chris is going through right now? Do you think you have it worse than him?” He paused for a moment. “Well? Do you?”

Rhino shook his head.

“Damn right you don't. Your shit doesn’t compare. We all lost people. You and I and the team, we lost Triton. You weren’t there, I wasn’t there. Chris didn’t just lose Triton, he lost Tim, his best friend since they were kids, and he saw it happen!”

Rex wiped at his eyes. “That was right after Bill, Rick, and Blur, er, Fred bought it. Those guys were all our friends. I know you wish you’d been there, but you weren’t, and if you had been, you might just be dead right along with ‘em.”

Rhino hung his head in silence.

“You wonder why you’re driving the ‘meat’ wagon as you call it? Have you stopped and really thought about it? Wilson and I just saw Darbs shot by someone wearing your face! I’m surprised Wilson can even look at you!”

“But it’s not my faul—” Rhino started.

Rex held his hand up and stopped him. “Dude, I know. Everyone knows. We never trained for fucking impersonating shapeshifters. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He paused and cocked his head to the side a bit. “Well, letting yourself get pulled into the mouth of that thing wasn’t your best moment, but shit happens. I just need you to see that there is more going on than you feeling bad about the friends we’ve lost or Chris’s hands.”

Rich mumbled something inaudible.

Rex nodded. “Remember that he made the call to go balls to the wall with his ability, not you.” he glanced at his watch again. “We all know that Wilson’s boost has a dangerous downside. Now we gotta get in there, get Chris, and un-ass back to HQ. You good to go?”

Rhino shrugged and half-heartedly nodded.