I didn’t remember crying myself to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I recognized the bedroom decorated in navy and shades of gray. Kesstel’s spare room. Several decorative pictures were missing from the wall, as well as the vase that used to hold twigs and a couple fake white ball flowers.

Some part of me knew that I needed to get up, but I just laid there in the bed. I felt like a lifeless doll. If it wasn’t for the warm covers, I might have assumed I’d frozen in place. For the first time in a very long time, there weren’t daily tasks from the System. There was also a message from Uncle Mark, saying that Aunt Mina was okay and Mom and Aliya were still stable. I stared at my phone for a while, but couldn’t bring myself to call him back. Not yet.

When I dragged myself out of bed to wash my face and change in the bathroom, I found all the missing decorations from the guest room. They were in pieces in the garbage can, probably a result of the disasters that kept plaguing the city.

Kesstel’s house was empty, aside from me. I thought I’d feel more nervous walking around his huge, expensive home, but I wasn’t. Maybe it’s because it smelled like him, a comforting rich smell. Maybe it’s because I couldn’t seem to feel my emotions properly yet.

After such a big cry for the first time in ten years, I felt mellow. Moving had kick-started my mind, but I wasn’t in the grips of hysteria.

I walked barefoot to the kitchen, noticing other light changes in the house as I moved. Most of the lamps were gone, as well as the large art piece that used to hang over the fireplace. There was a crack in the bookshelf, like it had taken a tumble, but it was still there. Probably because there was nowhere else to put the stuff it held if it was gone. Kesstel wasn’t really a just-pile-it-on-the-floor kind of person.

A box of assorted muffins and a slip of paper sat on the marble kitchen counter, put in plain sight. I slipped onto a stool and reached for the box. Since I knew they were for me, I took out a lemon crumble muffin without feeling guilty and took a bite while I glanced at the note. Kesstel’s handwriting was as neat and sharp as a steel blade.

Jyn.

I went to report to the Council. They probably won’t shut up until I do. They want a full report of everything that went on in Las Vegas. They also insist that you turn all the Orc weapons you have over to them in the name of research for the betterment of human society. As if they have the right to steal your hard work. I’ll make sure they spit out a good price.

Take a break and rest. If you need me, call.

Kesstel

It looked like I didn’t even have to worry about selling the weapons or dealing with an auction. I should be glad, but I didn’t feel anything at all.

My fingers played with the partially eaten muffin for a minute before I set it aside and laid my head on the cool stone counter. In the quiet house, full of the feel of Kesstel, I finally felt like I could think about what was going on. Finally felt like I could cope with the horrid joke my life just became.

I’m glad you finally calmed down, Goddess said quietly. You were so hysterical, I couldn’t even get through to you.

“Hm,” I hummed out loud. No one was around to hear my one sided conversation anyway. Not to mention, I wanted — no, needed — to voice my thoughts. It felt like it was the only way I could focus this tangled mess in my mind into something tangible. “I’m sorry I ignored you yesterday.”

I understand. I’ve also seen my hopes and dreams fall apart in front of my eyes.

Just that was enough to make my eyes burn with more tears. God, I thought I had cried myself dry by now. I gritted my teeth and turned my face to press against the cool marble. I couldn’t start crying now. One night of feeling hopeless was enough. Now I had to do something about it.

“I … I don’t know what I should do,” I whispered. “How do I choose between my mother and my sister? My mother was my hero. The coolest, most amazing person I’ve ever met. Everything she did, the effort she put in for me and Aliya, taught me what love and perseverance was. I wouldn’t be who I am today without her.” My voice broke. I took the time to lick my lips and rein in my thoughts before they ran rampant again. “Then there’s Aliya. She’s the biggest reason why I tried so hard my whole life. Every time I hit bottom, I never gave up because if I wasn’t there for her, no one else would be. And I wasn’t going to let her be alone. I couldn’t give up on myself, because I couldn’t give up on her. She was the future I tried so hard to make happen.”

My head tilted to the side so I could press my aching temple to the stone, as if it was a magic cure. “Do I choose the woman who has had a life already, and who has been unconscious long enough that she won’t live another couple months? Or do I give up on her, and choose the girl that just started life? But there’s still seven years before she’ll be pushed out of the hospital. That should be enough time to isolate the vaccine from Mom’s blood and create a cure.”

I didn’t really need Goddess to answer my words, I wanted to hear the options. Luckily, she seemed to understand that and stayed silent even though I knew she was listening.

The tiny, intricate bottle appeared in my fingers. I twisted it this way and that, watching the small amount of liquid inside slide around. It was such a miracle when Goddess gave me this cure. It was the answer to my desperate prayer, a blessing that I couldn’t be more grateful for. Now it almost felt like a curse in my hand. A reminder that I had to choose to kill one of my loved ones.

“How long do you think it would take them to isolate the cure in someone’s blood?” I whispered.

I could tell, from the thick magic that hung over the land as far as the eye could see, there wasn’t a lot of time left before the parasitic planet struck. Once it appeared, the first people to disappear and become parasite feed were the Sleepers. Since they couldn’t handle the parasite’s magic, they couldn’t become monsters. Outside of their life energy, they would be useless to the structure the parasite had developed.

Too long, Goddess said simply. Not only would they have to isolate it, there’s a chance that the ingredients inside the cure would change from its original state when it makes contact with human blood. That would add more time. If everything was peaceful, it would be fine. But now …

“But right now, they would be able to remake the cure,” I said, watching the morning light coming through the kitchen window gleam off the bottle. “They could mass produce it. You said that Earth had all the ingredients to make the cure. The scientists should be able to do it. Right? Then both of them could wake up.”

A small bud of hope bloomed in my chest.

It is possible, given that the ingredients’ data is stored on their computers. If not, they would have to search across the globe and match the ingredients. Just like that, my hopes were crushed under a heavy boot of reality. You won’t have time to search for ingredients anymore. I’m attempting to stabilize Earth with my presence, but that can only go so far. More pressing, that loathsome being knows I’m here, obstructing it. It will not accept that easily.

“So, what you’re saying is that I’m going to be busy soon?” I muttered. “How so? Extra monsters and whatnot?”

I couldn’t guess the mind of that foul creature. I just know it loves to torment those that oppose it.

“Sounds fair,” I muttered, a chill spread in my chest and stilling the conflicted emotions in my heart to make a decision. Right now, I felt reckless enough to almost look forward to the parasitic planet attacking me. Since I couldn’t go to it, I could only wait until it came to me.

Then I could hurt it as much as it hurt me. Until it went away forever.

It was at that moment I realized I couldn’t give up on my dream of having a whole family. I couldn’t pick and choose which piece I wanted. The puzzle would never be complete if one piece was missing. There wasn’t a lot of time. But until the world ended, I was going to keep going as if tomorrow was going to be okay.

Because I was going to make it that way.

I will remind you, that vial is the only one I had. Just one dose. Once it’s gone, or some is taken out, there is no replacement. No one will wake up, Goddess added.

My fingers jerked. I put the bottle away before I could do something stupid like accidently crush it in my hand. “I understand.”

The muffins Kesstel left for me looked amazing, but food in general sounded disgusting. I carefully wrapped up the one I’d started to eat then put it, and the rest of the box, inside the fridge for later. I flipped Kesstel’s note over and sprawled a short message saying I’d be back.

Once that was done, I locked the door behind me and took in a deep breath of chilly morning air. Then I turned into a mist cloud and flew over the buildings, headed to Gate Square and the giant black arch that loomed over the city.

Most of the buildings within two blocks of the Gate Square were destroyed. Construction workers and Hunters wearing temporary neon orange vests milled around the piles of buildings. They were digging things out of the wreckage and dumping piles of debri into dump trucks. Some construction crew members and weaker Hunters used machines to help move stuff. Stronger Hunters simply picked up sections of brick walls with their hands and dropped them into the waiting vehicles. I paused, watching a petite woman hoist a broken metal L-shaped office desk bigger than she was tall and toss it into the dump truck like it was a piece of foam. She slapped her gloved hands together to get the dust off and reached down to grab another large piece of broken furniture.

The only buildings that were mostly untouched were the Hunter’s Association building and the Eden Hospital. Both of them had very strong barriers around them. Even with that, the buildings showed some damage. Understandably, they were also the buildings that were already being fixed up. Kesstel was in the Association building right now, but I turned to the other side of the Square and landed in front of the hospital.

I converged my body back together and drew my mist back inside my body. I’d made my decision, only now that I was here, I couldn’t help but second guess myself. What if ... they used up all of this dose without being able to recreate it? I’d have doomed both my mother and sister to die. Was I really doing the right thing, gambling their lives away like this?

The glass front doors slid open and a pair of Hunters came out.

I blinked out of my thoughts and stepped around them. Before the doors slid closed and I lost my nerve, I hurried inside. It felt a little odd being in the hospital. There was a period of my life where I was here once or even twice a day. It’d been so long since I was in here, I almost felt like a runaway finally coming home.

My mouth twitched at the absurd feeling and I walked to the front desk. For the first time, I didn’t know the name of the woman sitting there.

She looked up from her computer. “What can I help you with?” Her eyes flicked over me, taking note that I wasn’t hurt. A puzzled, polite smile settled on her face.

“I need to talk to Healer Jonovan.”

Surprise flashed across her face. “Oh, well, it’s a busy time right now. It could take a long time…” She tapped on the keyboard as she spoke. “I could set you up for an appointment next week? How does Monday sound?”

I shook my head. “It has to be today. Tell him that Jyn Devhro needs to talk to him about something important.” I motioned to a cluster of beige chairs next to a wilting plant. “I’ll wait for his reply.”

*****