From the capital to the northern borders they were going to, the distance could be covered in a month at least. The thought of sitting in a carriage being jolted for such a long period of time wasn’t comforting at all. However, wouldn’t it have been far better than what she was actually living?

As early as when they passed the capital’s gates, Ru Shan Yong had her climb down the carriage and sit on a horse. A horse! When did she learn to ride? Never, obviously! Despite her protests, the man wouldn’t take no for an answer and had a special device installed for her on the animal’s back. At the very least, she was securely bound and couldn’t fall down… maybe?

Perched on the quadruped, she discovered that those animals were quite high! It kept moving and she swayed with its every step, trembling all along, holding the straddles firmly, not daring to look anywhere but straight in front of her. To be honest, her horse was actually attached to the general’s one so she wasn’t really the one directing it. She just had to sit, yet that proved to be quite arduous and so, from time to time, one of the general’s men had to arrange her position so the person wouldn’t fall.

Soon, her muscles grew sore and the hands holding the reigns too tightly were already tired. Despite his unwelcoming treatment, when she was complaining, he would still have the procession halted for the day and let her rest. In those moments, she couldn’t help but asked herself if he was actually pitying her and truthfully letting her rest or if he was enjoying it so much that he didn’t care being delayed!

No matter what she did, no matter what she said, the inside of the carriage was refused to her. Flowery words, smiles and whatnots were wasted on this man. She didn't even take time trying to have his men talked in her favor, not that she wasn't interested in giving it a shot, but loyal dogs they were, they wouldn't even meet eye with her, let alone converse. And anyway, the general was constantly near her, how then, could she endeavor herself with them?

The food, after a few weeks, became only dried meats, tasteless soup accompanied with bread or rice and some fruits. It grew repetitive and her picky palate which was far too used to delicacy tolerated this state of things less and less. Mu Rong An couldn't help it, it just wouldn't cross her esophagus anymore and more often than not, just made her gag. As such, she was now mostly eating fruits. And since he was always by her side and even eating near her -mind you, he didn't like talking to her- than with his men, she would mercilessly take his share when he was busy eating his rice and bread. Well, he wasn't shameless enough to argue over meals with a woman though. When he would lift his head from his bowl to see her chomping down his neatly cut pieces of sugar cane, he would say nothing as she smiled at him, he just stared for a minute before returning to his plate. Sometimes, he would force her to eat regardless if she really did vomit later.

The clothes packed for her, she understood the next day of their departing were actually simple clothes, terribly, low-quality ones, that she had to wonder if those weren’t the poorest peasant's ones. Even the lowest servant in her parents' residence had better regular clothes than these. However, what she really thought of such arrangements, no one could tell as her temper, as always, was something she had under control. As he looked at her opening the bags, she lifted a bright sunny smile to him, her voice sonorous as she gave her thanks. He said nothing and just exited her tent, the sole moment he would actually leave her all alone, the sleeping time.

Oh, he did let her alone when she bathed too. And she wished it was something they did on a more regular basis! But no, she could consider herself lucky if she took a bath after three days for mainly, it was one per week unless they halted in a village where she'd finally have a good couch to lay her tired limbs. So, most of the time, she was uncomfortable.

All in all, the worst in her first experience outside the capital was still the road. Too bumpy or was it always like that when one was on a horse’s back? The destination seemed so far away and somewhat unattainable, she didn’t know how much she had tried asking for a return. Never had she found smiling so difficult! His sole and only answer when asked such, he just asked her to drop the pretense!

Her smile grew stiffer every day that passed by!

Just like that, a travel which usually lasted a month, took them thrice the time. Threeagonizing months! He was really too carefree! Wasn’t he scared the Emperor would fault him? Although at the time she would enjoy the breather, at the end of the road, she couldn't help asking herself if it wouldn't have been better if he ignored her whining and just rode for a month.

By the time they arrived, she had blisters and was fatigued like never before. She was sored all over. She lifted her bandaged hands and kissed the inside of her palm wishing the pain to go away. What a long torturous journey, she couldn’t stand up nor walk properly at all! If she could help it, that was enough horse riding to last her at the very least ten lifetimes! Not that the horse liked her any better than she did it, she swore the animal was actually snickering when she'd got down of it for the last time, at the Ru manor.

Well, the sentiment was shared!

***

Although Mu Rong An knew that Ru Shan Yong didn't mean for her to come fight with him when he forcefully invited her here, she still thought that the manor wasn't too far from the military camp. Which... happened to be wrong. It was far he said as he left her in this residence and continued with his men, letting her with only one elder woman.

She had no words for what she felt.

And even though she dreamed no more than to take a bath, she still humored the servant who was showing her around. The place was solely for the use of Ru Shan Yong but was still vast and had in it two courtyards. However, her amiable smile stiffened with every more meter of the place that she got to see. He had to have done it to spite her. The courtyard she was to live in was full of dust, specks of dirt and things stacked here and there. No one tidied it at all!

Well, well, well, wasn't there still another courtyard? Since she was his wife, of course, she would be the commending person in his absence. As such, she made her way to the other courtyard... only to find it worse than the first!

A life worse than death he had said. Well, maybe for a missy like her it could still be considered torture. Mu Rong An breathed in and breathed out after which, her smile was quite lovely. She could do it, lived through this. Anyway, what of it, she just had to order servants around, she didn't have to mind the delay.

How wrong was she? Oh so very much!

Beside this elderly person by her side, there weren't anymore living souls! No one! And what of the elderly woman? It just so happened that the hands she was hiding in her sleeves all along were damaged. Her fingers had been cut in her infancy and apparently, she ought her life to grandfather's Ru leniency... not that Mu Rong An cared one bit.

All in all, she had to live in this desolate manor with no servants, less luxury, less everything. To top it all, she had to do the cleanings, cooking... and she didn't know what more, but she had to do it all by herself! The worse being that she had to discover it by herself, he didn't even take the time to inform her before riding his horse away with his men!

It wasn't like she wanted him to spend time here, she knew he was supposed to be spending more time in the barracks and the camps with the others, and actually, she was always looking forward to this those past three months, less interaction, less forced smiles... but it wasn't supposed to be like this!

Swallowing colorful words and with nothing to break to help her vent, she passed her nerves on the dirt of the bigger bedroom in the biggest courtyard sweeping as she could, before taking a bath. A cold one. She had no idea how to start a fire and the servant had miraculously disappeared at one moment when she wasn't paying attention. She ate nothing that night. Sleep claimed her as fast as when she hit the pillow.

***

Contrary to what she thought, he still came the next day and she once again wondered if she thought it all wrong. Maybe he wanted to scare her the first night and would bring servants afterward?

"You really liked cleanness." He said after looking at the only sparkling place of the manor, her acclaimed bedroom.

Her lips twitched, her smile faltering a bit. It was early in the morning, she was sleepy, tired, sored... and desperately hungry. His face at this moment, was the last thing she had wanted to see, nonetheless he just so happen to be the one who entered unannounced. In his military uniform. His boots still on, staining the floor she had painstakingly cleaned.

A flash of anger passed her eyes -that he managed to catch- before she offered him a warm smile.

“Between us, husband and wife, one of us has to or who knows what disease may plague us in the future."

The standing man suddenly let himself sat on the floor, not far from her, staring at Mu Rong An who was sitting on her bed. The corners of his lips actually lifted a bit, when, she was sure, he wanted nothing more than to throttle her. 'You’re being blackened' she thought.

"Aren't you tired of always smiling?"

Her smile was even more pronounced at his sentence, she pleasantly said, "I fail to understand."

He stared at her, whose smile didn't falter a bit and chose not to bother. Instead, he asked,

“Can you tell?...what I want from you?” She shifted in her place to find a better position, but otherwise stayed silent, “That pride that wanted to harm me... I want to squash it!... So, you who never did anything with your hands... will learn. Hadn't you always wanted to be a wife? A mistress? Let us see to whom and where you'll be displaying your position and pride to!"

As she listened to what he certainly thought was for her the worst treatment ever, she didn't show any hint of anger, despair or whatever he was waiting for certainly. No emotion crossed her at all, he could have said nothing that it would have certainly had more impact on her. Smiling still, she asked,

“...Oh... so you want to live a lifetime with someone you now despise or do you plan to divorce at one point?"

The glare she received was an indication that he, most certainly, hadn't thought that far. Her smile bigger, she asked,

"Is Ru general's heart still pining on that person? She’s married and had already forgotten all about you!”

"Enough nonsense!”

A touchy subject he wasn't in the mood to talk about apparently, she didn't persist. Rather, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, leaning forward a bit, her voiced huskier, she demanded sultrily,

“In this, do you happen to want a child? Pride or not, I'm still your wife, and from my point of view, company is always welcome... my own child, of course.”

He suddenly stood up abruptly, a hand on his face. He's remembering, she thought. He left without properly answering and Mu Rong An chuckled a bit. Ah, really as pure as jade. This small victory was absolutely satisfying!

She went back to sleep once again.

Hours later, she didn't see even the hint of his shadow, he had already left again. She didn't know if she should rejoice or not but the previously empty kitchen had been furnished and vegetables, rice and... chicken were brought. One's head had already been cut for her... not cleaned though.

She pursed her lips. That servant had disappeared once again. With no other choice, she assembled what she could need for the day's meal. She did have to eat after all.

Cooking wasn’t easy, she understood moments later. Pampered as she was in her family, where would she be using her own hands? She just needed to know the recipes, the ingredients, and their properties and that was far enough. Things, like starting a fire, chopping things off or cutting fine slices, were obviously the works of servants. Hers should logically just be supervising. Yet here she was now, holding a kitchen knife for the first time in her. Her hands were already sored from the travel and hurt a bit and now she had to add cuts on them too!

And that damned knife, was it to be so good? Look at her bleeding hands!

She was hungry though, so very hungry. Thus she could only swallow her complains and tries harder. In the end, what should have been cut finely were all too big. Slicing the potatoes, she actually cut more of its pulpit than just its skin. The hardest part though was the fire. How to start a fire, she never learned such a thing! After two hours of trying, she gave up. Which was when the disappeared servant actually reappeared to give a hand.

Mu Rong An was too tired to seriously reprimand yet she still had the energy to say some words. Which she did, without holding back!

When the meal was finally ready... why didn't it taste like it should? With a grumbling stomach far too hungry and a body far too tired, she could only force herself to eat.

When it came to washing clothes, once again, that elderly person couldn't be found anywhere and Mu Rong An had to do it all alone. It wasn't like she even liked those clothes, the hard material was rugging her skin, making marks on her. Yet those were the only clothes she had!

As five days passed and her cooking didn't get any better, her stomach finally couldn't keep it anymore. Nothing wanted to pass and she stopped forcing herself. It wasn't good! She may be the one who cooked but she was still a picky eater.

That was when actually, a decent meal had been brought to her. And since then, every five days, someone would deliver her three good, regular meal.

No one helped with the cleaning and laundry though, and one day, as she was struggling to wash her clothes, she suddenly fainted.

Although his treatment of her couldn't be called good, Ru Shan Yong wasn’t after her life. She understood so when he actually came back galloping on his horse when he heard that she fainted. It turned out to be heatstroke. He roared at her, the first time he actually raised his voice, it was three parts annoyed, two parts exasperated and one part worried,

“Are you stupid? Don’t you know to protect your head?”

Well, she wasn't in the mood to talk nor smile either, Mu Rong An simply ignored him and stayed laid on her bed, even closing her eyes.

He paced around the room for a time before finally seating in one corner. She actually really slept, so had no idea what he did at all. When she woke up, she saw that he had people brought in a small table in the middle of the room. He was sitting there, polishing his long sword.

She slowly sat, while he didn't even lift his eyes from what he was doing. Tilting her head, she observed him for a while. He didn't have his armor anymore, his brows were like always furrowed, his lips tightly pursed. His posture was really unwelcoming. Somehow, she wanted to mess with him. It was like an itch that she had to scratch. And so, her voice traveled to his ears some moments later.

“I had a dream.”

He didn’t acknowledge her words but she continued nonetheless,

“Something dawned on me. You said you had in mind to never marry again. To live like a monk. I really don’t mind. I hope that you too, dear husband, wouldn't mind. When asked why I can’t give birth I might just say that you’re impotent.”

“…”

She sighed, “even though both of us know that you most definitely are not.”

"..."

The corners of her lips rose even more,

“But you can still take fancy of someone". She dropped the smile, her eyes cold, "you don't like fake smiles and polite words then let me be blunt, the woman you would be welcoming through this door would die! The children you’d have, if not mine, would die. Even if we’re not in the same manor and you find a way to lock me here, I’ll still think of ways to eliminate her.”

What could she say, she really didn't like sweeping the floor or cleaning or cooking or doing laundry or anything that contributed to hurting her already hurt hands. And thinking that this person may have, in his side, already met with Feng Xi and played the game of love while she was here and even fainting from the glaring sun... she had to take it on someone!

And even more, she was very serious. You want a divorce, bring it on, if not, then no, she wasn't one to share nor compromise any more on such matter.

He had posed his sword on the table and taken the time to look at her, the seriousness on her face. There was, indeed, no more deceptive smile plastered for others to see. He resumed his activity while saying slowly, with an even voice,

“Then I am now an informed person,"

Oh, he wasn't going to rebuke her?

"You are a twisted deranged person, I'm enlightened more and more,” he added.

She chuckled a bit, “I know”.

And that was all he had to say. Nothing more.

Humming happily she got off the bed and went to sit near his table, both elbows on the table, she watched him work his hands on his weapon feeling more calm and satiated than she had ever been. She needed not, apparently, hide her darkness to him.

Well, it wasn't like he was unaware of it anyway.

***

He left before the day ended. However, his visit improved things though, since from five days it lessened to every three days, the time when proper meals would be brought. Even though she had to clean, washed and prepared her meals, after a time, she got used to it, her grumblings and internal complains stopped -or maybe lessened. It really wasn’t all that bad.

Mocking him when he once more came, she said,

“A life worse than death… surely you jest. This is far too easy!”

He turned around and she thought, it was her win and his defeat!