34

Maim

Aldowin opens his mouth to say something again, but he closes it. He doesn’t know what to say. Jade who is supporting him turns her head away from the sight of the slowly dissolving man. Her heart feels conflicted. She had heard the screams of her comrades and other women day and night; she knows it is this man’s doing, this pathetic thing in front of her. Slyfer stomps on his face and she cringes at the sound it makes. Stomp….stomp…stomp, stomp, stomp ,stomp! The human’s face is now unrecognizable; it does not look human or any kind of race anymore gashes are everywhere, the head looks deformed and blood is slowly bubbling out of the delirious human’s mouth and half torn off cheek. Slyfer finally stops his stomping. He laughs. “Now you look on the outside, the way you do inside.” The aura grows yet again and Aldowin and Jade are forced to retreat a little. Jade finally gets the courage to speak up. “Stop, Slyfer….. please stop. Do not become like him!” Slyfer suddenly freezes as if shocked. “Become like him? Become….like….him?”

Inside Slyfer a battle is raging. Darkness surrounds his consciousness again, like when he fought the Prince. “Did I not tell you that this is my show, that I would find you if you interfered?!” The darkness shakes as the dark being laughs. “Did you forget, I am you? You can’t kill me without killing yourself! Hahaha pathetic, weak, you fight for these people why? Don’t you want freedom, did you not say fuck destiny, did you not say you would find your own purpose?”

Slyfer feels angrier by the second at this stupid thing. Ever since the dragons woke inside him it’s been there, always pestering, always in the background trying to drive him insane, or towards something else. “What is this world anyway? It’s a speck of dust on a beach of what you could have!” Slyfer clenches his fists and looks down at his feet. The thing continues. “Who are these people? All they have are expectations for you. Who forced you into helping them? Who took you from the sanctuary and threw you into this world of bloodshed? You were trained to be a puppet to the sword master’s whims. You are being used by the dragon’s to get revenge for something you were never even involved with, the high elves rejected you, and Trisha left you!”

The voice drones on and on, at times whispering, at times screaming all the while dragging Slyfer deeper into himself. It rattles on about how Slyfer is a pawn being used by others, a useless pathetic tool. Slyfer sinks deeper and deeper not retaliating, not saying anything. He only listens, fists clenched as he sinks into the abyss of the thing that claims it is himself.

“Am I a pawn? Am I nothing but a tool…” Outside Slyfer has completely disappeared in the dark aura. Aldowin wants to jump into it, but he is not naïve; anything living in there dies, withers and fades into nothingness.

Slyfer feels like years have gone past in this darkness, a small light flickers in the distance like a candle that barely sheds any light on the brink of being snuffed out, as the voice continues the light fades more and more. Slyfer looks at the little light vacantly. Thoughts swirl around in his mind, at what feels like super speed. The voice does not even register anymore, he doesn’t care about it, he doesn’t care about anything. “

The light floats to him and he cradles it in his arms. Not because he feels he has to, but somehow this light feels precious to him. It feels like life, his life… “Is this me? Is this all that I am…. No I am more, I can feel it. This world, this darkness is nothing new to me. It’s familiar….. Have I been in this state before?”

The light touches his skin and an image of a young boy sitting near a river staring at the moon enters his mind. He feels cold and alone… so alone, but the moon gives him solace and he hears a female voice singing. He knows it’s not real, but he can hear it as if a woman or an angel is right next to him.

Sleep my child and peace attend thee,

All through the night

Guardian angels, I the moon will send thee,

All through the night

Soft the drowsy hours are creeping

Hill and vale in slumber sleeping,

I my loving vigil keeping

All through the night.

While I the moon her watch is keeping

All through the night

While the weary world is sleeping

All through the night

O'er they spirit gently stealing

Visions of delight revealing

Breathes a pure and holy feeling

All through the night.

Love, to thee my thoughts are turning

All through the night

All for thee my heart is yearning,

All through the night.

Though sad fate our lives may sever

Parting will not last forever,

There's a hope that leaves me never,

All through the night….

Aldowin appears next to the boy. “Why are you crying?” The boy can’t talk normally yet and answers through his mind. “She calls to me master, I hear her in the night and she calls to me.” Aldowin looks at the moon. “You know, the dragons have a legend about the moon.” The boy looks at Aldowin, puzzled and wipes at his face.

Aldowin points at the moon. “Long ago when this world was formed, there was no moon, nothing to light up the dark night, evil things would come out at this time, great and terrible beasts!” The boy’s eyes stretches in excitement. “And then what happened?” Aldowin looks back at the moon, the light making his pale hair almost seem like its glowing in the darkness. “A great being saw this and was saddened; she decided to give this darkness light and created the moon! The evil creatures saw this and ran away in fear, for the light hurt them and drove them off into the darkest of the dark places!"

The boy moves a little closer to Aldowin and places his little hands on the high elve’s leg, staring at him with big eyes. Aldowin frowns and makes his voice menacing. “The great and terrible beasts did not give up on their realm. They went to their leader and beseeched him for help. The evil lord rushed out, angry and outraged by the audacity of this queen of light. He readied his armies and prepared for war!”

The boy is now completely facing Aldowin standing on his knees. “The darkness rushed at the light, but the dark King suddenly stopped. He saw the lady of the light and fell in love instantly. Dazzled by her beauty he went closer, the moon suddenly opened up and sucked him in! Outraged the dark emperor retaliated and fought back!”

During the fight both were so completely weakened that they could barely continue at all, but then the unexpected happened!” Aldowin falls quiet and only looks at the moons. The boy barely able to contain himself anymore pouts. “Then what happened?!” Aldowin looks at the boy. He stretches his eyes and arms wide in mock surprise. “The most, unexpected thing! The light and darkness started to meld together and from that…. a second moon came into being!” As Aldowin says it he balls his fists together and then splits them apart, the boys eyes follow the hands enraptured.

When Aldowin drops his hands and stops speaking, the boy frowns thinking it’s a bit more stupid then he thought. “So who won?” Aldowin shakes his head. “No one did my Estund, the battle still rages. The sky mother is brightest tonight but during twenty days you see the light slowly start to fade into darkness and then when all seems lost and the night is darkest, you will find her the next day as she starts to light up again.

The boy looks at the moon in awe. His gaze shifts to the blue moon. “What about the blue moon, the one that was formed from their battle?” Aldowin leans back and looks at the blue moon. “Slyfer, the sky prince!” The boy whispers the same words that Aldowin had just said. “Aldowin gestures at it. The blue moon is only half full at the moment. “The Sky Prince is also in a battle, see even now half of him is in the darkness. Even when he is filled with light the darkness is still there. He is a mixture of the two, and not only does he fight the darkness outside.” Aldowin touches the boy’s chest above his heart. “He also fights the darkness inside.”

The same song now fills his mind and the light starts to grow. It feels warm and comforting like being wrapped in in someone’s arms that loves you dearly. The dark being screams in pain and frustration. “Impossible! I had you, you are mine. What happened… how could this be?!” The light grows and envelopes Slyfer’s consciousness. He feels himself rise, rise and shoot up from the darkness where he was! The feeling of warmth turns into fire. Slyfer screams because of the pain it causes him. He has never felt anything like it and it threatens to drive him crazy! The darkness grabs at him, but it can’t hold him down and he breaks through! Like taking a breath of air after a long time under water life flows back into him. Slyfer feels life like never before rush through him like a halo it surrounds him drawing him ever upwards. Thoughts of the small amount of time spent with Trisha floods his mind, he feels sadness because she left but also a sense of kinship with her.

Aldowin threw him into this war, but he has been there for him every step of the way. The thing claims it has nothing to do with him, but Slyfer can change into a dragon! How is that trivial? How does having nothing to do with the previous war, change anything? “I said I would find my own purpose! I said fuck destiny, yet here I am gain being told what to do by a parasite living inside me.” Slyfer does not understand whats happening or why, but the burning feeling has changed into bliss, as soon as most of the darkness disappeared.

Aldowin, Jade and the rest had watched in astonishment as the pure darkness turned into pure light. It burned their eyes and forced them to hide it. It had started as a small light, but had slowly grown. The light starts to fade and they see Slyfer. His eyes are open and they look even more weird then the red, they have no pupils instead a strange mist seems to drift in them, making shapes that never quite seem to form properly. What they don’t see, is that below the helmet, his hair has gone snow white. Around him, at his feet is a circle of the greenest of grass and around that is a circle of black lifeless ground. Slyfer gasps for air and nearly collapses. Aldowin steps forward gingerly. Slyfer’s eyes and hair goes back to normal. He feels confused, as the feeling of abundant life fades from him. He sees the human next to him with half swollen shut eyes. The glint in them makes him clench his teeth. “This thing still has hope…. I will strip it from him!” Aldowin smiles and steps forward. “I knew you could do it, I knew you could break free!”

Slyfer steadies himself and looks at the master, confusion hidden behind the helmet. “Break free?” Slyfer looks down at the human in front of him. “Nothing has changed, nothing is different. I am me.” Stomp, stomp…stomp! The human no longer utters a sound and Slyfer feels it has lost consciousness. He enters the unprotected mind and starts to inject the most horrible things he can think of. Like a horror on repeat it plays over and over in the mind of the commander. He delves deeper searching for the man’s greatest fears. “If I can’t torture him physically I will play with him mentally, insect, meaningless oxygen thief!”

The commander lets out whimpers at first, but they soon turn into blood curdling screams! Slyfer laughs. “That’s it you useless waste sperm scream like you made your toys scream and then scream some more.”

Slyfer looks at the othera. “No one touches him he is mine! I will kill the one that ends his pathetic life.” Hearing the voice and the threat behind it, some take an involuntary step back. Slyfer bends down and grabs the half corroded leg of the screaming commander and starts to drag it behind him effortlessly, toward the house.

He feels confused with what happened, but his anger still has not subsided, so he goes with the feeling he understands. The human girl keeps flashing through his mind. A green light shoots down from the air. Vinx takes a quick uninterested look at the human Slyfer is dragging. She settles on his shoulder. Her voice is filled with a little disgust. “What is this thing you are dragging?” Slyfer smiles behind the helmet. “It’s my new toy.” She takes another quick glance and shrugs.

Slyfer lets out a breath. He thought she would react the same as the others and shun him as a monster. Even Aldowin did not meet his eyes earlier before he started to drag the human. “You are not afraid of me?” She looks at him as if he is crazy. “I gave you my name?” Her questioning glance makes it obvious to him, that she believes that explains everything. “Fairies.” He sighs and steps over dead bodies the human behind him bounces over it. To him these are insects, why would dead insects bother him.

The others walk around and avoid it. Something occurs to Slyfer. “Where have you been, you just disappeared halfway into the battle?” She puts her finger to her small lips as she thinks. “Oh yeah, that’s why I came back, we found a strange creature locked up in a cage. We have been trying to calm him down, but its strange…. Like all it knows is how to kill.”

Slyfer snorts. “I think I can start to relate.” Vinx looks at Slyfer a little worried, she can tell when something is bothering him and there sure as hell is something now. They reach the house and Slyfer drops the leg. He takes a step toward the door and what he saw previously flashes through his mind again. Aldowin shakes his head for the hundredth time as he sees Slyfer turn away from the house and give the human a few more kicks. His kicks are punctuated by curses he has never taught nor, even thought Slyfer has heard before.

Slyfer looks up. “Well you stand there and judge me, go in there…. If you dare.” Aldowin enters; he wants to understand, what has made Slyfer this way. Slyfer watches as the master enters and starts to follow, he stops again, gives one more kick. He looks up to see Jade standing as if rooted to the spot. “Can’t say I blame her for wanting to stay behind.”

Ten minutes later, Aldowin exits the house feeling sick. He walks over to Slyfer’s toy drawing his sword. Slyfer in the house senses it, he only sends a thought. “Mine.” Aldowin breathes hard staring at the mess of a body and finally after taking a deep breath and blowing it out slooowly sheathes the sword again. Aldowin looks at a few of the blades. “Go to the main army as quickly as possible, get some healers and come back!” The blades bow and head off immediately.

A day passes in which the blood pack gathers up their wounded and search for survivors. Slyfer had received word about Vanya’s breakdown. Slyfer heads through the camp they set up about a kilometer away from the small town. His hair still whet from his quick and cold wash clings to his face and neck. He had spent the rest of the day doing first aid on injured soldiers and wolves. Most of his time was spent on the human girl whom he knocked out with a powerful drug.

He stops and looks at the two moons. His heart is filled with longing instantly and the song fills his mind. Fira’s voice pulls him back to reality. “There you go again to who knows where?” Slyfer turns his gaze to her, despite how drained and tired he feels he can’t help but smile. She smiles back and steps closer. “You know I can feel what you do…. More or less. You don’t have to put up airs around me.” The smile leaves his face and he looks down at his feet. “Has it become so easy for you to see through me?” She steps closer his height forcing her to look up at him.

The moonlight on her face makes her red and full lips stand out all the more. She shakes her head frowning. “Not through you, but into you. I can feel your hurt Slyfer.” Her hand plays through his hair. “You are not alone, do not burden yourself with everything, let me help you carry the weight of whatever rests on your shoulders.” He takes her in his arms. “What bothers me, cannot be carried by others. I am bothered and confused by my very existence. Ald…. Aldowin has lost faith in me. Most believe I am a monster and they are right.” Fira’s eyebrows lower in displeasure. “You are no monster, no mon-“ Slyfer plants a kiss on her lips to stop her from speaking.

She breaks the kiss blushing. “Don’t try and change the sub-“ He kisses her again. This time she melts into his arms unable to resist. In her connection with him she feels how it eases the pain he carries, so she lets go of all thoughts of stopping the kiss. Slyfer is the one to eventually break it. He plays with her now purple hair and knows his eyes must be the same. “Fira you must never fear me, you can hate me, despise me, but never fear me?” She kisses his hand playing with her hair. “Never.”

Slyfer puts his forehead against her knowing he may lose her with his next words. “I will become a monster when I have to; I will become vengeance when those that are innocent cant. I will become death to those that stand in my way. I will become the nightmare that chases nightmares.” His voice sends shivers down her spine and she bites her lip. She is left speechless and he continues. “This is my purpose, the path that I have chosen for myself…. Or maybe it was chosen for me today, by my actions? I don’t know, but if you want to be with me, you must be able to live with such a thing, I don’t expect an answer now in fact I implore you to think it over for a while.”

He breaks contact and steps back. Fira looking down sees her hair turning red. She quickly looks up into the red eyes. “What you saw today was only the beginning of what could be hundr- no thousands of years of war and fighting.” She closes her mouth that was about to say she would go anywhere with him, but his comment stops her. She needs to think about this with her head and not with her heart. The girl that she is wants to run with him to battle with him the way they did today on the wolf, but the politician, the princess needs to think of her people her happiness comes second.

Slyfer kisses her on her cheek and she can feel her heart break. “Why do you do it Slyfer?” His mask is on again and he smiles. “Who else can?”

Slyfer arrives at the original destination he was going to. He scratches a few times on the tent then enters. His eyes adjust to the light inside. Vanya is curled up into a ball on a temporary bed. At her side is Aldowin. Slyfer is a bit surprised to see him here, but thinking for a second takes away the surprise. “The two of them have chatted quite often in the last few weeks.” Aldowin turns around. “Well, don’t just stand there like an idiot, come sit.” Slyfer cant help but notice the sword master still does not make eye contact with him.

Slyfer sits down and the tent is filled with an awkward silence. He desides to break it. “How is she doing?” Aldowin sighs. “I was wrong to put her into battle so soon. It was not her fight in the first place.” Slyfer looks over at eh woman. “She could have backed out, told us she didn’t want to be involved.” Aldowin snorts. “And what would that have made us think? She knows we already suspected her of being a spy.”

Slyfer cant help but nod at the logic behind it. “I spoke to some of her warriors that were injured. They all say she fought bravely. Vanya should be proud.” The two havnt realized, but the girl has been awake for a while now. What Slyfer says triggers her disgust all over again. She sits up and starts screaming at them. “Proud of what? Taking lives, killing? What is there to be proud about?! My hands are sullied and dirty even now I can still see the blood on them!” She bursts into tears and rubs her hands on the blanket under her, as if it will help remove the “blood.”

Aldowin looks straight at her, his gaze unwavering. The blood is not on your hands, but on ours. We ordered you to do it and we would do it again if there was another chance. You can be proud, not because you killed a few humans, but because you served your warriors well, kept them safe, kept them alive! You can be proud because you followed your training and acted the way a warrior should. Did you not see the innocent people they killed everywhere? How long do you think it would have been before they moved to the next town to murder and kill and how long after that would it have been before they took the next town? What about the travelers that may have been caught and killed?”

Vanya’s breathing becomes slower and she hugs her knees. “Still, I killed people. I killed…” Slyfer sighs, to him this is a lost cause, he remembers how he felt when he killed for the first time. Malgrobin’s memories helped him through it and they still do. Today was all him though and he doesn’t feel regret for a second, except about what he said to Fira, but it had to be done. She had to understand what a future with him would mean.

Slyfer bends down and even though she is older than him, he sees her as just a girl. His thoughts turn back to Fira again. “She knows her duty and what is expected of her, she kills for what she believes is right and that’s enough.” Slyfe sits closer drawing her attention. “You know, there is one human girl that survived.” Vanya doesn’t show any reaction so he continues. “I gave her medical treatment myself and I believe she will live, physically at least. Mentally I don’t know.” Aldowin puts his hand on Slyfer’s shoulder. “That’s enough.”

Slyfer shakes the hand off. “She is struggling to accept what she did because she has nothing to believe in. She needs to hear this.” Slyfer turns back to her. “The human commander has been raping and torturing every girl he can get his hands on. We found over nine bodies in the house he was staying in. I say over nine because there are some limbs we can’t connect to bodies. You could have been one of those girls, your mother, your sister, a friend anyone.” Slyfer leans closer to her. “The only thing you should be regretting is that we could not get here sooner.”

Aldowin rubs his face tiredly and Slyfer sits up intending to walk out. “Is the girl really going to be okay?” Slyfer turns to her and shrugs. “I think so, it depends on her will to survive, if she does. She will have a limp for the rest of her life.” Vanya nods and start to cry, why she can’t be sure. Slyfer takes a deep breath when he is outside trying to expel the tension from his muscles. “Was that really necessary?” Asks Aldowin ho is right behind him. Slyfer thinks for a while not sure if it was right or wrong. “She needed a reason for the blood on her hands, I just gave her a good one.”

“Dammit Slyfer everyone is not like you, not everyone can be…” Aldowin’s sentence breaks off hallway. Slyfer lets out a breath. “Can be what, a monster?” Aldowin doesn’t reply, which makes Slyfer only feels worse. “Master I was put here by you and Alric. Although I don’t know why, he hasn’t said anything nor contacted me in a while. I sometimes feel him watching through my eyes though.”

“Yes we brought you here, but the way you acted…. It was unacceptable!” Slyfer looks at his master starting to get angry now. “Unacceptable? Unacceptable is being told you have to kill a bunch of people out of the blue. Unacceptable is finding out you have to go and start a war. Now that I have done what you told me, you think I am a monster.” Aldowin shakes his head. “It’s not that you kill Slyfer but how you kill. I have seen you rip enemies apart and kill with savageness I have never seen in anyone, but what I saw today…”

Slyfer sighs. “I feel the dog deserved it, and he is going to continue to suffer as long as I can drag it out.” Slyfer wants to go hunt, fly get rid of this frustration. He looks at the sky. Aldowin doesn’t miss it. He sighs.

Before Slyfer can leave Aldowin puts his hand on his shoulder and for the first time since the incident their eye meet. “Slyfer I am going to tell you something my father told me before he died. In each of us lives two wolves who are in constant battle. One is light the other is dark.” Slyfer can’t help, but think about the prince, which brings on a feeling of guilt. He said he would help heal him, but never did go back after the first visit.

Aldowins voice pulls him away from his thoughts. “One of these wolves is made out of anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, gossip and ego. The other is made out of joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth. Which one of these wolves do you think will win?

Slyfer thinks for a second, but comes up empty. Aldowin stands closer and puts his hands on Slyfer shoulders. “The one you feed! I just fear you are feeding the wrong one. Today I was so afraid, not afraid of you, but afraid that I had lost you. Please be careful with what wolf you feed. For this old man’s sake be careful.”

Slyfer has never seen his master like this. He only manages to nod before Aldowin turns around and goes back into the tent.

Slyfer finds his heart at peace as he glides through the clouds. His lungs swell with air and his heart pounds, he looks up at the moons and feels like just flying to them. He had found, killed and eaten already. He is now just flying to clear his mind. The moon looks so peaceful to him, its song even now in his mind calms his heart. He makes a few wide turns before deciding to finally go back before the sun comes up. He looks down for the first time in a while to find his bearings.

His heart stops. “I cant be this close to the army can I…. No I flew this way on purpose to avoid it?!”

He circles again and climbs a little higher. Not far to the east of him are multitudes of fire-lights that stretches over the horizon. Slyfer swears. This is barely two days from where they are now! He turns around to flap as hard as he can to get everyone up and moving, to warn them.

His curiosity stops him…..

Slyfer swallows and decides to take the risk. He forces out his senses to the max.

“High elves! It’s the High elf army!”

I hope you guys dont hate me too much with this chap. (what happens with Fira)

Hope you enjoy the chap please dont forget to review and let me know what you think. i can only improve with your feedback thanks for reading.