As the two of us dry up, I notice that the golden jay is perched on the door handle, hiding its head behind its little wing. Leomi picks it up as she leaves the bathroom first, surprising me by her abruptness.

It gives me the feeling she's a bit mad at me, which is understandable but it feels off considering we just spent a good time together. I sigh and grab my broadsword to return in the bedroom, finding Leomi gone.

She returns soon after with my luggage, armor, umbrella and all. While I put a strip of cloth on to hold my breast and dress up with a single pair of briefs, she settles on the bed to watch me with an inscrutable expression.

“I agreed to talk but I wasn't going to let you use my own tactics against me.” Leomi speaks up.

I make a grimace, the offer I made out of stress definitely rubbed her the wrong way. Probably because she wanted to agree so much but couldn't and felt I wasn't being fair, which I definitely wasn't.

“I shouldn't have said that.” I tell her.

“It's fine.” She replies with a thin smile. “Would you go to Hetlan for me?”

“I said I would think about it.” I reply, hiding my hesitation.

I do have a reason to go because my brother hasn't sent any letters nor shown up in Meria but I know she's bringing this up again because of what happened, to protect me and keep me from doing something stupid.

“I'm even more afraid for you now.” Leomi tells me flatly. “I asked before because Cenwalh will surely make use of cutthroat tactics to have you duel half the Court and provoke you to the point you'll cross a line. I could hardly afford to be put in a weak position to cover for you but I would have and perhaps turned the situation in our favor.”

“But now...” I encourage her.

“But now there is a risk you'll die if you keep pushing yourself, which changes everything.” She finishes with a somber expression.

“Are you going to try to restrict me?” I ask.

“I'm asking you to restrict yourself. Go to Hetlan, deliver the letters to Edusa for me and then join me in Kruzser. We'll have many more options to deal with Cenwalh in Telnur, especially if we bring an army from the Empire's capital with us.” Leomi explains.

“You didn't answer.” I note.

“I will do everything I can to prevent you from meddling in the gathering's Court politics. You're too honest and straightforward. With what you did this morning... even unrelated Nobles will seek to trouble you. Your health can't sustain the kind of trouble you've brought to yourself. I have no doubt you'll see through the plots and crush them but, sometimes, even victory brings defeat.” She tells me, controlling her expression but unable to conceal the wisp of desperation in her voice.

“Is that why you refused to have this discussion? Because you think that you'll lose whether the argument goes in your favor or mine?” I question, unable to let her change the subject because this is likely the last chance we have to talk before our engagement.

“Yes.” She whispers, lowering her chin.

Seeing her act so unlike herself hurts so I approach to reach out to her. She shakes her head without looking up. I straddle her and push her back on the bed, revealing her pale frightened face.

“Leomi...” I start but she turns her pair of abysmal eyes up, cutting me off.

“You deceived me, right!?” She asks forcefully.

I can only take the question as rhetorical because that tone means she isn't seeking an answer out of me but more likely lashing out from emotion as she grasps at straws. A rock forms in my throat. I have to face this no matter what because this is entirely on me. Us.

“You couldn't have gotten together with that thing.” Leomi affirms in a weak voice, the corners of her lips twitching.

“She was there for me when I needed it.” I reply softly, letting go Lance's insult because she clearly isn't in her right mind.

“She manipulated you in your weakest state to bring you to accept the limb, what if she used other methods later to further tie you to them? To take you away from me. Rykz have often treated human lives as disposable.” Leomi argues as like she didn't hear me, her traits twisting as if to mirror the struggle happening within her.

She's accusing Celyz of... My emotions freeze over but cracks of anger soon spread out. Leomi raises her palms to hide her face. This show of shame sabotages the fury building within me. She knows she is lying and doesn't truly believe the accusation. We pushed her to these extremities with our selfishness.

“You should have... no, I mean, if you came back to me that night I got you out of Meria... We would have...” Leomi stutters, struggling to remake her argument in a different way as her mind remains stuck on the night she thinks I cheated on her. It was the day after but, what does that matter?

“Lance.” I say, calling to her.

She lowers her hands to look up to me, eyes once again moist but for very different reasons this time. Her expression is no longer one of fright, but of deep insecurity and of impending doom.

She looks fragile so I reach out to cup the side of her face in my palm. She leans into my touch but it doesn't seem to alleviate her mood. Lance has been preparing for this conversation for a long time... no, she's been trying to avoid it before she even knew we were going to have it.

“I can understand why, after what happened back then, you would need someone and be unable to come to me.” Leomi murmurs, raising her arms to cross them behind my neck. The gesture is intimate and possessive but it feels like she's grasping at me to avoid falling. “I truly can, it's why I could forgive Liz, but there is no more need for that now.” She declares, coming close to asking me to choose. I feel my expression crumble in guilt.

“Don't make me, please...” I plead. Her traits to tighten in grief, not surprise.

“If only you were crueler, if only it could be true that you lied to hurt me. But, would I still love you then?” Leomi despairs. “The, the pheromones, they...” She trails off.

“It's comparable to my falling in love with you at first sight.” I counter her old argument because I have to and take no satisfaction in destroying it.

“There can only be one, Jess, there will only be one of us.” Lance utters with a rough voice.

I take her choice of words to mean she isn't asking me to make a choice but telling me that it will come to a fight between her and Celyz. I feel tears well up as I realize she doesn't have the confidence to try to make me pick because I sapped it.

“Loving you is akin to embracing a fire and holding tight even as it consumes me.” I tell her, trying to remind her that I belong to her. “I'll never let go.”

“Loving you is akin to being asked to turn my back to an arrow that's aimed true to my heart and already in flight.” Leomi returns, her expression clearing up to let a tender smile through. “I don't know when it'll hit but it doesn't matter as long as I can hold you in my arms until it does.” Her response confuses me but it makes me grin. Yet, Lance's traits soon turn grim.

“You're not looking for the truth.” I express my suspicion, trying to steer the conversation before it turns into a fight.

“Do you think my love so weak your betrayal would even shake it, jay?!” Leomi explodes in outrage at the accusation, causing the little golden bird to finally fly away in fright as she pulls me in with her arms.

“Kitten, your reaction to developments in our relationship has always been to keep me away time and time again.” I utter back, causing her to stiffen. “You're terrified, aren't you? Of real intimacy. You made a lot of progress but look at you now. What about this makes us absolute? Do you want to repeat your mistakes?”

“I...” Leomi hesitates with trembling lips. She no doubt understands that I'm comparing her repulsion towards my having been with Celyz to her toying with the peasant girl I was because I was so far below her. “No, it isn't the same. I, I don't care, I never did. Just tell me I'm the only one, tell me!” She erupts in anger but it quickly crumbles. “Lie to me, I will believe you.” She pleads in despair.

Without giving me a chance to answer, Leomi pulls me in for a kiss. Yet, once our lips meet, she acts timid and unsure of herself. I push my tongue in her mouth and press my half-naked body against her fresh uniform to comfort her, to give her the strength she needs to really talk and break up with me if that's how it ends.

“She wants me, mind and body.” I tell Leomi while she catches her breath. Each of my words cause her to flinch but I continue because I have to. “From the moment she decided so, she's never given me reason to doubt her. She took all she could from me, and then pushed for me to give her more so I did. She wanted us to get engaged, so I agreed because I love her.” Leomi shuts her eyelids tight, shaking with a look of pain. “You? You kept finding reasons to delay after we decided to get engaged.” I say sadly. “You've owned us from the start yet we had to fight tooth and nail for our relationship to even be.”

“I know this, I'm changing. I, don't want to hear, of her.” Leomi mumbles as tiny droplets fall from her closed eyes.

I feel my chest tighten and almost ascent to her request, yet I don't because we can't afford it. I gently caress the bridge of her nose with my thumb and then run my index along her strong jaw. I am amazed as well as saddened because her state means she can tell the depth of my attachment to Celyz, which is no mercy on her.

“How about you leave it all behind to go with me?” I offer, knowing that the world wouldn't let us but prepared to give it a try because part of Lance's issue stems from her attachment to humanity... no, to the Empire, to Nobility. Leomi's eyes blink wide open.

“Would you be mine alone if I agree?” She asks tensely, stunning me. “I, you would have to focus on staying alive with me, make it your priority.”

“I, no.” I hesitate a bit but force myself to refuse immediately so as not to give her any false hopes. Leomi lowers her chin in disappointment but still without surprise. “Even now, we rely on her to remain insane.” I explain, telling her a small part of why we're so attached to her.

“My punishment.” She whispers weakly with a hazy voice and a devastated expression, as if her last resort failed.

“No. No.” We strongly deny, causing her to look up to me.

I lean down and brush her nose with mine, causing her to raise her chin to seek a kiss that I gladly grant her. This time, her soft wet tongue seeks mine out. I welcome her with a few twirling caresses but she pulls the dance in her mouth for me to express my love so I do. Yet, I also break us up after a minute.

“It's her strength to make me feel safe, it isn't because you don't but because your love and hers make me greater than what I would otherwise be.” I tell Leomi, causing her to mouth a silent wail.

“The Rykz would never do this for you, it would not leave its Hive. It wouldn't die for you, much less live for you!” She exclaims, her traits twisting.

“She may die for me or live for me but it wouldn't matter if she did not.” I reply.

“...” Leomi blinks, appearing stunned that I would say this.

“My relationship with her is different. I wouldn't need to be with her if it was the same as ours. I wouldn't ask her to live or die for me and only time will tell if she'll leave her Hive to be with me.” I explain, finding it encouraging that Lance is asking questions. No, I have to focus on being clear instead of convincing her.

Leomi's arms fall from behind my neck, as if my answer crushed her. It's understandable considering she likely took the nature of our relationship to be her best chance at winning the argument.

“I love you but you can't control me against my will, not with human values I've given up on or our commitment to be each other's impossible absolute. I will go to her within three years at the most even if I heal completely, hopefully in your company.” I press to keep her engaged, feeling like I'm losing her an unable to bear it.

Lance's lips briefly rise to give me a reassuring smile that raises my spirits but also twists my guts because it is clear it cost her quite a bit to do this for me in her state. I feel her hands fall on the knot holding the strip of clothes around my chest.

She unties it. Unsure of what she's up to, but still prepared to allow her to ravage me and savor the experience, I let her. She soon frees my breast and cups it within her slender hands before perking up to lay a small kiss on the cross-shaped scar where my left breast should be.

“What about children?” Leomi whispers, her voice containing a mixture of hope and despair.

“I'll try to have some if I can, if I have the time. With you and her because species have lost meaning in my eyes.” I tell her.

“How?” Lance asks, a flicker of wickedness appearing on her traits.

“She didn't even need to touch me directly to grant me ecstasy a few months ago, when we used a loophole around your command to be together one last time. She merely blew air on me and it was enough.” I attack back but it falls short as she doesn't react. “It doesn't matter how we do it, Leomi, it no more bothers me to think that I may lay an egg than it does to use flow to allow the two of us to have a child together.” I tell her.

“It bothers me.” She utters with a hard but tearful tone. “I can't stand the idea that you could change to the point my entire being would love you but my body wouldn't respond to yours.”

Leomi turns her face away and even her hands fall from my chest. She's trembling and exhausted. I lie down atop of her and slip my hand inside her shirt to take hold of her left breast, causing her to turn back to me with wide expressive eyes filled with distress.

“It won't happen, my love.” I reassure her, finding hope in her words to both have her accept Celyz as well as what I may become physically. “Celyz is...” Lance twitches at my mention of the name. Her hands close into shaking fists but she doesn't strike. “Celyz is beautiful, magnificent, but my body is far from being as attracted to hers as it is to yours and that was the case even with the Little one.” I explain, trusting Leomi will understand how it relates to her.

“Keep talking.” Leomi utters with a clearly tight throat.

“Celyz is gorgeous but we aren't of the same species. There are limits to what pheromones can do, you should know very well that even you have had to convince me to be ravished and your body is far more physically devastating to me than hers.” I press, finding courage in the fact that my words aren't worsening her mood even if they aren't making her look happier. “Celyz especially could not have gotten me to climax without touching me if I didn't love her. You have no reason to worry we wouldn't be compatible anymore if I had to resort to the parasite to survive.”

Lance falls into deep thought with a blank expression. I cannot help but roll her resting nipple between my thumb and index. She doesn't comment or stop me even as it swiftly hardens.

“I'm no longer human, Leomi. And it isn't because of my eyes.” I ramble on. “It has to do with how I've broken myself only to rebuild my identity with your and her help. I haven't settled on who I am because the last time I did, I became part of the Empire and trusted things that I wouldn't intelligently have if the way I saw myself didn't depend on the society I grew up in.”

“You remain malleable to be able to be yourself no matter what.” Leomi murmurs with an affectionate smile. “Jessica, Elizabeth, I love you with all my being. But I cannot do what I cannot. Sharing you is...”

“Wait.” I interrupt her. Lance's light gray eyes slowly turn to mine, making me shiver. It takes me a moment to realize that she is patiently waiting. “Would you have sex with me and someone else after we get engaged? If either of us found a woman, or even a man, that we can agree to sleep with? What about another sapient being?” I ask intensely.

“You know me well enough, taboos and indecency arouse me. I have few true limits and you can make me break them all because that's how much we mean to each other.” She explains gently, which sends a cold shiver down my spine because this feels like my attempt to persuade her will end in failure as I've long predicted. “Whether Lisilese, or Rykz, and you know my issues with those spec...” Leomi pauses to take a deep breath. “With their cultures and physical appearances.” She corrects quietly. “Whether you wish us to have sex with one of their kind, you could bring me to do it and I could bring you to do it.”

“So, you aren't repulsed?” I ask, baffled.

“I am but it is not a problem that would hinder me nor is it insurmountable. I have the self-control and will to alter my base instincts if we so wish me to.” Leomi utters with pride.

“Then why?” I ask her, feeling like the conversation is slipping away. I inadvertently pinch her nipple, causing her to close her eyes for a moment. “I'm not asking you to love Celyz.” I tell her with desperation of my own.

“It is not the same.” Lance denies calmly and firmly but with trembling fingers. “I can change anything about myself if I have reason to, if you give me reason to. But you are mine and that is a fact. You love me, you love her, I love you... she loves you. Even death will not change those statements.” She finishes with a pain in her voice.

“So, it's hopeless.” I murmur, understanding that she's read my intent and raised barriers. There is no longer any hope for me to bring Celyz and Leomi closer to have them naturally fall in love, so that they can rely on each other if I die. “What will you do?” I ask.

Leomi doesn't reply immediately. She sits up on the bed, forcing me to give up her breast as well as move off of her. She extends her hand out so I take it and help her stand up. I face her completely unable to predict what she'll do because she has never been so easy to talk to yet so difficult to read.

Her light gray eyes are bright from the tears she shed, her pulpy lips are parted as if to seduce me but without the hint of an invitation to share a kiss. Her sharp traits and square jaw are as magnificent as ever, perhaps more so. Yet, despite my intimate knowledge of her every curve, she remains inscrutable to me.

She starts undressing and then folds her fresh uniform before taking my panties off while I stand where I am, completely lost. She then advances to the point where the point of her nipples brush against my chest and my breast nests under her left one.

She looks down and I look up. I admire her short white hair while she takes hold of my hand. Our irises lock once she presses my palm slightly above and to the right of her left breast where I can feel her fierce heartbeat. She speaks with a fierce tone, as if she is challenging the world to contradict her.

“I'll never, ever, yield.”

– Arc 02 End –