After the military campaign I had only been a few days back to the capital, when the military council drags me into another meeting. They appear to have been reviewing the military campaign, and now they need me for something.

A general with a huge moustache merging into his equally large burnsides like a pair of half-submerged squirrels gets right to it.

"Lady Aisen. As you surely know, with the indecisive campaign in the dwarven territory..."

Indecisive? Well, they failed to be completely destroyed, so I guess it technically was indecisive.

"...putting more pressure on our forces, and in light of the other developements in--"

"You want more demons."

"... To put it bluntly, yes. Currently available summons are insufficient in numbers."

Many demons were forced to reform in hell, and more haven't been contracted yet - and likely won't be. I know that all demons in this demon lord's domain with interest in joining had already done so. And his influence is rather weak, so he can't get more of them to join any time soon.

"Can't be done."

"Surely there are demons who--"

"If you want to randomly summon other demons, go ahead. But don't expect that your head won't be ripped off. And even if they agree, it won't be on terms you'd find 'cost efficient'."

The major benefit of their overlaying contract with the demon lord is that he guarantees the demons joining the wars will do so with reasonably predictable contracts. Summoning unknown demons is always more risky. They could very well risk being target of a demon invasion themselves if a contract fails bad enough.

They just won't take a hint though, and continue arguing. I zone out and think. While I gained a nice amount of essence from my part in the recent war, I don't feel like joining in for the round two. Too many tentacle monsters and genocides for my taste, you know.

I could quit being the liaison - that was the condition I set for accepting it in the first place. There's another less final choice though.

"... Celica, you are there, aren't you?"

"Ah~! What a coincidence~, I was just walking by~."

She opens the door behind which she was eavesdropping. Does't she have anything better to do? Well, lucky Celica, she gets a promotion.

"Celica, congratulations. You get to be the stand-in ambassador. Make lord What'shisname proud!"

"Really~? Yaay~! Celica is finally getting the respect she deserves~!"

It's telling that the demon lord with difficult name asked me, a new and relatively unknown demon, rather than Celica to be the ambassador. This will end in disaster, won't it? Well, someone else can deal with it. I'm going on a vacation.

Can I just do that? Everyone involved thought I can, so then I can. The generals of the council were happy to get the flirty Celica, though I'm certain they will regret it after trying to actually hold any serious negotiations with her.

***

With the wealth I got by commandeering newly abandoned by their owners (read: looting) I commissioned a new swordstaff with large, hook-ended blade like that of a falx, and a smaller, piercing blade on the butt end. I think it could pass for a scythe, were the blade set to point on the side. Does this count as a swordstaff anymore? Nah, better not jinx it. It's a swordstaff, definitely a swordstaff...

After getting my blade it's time to milk the free enchantment card again. Let's bother Holoster. Before that, there's something I'm bit curious about though. I find the surly demonologist in his chambers, as usual.

"Holoster. Was the poison gas device your work?"

"Aren't you sharp today? Not to sound complacent, but no-one else could have done that. It's one of my finest works."

I thought that might be the case.

"Well, the recipe was from hell, so I can't claim all the credit. The price of that was high too. But used right, it holds great potential."

"Very cost effective."

"Indeed. Well, those military idiots somehow managed to wrestle a defeat out of jaws of victory regardless. But that's nothing new."

It was from hell? Did they give it to imperials on purpose, so they'd wipe out the dwarves who refuse to play by rules of contracts? One does not need a tinfoil hat to see this conspiracy. ...It’s not my problem though. Hell, I'm a demon, so whatever it is would probably benefit me.

Anyway, now that the small talk has lowered his defenses, I'll get to the real subject.

"Enchant this."

"... How about you try asking more politely."

"Enchant this, please."

"No."

I see he's going to be difficult after all.

"I'll quit if I'm not sufficiently rewarded."

He shouldn't yet know I already ran away and left everything to Celica's unpredictable hands.

"And why'd that be so great a loss?"

His tone is not implying that I'm incompetent, but rather that I should give my arguments.

"Because as far as demons go, I'm really, really nice and reasonable to deal with."

"... Hmmmh. It's true that you never have tried to seduce and drain the life out of me. Or rip my head off. Or spit acid on my face. Or... Fine, I can see keeping the contract with you is worth some extra effort."

"Excellent. In that case I-- Hmm..."

They say attack is the best defense, and in that spirit I want a powerful weapon. I was planning to have him enchant the new swordstaff I just got, but I have sudden image of a weapon that isn't just very powerful, but also compact and looks awe-inspiring...

"I want a lightsaber!"

"W-what now?"

"A sword that projects a straight energy blade that can cut through anything. You can turn it on and off by pressing the hilt."

Holoster looks at me like I just imitated an orangutan rather than described the iconic weapon from... where'd I get the idea anyway? Uhh... never mind where, he's not buying the majesty of a lightsabre! Heresy!

"It hums and goes woosh... And it comes in many vibrant colors!"

He's not impressed. I had the idea just now, so I hadn't thought of a sales pitch... How could I make him understand?

"I can't enchant a saber with literally made of light, no matter what. Especially not one that 'goes woosh'."

This world has demons, magic spells, and rocket propelled zeppelin-octopus monsters, but making a sword with blade of light is too much? Bah. So disappointing.

"Besides, why'd you name it 'lightsabre' when you said the blade isn't curved?"

"That's..."

Okay. He's got a point, the name makes no sense. But what should it be? Laser sword? For some reason that alternative annoys me greatly though.

"Never mind that then. Can you enchant this instead..."

I dejectedly hand him the swordstaff. The large weapon is too heavy for him and he almost drops it.

"So what kind of enchantment you had in mind?"

"Do you have any of your special hell enchantments?"

"Well, there is this one which shoots tentacles--"

"Pass."

"Thought so."

I guess I could get some boring, common enchantment like continuous fire or super sharp cutting. But... I have another wild idea.

"Can you replicate succubus drain with an enchantment?"

"That's... interesting idea, but the problem would be transferring the drained life force. I doubt you'd find a blade that heals its own wounds that useful. Besides isn't it redundant? You are technically a succubus after all."

What do you mean 'technically'? I don't need to vamp around to be one for real! ... I think. In any case, having to have mucous membrane contact with the enemy for it to work is just too inconvenient.

"Hypothetically... There's a maggot infested undead monster trying disembowel me, and I'm heavily wounded. Do you see me kissing it to heal myself?"

"... I did not need that mental picture. But point taken. Still, while the spell itself could be replicated, the effect's benefit would go to wrong address. It'd need to be a new kind of succubus spell that drains target and heals other. But that kind of spell doesn't exist, since demons are hardly known for their altruism."

So the blade is thaumaturgically separate from me, and that is the problem. But what if that changed?

"I know it's possible to make an enchantment that generates natural poisons, but is it restricted just to poisons, or is any organic compound possible?"

"If you provide sample, then there's a good chance I could alter the enchantment to fit. Though I fail to see why coating a blade in flesh or whatever would serve anything else but to weird out your enemy."

I can see it now. The most powerful weapon for me.

"Ufe fhif fof ii fhen."

I scrape my tongue and handle him the goo. He looks at me with completely blank face.

"............ You are insane, you know that?"

He changes to the very first grin I've seen on his face and continues.

"I'll do it though. There is no way I'd pass seeing whether this scheme works or not."

If touching my mucous is needed for the drain to benefit me, then that's what I'll do. Behold the succubus drool blade!

...

No no no... Even if it is accurate, I can’t call it that! My weapon needs a name, something appropriate for the effect, like... 'Kiss of Death'? No, I'm not a mafia boss! 'Leech'? Nah, even though the blade is slimy and supposedly drains health, that's bit gross. ... 'Swordstaff of Health Absorption +3'? Bit plain. And why'd I add that arbitrary '+3'?

You know what, I’ll decided later. First the effect needs to be tested and proven anyway. And Holoster seems to have something in mind for that.