I'm not happy.

By several accounts I should be though. The Dwarven fortress has been successfully captured, and I can soon leave this place I've come to dislike. I have a large amount of essence to claim as reward for my part in this. And I also have gained considerable wealth by commandeering newly ownerless bits and pieces for myself.

But... Killing every single dwarf whether young or old with gas that isn't just horribly, painfully poisonous, but actually makes your face melt like candle wax? However ruthless the dwarves themselves can be, that's a tad bit excessive. However, it's not the questionable way this victory was gained that bothers me the most - I'm pragmatist at heart, and when the another option is a rusty sword shoved in your gut, poison gas isn't really that bad. No, it's these... gasp! ...feelings that seeing it happen awakened in me.

Of course, there have been many changes before this - to live is to change. And as a succubus it's hard to avoid being involved in various things, so staying indifferent is that much more difficult. I think I've done pretty good job of that so far though.

For a bleeding heart this world would have endless sources of worry. I'm not saying this world is all darkness and despair - I’d say it’s more like a sort of dull grey rather than all black. There are no 'good guys' here, but neither is anyone skinning puppies alive and wearing bloody puppy skin jackets while cackling malevolently. ... Although now that I think about it, that sounds a lot like what I did with that dire wolf that bit me in-- Actually, never mind that. But anyway, it has its own darker shadows to it.

Druids sacrifice humans, elves practice ritual lobotomy on those who have forsaken the elven homelands, imperials fornicate with demons to create half-blooded abominations... These tales may or may not be true, but they are wide-spread enough to make one suspicious. …Well, that last one is only half-true; I witnessed said fornication first hand courtesy of Celica, but I’m pretty sure half-demons are impossible. Even different species from the same world rarely can have any offspring, so expecting corporeal evil spirits from hell to be compatible with humans is just fantasy.

Besides unconfirmed things, I know for a fact that there is always a bloody war going somewhere, lands are plagued by monsters and bandits, and slavery is common in many parts of the world. Normally I'd quite successfully ignore all that doesn't directly affect me, but now knowing things like those exist gives me this mournful feeling I never had before. And that doesn't seem like the 'me' me... it's more like there's another layer of me that is now showing through a tear made by the recent events.

I don't want layers… I'm not a goddamn onion.

"Lady Aisen! I owe thee an apology."

Innwel the chivalric lord interrupts my cheery thoughts with his typical thees and thous. He has been with the same army as me all this time, but I've managed to avoid meeting him so far. I'm currently staying at the base camp in front of the conquered Dwarven fortress. The imperials are planning to collapse living sections and use remaining areas for mining operations, and there is busy traffic going in and out of the entrance.

"I heard how you bravely saved the advance forces from conundrum most dire. I hath clearly judged you wrongly, and for that I can only beg thine forgiveness."

He refers to the lava trap room incident as he bows at me with sparkling eyes. I would have thought he would be less shining because of the whole dwarf genocide issue, but maybe no-one told him. Or is this a cultural differences thing? 'It doth not matter, they were just dwarves' could be what he thinks for all I know...

"You’re not concerned about the way the fortress was captured?"

"Ah… The path I myself endorsed was a victory through honorable combat, but regrettably a more dire way was chosen. Verily, the sad reality of war is that not a soul is safe from it."

It’s true that in wars cities often get sacked and people living there end up either killed or enslaved. But common or not, non-combatants being considered a perfectly valid target doesn't sit well with me. And it isn’t just because of these new feelings that I have misgivings about that matter - I think it's just now sinking into me that this isn't some mildly amusing adventure I'm having, but rather a very real life in an oft savage world.

"But to worry about even thy enemy... Thou art a compassionate soul."

I am? Can’t say I’ve ever been accused of that before.

"Truely, thou art the proof that even a demon possess a noble heart. If thou forgivest--"

"Aissss~! How could you~!?"

"...?"

His confession is interrupted by Celica. This will be trouble...

"You were so~ cruel to your own sis~! Even for a demon~ that was just heartless~!"

"Celica, why are you bringing that up now--"

"But it was really cool~ how you stepped over the dead bodies of your allies and carried me out~! Big sis can't help but think the cold-hearted Ais is sexy~ too~."

Innwel's face is frozen stiff. Celica, you little devil! Is this her revenge for saying her horns look stupid? They do though.

"I-- I-- I cannot believe this!"

"This is a misunderstanding."

"Is there nothing thee won't sink to do?! How many times will you pretend to be good only to be revealed a monster most heinous!?!"

His mood has swung to opposite extreme.

"This I shall not stand for any longer! Demoness Ais... I will end you!"

"Let's not."

"I won't believe a word of you any longer! Prepare thyself, I shall free the empire of your foul grasp!"

He unsheathes and raises his sword ritually, then starts attacking me. I don't have my swordstaff, which I lost sometime during 'the floor is lava' incident. I've regained plenty of my hellrime juice, but it's bit of an overkill to use on him. Never mind even as a demon I might find killing a noble of the empire coming to kick me in the ass later. I could of course fly away and leave him fuming alone, but I don't want all the trouble he could cause by spreading his view on things around. I best defuse this bomb sooner rather than later. I use my charm spell.

"Stop being a fool and listen to me."

"I... Fell sorceries won't deter me!"

It's no sale? He swings a sword at me in surprising pattern, and I have trouble dodging it. I try to claw at him like Celica does in her fights, but his sword intercepts my hand and it gets pierced. Without the swordstaff my fighting skills are simply too inferior to his. This sucks.

I look around for something to give me an edge, but there's nothing much. I could punch him unconscious with my demonic strength, but I'm not quite ready to risk his shiny sword sinking into my gut to achieve that. If he were distracted enough, then it'd be doable though... But how to achieve that? He has focused his entire self into this right now.

"Oh, look. Behind you."

"Thou takest me for a knave!?"

Well, at least it's confirmed that while he might be emotional and more than a bit weird, he's not a complete idiot. But what else could distract him? ... Ah. Now I remember his weakness.

As my next move I begin removing my breastplate. Innwel just stands there in bafflement while I fight its enchantment, which makes the chestpiece stick onto my skin rather vigorously. To Celica's great delight I follow this by peeling down the dire wolf armor.

"Wooo~! Go Ais~! Show him your top form~!"

"W-what are you doing!?"

My opponent’s fighting gets considerably more erratic. His attention keeps swinging between failing to avoid temptation of peeking at my now unleashed bare bouncing breasts, and trying pointedly to look everywhere else.

"C-cover thyself, you shameless t-temptress!"

"No."

I didn't expect quite this drastic an effect. Come on, I'm not some kind of lust demon from hell trying to make you fall, you don’t need to be quite so shaken.

"I c-cannot fight thee like t-this!"

"That's the point."

He's ready to fall. As a coup de grâce I suddenly squeeze them together with my hands. That's just too much for his too pure for this world soul.

"Whtsths? Thcndtht!?! Hw--"

As he stammers unintelligibly, I use the opening to punch him senseless. Celica, who was watching the battle with keen interest, cheers.

"Yaaay~! That's my sis~! Please make that~ a permanent part of your strategy~!"

"No."

Later I explained him (with help of one of the soldiers present during the event) that a) making a ramp of bodies was to actually help the soldiers climb to safety and b) Celica is full of shit. He ran away after apologizing profusely, likely to sort out his ever more confused feelings about me.

This was a completely stupid episode, but at least it has served to defuse my maudlin thoughts. I decide to stop with the angsting and endeavor to continue on as I did before.