《Extinction》A Dish Fit for a King
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‘You will bow upon being presented to his grace. You will not address his grace, you will avert your eyes and not gaze upon his grace. If his grace addresses you, which is unlikely, you will answer quickly and precisely and you will not elaborate - and you will absolutely not attempt to engage in conversation. If his grace addresses you, you will keep your eyes averted and reply starting with “your grace”’ - said the alien.
The alien was wearing a bright red uniform adorned with long dinosaur feathers. The alien had the same amphibian skin, and frog-like eyes, and wide mouth with small teeth as the captain. This alien was shorter though. The alien was wearing a tall hat that was adorned with longer dinosaur feathers.
The captain of scouting patrol group 17 was in his uniform. A dull red with smaller dinosaur feathers. The captain wore a tall hat with dinosaur feathers attached, but not as long and not as impressive as the other alien’s hat.
‘Wait here’ - said the other alien.
The captain was in the royal court. He was waiting in a chamber. A beautifully decorated chamber. The chamber was huge. The chamber was decorated with the giant heads of tyrannosaurus mounted on the wall, along with exotic alien species from distant planets - like some German palace in the 17th century decorated with wild boars and deer.
Another alien returned with the first alien. This new alien was dressed even more elaborately, and was smaller still. The new alien hat was taller, and had even longer dinosaur feathers attached.
‘This is the captain, vice-chamberlain’ - said the first alien
‘You are the captain, from scouting patrol group 17?’ - said the vice-chamberlain
‘Yes sir’ - said the captain
‘Your new exotic meat has created quite a stir, captain’ - said the vice-chamberlain - ‘It was tasted by his grace’s personal chef, and he says it is quite delicious. Salty and tender, is how he described it’
‘Thank you sir’ - said the captain
‘His grace’s chef recommended it to be sliced as a steak, and then cooked hot and fast. His grace will be served the new and exotic meat, and will then provide his tasting notes’ - said the vice-chamberlain
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‘I have told him about the rules’ - said the first alien
‘Very good’ - said the vice-chamberlain - 'Remember to avert your gaze and to bow. And no speaking unless spoken to!’
‘Yes sir’ - said the captain
‘Well, follow me. And best behavior young captain!’ - said the vice-chamberlain
The captain followed the vice-chamberlain and the first alien.
They entered another chamber, even more grand and decorated with even more tyrannosaurus heads.
The king was sitting on his throne. The king was a huge green alien. He had the same amphibian skin, but it was covered in warts and bumps and lumps. The king was dressed in purple robes, and appeared to be sleeping.
Either side of the king’s throne were two adolescent tyrannosaurs. They had collars fitted, and were chained to the wall. They eyed the captain as he was brought in.
The chamber was lined with the king’s imperial guard. Tall aliens in armor, with spears.
Another alien was standing beside the throne. It was the lord-chamberlain.
‘Lord-chamberlain’ - said the vice-chamberlain - ‘The captain of scouting patrol group 17’
‘Ah yes’ - said the lord-chamberlain - ‘The exotic meat!’
The lord-chamberlain was dressed the same as the vice-chamberlain, but his hat was even taller and had even longer dinosaur feathers attached.
‘And bow’ - said the vice-chamberlain
The captain bowed.
‘Your grace!’ - announced the lord-chamberlain
The king stirred, and opened his eyes. They were the same frog-like eyes as the other aliens, but much bigger.
‘What?’ - said the king
‘Your grace. May I present the captain of scouting patrol group 17’ - said the lord-chamberlain
‘What are the charges?’ - said the king, staring at the captain
‘Keep bowing’ - said the vice-chamberlain
The captain continued to bow.
‘There are no charges, your grace. The captain is here to present exotic meat’ - said the lord-chamberlain.
The king sighed.
‘There is no exotic meat on this planet. Everything that could be eaten has been eaten - on land, in the air, and in the sea!’ - said the king
The lord-chamberlain clapped.
The king’s chef wheeled out a trolley with a silver dome covered plate.
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The chef stopped in front of the king.
‘Your grace’ - said the chef - ‘I think you will be in for a treat today!’
The chef took a napkin and tucked it into the king’s robes, and then lifted the silver dome. On the plate was a medium rare steak of Dr. Edwin Zoft’s flesh. The chef took a knife and fork and cut a cube of the steak, and held the fork in front of the king’s mouth.
‘Open up sire!’ - said the chef
The king opened his mouth, and the chef placed the fork inside.
The king chewed the meat.
‘Mmmmmmm’ - the king said
‘It is good, your grace?’ - said the chef
‘More’ - said the king
The chef cut off more steak, and fed it to the king.
The king chewed it.
‘Salty and tender’ - said the king
‘Oh yes, your grace’ - said the chef - ‘so very tender!’
‘More!’ - said the king
The chef fed the king the whole steak.
‘More!’ - said the king
‘Your grace - I will have to cook another steak!’ - said the chef
‘Cook more!’ - said the king
‘Yes, your grace’ - said the chef, bowing
The chef rolled the trolley away.
‘Ask him where he found this exotic meat’ - said the king to the lord-chamberlain
‘His grace wishes to know where this exotic meat comes from, captain’ - said the lord-chamberlain
‘Remember to say “your grace”’ - whispered the vice-chamberlain
‘Your grace’ - said the captain - ‘I was on a scouting patrol out by the last herd. And we spotted a machine in the forest. I sent down two scouts to inspect, and we were ambushed. The two scouts were killed. I managed to contain the attacker in a box, sir. We then searched the forest and we discovered three animals in the forest, hiding. We restrained the animals and brought them back here sir. I put the chains on one of them - and the animal claims to be a time traveler from the future sir…’
The king laughed. The lord-chamberlain laughed. The vice-chamberlain laughed.
‘Tell him to continue’ - said the king
‘Continue captain’ - said the lord-chamberlain
‘The animal claims to be from this planet, but 67 million orbits of the star at the center of this planetary system in the future sir. The animal claims to have been sent on a mission, sir. But does not know what the mission was. I had one of them slaughtered, as an offering to your grace’
‘Ask him if he has anymore of the exotic animal meat’ - said the king
‘Do you have more of the exotic animal meat?’ - said the lord-chamberlain
‘Your grace, there are two surviving animals’ - said the captain
‘Tell him I want to see them’ - said the king
‘His grace would like to observe these animals’ - said the lord-chamberlain
‘Your grace - of course. I have them restrained and locked up in the patrol group 17 brig, sir’ - said the captain
‘Tell him to bring the animals here’ - said the king
‘His grace would like the animals brought here’ - said the lord-chamberlain
Yes your grace’ - said the captain
‘Tell him to bring me the time machine’ - said the king
‘His grace would like to see the time machine’ said the lord-chamberlain
‘Now’ - said the king
‘His grace would like this to happen immediately’ - said the lord-chamberlain
‘Your grace - straight way’ - said the captain
‘Keep your eyes down, and we are leaving’ - said the vice-chamberlain
The vice-chamberlain led the captain back to the first chamber. The first alien was there.
‘Take some guards down to the captain's hangar and collect the animals he has in the brig - and this time machine thing’ - said the vice-chamberlain
‘Yes, my lord’ - said the first alien.
Back in the king’s chamber the chef was feeding the king another medium rare steak cut from Dr. Zoft’s body.
‘More!’ - shouted the king
‘Yes your grace’ - said the chef, unable to keep up with the king’s appetite.
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