《The Mystery of the Real Live Dead Person》12d. The Unicorn In Captivity
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He had imagined it to be a lot messier, but instead it was neatly appointed. The walls featured the usual music posters, some revolutionary posters, and an object that made Richard smirk. Her vanity desk, far from being covered in makeup, looked like a mad scientist’s laboratory, complete with test tubes, beakers, and even a retort over a Bunsen burner. He searched in vain for a Tesla coil, but didn’t see one. A set of tall bookcases contained tomes covering several subjects; briefly skimming, he saw a lot of Asian-themed medical texts, some political treatises, and several photo albums. Between two of them stood a full-sized refrigerator. Glass doors on one side led to a small balcony, also with a view of the front gate and driveway, as it was in the den.
A hundred-gallon fish tank, ensconced within its own cabinet, held a lone occupant who floated near the edge, looking at Kelly. She walked over to the tank. “Hi Charlie!” she trilled, waving at the fish. It became more animated, pushing its nose against the glass.
Richard took a closer look; he tried to think of when he’d seen a stranger creature. It had red eyes surrounding large black pupils and a delicate, curved face, giving it an unsettling resemblance to an anime character. However, the mottled yellow skin, sickly-brown bumps, and tattered fins made it look like a burn victim. “What on Earth is that?” he asked.
“It’s Charlie! And he’s a honey toad!”
“I thought horny toads were lizards.”
“No,” she corrected, “honey toad. He’s definitely a fish.”
Charlie was now checking out Richard. “Not exactly kawaii, is he.”
“He is not minikui!” she huffed. “I think he’s beautiful exactly the way he is. And he’s got a lot of character, too. But he’ll have to get to know you, and learn to trust you, before you’ll see any of it. And that won’t happen in one day.”
Richard turned to look at object on the wall. “So what’s the story on that?”
Kelly followed his gaze and furrowed her brow. “Yeah…I have a Ouija board…you know, like every other teenage girl in America. My friends and I used to fool with it, but it’s been a long time.”
“Any interesting experiences?”
She shrugged. “Hard to say. Some odd things happened, but we were never sure if we had really contacted a spirit world, or if we were just accessing our subconscious.” She snickered to herself. “Although I remember the day we stopped using it; we asked our contact which one of us was prettier. We realized we were fighting over which letter to move to, each of us picking the first letter of our name.”
Richard arched his eyebrows. “Did you ever try ‘light as a feather, stiff as a board’?”
She narrowed her eyes. “Oh, come on…everyone knows that’s a myth.”
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“Sorry.”
Kelly looked down at his cooler. “Did you have some questions about that?”
“Oh, right.” He opened the cooler and handed the bottles to her. “Know anything about it?”
“Actually, it’s a perfect example of what I was talking about, of traditional medicine versus what my dad does.” She eyed one bottle closely, the green light casting a jagged pattern over her face. “There are known species of cave fungus that glow like this, but this isn’t one of them. There’s something odd about the condition it grows under.”
“Any way to test what that is?” Richard asked.
She fixed him with a smug look. “That’s just it. You can run all the tests you want, and not get any answers. I could dice it up with my chemistry set over there, poke and prod it until I’ve destroyed it, and I won’t get any explanation. I know; I’ve tried. The answer doesn’t lie in chemistry; it’s…alchemical.”
“Really?” he smirked.
“Don’t give me that look,” she protested. “There’s a lot going on in traditional medicine that Western science can’t accept, so they pretend it doesn’t exist. Have you ever heard of the double-slit experiment?”
“I’ve heard of it, but don’t know much about it,” Richard admitted.
“You shine a laser at a barrier with two narrow slits; you get the expected wave-interference pattern on the screen behind it. But if you set up detectors, to determine which slit the light passed through, you get two lines. In other words, the result depends on whether it’s being passively observed.”
Richard stared blankly for a moment. “How does that work?”
Her smug look returned. “No one knows. They first noticed this decades ago, and they can repeat it all they want, but they’ve never agreed on an explanation. It drives them nuts!” She swept her hand over her library and chemistry lab. “Kind of like what I do. It’s in the same category.”
Richard clicked his tongue. “Impressive. I have to admit, I didn’t expect you to be this scholarly.”
She flashed him a grateful smile. “Thanks. I like to stay on the cutting edge, in both politics and science. As far as I’m concerned, the only difference between a crazy crackpot theory, and accepted science, is the passage of time. And science advances with each funeral.”
“I can see why you drive your dad nuts,” Richard jested.
She looked pouty. “It’s not my fault I’m right.” She looked at the two bottles again, and moved to put them back into the cooler.
“No, please, take them,” Richard clarified. “It’s the least I can do?”
Her eyes lit up. “Really? Thanks!” She moved toward her refrigerator; inside was an incredible collection of vials and jars, all neatly labeled, as colorful as her garden.
“What do you do with it?”
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“It’s a topical anesthetic,” she explained as she closed the refrigerator door. “One that’s much less addicting, and damaging, than the mainstream alternatives. And mixed with a few other ingredients, it makes for a pretty powerful healing salve. Did you know Alexandra got set on fire at our last protest? I wasn’t even able to treat her for hours, but you wouldn’t know that from looking at her. Her skin is flawless again!”
Richard’s happy memories confirmed that observation. “That’s incredible. Really.”
She threw up her hands in frustration. “And all held back by a bunch of jealous old farts that want to continue selling their snake oil!”
“So where do you get this fungus?”
She sighed. “I used to have a high-quality source, but I haven’t seen him in a long time. Now I have to collect my own.”
That was the opening Richard needed. “Is that why Racer X was at that cave?”
She looked up. “Oh, you got it there? Yeah, he said someone else was there yesterday.”
Richard tried to contain his feeling of triumph – Racer X was now verified as the interloper at the cave and the spy in the forest! His bad luck may have thwarted this revelation, but his relentless powers of observation managed to turn the tide. Time to continue the subtle probing.
“So, he told you he saw someone?”
“Well, not verbally. You probably figured out he’s a mute. Apart from hand gestures, he communicates only in pictures, and even worse, he’s not very good at drawing. My best guess is he claimed he was chased away by a dragon.”
Richard chuckled. “I don’t remember seeing any dragons.” Totally truthful, and yet completely misleading. He was on a roll! He thought of the odd “pedestrian accident” he saw the day before. “Maybe you can help me with one of my other cases. Do you know of any concoctions that can produce superhuman strength?”
She paused, looking at him nervously. “No, not that I’ve seen.” Richard thrilled; was he about to extract a confession? She continued. “Though I’ve heard illegal drugs like PCP have been rumored to produce such effects.”
“PCP was originally an elephant tranquilizer, and the fungus is an anesthetic, so they’re in the same ballpark as each other?”
She shrugged. “I guess they are. But I’ve only used it to treat injuries; I’ve never thought to apply it to healthy, uninjured people. And unlike the establishment, I’m not willing to experiment on human subjects.” She gave him a curious look. “What kind of case are you talking about?”
“It’s a weird one,” he admitted. “Two people were found with their front-sides smashed, with no clear sign of what caused it. It almost looked like they’d been crushed against each other; we joked it looked like a pedestrian accident. But if someone else caused it, they’d not only have to have superhuman strength, but great size.”
Kelly suddenly looked pale, and she withdrew into herself a little. Richard felt a surge; was this the moment it all came together? Kelly didn’t appear to be a likely suspect, but he always strove to avoid jumping to conclusions.
“My previous source for that fungus told me something really strange before he disappeared.”
“Oh?” he prompted.
“He…” she started, looking around nervously. “He mentioned a giant guardian. He said it was suddenly very dangerous to collect the fungus, and claimed that was the reason he had to raise his prices. At the time, I thought it was a pathetic excuse, even though he seemed deadly serious.” She snickered. “Maybe it was the same giant?”
Richard shrugged. “Can’t rule that out, I guess.”
The color slowly returned to her face. “But I don’t know of any link between the fungus and superhuman strength, nor where my old source got it, nor what else he was involved with, nor what happened to him. Or whether he was going mad, on drugs, or just really bad at making up excuses for rising prices.”
“Fair enough,” he agreed.
She swept her eyes over her room. “But you’re free to ask me anything you want about any of the plants I’m growing, or anything else on the subject.”
“I’ll do that, but I don’t have any more questions for now.” He moved to pick up his cooler. “Thank you for all of your help today, really. This has been an eye-opening experience.”
She smiled. “Thanks. I’ll walk you out.”
He moved toward her door. “Hopefully not the scenic route again.”
She giggled. “No, I’ll make it easy this time.”
“Oh, good,” he shared. “I have to pick up everything the butler insisted I check.”
She let out a hollow laugh as they walked down the stairway. “So many rules around here.”
The butler met Richard near the front door; Kelly stayed at the door to the hallway, gave him a wiggly wave, then disappeared. Richard donned his shoulder holster and jacket wordlessly as the butler looked on.
Altogether, the visit was a success. He was funded for the duration, he may have gained a lead on a ton of future work, and he learned a lot about holistic medicine that he’d never be able to apply. But as he exchanged pleasantries with the butler and walked out the front door, a sense of dread hung on his heart. The visit hadn’t advanced the facts of the case very much. He didn’t have any more leads to explore. And, as he got into his car and started it, he realized there was only one path open to him.
He would have to investigate the gay furry club.
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