A gaggle of cops filled the hallway just ahead of him. Richard winced as his skin erupted with goosebumps. Between them, they literally had years of professional police training under their belts. He hoped they would somehow forget all about it as he walked by.

A young patrolman spotted Richard as he approached. “Hey! There’s our favorite little brother!” he chimed.

Richard shuddered. Of all the times to be completely competent, they had to choose now. “Hi, patrolman Sperling,” he said between clenched teeth.

One cop turned to Sperling. “He’s your little brother? You two look about the same age.”

“Oh, he’s not really my little brother,” Sperling laughed. “He’s not actually related to anyone on the force. We just sort of…adopted him.”

“Why?” asked the same cop.

Richard could once again feel his brain trying to pull away from the sides of his skull.

“Because he was almost one of us!” Sperling flashed Richard a beaming smile. “We know his heart is in the right place, and we love to watch him try!” He looked wistful for a second. “If it wasn’t for that one troublesome subject…”

“Why are you wasting your time with that loser?” a gruff voice suddenly interrupted. Everyone turned their heads to see the police captain storm down the hallway.

Sperling flashed a demure smile. “No harm done, Captain Adeguti. He’s just our friend.”

“He couldn’t hack the police academy,” the captain growled as he came to a stop. He fixed Richard with a penetrating stare. “And you’ll never be a cop. Never. You don’t have what it takes.” His lips curled into a surly grimace as he continued on his way.

“Wow,” one of the cops murmured under his breath.

“Oh, don’t worry about Ulysses,” Sperling assured. “He’s not from around here; he doesn’t know the full story.” He turned to Richard. “Do you want to tell it, or should I?”

“Be my guest,” Richard mumbled. He would rather not have to think about it at all.

“So get this,” Sperling began. “Richard was on track to acing the police academy and becoming the bright new star of the department…except for one subject. Can you guess what it is?”

The other cops perused Richard thoughtfully; he wished devoutly to be anywhere but here. He felt sadder than an elementary school in September.

“Oooh! I know! I know!” called out Sergeant Terry as he approached. “How’s it going, little brother?”

“Morning, Terry,” Richard managed to eke out.

Sperling surveyed his rapt audience with wide, beaming eyes before continuing. “Traffic Enforcement!” The other cops exchanged puzzled glances. “Oh, he could memorize the laws just fine, and could spot infractions from blocks away…but he just couldn’t bring himself to write a ticket. He couldn’t bear to ruin someone’s day like that, over what he figured was an inadvertent mistake.”

The other cops chuckled knowingly. “That’s a really good point. I think, if it wasn’t for traffic tickets, most people would have a much more favorable opinion of the police.”

“Exactly,” Richard chirped, showing enthusiasm for the first time.

“Plus, there were the unfair charges of pareidolia.” Once again, Sperling was greeted with puzzled glances. “That means seeing patterns that aren’t there, like when someone finds the Virgin Mary in a piece of toast.” He gave Richard a knowing glance. “But really, the instructors couldn’t stand how he was poking holes in their educational materials.”

Richard looked down as his phone rang. The number was unfamiliar, but local. “But he does have his associate degree in criminal justice. I’d say he’s putting it to good use!”

Richard held one finger in the air. “Excuse me; I have to take this.”

“No problem, little bro,” Sperling gushed. “Go get ’em!”

He picked up the call. “Detective Schmutz here.” The cops all watched Richard with rapt attention. “Yes. Yes. Yeah, sure. Oh, OK. Yeah, I know where that is.” He looked at the clock on his phone before continuing. “Sure, I can work that into my schedule. OK, see you soon.”

He hung up, only to find the cops all staring at him with open mouths and wide eyes. “Well?” Sperling finally erupted.

“It’s not much, but at least it doesn’t sound too complicated,” Richard informed. “Someone lost their exotic pet, and needs help tracking them down. She wants me to meet her at the local animal park; she says she works as a wildlife rehabilitation specialist.” He smiled as he looked off into the distance. “At least she has a cute voice.”

Sperling’s face fell. “Her name wasn’t Rosaleen, was it?”

Richard’s eyebrows furrowed. “Actually, it was. Why?”

Sperling grimaced wistfully as he patted Richard’s shoulder. “Good luck, buddy.” He and a few others walked off, leaving Terry and two other officers.

“What was that about?” Richard asked.

“Who knows,” Terry shrugged. “He’s probably just jealous. I heard Rosaleen’s quite a looker.” He pumped his fists in the air. “Go get ’er!”

“Before I do,” Richard interjected, “you said something about maybe having a case for me? Did anything come through?”

Terry looked both ways down the hallway before continuing. “Yeah. We’re dealing with theft from the evidence vault. Scary stuff, like heroin and fentanyl. Internal Affairs can’t seem to stop it. Maybe you’ll have a better chance, being an outsider.”

Richard’s eyes grew wide. “Wow, that’s pretty heavy. Not sure what I can do about that, but I’ll give it a try!”

“Thanks!” Terry cheered.

Richard looked at his phone. “I’d better get going. All of a sudden, I’ve got a busy day.”

“Give ’em hell!” Terry called out as Richard disappeared down the hallway.

“Do you really intend him to solve that case?” one of the cops asked Terry.

“Not really,” Terry admitted. “I mostly told him about it just to get him out of my hair.”

The other two cops snickered. “Hey, don’t,” Terry admonished.

“Really?” one of the cops asked. “It seems like you and Sperling give him a really hard time.”

“We do that because we like him!” Terry exclaimed. “And he knows that. At least, I hope he does.”

The two cops shrugged. “Besides, who knows,” Terry continued, “he just might just crack it. The academy instructors called it pareidolia, but maybe he really can see patterns others miss.” He looked down the hall, where Richard had walked away. “He just might be the right kind of crazy.”