New Rock City’s heart of the nightlife pumped out from Boys Town. The neon lights made the street look like a party and the large crowds of happy people they passed in the van uplifted everyone’s spirit. The band dropped Bob off at a local temp agency and said their goodbyes.

Thad Penguino pointed down the street. “We’re almost at the nearest unicorn pearl. I think it’ll be inside that club.” A glowing, glorious sign hanging off the side of a warehouse marked the way to The Romp Room.

Key Gullz stretched herself out in the back seat and yawned. “I was so excited to throw down on the dance floor, but now I’m feeling tired and achy from everything today.”

“This has been a really long day,” Sir Taco said. “Let’s make this quick and get back to the hotel. The stakes are too high for us to keep going into these things half awake.”

Candii was nodding off at the wheel. Sir Taco tapped her shoulder and she perked up. “I’m okay, it’s okay. Yeah, let’s just get in and out and get some sleep. After this, I think I can rest my conscious tonight considering all the other amazing work we’ve done today.”

They parked the van outside the club and filed inside the warehouse. Instantly, the band was overcome with an otherworldly feeling. It was the fever of dance and it infected their hearts.

Key Gullz laughed. It sounded odd. “You all do your little detective thing. Something’s come over me so come and get me when we’re ready to rock!” The magic of the beat pulled her onto the dance floor.

Thad Penguino checked his GPS again. His foot was tapping quickly to the beat. “It looks like the unicorn pearl is in the far back of the club. Probably in the manager’s office, if my knowledge of club architecture is correct.”

Candii noticed security guards at every door and on the balcony on the second floor overlooking the dance floor below. “Security seems pretty tight in here.”

Thad Penguino nodded and led them to a table to sit while he plotted their covert course through the club.

Candii scanned the room. A rainbow flashing dance floor in the center contained over a hundred clubbers. Neon pink lasers and fog rained down from the ceiling. High above the dance floor, Candii noticed a barely visible silhouette against a glass wall. “Is that one-way glass? Could that be a manager’s office?”

“Ah,” Thad Penguino said noticing it as well. “I think that clue is the final piece of the puzzle. Okay, follow me.” He led Candii and Sir Taco through the sea of dancing people, grabbed Key Gullz, and slipped into the back hallway past a very bad security guard.

As a door shut behind them, Candii said, “Finally, I can hear myself think again.”

“It’s a miracle we got out of there without also being swept up in the music,” Sir Taco said. “Did anyone else feel an unnaturally strong urge to dance?”

“Now that you mention it,” Thad Penguino said, “I did feel like dancing and I didn’t even like that song.”

“Yeah, me too,” Candii said uneasily.

“I don’t know,” Key Gullz shrugged. She rolled shoulders left and right. She snapped her fingers and bobbed her head. “I still feel a little bit of the groove monster inside me. I think we just needed a little rest and relaxation and the mood was right.”

Sir Taco said sternly, “No, I think something is going on here. Let’s keep our wits about us because I have a feeling this had something to do with the unicorn pearl.”

The band sneaked through the kitchen where Sir Taco stole a chalupa off a plate, then through a back room with a card table littered with questionable kitchen herbs in small bags. Thad Penguino took a wrong turn and they got lost in a basement littered with dirty paper money and glitter littered all over the dingy floor. Eventually, they found the Manager’s door.

“It’s locked!” Candii said annoyed when she tried the doorknob.

“I’ll be right back.” Sir Taco left and returned with a unicorn pearl from the van. He rubbed it on an electronic panel next to the door and it unlocked. “I had a feeling this door could be opened using an electromagnetic pulse. Luckily, I’ve learned by watching Candii that the unicorn pearls can grants wishes.”

“Good thinking.” Candii opened the door and the band hustled upstairs and into a second-floor office. At the top, they saw a tall woman standing in front of a giant window overlooking the dance floor. She was dressed in the most luxurious silk robe and a wild poofed up wig. Off the reflection of the glass she peered out of, Candii noticed the woman’s makeup was a bit much for her taste, but she could not knock it. She was sure it counted as being hardcore in someone’s book and rocking on to the fullest was the best way to live.

The woman spoke but did not turn. "The Non-Traditional Key Gullz. Welcome to The Romp Room. This is my establishment and my name is Queen Vanillish Moneigh. I would never have imagined that the world-famous Non-Traditional Key Gullz would ever go clubbing in my little neck of the woods.”

“With all due respect, that’s not why we’re here, Vanillish,” Thad Penguino said.

Vanillish spun on her heels and jutted a long, bony finger at him. “That’s Queen Vanillish Moneigh to you, short stuff!”

Thad Penguino smiled nervously. “My apologies! I just wanted to say that we’re here for a shiny unicorn pearl. We’re willing to make a deal to make this go quickly and smoothly.”

“Oh, you mean those pearls?” Vanillish pointed through the window into the club. Hanging from the ceiling was a huge laser light and fog machine apparatus. Sitting at the top on a small silk pillow were two unicorn pearls. “Since those two fell from the sky and into my care, my club has been more popular than ever. I don’t question the means to this end, but I do relish in its result.”

Candii ran toward the glass and pressed her face and hands against it. The pearls were close. “So, the pearls are making your club popular?”

“Yes.” Vanillish peeled Candii off the glass and wiped her face and fingerprints away with visible disgust. “People now seem to lose themselves in the music and they tell their friends about how amazing it feels. That has really drummed up our popularity in the area.”

Candii realized this was going to be a tricky one. The pearls were bringing her clear, measurable success and there was really no way to hand over a replacement, nor was exactly a firm problem they could solve in return. But then she had a creative idea. “How would you like an exclusive show with the world-famous Non-Traditional Key Gullz in exchange for both of them?”

Vanillish’s eyebrows went up, up, up. “Hmm…” She thought for a moment. She smiled. “If you can pull off the right set list, it would be an offer I couldn’t refuse. I’d be promoting your appearance as an endorsement across the continent for years.” She began to pace the room. “Yes, I think we can make a deal, but only if the crowd loves it. We’ll need at least five…no seven hundred club goers and they’ll need to stay the whole time. Otherwise, it may cause more bad publicity than good.”

Candii extended her hand and Vanillish hesitantly shook it. Candii was about to release when Vanillish grasped her tight again.

“You know the terms. This is no short order. Are you sure you and your bandmates are up to it? You haven’t released a new album in what…decades?”

Sir Taco tapped on Candii’s shoulder and whispered in her ear, “Are you sure this is a good idea? We’re all exhausted.”

“Don’t worry, I have a plan,” Candii whispered back. She said confidently to Vanillish, “Don’t forget who you’re talking to, Queen V.”

Vanillish sent her staff crying in the street to spread the word of a special one-night show. Leaflets clogged the gutters and posters littered the sides of buildings.

Inside, there was only an hour until showtime and the band was desperately trying to set up their equipment on stage in time. Key Gullz was still tapping her feet, beating her foot pedal, and sending out a cool beat.

“This weird feeling is starting to wear off, but I can still feel the club’s pearl magic giving me good vibes. It’s like every song is my favorite song,” she said.

“I’m hoping that’ll work in our favor,” Candii said. She plugged in her guitar. “The unicorn pearls are my plan.”

“You’re right!” Sir Taco said. “I hadn’t thought about that. The deal is sure to go in our favor with the power of the pearls emanating down.”

The band finished their sound check. Candii poked her head through the stage curtains and saw the crowd pouring in. She sighed with relief. “Thank goodness. There are easily enough people in here. Now all we have to do is perform any old song.”

Key Gullz slammed her cymbals. “Right! So it’s agreed we’re going to get this done with as quick as possible and play rock covers of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the ABC song?”

“Yes,” Candii yawned. “It literally shouldn’t matter what we play with the pearls’ magic. I also don’t think I could stay awake for a real set.”

“Did you really think it would be that easy?” Vanillish stepped out from behind an amp. “Silly girl. I anticipated this type of corner cutting from tourists like yourselves. No self-respecting denizen of the Land of Rock would ever try to pass a children’s television special for a true concert. And so, I just had the pearls removed.”

Candii jumped through the curtains onto the stage. Indeed the fog-laser apparatus above was two unicorn pearls short. The crowd was lethargic, distracted with their cell phones and idle small talk. Their worst nightmare was materializing. She slipped back inside. “You tick-tock trickster!”

“Now, now. I wouldn’t be a very good minion of Queen Morgana if I made this easy, would I?”

Thad Penguino struck a discordant tone on his guitar. “Curse you, Vanillish! You meant for us to fail all along!”

Vanillish stepped back with a hand on her chest. “How could you accuse me of that? No, that’s simply not true! I still very much have a vested interest in your success. You see, a performance from The Non-Traditional Key Gullz with the help of the unicorn pearls would never translate over well on the home video version and official live companion album recording that I plan on selling long after you’re gone. No. You need to really pull out all the stops like the good ole days to give me something I can use. Can’t you see it?”

Vanillish waved a slow hand through the air. “A truly amazing show from The Non-Traditional Key Gullz in all the papers. Merchandise cross-tagged with my club’s name in every apparel store. This one break could skyrocket my small club much farther than a localized cloud of unicorn pearl magic ever could!” Vanillish nodded vigorously as she envisioned her future. Then she snapped her attention back to the band. “Let me be serious. I know you can do this. I know The Non-Traditional Key Gullz are the best, the most rockin’ that ever was and ever will be. I don’t care what your reasons are for being here. All I care is to see your magic on stage one last time.” She winked at Thad Penguino and disappeared into the curtain.

With only minutes before the opening of the show, Thad Penguino convened an emergency band huddle. “Okay. So we need a quick change of plans. We have two songs to fill and they really need to one, speak to the crowd, and two, keep us awake. Any suggestions?”

Everyone quietly contemplated for a few moments before Key Gullz said, “What about something wild that calls the crowd to just love each other in a passionate fireball of emotions?”

Thad Penguino nodded. “I like it. You set the beat and we’ll follow.”

“I know the perfect way to end it,” Candii said. “Let’s send out a true message of self-love. The people of this land have been through a lot with Morgana as their ruler. Let’s remind them that no matter what, they should find comfort in who they are in their hearts.”

Sir Taco patted Candii’s back. “This woman’s on point. I’m in. Agreed?” The band nodded and took to their instruments.

A loudspeaker crackled to life. The crowed fell silent. “My beautiful people! Thank you for joining us today for the most amazing event to ever grace New Rock City, and possibly the Land of Rock, for years to come! You all know me as your Queen Vanillish Moneigh and I present to you, for one night only, the one, the only, the certainly world-famous, Non-Traditional Key Gullz!”

The crowd erupted. The curtains drew back and the band waved hello.

“Thank you all again for coming out tonight!” Sir Taco yelled into the microphone mustering all his energy left inside him. He felt light-headed for a moment, but he pushed through it. “We have quite the show for you tonight, ah ha!” The crowd excitedly bustled and squirmed in anticipation. The crowd was a blur. Their chaotic screams echoed in his head as if far away. Every blink was a fight to stay awake and his heart was pounding. He shook his head vigorously and then announced, “For our first song, I encourage you all to find that special someone and hold them close. Or, if you’re still looking, find your nearest beautiful neighbor and stare into their eyes!”

Begin Animal by Neon Trees

INSTRUMENTAL & VERSE 1

♫♫♫ … tonight.

Sir Taco made love to the microphone and the crowd ate it up. Candii laid down a mean bass line, plucking like a mad woman, and set the tone. Key Gullz kept everyone on beat with her foot pedal and simple cymbal taps. Thad Penguino kept his fingers ready, hovering just above the fretboard, for his big part during the chorus.

Sir Taco saw more people pouring into the club. The back doors were constantly slapping against the wall as several hundred more people squeezed in. The dance floor filled up and folks were climbing onto the balcony level. He turned to the band to nod encouragingly when he began to worry. Thad Penguino was staring absent-mindedly at the ground. Key Gullz was playing, but her passion was missing. Were they falling asleep?

“Hit it!” Sir Taco roared.

Thad Penguino jolted back to life. He nodded with conviction.

CHORUS

Oh … tonight.

The crowd jumped to life, bouncing off the walls and moshing up a storm. Crowd surfing was par for the course. From the stage, a wave of emotion rippled through the room back and forth.

This was the right opening song. Sir Taco turned up the volume a tad and refined the treble to focus on the words of the next verse. He gazed up into Vanillish’s office. Even through the one-way glass, he saw her glowing eyes watching the band.

He winked in defiance.

VERSE 2

Here … you!

Sir Taco continued to sing sweet nectar into the microphone. Patrons looked into each other’s eyes and felt the feeling of love and joy overwhelm them in the fever of the moment. No one could hold back and everyone was ready to release the animals inside on the dance floor.

The band fed off of the energy and felt a second wind swirling within them.

“Let’s keep this PG-13! We’re in public!” Candii pleaded to the front row. As if becoming embolden by her request for decency, one fan tore his shirt open and roared like a lion.

CHORUS

Oh … tonight.

Upstairs in her office, Vanillish laughed to a ghastly minion at her side. “Wow! This is hundreds of times better than I expected!”

“But Vanillish…”

“That’s Queen Vanillish Moneigh to you, minion!”

“Ah yes, my apologies, Queen Vanillish Moneigh. But what will we do if they still want the unicorn pearls?”

“Explain yourself, minion.”

BRIDGE

Hush … tonight!

“Well, we can hardly hand over the power of the unicorn pearls after Queen Morgana specifically prohibited us.”

“Fool! Do you not think Queen Vanillish Moneigh is not a woman of her word?” Vanillish kicked the minion onto his back and pressed her boot upon his chest. “Get out of my sight! If they earn them, they’ve earned them!”

Back on stage, the band swung left and right in unison. The crowd imitated the band and began to shake the very foundations of the building. The walls shuddered as they danced. Steel structural beams began to shake and sent unsteadying ripples through the floor.

CHORUS x4

Oh … tonight.

Sir Taco continued to belt out the tone of a generation. Thad Penguino adjusted the sound levels again to account for the crowd of now almost a thousand.

“Look at them go!” Key Gullz shouted with delight. A piece of the ceiling crumbled apart and fell onto the stage right in front of her drums.

Candii swung around and spotted the debris. “Uh oh! We may have a safety problem!” She pointed above to the balcony where drywall and bolts began sprinkling onto the crowd.

“Vanillish!” Key Gullz cried. “Your club is rocking too hard!”

From her office, Vanillish gasped as she realized the building was rocking itself to pieces. She rushed down and jumped onto the stage as the band finished the song.

End Animal by Neon Trees

“Oh! Ha, ha, ha! What a wonderful performance, isn’t that right everyone?” The crowd of now a thousand people roared back and sent Vanillish’s wig flying. “Oh my goodness!” The band giggled and Thad Penguino handed Vanillish her wig.

“Thank you, you handsome boy.” Vanillish put herself back together and tried to address the crowd seriously. “Listen up, everyone. I have an announcement to make. It appears we are very much several hundred people over our capacity of this building. I have a warehouse next door made just for such an occasion. Please, can all our people on the balcony slowly file out and follow the direction of our bouncers to the warehouse? I think you will find the neon light display, giant projection TVs, and our open bar to be more than satisfactory.”

The crowd did not wait for Vanillish to finish. Once they heard open bar, the building emptied to about half, safely within the limit.

“They’re all yours. Can you keep it up?” Vanillish walked off stage.

Thad Penguino turned to Candii. “You ready?” His vision began to blur as his adrenaline from the last song began to wane.

Candii darted over and steadied him. He was swaying dizzily. “Are you?”

“I…I-I just need a second.” Thad Penguino handed his guitar to Candii and he sat on an amp.

Sir Taco lifted the microphone and said nervously to the crowd, “Just a moment! We want to give everyone next door enough time to settle in and grab a drink! Aren’t we considerate?” The roar of the crowd seemed to not appreciate his intention. “Come on, TP! You got to get back on your feet!”

“Get up and play or I’m going to murder you!” Key Gullz screamed.

Knowing that she was only half kidding, Thad Penguino jumped to his feet and grabbed his guitar. "I’m ready!” he shouted at attention.

“Calm down, everyone!” Candii said. “We have our limits. I’m worried about us. How are we going to pull through this?”

“What other choice do we have?” Sir Taco asked.

Candii’s mind was a fog of sleepiness. Novel ideas were hard to formulate in her state. Yet, one managed to emerge that immediately cleared her senses. “What about we switch instruments? We need some serious mental stimulation and playing what we’re comfortable with is only lulling us further into complacency.”

Sir Taco nodded. “We do all know how to play every one of these bad boys.” He took Thad Penguino’s lead guitar.

Key Gullz handed Candii her drumsticks. “I know you like the drums, but don’t get too cozy.”

Thad Penguino took the microphone. “I mostly just like to sing. I hope the crowd doesn’t judge me.”

With a tap of the cymbals, Candii felt her brain tingling at the challenge. “All right! I’m going to lead the way, so everyone try and keep up!”

Begin Born This Way by Lady Gaga

INTRODUCTION & INSTRUMENTAL

It … ♫♫♫

Key Gullz led the band into a pop song wonderland with a bassline that echoed through both venues.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Land of Rock, Morgana efficiently collected more rogue unicorn pearls. With magical prowess, she flew into the heart of the land’s volcano and pulled one out of the magma.

“Ah, a smoky hot pearl of pure power.”

She crossed the border barely into the Death Province and entered the catacombs of the dead. She blasted hordes of skeleton armies away and pulled a unicorn pearl out of the crushed skull of a dead queen sitting atop a throne of guitars.

A dying skeleton reached a bony hand in defiance toward her.

“Stop it. It’s not like she’s going to be able to use it anyway.” She smashed its skull in.

VERSE 1

My … say!

The Romp Room’s crowd cheered. They loved the song. The building next door began to bounce and roar with excitement, aided by a waterfall of free-flowing drinks.

In the manager’s office, a minion questioned, “Master, are we sure we can afford to give so much free beverage away tonight?”

“People will never stop talking about this show,” Vanillish beamed. “The royalties alone in merchandising will be never-ending!” She smiled from ear to ear. She knew this would be a night to remember.

“Master, is the video okay?” another minion recording the performance asked.

CHORUS

I'm … queen.

“Yes! It’s excellent! Be sure to capture the true essence of the audio.”

“What does that mean, master?”

Vanillish huffed and stomped over to the minions recording station. “Give me that!” She adjusted the volume knobs and zoomed in on the band. She shifted the camera past each member.

Thad Penguino was belting like a banshee. Sir Taco had his eyes closed in concentration. Key Gullz’ hands moved like a blur. Candii...there was something strange happening with her. It was as if she was exuding an aura of pure rock essence. As far as Vanillish could tell, it appeared to be raising the general energy level in the club. But she only knew of one other entity that had such potent power.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Land of Rock…

VERSE 2

Give … yah!

Morgana handed a rare-collections vendor a burlap satchel in return for the unicorn pearls he recently stumbled upon.

The vendor eagerly counted the gems inside. “I hope you did not find my hardline deal disagreeable, my Queen. I must turn a profit and these are the rarest elements in all the land.” He held the gems up to the moonlight and admired their shine.

“I am your Queen no longer,” Morgana scowled. She cast a spell and turned the vendor to stone. She took back her satchel of sentimental volcanic gems and then took to the sky soaring away toward the bustling city of Rockopolis.

CHORUS

I’m … way!

As she descended between skyscrapers, the Mayors of the Land of Rock’s largest cities met her on a dark, hazy street and handed her a box full of unicorn pearls they helped collect.

“You’ve all done well,” Morgana praised. “This will ensure a little healthy insurance.”

“Of course, my Queen!” one Mayor said with a bow. “I think I speak for all of us when I say the unicorn pearls are probably best in your hands rather than benefiting our fair cities,” he said with considerable snark.

Morgana raised an eyebrow. “Probably?”

The Mayor fumbled. “Oh…m…m-my Queen, I misspoke! I meant to say absolutely! My sincerest apologies!”

Morgana glared at the group before slowly revealing coy a smile. “You are forgiven for your grave transgression.”

He bowed again. “Thank you for your kindness, my Queen!”

“Oops. I misspoke. My sincerest apologies.” She laughed. They all cried. She cackled hysterically as she raised her hand, forming an enormous fireball in the sky, and casted it down onto one of the continent’s most populous city.

BRIDGE 1

Don’t … way!

Vanillish zoomed the camera in on Candii. Candii pounded the drums and sent waves of percussion rattling the bones of all the concert goers. “Minion! Look at this! Do my eyes deceive me?”

“Is she…glowing, master?”

Vanillish thrust the camera into her minion’s hands. “Keep recording!”

She rushed to her safe where she had locked away the unicorn pearls. She swung it open and coughed profusely as a cloud of black smoke wafted out.

BRIDGE 2

No … brave!

After fanning it all away, she found a red-hot seething hole in the back wall. “The unicorn pearls are gone! They’re being drawn to her!” she cried.

On stage, Sir Taco gave a wink to Key Gullz who threw the wink to Thad Penguino who then sent the wink to Candii. She smiled and diverted her attention above the crowd. She was attracted to a surprising glow.

“Wow!” she said.

CHORUS & CODA

I’m … way!

Descending slowly from above the dance floor, the two shining unicorn pearls swirled in locked orbit around each other.

Candii grabbed her guitar from Key Gullz and threw it into the crowd. The mass swarmed below her and held up the guitar allowing her to leap into the air and onto it like a surfboard. She crowd-surfed her way to the middle of the dance floor where she grabbed the pair of pearls.

“These are for Spirit and Starlight!” she said with relief.

Meanwhile, Morgana sat on her throne inside her massive castle at the top of Mount Rock. She turned a single unicorn pearl in her hand and admired its glow. “You’re beautiful…so powerful…so misunderstood.”

She glanced at her altar where the rest of the unicorn pearls lay arranged in a circle. They channeled their magic into a hovering crystalline structure above them. “Just like me. Born this way.” She squeezed the pearl with anger. “Will you grant me the power to finally end my nightmare?”

Noticing a change in the pearl’s shade, she gasped and released her grip. She was losing control over her emotions again. No, not now. Not when she was so close.

“My Queen,” a minion interrupted. “I think it would…be best if we carefully leave the pearls safely to their task. Would you like me to return that pearl with the rest?”

Morgana handed the pearl to the minion. “Yes, please. These fourteen unicorn pearls should be treated with care.” She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. “Respect, love, and care. These are the joys all things are owed. And when they are mistreated, well, I already know what wrath karma can wrought.”

End Born This Way by Lady Gaga

Vanillish emerged from the curtains on stage and patted Key Gullz on the back. “You’ve presented a phenomenal show tonight, far past any expectations I had!”

“You wanted The Non-Traditional Key Gullz so you got it,” Key Gullz smiled with exhaustion written all over her body.

Candii surfed her way back and hopped off her guitar and onto the stage. She stumbled slightly and regained her balance. “I am beat! Please tell me we’re even now.”

Vanillish nodded satisfyingly accompanied with a slow clap.

Thad Penguino pulled out a calculator and his GPS. “That puts us at thirteen unicorn pearls and there still are this many to go…” He calculated. “What’s this? A bunch of the unicorn pearls have been collected into one place!”

The band gathered around him and looked at his GPS.

“Could Morgana have collected that many so fast?” Sir Taco asked. “Last I counted, she had maybe five tops.”

Thad Penguino strained to look closely at his GPS screen. “I see fourteen unicorn pearls at the top of Mount Rock, one at the mountain’s base, and one in a green city at the northern most tip of this province.”

“Did I hear you mention Mount Rock?” Vanillish interjected. She pinched Thad Penguino’s cheek. “Oh, honey. That’s Queen Morgana’s lair. You might as well count those as lost.”

“Hold on,” Candii said. “Our thirteen plus Morgana’s fourteen plus the remaining two only add up to twenty-nine. Where’s the last unicorn pearl?”

Thad Penguino scoured his GPS. “I don’t know. I don’t see it anywhere in the Land of Rock, let alone the entire Continent of the Jam Gods.”

Key Gullz was nursing a bottle of water. She stared at the splashing contents. “Maybe it got launched way too far into the ocean.”

“Possibly. We’ll figure that out later,” Candii grumbled. “At least that means Morgana doesn’t have it. If we can score these last two unicorn pearls, we’ll be one pearl more powerful than her.”

“I already told you, honey. Forget about even facing the Queen. It doesn’t matter what kind of firepower you’re bringing, she’s a goddess of magic, emotion, and rock.”

Candii clutched her pair of unicorn pearls harder and said with conviction, “Nothing will stop me from reclaiming all of my team’s magic!”

Vanillish shook her head and shrugged. She asked the group to follow her and she led them back to her managerial office. Everyone took a seat and she turned on a projector. On the wall she presented a map of the Land of Rock.

“Now, as a lover of rock and all that is holy, I suppose if anyone was ever going to take down Queen Morgana it would have to be The Non-Traditional Key-Gullz. To even have a chance, you would need to drive all the way around to the backside of her mountain and access a small and secret mountain road to the sanctum’s summit.”

“Paha!” Key Gullz blurted. Everyone looked at her. “What? I cannot be the only one who saw what she did there! Backside? Small secret? Sanctum, people, sanctum!”

“This is no joke, I’m afraid. It’s a dangerous situation, but the back entrance is the only unguarded way in.”

“Bah!” Key Gullz laughed. Everyone turned again. “Come on! Are you people blind to comedy?”

“I thought you hated poop jokes,” Sir Taco said.

Key Gullz nodded. “Yeah, I do. But I’m freaking exhausted and I’m feeling a little delirious.”

Thad Penguino shook his head. “This sounds great and all, but why should we trust you? You serve the enemy.”

Vanillish smiled and walked over to a cabinet behind her grand desk. “Yes, true. I see your point. I suppose I haven’t entirely revealed myself to you. Here, take a look at my inner shrine.”

“Woah!” Thad Penguino jumped back. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t think we need to know you that well, Vanillish!”

“It’s Queen Vanillish Moneigh! And don’t flatter yourself, handsome. No, look at this!”

Vanillish opened the cabinet to reveal a collection of The Non-Traditional Key Gullz albums and merchandise. All the greatest pieces were there, like their gold-foiled first-edition albums and limited-edition tour shirts featuring their one-time mascot the Peanut Grim Reaper. “I’m a true fan. I want to help you in some small way, but to be honest, I still think you have no chance.”

“Thanks, Queen Vanillish Moneigh. I think we’ll take our chances.” Thad Penguino waved for the band to follow him out, but then paused for a second. “What’s going to happen to you for helping us?”

Vanillish chuckled. “Don’t worry about me, handsome. Survivors like us, we always find a way to thrive.”

Assured that Vanillish could take care of herself, the band returned to the van. Thad Penguino saw that the nearest unicorn pearl was in a very green part of the Land of Rock known as The Pantry, where all the farm fresh food for the Land of Rock came from. They packed their equipment, signed a bunch of autographs, and left New Rock City. The night had mostly escaped them so there was no reason to stay at the hotel. They would drive through the remainder of darkness and sleep in shifts.