“There is a unicorn pearl located somewhere in the office building district,” Thad Penguino said consulting with his GPS.

“Offices…office buildings,” Key Gullz muttered unfamiliar. She placed an inquisitive finger on her chin. “Isn’t that where people go to get a job that sucks out their soul?”

Sir Taco shuddered. “Why would anyone not live for the music?”

“I don’t have any more real-world job experience than the rest of you, but I believe that’s right,” Thad Penguino said. “While we should be careful to not get sweettalked into six-figure paychecks, fancy titles, and retirement accounts, we need to dive in and find the unicorn pearl. Keep your guard up.”

Candii’s waning eyes navigated the streets of the office building district. She felt even more exhausted than she expected to be after a short show. Perhaps she unintentionally overexerted herself during their last performance? No, that did not make sense. She knew herself and her limits. Something else was amiss.

To keep herself awake, she scanned the buildings for anything interesting, but this worked against her because every storefront looked the same: gray and square. Boring people marching in many straight lines on their way to work. They all wore gray suits, holding briefcases, and sporting sad haircuts filed in lines along the sidewalks.

“It’s almost the middle of the night! How are there still people going to work?” Sir Taco asked. “I’m happy staying as far away from this as possible!”

Thad Penguino pointed at the next intersection. “Take the next left. It seems the unicorn pearl is on the move, albeit slowly.”

“So, no car chase? I like that.” Candii followed his directions and soon they spotted a man clutching a glowing briefcase. “That’s not something you see every day.”

Candii pulled the van up next to the man and lowered her window. While slowly following the marching drone’s forward pace, she leaned out the window casually and asked, “Hey. What’s in the briefcase?”

The man gasped as if unaware of his surroundings. His eyes darted about like he was paranoid. He clutched the briefcase harder and whispered to her, “Are you with management?”

She shook her head. “Nope. I’m Candii. My friends and I are looking for shining unicorn pearls that fell in the city.” She let her eyes wander down to the briefcase.

The man looked at the briefcase as well. “You’re looking for this aren’t you?” He opened the case and an immaculate glow bathed the band. The boring commuters around him took notice and stepped away from him in disgust. He was like a sandbar in a river and all the people were flowing around him like rushing water desperately trying not to touch him. From the case, he revealed the unicorn pearl and showed it to Candii.

“Ever since it crashed through my apartment window and rolled into my kitchen, I’ve begun to realize that I don’t like my job. I barely tolerate it.” He stared at the pearl with sullen eyes. “I think it’s messing with my mind.”

“That sounds terrible,” Sir Taco said pushing his head out next to Candii’s. Candii tried to push him back inside but he was persistent. “Maybe you should give us the thing and get your mind back to normal.”

The man tucked the pearl back into his briefcase. “No way. I think I like what it’s doing. I finally see that my job is sucking out my soul. It’s just that I don’t know what to do about it. I suppose I’d rather be smart and sad than stupid and happy.”

Candii grabbed Sir Taco and yanked him back into the van with her. Quietly, she talked among the band. “This guy’s in some pretty deep stuff. Maybe there’s some way we can help him feel better about his job? Then he won’t need the pearl anymore.”

Key Gullz shook her head. “I don’t think that’s the best solution. He doesn’t seem right for this type of life. We can’t just fit a square block in a round hole even if it means getting our hands on it. We gotta help this guy. We should find him a new job.”

Candii nodded and leaned back out the window. “Hey man, what’s your name?”

“Bob Boberton,” the man said.

Sir Taco tugged at Candii’s shirt. “Are you sure he isn’t meant for this boring life? His name, for crying out loud!”

“Look at his socks!” Key Gullz pointed out the window and the band leaned out to stare. Bob wore boring gray shoes and pants, but occasionally, when the city wind blew just right, his socks would poke out. The band could see socks adorned with blood red roses and gnarly razor-sharp thorns. “It matches my shirt!” Key Gullz pointed at her rose pattern. “This guy is destined to better things than this!”

“Oh, these?” He lifted his pant leg and flashed those rocking beauties. He said in a low hush, “I find having a bit of personality in my wardrobe helps me stay sane.” He approached the van window and whispered even quieter, “But that type of thing is frowned upon by the establishment so I have to keep it low key.”

“Key Gullz is right,” Sir Taco said. “He’s a wild man at heart.”

Candii pushed everyone back inside the van. “Bob, what if we helped you learn to enjoy your job? There’s got to be something about it that you enjoy. Maybe it’s whatever first brought you to apply?”

He considered it. “It was just a job. I can’t say there is anything really fun about it. I don’t know if you can help me.”

Candii thought for a moment. “Bob, how about we see what exactly it is that you do? Once we get a feel for it, I’m sure we can shine some light on the positive side of it.”

“Sure, I guess it couldn’t hurt as long as we keep a low profile. If I don’t need this ball anymore, you can have it.”

Thad Penguino opened the door for Bob to jump in. “Let’s get you to work and see what you got!”

Begin Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve

INSTRUMENTAL

♫♫♫

The band followed Bob’s directions and drove into a very boring looking parking garage where all the cars looked the same and parked the same way.

“This is my building. I work on the 137th floor,” Bob said.

They walked through the parking garage and boarded an elevator.

Key Gullz looked over all the buttons and pressed 137. “What exactly is it that you do here, Bob?”

“I count cuebits.”

“What’s a cuebit?”

“I don’t know, but I sit in front of my computer and when I see a cuebit on the screen, I press a button to count it.”

Sir Taco turned to Candii and said quietly, “I don’t think I could do that for the rest of my life.”

“Well, luckily none of us have to worry about that because we’re darn good musicians,” Candii said. “We rock on to the fullest.”

“I wish I had any talent for art,” Bob said. They reached the 137th floor and he showed them to his drab desk.

VERSE 1

Cause … yeah.

Bob turned on his computer and it displayed a blank screen. “Now we wait.”

The band stood and stared at the screen for about ten minutes before the screen displayed the number 1. Bob promptly pressed the enter key. He did not say anything; he just continued to sit and stare at the screen. Another fifteen minutes passed and it happened again. Another three minutes passed when it happened a third time.

“This is it. When I first started, I didn’t care about the work. I just liked the paycheck. But now that glowing ball showed me that it’s not enough to just work for the weekend. You gotta light up your life with something that your passionate about.”

“And this?” Candii asked.

“Yeah. This ain’t it.”

CHORUS

No … no.

Sir Taco pulled at his hair. “We got to get Bob out of here! I feel corporate just by looking at him!”

Key Gullz searched Bob’s cubicle for anything fun. He had a single stress ball that was just a gray sphere. “Not even a freakin’ smiley face printed on this thing? Oh boy! We’re in trouble!”

Candii flashed a nervous smile. “So what skills do you have?”

“I’ve never missed a button press. I’m very detail oriented,” Bob said.

“Do you have any other skills?” Candii asked hopefully.

“No one’s ever asked me that.”

VERSE 2

Well … now.

The band followed Bob to the break room. He pressed a button on a beverage machine and it dispensed a gray-colored coffee in a gray cup. “Sometimes I like to come in here and pretend I’m the break room valet.”

Thad Penguino poured himself a gray cup of joe. “What does that mean?” He took a sip from his cup and gagged.

“I prepare extra coffees and put different flavors in them. I put them out and see what faces people make when they drink them. I make sure the napkins are stocked and sometimes refill the creamer pump.”

“Does that excite you?” Sir Taco asked.

“A little.”

“And that is not a part of your job?” Candii asked as she shifted through the sugar packet brands.

“Nope. It’s just a little something I do to take my mind off work.”

CHORUS

No … no.

“Bob, do you like to take care of others, to organize things?” Candii asked.

Bob stared out the breakroom window out onto the floor of cubicles. “I suppose so. I do enjoy contributing to other’s success.”

Behind these two chatting, Key Gullz whispered into Thad Penguino’s ear. “Maybe he’d like to be a retail manager.”

“Or an executive assistant,” he replied.

Key Gullz eyes lit up with a brilliant idea. She threw her arms over Candii and Bob’s shoulders and pulled them in close toward her in the middle. “How about Bob participates in a micro-internship with the world-famous rock band The Non-Traditional Key Gullz?”

“Are you sure that isn’t too extreme of a leap for…”

“Sure, why not?” Bob replied without a second thought. “Maybe I could do with a little something outside my comfort zone.” He looked up at the ceiling. “Or, is that this glowing ball talking?”

VERSE 3

Cause … yeah.

The band and Bob all took seats in the break room and went over their expenses, trip schedule, and other random clerical considerations. Bob took to it like a fish in water and quickly organized their budget and optimized the route through the city toward the remaining unicorn pearls. He was like a savant with the logistics and he knew so much about New Rock City like traffic patterns and neighborhood trends.

“Wow, Bob’s a natural!” Sir Taco admired as he slowly nursed a cup of gray coffee that Bob had specially prepared. “This coffee would be ding dangly awful if not for Bob’s special touch too!”

“You really think I have talent? No one’s ever said something like that to me,” Bob said.

Candii patted his back. “It turns out that you’re a born clerical manager. We need to get you out of this button-pushing job and in charge of an office!”

“That sounds nice, but I’m under contract. I can’t leave until I die.”

Sir Taco spit out his coffee. “What the heck?”

CHORUS

No … no.

“What happens if you break your contract?” Candii asked.

“Oh, they throw me in a dungeon for the rest of my life. It’s all according to an official decree issued by Queen Morgana a few years ago.”

Sir Taco threw his cup across the room. “You have got to be kidding me! What if you just want to switch careers?”

“Well, there is one way. If I can get out of the building before my shift ends, I’ll be fired and can leave freely.”

Sir Taco took Bob’s hand. “Okay! Let’s get going then!”

Bob shook his head. “But nobody has ever managed that considering security issues a code red whenever one of us wanders off our designated floor. I’ve seen people dragged screaming back to their desks."

Candii turned to the band and gave them a devious look. “You said next time I was thinking about doing it, I should tell you first.”

Key Gullz jumped out of her chair. “Are you for real? You’re thinking about doing that again?”

“It’s the fastest way down. And I don’t think anyone is going to want to follow us.”

BRIDGE

It’s … silence.

Bob and the band crashed out of a window from the 137th floor. For a few moments, they flew like birds suspended among shards of glass and the potted plant they threw through the window. The remaining folks in the office gasped.

“Give Candii that unicorn pearl!” Key Gullz said as they began their wild descent.

“Darn diddly dang! I’ve never done anything impulsive or crazy like this before!” Bob fumbled with his briefcase. Once unlatched, papers, along with the unicorn pearl, flew into the sky.

“We just past the 50th floor and we’re running out of airspace! Quick, someone grab it!” Thad Penguino said.

Candii swam through the air and snatched the unicorn pearl. With all her heart, she wished for their safety. They were surrounded by a ball of glittery white light.

“We’re not slowing down!” Key Gullz screamed.

They collided with the sidewalk at breakneck speed, but the ball of light squished and recoiled like a gelatin. They launched into the air and bounced off sides of buildings like a pinball out of control.

The band screamed and Sir Taco thought he was going to barf, but eventually they settled down in the middle of a small fountain park. Around them, many first and second floor office building windows were smashed open and workers leapt out onto the street and fled, free from their contracts.

End Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve

Kneeling near a fountain, Candii squeezed the unicorn pearl tightly. “This one is for Glitzy.” She brushed a lingering remnant of the unicorn light off her shoulder and turned to Bob. “So, do you have a better idea of what you’re capable of now?”

Bob smiled. “I do. I guess I just never knew I could be anything more than a button pusher, but you showed me I have unexploited talents and, dare I say, a sense of thrill. I think I’m…” He looked up at the sky and struck a bold pose. “I’m going to head into another part of the city and look for a new life!”

“We’ll give you a ride!” Candii said. Everyone piled into the van and Candii climbed behind the wheel. “Where to next?”

Thad Penguino consulted his GPS. “It’s time for a real wild time because now we’re headed to Boys Town!”

Key Gullz did her best dance while sitting and swung her arms around a little too much. She smacked Sir Taco in the face while saying, “Woo! I’ve been wanting to dance lately!”