It was getting late and the sun was casting an orange glow over the land. Candii noticed Thad Penguino stuttering awake from a cat nap in the passenger’s seat. He fumbled with his GPS, catching it before it fell out of his hands. Her own eyelids felt heavy as she watched the traffic lines on the highway tunneling past the van. She was tired. She had driven the entirety of a long day so far. But this was merely a test of endurance, she told herself. She alone had the skill to command this rescue vehicle and a little fatigue would not stop her from saving her unicorns.

Thad Penguino saw houses springing up over the horizon followed by tall buildings and skyscrapers covered in a red and black haze. “We’re just a few minutes outside of what appears to be a major metropolitan area. It’s called New Rock City.”

“This looks pretty normal,” Key Gullz said. “I don’t see any robots, ice storms, or chaotic confectionary hiding anywhere.”

He nodded. “According to the Land of Rock tourist guide website, this is the province’s capital.”

“Oh! There must be so much going on here!”

“Yeah, that’s right. Apparently, all this action also means a lot of opportunity. My GPS is picking up at least ten unicorn pearls all over the city!”

They drove into the downtown and saw many people walking minding their business just like any mainland city. Except for the penchant for clothing to be made of leather and hair to be long and rocking, it was a normal metropolitan downtown.

Candii parked in front of a hotel and the band booked a room. After they checked in and settled down, Candii gathered everyone in the lobby to review the GPS. She wanted to pinpoint the locations of any nearby unicorn pearls that could be grabbed easily before resting for the night.

“I’ve identified five unicorn pearls in what a tourist map calls the theater district,” Thad Penguino said. “My guess is we’re going to find a bunch of high-powered creative types using the unicorn pearls to flex their creative muscles. Two others are in Boys Town, another in an orphanage, one in a funeral home, and one across the street of this very hotel.”

“Those are some tough places to rock out in,” Sir Taco said. “And I thought playing Devil Went Down to Georgia at a bar mitzvah was hard.”

Candii nodded sleepily and hid a yawn with her hand. “You’re right. We’ll do our best to be respectful while retrieving the pearls.”

“Taking a unicorn pearl from an orphanage? That may be the new ‘stealing candy from a baby’.”

“We’ll tackle that moral quandary if we find it. Ready to head out, everyone?”

The band affirmed, but Key Gullz placed a hand on Candii’s back. “Are you sure you want to do this tonight? We could just take the night to recover and hit them up tomorrow.”

Candii shook her head. “There’s no telling whether these pearls will be gone tomorrow. We need to keep up with Morgana no matter what. We’ve already made great progress.”

Key Gullz nodded and they headed toward the van. They were surprised to find the van had been robbed of its tires. It sat on cinder blocks.

“Wow! Maybe this is just a normal city and not some weird alternate rock version!” Key Gullz said.

Thad Penguino called Krawl at the van rental place and began working out a solution while Sir Taco paced around the block with Candii.

“I just don’t want to deal with this right now,” Candii fumed. “Every moment we spend dawdling is another second Morgana may find the misfired pearls before us. We’re also all out of cash except...” She dug a couple hundred out of her pocket. This was food money.

Sir Taco found a twenty-dollar bill and a button in his jeans. “I wouldn’t be surprised if this was Morgana’s doing. She has henchmen all over it seems.”

“Her highness sends her regards! Ha, ha, ha!” A truck sped past full of hooligans waving the van’s tires above their heads. Candii noticed the distinctive glow of a single unicorn pearl coming from the truck’s bed. She surmised it was the very one they detected across the street. The hooligans were probably watching them the whole time.

“We’ve got to catch them!” she cried. Sir Taco followed her as she chased them around the next corner, but they couldn’t keep up on foot. Thad Penguino and Key Gullz came up behind them.

“What were you guys chasing?” Key Gullz asked.

Out of breath and hunched over, Candii cursed. “Tia chips and ranch dips! That truck has our tires and a unicorn pearl! We gotta get new wheels fast to chase them and…”

Candii turned back toward Key Gullz but she was no longer paying attention. She was staring at a billboard.

Candii stepped next to her to see too. “No. No, no, no, no, no. There is no way you’re getting me onto one of those!”

Begin Downtown by Macklemore

INSTRUMENTAL

♫♫♫

The band wandered into a moped lot designed for tourists and day trippers.

"Alright guys. Let me do the talking,” Thad Penguino offered.

“Wow, the prices are really low. We could afford a set of daily rentals,” Key Gullz said.

"These salesmen can be really tricky. Don't worry, though. I'm going to haggle really hard and get us a good deal. Remember, never accept the first offer!”

Key Gullz checked a price tag. “But we can actually afford these…”

“Never accept the first offer!” Thad Penguino repeated sternly.

VERSE 1

I … deal!

Thad Penguino spoke to the first salesman he saw and was dazzled by the moped floor models. He accepted the first offer.

They signed their temporary driver permits, took the keys, and jumped onto the bikes.

VERSE 2

I'm … Dope.

The band burned rubber out of the parking lot with matching cute blue helmets covered in yellow stars. They cruised after the moving dot on Thad Penguino’s GPS.

“They’re a few streets down at a stop light!” he yelled back to the band.

The GPS dot was nearing so they approached slowly and tried to stay inconspicuous. They cruised in pairs with Thad Penguino and Candii leading the way, and Sir Taco and Key Gullz hanging back. They stopped at an excruciatingly long stoplight.

VERSE 3

Killing … player!

The light turned green and they darted in and out of traffic with grace and speed.

“We’re not far now!” Thad Penguino shouted as he consulted his GPS.

“Let’s pick up speed! I see the truck ahead!” Candii said. “I’m going to blast them to pieces!”

They each put their pedals to the metal and weaved through the cars like a needle through thread. They were only a few cars behind the truck when one of the hooligans casually glanced back and caught sight of Candii. He immediately recognized the fury in her eyes.

“Fiddle sticks, boys! We got big trouble! Hit the gas!”

The truck lurched forward and blew the next red light. It narrowly dodged the cross traffic. The band took advantage of the stopped vehicles and followed in pursuit without slowing down. Cars filled with musical instruments beeped musical jingles warning them of their dangerous driving.

Candii’s intense focus upon the unicorn pearl ahead aided her delicate driving skills. A pothole up ahead caused the rest of the band to change lanes, but Candii accelerated and jumped the hole, pulling ahead of the others and leading the pack.

PRE-CHORUS

Downtown … legs!

Loud bells ringing from a stone tower rang a rock-like tune; something no one thought was possible from classical bells.

Even though the chase was dangerous, Sir Taco’s distracted mind took a moment to admire the beautiful city. Large stone arches up above indicated a city built at the turn of the century. Holiday decorations for the next big celebration hung from the light posts proclaiming ‘New Rock City’ proudly.

The band began to approach the truck and the hooligans took notice again.

CHORUS

Downtown … Downtown!

“Boss!” one shouted from the truck bed to the driver. “We gotta do something quick! She’s gaining!”

The driver shouted back. “Use the glowy magic ball! Rub it on the truck!”

The hooligan followed orders and the truck began to handle smoother and gain some speed. The wheels rubbed against the concrete and sent rainbow sparks flying behind them.

The sparks flew into Candii’s face and she squinted to desperately keep her eyes on the truck. However, the rainbow became too intense and she had to fall back to keep her moped steady.

“Yeah, that’s it, boys!” laughed the driver. "We'll lose them easily now! All hail Queen Morgana!"

"All hail the Queen!" they shouted in chorus.

VERSE 4

Dope … suit.

The rest of the band caught up to Candii.

“Hold onto your seats!” she yelled back. “We’re about to go into orbit!” The road ahead was becoming hilly and curvy. Everyone screamed as they soared over the tops of hills and gripped their handlebars tightly.

Key Gullz’ wheels fell onto the road hard and she swerved a little before regaining control. “Woah! I almost lost control!”

“We need to finish this fast before it gets more dangerous,” Candii said.

A series of green lights kept the chase high speed. The truck bucked wildly up and down the hills. The hooligans hollered as they desperately tried to hold on to the truck bed.

“Oi, mate! Don’t launch us all out of here! Watch what you’re doing, you dumbass!” said one.

“Let me see what I can do,” the driver called back.

The truck took a sharp turn and lost some speed as it tried to stabilize down a flat and straight street. The band followed and pushed their little moped engines to the limit as they caught up to the truck. Thad Penguino and Candii pulled up along opposite sides of the truck.

“Pull over, you mother truckin’ ding bats!” Candii said. She made a cutting motion on her throat. “I’ve had a very long day and I am in no mood for this!”

“We can do this the easy way or the hard way!” Thad Penguino said from the other window.

The driver scoffed. “What’s the hard way?”

Candii signaled back to Sir Taco and Key Gullz. They were doing it the hard way.

Sir Taco and Key Gullz pulled up close to the truck’s bumper. They switched on their amps, strapped to the front of the mopeds, and Sir Taco whipped out his microphone. He set the moped on cruise control and leaned forward with one foot steady on the handlebars.

“Boss!” one of the hooligans shouted. “They got amps! Huge amps!”

Key Gullz turned the dial on their amps way up. “As high as it’ll go!” Sir Taco said.

She nodded and turned her amp up past their safety threshold all the way up to 10.5!

Sir Taco belted into the microphone.

PRE-CHORUS

Downtown … legs!

The truck began to shudder and sway. Nuts and bolts became loose and littered the street.

“Boss! We’re losing hardware!” the truck bed hooligans yelled. “What’s the plan?”

The driver growled. “We were ordered to stall like our lives depended on it! I’m starting to think we’re dead no matter what! Either these guys get us or Queen Morgana will!”

A tire popped off the truck and its front smashed into the road. Bearing down on the asphalt, fireworks began spraying over the hood and onto everyone. The driver could not see anymore and he gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles as he spun out wildly and crashed into a lamp pole. The band pulled up beside the truck and Sir Taco continued to roar majestically into the microphone.

CHORUS

Downtown … Downtown!

The hooligans covered their ears and fled into random alleys leaving behind a complete set of tires and a glowing unicorn pearl.

“Holy tortellini, what a rush!” Key Gullz laughed.

“This unicorn pearl is for Glitter,” Candii said as she held the pearl close.

Sir Taco picked up a tire and tied it down to his moped. “One tire per person. Chop, chop, ya’ll. Let’s back to the van pronto!”

A short while later, they finished attaching the tires back on the van. With their transportation back to working order, they were once again on the road to find a few other unicorn pearls in the city.

End Downtown by Macklemore