On the road again, Thad Penguino directed the band toward a local community college on the western side of the Land of Rock.

“I’m so glad we’re out of that snowy wasteland,” Candii said.

“It wasn’t all bad,” Key Gullz said as she remembered the world’s cutest couple.

“Let us not forget our near-death experience. I hope we never go back,” Sir Taco said.

The band agreed to avoid the tundra like a plague and shared the stories of what they dreamed about during their ice-induced death sleeps. Candii was last to go, but she could not remember her dream anymore.

After a few hours on the road, they finally pulled into Bro-chacho Community College. Candii drove slowly through the center of campus and pointed out that every student had an acoustic guitar. Scores of bros serenaded starry-eyed peers in the soft grass bathed in the sun or underneath the canopy of giant trees.

“You know,” Thad Penguino said, “I expected to see a few acoustic guitars on any college campus with romanticized students swooning over the musician’s mediocre skills, but this is a little overboard.”

Sir Taco rolled down his window and made a hand dolphin to surf on the wind and chill tunes. “Yeah, but I guess this is what you’d expect on a continent built on music.”

The band could not resist visiting the college’s bookstore before resuming the search. Comfy collegiate sweatshirts and novelty shot glasses called to them.

Key Gullz held a tee shirt in her hands. “Candii, look at this!”

Candii looked at the shirt but could not read what was written on it. “Is that upside down?” While the shirt was right side up, she tilted her head until she read, IF YOU CAN READ THIS THEN I’M TOO DRUNK. PLZ PICK ME UP.

On the other side of the store, Sir Taco was carrying a handful of rocking school-branded goods and his sight was completely obstructed. He tried to watch where he was going but he collided into a student.

“Ope!” A female student fell to the floor and swag rained down upon them.

Sir Taco frantically began picking up all the items and offered a helping hand to her. “Sorry! I got lost in all the stuff I was carrying and wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“Oh, no. It’s my fault. I had my head in the clouds,” she said with a warm smile. She stood up with his help. Her big, round glasses were tilted to the side and her glittery sweater was all twisted.

“Hi. My name’s Sir Taco. Again, my apologies regardless.”

“I’m Mary Sue.” She straightened her glasses and smoothed out her sweater “Is that your real name?”

“Um, well no, but I can’t honestly remember my real name. So Sir Taco is good enough for me,” he laughed.

“Okay.” Mary Sue seemed distracted. She searched the floor and picked up a little card. Then she sighed very loudly.

“Are you okay?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I was going to buy this card but now it’s all crumpled from the fall.”

Sir Taco saw the greeting card in her hand. “Oh. Then let me grab you another one. Where are they?” He began searching the racks around them.

She very dramatically sighed again. “It was the last one they had. I needed that particular one.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe I can help you pick a new one?” he asked with cards overflowing out of his hands.

Mary Sue threw her hands up with exasperation. “I can’t just get any card. I needed that specific one. It had the message I needed.” She shook her head. “You see, I got this glowing pearl and I was going to give it as a gift with the card that said, ‘You’re my Earl of Nottingham’. I was going to write a little ‘p’ in front of Earl and it was going to be this who pun thing. Get it?”

Sir Taco shook his head.

Mary Sue continued unfazed. “It’s just boy trouble. Don’t worry yourself about it. It’s my problem.”

Sir Taco was happy to stumble upon the second unicorn pearl, but he could not just take it from her and leave her in this rut. He considered that the band’s recent problem-solving track record was pretty good and he did ruin her boy bait by being careless, so he resolved to try to help her first and then ask for the unicorn pearl later.

“Hold on for a second!” Sir Taco hustled around the bookstore until he got the band together. “Listen. I found the pearl but I also blew the candle out on an innocent kid. I wanted to help this Mary Sue solve her boy problems in exchange for the pearl.”

The band agreed no one deserves to be boy blocked. They found Mary Sue and Candii offered their help.

“We’d like to help you get your man if you’d be willing to give us that pearl you found,” Candii said.

“And what are the rest of your names? King Chalupa and Royal Icing?”

“Huh?”

“Never mind that,” Sir Taco said. “We’re a band and we can help you deliver whatever message you want. You don’t need the card anymore.”

Mary Sue bobbed her head energetically as she considered their offer. “Okay. I guess I don’t have anything to lose. Without the card, the pearl is pretty useless.”

The band high fived and decided to get to know Mary Sue and her future husband. The fact was, she said, they were already married and he just did not know it.

Mary Sue bought the band meals in the school cafeteria and she explained to Candii that she was in love with her class representative president.

“He’s so dreamy and strong and brave. He keeps everyone organized and tells everyone what to do.” She clasped her hands over her heart, looked up, and swooned in her chair. “I like that part the most!”

Candii nodded. “I can see where you’re coming from. So, what have you tried so far?”

Mary Sue thought hard. “Well, I tried sharing with him that we have all the same interests. We both like video games, particularly the Tales of Melda on the Pretendo 64, so sometimes we talk about that. I was in the same bowling class as him and I’m a very avid bowler so I showed him my skills.”

“Oh, so he asked to see you bowl?”

“Uh, not exactly. I just tried to do really well whenever I noticed he was looking in my direction. Oh!” She perked up. “I am also a class representative so I get to see him every week at the meeting. I try to get on the same committees with him.”

“Okay. It sounds like you’ve been trying. What seems to be the problem then?”

Mary Sue threw herself onto the table and buried her face in her sweater. “Oh, Candii! He doesn’t notice me! I think he thinks of me just as a friend!” She sobbed ever so slightly.

“Ah, so you’re having trouble painting him the picture of your relationship together,” Sir Taco said with his mouth full of enchiladas. “Don’t worry, everyone. I think I have the answer for our problem.”

“You do?” Mary Sue lifted her head off the table and hope shone through her watery eyes.

“Yep. A musical declaration of love!”

Within the hour, Mary Sue stood outside of Steppenwolf Hall holding a sign and dressed in her Sunday best.

Begin Fantasy by Mariah Carey

INSTRUMENTAL

♫♫♫

“Are you sure this is going to work?” Mary Sue asked. “Why am I wearing my fancy clothes?”

“You need to paint the picture of what he’s missing!” Sir Taco said.

Key Gullz nodded. “We need to stop beating around the bush and instead hit him over the head with a hammer!”

Sir Taco stood next to Mary Sue with his microphone in hand. “I’m gonna hand you this mic and you’re going to start singing the verses. The band and I will join you on the mic during the chorus parts so don’t be spooked when we pull in on you.”

“I’m so nervous! I haven’t sung in front of other people since grade school choir!”

Sir Taco gave her a reassuring pat on the back. “Do you remember the lyrics?”

“Yep. I’m very good at remembering things.”

Candii came tumbling out of the Steppenwolf front doors. “Oh schnitzel! Here he comes!” She ran toward the band and picked up her bass.

Sir Taco tossed Mary Sue the microphone. “Play time is over, Mary Sue! It’s time to belt your heart out!”

VERSE 1

Oh … mind.

As the boy walked outside, Mary Sue sang. The boy was caught quite off guard by the musical display, but he saw Mary Sue’s sign with her distinctive handwriting propped at her feet. The sign read, ‘I can be your Melda’.

CHORUS

But … baby.

The band joined in the chorus. The loud display attracted the attention of a nearby crowd. Mary Sue was sweating profusely. During the chorus, she could took a moment to compose herself.

“Am I doing it right?” she asked Sir Taco.

“You’re doing amazing! Where did you get that voice?”

“I don’t know! I haven’t practiced in years!”

Sir Taco laughed. “Share it with the world! Sing out loud and proud!”

VERSE 2

Images … again!

Mary Sue hardened her grip on the microphone and took slow steps toward the boy as she sang. He was visibly intrigued and started to tap his foot.

"You got him!" Key Gullz said. "Now go in for the kill!"

CHORUS x2

But … baby.

The band nudged forward and provided her with musical support from behind. The crowd around them began to dance and clap. Mary Sue felt the energy in the crowd and began to sway from side to side. The boy picked up on the vibe and began to match her count.

Mary Sue was startled when she ran out of slack on the microphone chord. Sir Taco ran along the chord and untangled some of the knots. It give her enough room to keep moving forward. Inch by inch she closed the gap between her and the boy.

Key Gullz sighed. “Ah, young love.”

Thad Penguino nodded. “They say you’re more likely to find the love of your life during your college years.”

“Does that mean more than half of these students are in love?”

“Based on the amount of grooving right now? Probably!”

Mary Sue took another step forward but stepped on her dress. She ripped a tear in it and tripped forward, tangled in the loose fabric. Candii leapt forward and pulled on the fabric. It ripped cleanly away. Mary Sue tumbled forward and into the boy’s arms wearing a new avant-garde skirt.

“Oh!” he exclaimed warmly.

BRIDGE

I'm … sleeping.

Mary Sue sang in his arms, unfazed by her clumsiness and filled with confidence by the band.

CHORUS x2

Oh … baby.

The band continued playing as the boy and Mary Sue slowly sat on the ground as if they were alone on the lawn. The party around them really began to pick up as the street started to overflow with dancing students. The band reeled themselves in and surrounded the couple to keep up the illusion that the two of them were alone.

“I didn’t know you felt this way,” the boy said.

“It’s just my sweet, sweet fantasy. That’s all,” Mary Sue replied.

After the crowd dispersed, Mary Sue ran inside and brought out the unicorn pearl. “Thank you so much! I think it worked!” she said as she glanced behind and saw the boy still watching her.

“I think it did, too!” Sir Taco said. “Best of luck to you both.”

Sir Taco handed Candii the pearl. She held it close to her heart and felt its owner whisper to her. “This one is for Dazzle.”

The band headed further into campus to find the second collegiate pearl.

End Fantasy by Mariah Carey