“Can you hand me those unicorn pearls?” Thad Penguino asked. From the wheel, Candii passed the two she had back to him. He touched them to his GPS. “I thought so. I know where we need to go first.”

“How did you manage that?” Sir Taco asked either half asleep or half paying attention. You could never tell with his tinted glasses on.

“The magic of the unicorn pearls is telling my GPS where the other ones are. They all have a matching resonance frequency. It’s like how Candii can tell which pearl belongs to which unicorn. They can communicate via their vibrations.” Thad Penguino moved the pearls around until he received the strongest signal.

“And you didn’t use Wikipedia to figure that out? Color me impressed!” Key Gullz said.

The band drove through the southernmost part of the Land of Rock. Thad Penguino directed Candii to an eastern city along the shore named Styxville. A unicorn pearl was broadcasting loud and clear.

Upon arriving, the city surprised them as it was themed in robot decor.

“Mr. Roboto,” Key Gullz said. Everyone saw the inspiration.

Thad Penguino watched his GPS. “It looks like we’re coming up to the pearl. It should be right around the corner so take the next left.”

Candii turned the corner which appeared to be a one-way street. A hotel stood at the end of the drive. “This has got to be it.”

“Yeah. This makes sense,” Thad Penguino said.

Sir Taco sprung to life and leapt out the van’s window. “Grab your instruments, amps, and let’s head inside! I’m ready for action!”

The band hustled through the front doors with guitars, drums, and a small set of travel amps overflowing in their arms. The robot theme inside the lobby was disappointingly tacky. Large robot head chandeliers, chrome plated everything, and even a person poorly dressed in a robot costume made of common brown cardboard managed the reception desk.

Candii approached and decided to try the most direct route. “Excuse me, er…sir or ma'am, but I’m looking for your nearest unicorn pearl. Can you point me in the direction of…”

The robot quickly ducked under the counter and lifted up a large boom box. It dropped it onto the desk and pressed play. An old cassette inside started to spin.

“Sugar salted pits,” Candii said with a frown.

Begin Popcorn by Hot Butter

VERSE 1

Popping begins.

The robot concierge spoke in a very bad robot accent. “Are you prepared…*cough*…for absolute devastation? Beep boop.” It pantomimed a series of poorly choreographed robot dance moves that just made everyone feel embarrassed for it.

Candii raised an eyebrow. “Is this for real?” She watched the fake robot closely for any sign of breaking character. The robot did not break character. A piece of its cardboard shoulder armor began to slip. It quickly reset its armor without diverting its red LED light gaze.

“Are we being punked?” Sir Taco surveyed the room but didn’t see any cameras. “Maybe this is a distraction.”

Key Gullz shook her head. “It didn’t even try to make real robot sounds. It just literally said ‘beep’ and ‘boop’.”

“We should probably just ignore it and move on.” Thad Penguino made his way down a nearby hallway but was startled when scores of doors swung open dramatically to his left and his right.

VERSE 2

Drumming begins.

A horde of cardboard clad robots stumbled into the hallway and blocked the path forward for the band.

“Look there! Way in the back!” Candii pointed beyond the robots at a pair of elevators. “That’s where we need to go.”

“This is nuts!” Key Gullz laughed nervously. “Just push past them!” She tried to force her way into the robot horde but was overwhelmed by their collective push back. “That’s no good! Is there any other way through?”

Sir Taco surveyed the lobby again. “No. It looks like this is the only way to get further inside the hotel.”

“How are we going to get past these creeps?” Key Gullz asked.

“Let’s blow them out of the way! Arm your amps!” Candii said.

The band laid down their amps and plugged in their instruments. They adjusted their straps, grabbed their picks, drumsticks, and mic, and turned the knobs to their safest max, level ten!

CHORUS

♫♫♫

The robots were startled and felt the pressure of the sound waves pushing back on their cardboard armor. They collectively leaned forward into the music and linked arms against the reverb.

“They’re holding on!” Sir Taco said. “At this rate, they’ll just stay put indefinitely!”

“I’m as loud as I’m going to get!” Candii said.

“We don’t need volume,” Key Gullz yelled. “We need science!” She railed on the cymbal sending specialized high frequency sound waves through their cardboard and into their hearts.

The robots collectively let out, “Hell yeah!” and Key Gullz knew she had them.

“That’s it! Keep up the novel groove!” Key Gullz said.

VERSE 3

Popping resumes.

The robots began to shudder at the pure awesome rock talent in front of them. With no one to play more rocking music on their behalf, one by one they began to slowly fall apart, cardboard piece by cardboard piece revealing normal, fleshy people underneath the costumes.

The front desk robot appeared behind the band holding the boom box high over its head in a feeble attempt to increase the volume. The band turned to face it and matched its boom box tone for tone. The robot leaned forward and the band leaned right back until the robot began tapping its foot. Their jam was just too good for it to ignore!

With that slight lapse in focus, the band gave it their all and blasted every piece of cardboard right off its silly body. All that was left was a woman shaking in her laser beam themed underwear.

“I’ll take Queen Morgana’s beatings instead of dying here! Bing bang!” She threw the boom box on the ground and fled right out the front door. Her minions quickly followed, half-clothed and shaking in their remaining cardboard armor.

End Popcorn by Hot Butter

“That is one messed up dress code. I would definitely not apply if I knew that was their corporate policy,” Sir Taco said.

“Enough talk. Let’s storm the building!” Candii led the charge as the band rushed the elevator and fit themselves and their instruments into a space that was clearly not designed for them. The door closed and everyone sucked in their stomachs.

“Pretty cozy, ain’t it?” Key Gullz squeezed herself toward the floor buttons. “Hmm. Let’s see. First floor…tenth…the Rock House?” She pressed the Rock House button and the elevator sprung to life at a breakneck speed.

Candii screamed. “Oh my gosh! We’re gonna die!”

Everyone yelled until the elevator came to a screeching halt. The floor was announced over an intercom. “Top floor. The Rock House. Rock on to the fullest, my dudes.”

The door slid open and the band sprung out like a jack-in-the-box.

Candii opened her eyes and felt her face pressed against white marble floors. “Someone at least has good taste.” She picked herself up and took in the beautiful sight of diamond, gold, stone, and gemstones decorating every facet of this wealthy penthouse suite.

“Holy wow. I’d hate to take a guess at the nightly rate for a room like this!” Sir Taco said.

“More than you can afford. Buzz, whirr…” whispered a voice from high above. From the top a crystal staircase stood a towering figure draped in a luxurious bathrobe. A tall and slender cardboard-adorned robotic woman descended the steps slowly. A futuristic visor covered her eyes. She clapped twice and the gleaming chandelier came to life.

The walls of the penthouse illuminated slowly inch by inch. Across the back wall, mounted black diamonds sparkled to life spelling out the name Roboxy.

“I was warned strangers might come for that. Beep boop.” Roboxy gestured to the top of the chandelier upon which a shining unicorn pearl sat. “That’s why I put it high out of reach.”

“Quick! Grab the pearl and let’s get out of here!” Thad Penguino said.

Candii took off her shoe and chucked it at the chandelier. Roboxy’s eyes widened and everyone held their breath as, in slow motion, the shoe hurtled toward the center of the chandelier in a perfect spiral. It smashed into a large center crystal ball and rocked the chandelier back and forth.

“Nooooooo!” Roboxy yelled in a low slow-motion tone as she stumbled down the stairs and tried to position herself under the chandelier.

Seeing that Roboxy was lining up to catch the pearl, Key Gullz also sprinted toward the chandelier.

The unicorn pearl slowly rolled out from its seat and gently bounced through the chandelier’s arms like a Plinko board. With their eyes too focused on the prize, Roboxy and Key Gullz collided in an incredible slow-motion crash.

“Whyyy isss everythinggg innn slowww motionnn?” Thad Penguino asked.

“Becauseeee it’sss sooo epiccc!” Sir Taco said watching with bated breath.

The pearl fell in between them and bounced away toward a large floor-to-ceiling window.

“No. It wouldn’t,” Roboxy said anxiously. The unicorn pearl rolled quickly to the glass and tapped it. The clink caused a small crack. Everyone held their breathes until the unthinkable happened: the glass shattered and the pearl rolled out.

“No! It’ll break!” Candii darted quickly and pushed through Key Gullz and Roboxy. She ran at full speed toward the now gaping window.

“You’re crazy, girl! Let the power go!” Roboxy yelled, but Candii refused to listen. She leapt out the window of a one-hundred story tall hotel and dived after the tiny pearl.

The wind whipped through Candii’s hair and her eyes teared up as she plummeted several stories per second until she reached out and grabbed the pearl. She felt the warm glow on her freezing hands.

“This is for Kevin!”

She was quickly approaching the ground and she did not have a plan. She shut her eyes and wished for a miracle when suddenly she was surrounded by a magical bubble of light. The bubble drastically slowed her speed and gently placed her down on the street before dissipating.

Candii pushed the unicorn pearl tightly into her chest and whispered, “Thank you, Kevin.”

The rest of the band burst out of the hotel’s door. They whooped and hollered with excitement. Roboxy walked out behind them.

“Thank goodness you’re okay!” Key Gullz said. She hugged Candii tightly and held on tight. “What were you thinking, you big bumbling bumble bee?”

Sir Taco laughed and slapped Candii on the back. “If you’re ever going to jump out of a window again, let me know. I actually like base jumping!”

Roboxy approached the band. They reached for their instruments. She raised her hand in deference. The band relaxed.

“You are one crazy dame,” Roboxy said. “Sometimes we have power placed into our laps and other times we earn it. I was doing well before that pearl fell into my lap. Those spoils of war were earned. But what I have now is not mine. I can see that you are far more deserving than I. Take the unicorn pearl. Just leave me and Styxville be.”

“Deal.” Candii threw out her hand and Roboxy enthusiastically shook it. With the type of respect befitting of two masterminds, their palms clasped tightly together as they smiled. “Can I go back in and get my shoe?”

“Ha, ha. No. I’ll send one of my minions to retrieve it for you.” Roboxy walked away and mumbled quietly to herself. “Rock gods, watch over us. Queen Morgana will hear about my failure.”